Ishilove:
Hiaaaaan!

Take this lesson home: you call her 'evening newspaper' and say she is desperate, but she is a lot smarter than you with your puny preek, puny brain and gigantic ego. How can you relocate to leech off a woman without a plan B?? Who does that?

Wahala

Life's experience has thought me never to jump into resolving conflicts without hearing both sides of the story. It's difficult to advice you on what to do cos I honestly believe everything you're saying isn't the whole truth. I bet if we call this lady in question she will reveal lot more than we know or maybe you're telling the truth but either way depression no matter the cause shouldn't be treated with complacency and for that I sympathize with you knowing have had to struggle with depression and still struggle with it each passing day. But in my candid opinion I want you to understand that as long as you still have breath flowing in you this is one problem you can overcome, you are stronger than you think. My first advice would be to make peace with this woman, you have a responsibility in everything you're thru and how much of that responsibility you intend to shoulder is entirely up to you, so please sit down and have a candid discussion with her, you both need to be open atleast get to know what she's thinking and her accessment of what the future holds. You have friends, family, this would be the best time to reach out to someone close and share your burden and don't be ashamed to ask for help, my guy even the strongest of us need help to get back on our feet there's a saying that "if you don't ask, the answer will always be NO" so reach out to friends and family for help, I know you might feel no one is going to help cos they all think you're fool for making such ridiculous decision in the first place but how would you know if you don't ask. Above all read 1peter5: 6,7 and Philippians 4:6

sorry to say.

Na sense you been no get..

I just can't hold, but tell you the truth.

you need deliverance

And note, you still haven't told us why you resigned from that job, And until you do, I tend to certify and recommend your case to a spiritualist.

THANK YOU......

MufasaLion:
As much as I like older women. You're just a SIMP!.

Can you elaborate brother? I am a redpiller but simp here is what I don’t understand? He doesn’t have a job yet!

It's been 3 months now I have fully relocated and we have been cohabiting but it's been hell for me and I just need help on how to get out of this mess I put myself. No job was forth coming and due to the fact that I am home always, I have been reduced to a house help cos I am the one doing the chores, cleaning the dishes and even my laundry though she pays for her own, so many other insults and atimes it's with exchanges of words before I can take a walk just to acclimatize myself with the terrains of the area.[color=#990000][/color]

This part got me. It shows that you have an African man mentality.
I do have a Job and my girlfriend leaves with me, I paid for the apartment with everything in it. Her monthly salary is not upto my monthly tithe.
That said, I do was the dishes sometimes and clean occasionally. We do have a washing machine, I load the cloths, rinse them and she drys them on the line ( i do dry the cloths too) every sunday. I don't see this as a chore.
That said, there are other ways to show you are a man.
I dont know what your skills are or would have advised you, but would say this. Get off the house and look for something. Even working at an eatery to pay your bills and you will be fine.

Hmmm why does everyone bring their personal poo to NL ?

Acidosis:
Lol. You must have read too many stories about Abuja ladies Good to know you've seen your mistakes and prepared to rewrite your story. Doesn't matter what anyone says about your choice to relocate (even though we know your motives), but living with her has exposed issues you probably would never have known from a distant relationship.

But here is my advice: continue to play the role of a domestic staff if things are so bad right now. Do your cab hustle alongside and don't stop applying for job opportunities. Do this for, e.g. 6 months and if at the end of 6 months, you still can't land a good job, take whatever you've saved up from your domestic role/cab work and move back to Lagos.

A timeline should guide your choice of where to go/live at this point. The cab hustle is to help you save up while the domestic staff job is meant to reset your senses.

MAY GOD BLESS U

Guy use your car for uber for the main time just to leave home and have some sanity and make some money as well though not much.

Jaqenhghar:

My sister you hit the nail on the head. He is one of tyese NL alfa ( not alpha) males who believe a woman should wipe their asses. If I talk theu will call me SIMP. Isnt this worse than being a SIMP?

Lol. It is worse o. OP should work on her soft spot. No one would be happy with a partner like him. Even if she is/was desperate, it doesn’t make a bad person, so he can still reason with her and get the best out of her. First, he has to dump his alfaness at home, then work harder to assist financially.

mariahAngel:



Is that all you have to say?

@Op, those are the consequences of taking the easy way out!

She just used it to book space

@OP I'm sure she seduced and lured you to her domain with the expectation of marriage.. you've learnt a big lesson never to trust anyone especially ladies.

No romance without finance they say..

Abuja truly is a place of comfort but you hardly see white collar jobs around except maybe NGOs and private businesses. Drop your ego and embrace street hustle till something better comes your way. Never ever give up.#peace!

McSquishi:


Well, firstly why did you accept the interest of a woman who you perceived was only interested in you due to her “age and desperation”? Why would u want to be chosen based on desperation?

You should be mindful that because she is the breadwinner she is not treating you like the house help by expecting to you to manage the home, she is treating you like the other half. When one goes out and works the other stays home and gets things in order there.

You should want to be doing so well managing the home duties that she almost forgets to be disappointed in the fact that you’ve failed to earn an income. Have dinner waiting, keep the place spotless, fold her clothes...

But it’s nice to see a man recognizing that the duties of managing the home isn’t easy

U TRIED ALOT, BT TO MEN MANAGING THE HOME IS AN EGO OF A THING. EVEN IF NA TO PICK UP ONE SPOON E NO GO EASY FOR MEN

ThePlainTruth:
Relationship and marriage are a SCAM. Once a man has no job no money to give a woman that is where insults starts. Every good thing the man has done for that woman before vanishes from her mind instantly. You should thank God there are kids involved.

Hmmm....the dude needs an EXIT Plan...a very fast one !

BarristerAlarig:



I'm sorry if you can't take constructive criticism. I wasn't harsh, I said it the way it is and I understood your message. The facts remains that ;
1. You feel you shouldn't be doing house chores. You want her to go to work, get stressed and still do the chores while you lazy about.

2. You don't want to hustle. If after trying to secure a job and nothing was forthcoming, you could easily have had your car sent down to abj to hustle but selfish you wanted to "test" her.

3. You didn't consider how financially and emotionally draining it is for her to take care of two adults who aren't even related while you do practically nothing.

4. You don't "test" people with their finances. It is wrong


5. This economy is telling on everyone. No one wants a liability.

Everything you said here is very very wrong. U are not in his shoes so u can't judge. I have been in this situation before, the issue is not the money but that the said lady lacks the character and qualities of been a wife marriageble for the long term. If she truly loved him she won't use subliminal languages to communicate to him, she is attacking his ego thereby killing his morale. She is not wise, oga u have not found a wife, move pick the piece of ur life and move. Ur wife they somewhere else waiting for u. There are rough times In marriage so if it happens this is what she will do lead him to his death. Any lady that her definition of love and respect is based on money is not a wife. Love transcend material things or benefits. Beside the money all na for this life we go leave am. Please money is important but find a woman who values you beyond money and what she can benefit.... Shaking my head for this generation.

Yes you thought you were so smart, you thought she’s old and desperate but look at god slapping you in the face now.
Seems you’re lazy and you were looking for an easy come up. Nothing comes easy especially when you deep down have ill intentions. The universe sees your heart.

marsup:
serves you right for being opportunistic. You want to keep taking. Here you are, complaining of doing chores, whose fault is that? do you expect her to make the money, house and feed you, then still do the chores? you want to reap where you didn't sow. you better go and look for a job, or go back to Lagos. You never loved her, you are just a greedy lazy ass.

Zzor:
Go learn how to talk to a depressed person or you think we don't know how to scold him?be mindful of what you type as depression is already involved or you simply read and pass.sabi sabi

My love, your two comments are really touching...not The usual Zzor controversial pattern. Kudos and Happy Sunday.

Too me oh @Op you lack wisdom small.

Did u sell your car ?

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mariahAngel:




With the words above, you'd know that the op had it all planned out from the start.
He deliberately sought out an older lady for his gain.
He brought the problem upon himself.

I don't even doubt if his ultimate plan was to leave the lady after achieving his aim.

Just to wash plates two People eat with and clean house, wash his own clothes, he is complaining already, he is been reduced to merely house help. I wonder what he would have typed if children were involved.
But a lady will do all this without complaining, yet society will still expect her to go out and make money.

Switchman:
I actually don't have issues with the house chores as a way to assist her but the bad mouth is really killing me.

Endure bro. it won't be easy, bt u can carry on for sometime and pray things get better.

Switchman:
Please I Need Your Candid And Long Term Advise, I Am Presently Depressed And Out

This will be a lengthy one but I promise to summarize it as much as I can.

I met a lady in her late 30s 18months ago through an online friend. I was working in Lagos while she was based and working in Abuja.

We chatted for a while before she volunteered to come to Lagos for a visit over the weekend which doesn't seem a bad idea to me cos I believed seeing in person is better than 1 million pictures.

Due to her age and desperation, we met and she liked what she saw in me and intensive talks began on how I can relocate to Abuja and get better job. I actually haven't been to Abuja so I was excited to take that move with the hope of becoming a better person and getting a better job.

I resigned from my job due to some issues as at that time which could had been managed but so I can have more time to visit and see how things are in Abuja before making my final preparation to relocate. She supports financially during those time while I use my car for ehailing business pending when I will finally relocate.

Covid 19 lock down came and all plans were halted due to restrictions on vehicular movements. Fast forward to November last year I made final plans and I agreed to finally relocate but on the conditions that we will need to get a new apartment cos I don't want to move in with her to her former apartment which was a one room self contain, we got a 1 bedroom apartment and I moved in with her. She owns 90% stake on the expenses incurred but in the spirit of hope for a better job, I will upgrade the apartment to have an equal stake in the home.

It's been 3 months now I have fully relocated and we have been cohabiting but it's been hell for me and I just need help on how to get out of this mess I put myself. No job was forth coming and due to the fact that I am home always, I have been reduced to a house help cos I am the one doing the chores, cleaning the dishes and even my laundry though she pays for her own, so many other insults and atimes it's with exchanges of words before I can take a walk just to acclimatize myself with the terrains of the area.

It's really a bad experience for a man not to have a steady source of income cos in a twinkle of an eye the love will vanish.

I love the lifestyle of Abuja cos it is less stressful than Lagos and I will really like to get a good source of income so I can get my own apartment and be free from the shackles I put myself in the name of love.

I really need help now cos I know my days are numbered and it's a matter of time before she sends me packing cos I really don't have the right to the apartment. Please house, I need your candid advise on what to do and as always constructive criticism is allowed.

Thanks
Switchman

My guy run. Take your L and run.
In fact don't tell her anything just pack your stuff and leave. And when you leave block her, have no contact with her.

What is it about doing domestic chores or helping your partner do laundry or clean that makes African men feel they're less human. If you don't plan to improve or help your significant other, why not break up with them and move out to a place where you can do only your chores and help only yourself.

But, a job won't automatically make you stop doing chores or helping your SO. It wont automatically make her start doing hers. You should actually discuss this with her and ask her to pick days she can help with chores while you make it clear that you will commit those days to intensifying your job search or learning extra relevant job skills. Nurture your partnership and grow together.

It's a WE thing not a YOU thing. See things differently man. Blessings

Switchman you no better Dan dat lecturer. Becos of common gindi lost your job.

Zzor:
You are welcomed, learn never to take advantage of someone's situation some doesn't end well. Keep it low while you plan your exit,accept your mistakes and make amends,don't be too hard on yourself

Sweetie, you keep melting my heart. I don't believe that you're saying all these nice words.
You see, it's not to condemn a person on first sight or first impression.
You have my respect from now, there's human in you.
Love you plenty.

Mumu man!!
Get sense Dem no go ever get sense all because of breast and and V guard !

pocohantas:


The useless alfa male wanted to chop her money, her pussy, have her submit to him, wash his clothes, feed him, while he does nothing. Hunter became the hunted.

Why are you calling him useless? You think you know it all? I know the OP made a mistake by moving in with her, but that doesn’t warrant you to be insulting him. Didn’t you read where he said that she nags a lot?Why do ladies feel they are doing men a favor with sex? We both enjoy it. Are you a feminist?

Switchman:
Three months pass and am already feeling the heat, for now just wanna play the fool and double my hustle without letting her know my plans and at the slightest opportunity I move. Nothing as sickening as having a nagging wife

I have seen women who are richer than their spouse yet everythng is mving fine. Cancel anything marriage with her

NYSC side in Kubwa and I am a Security Operative with first degree.

tunjijones:


Whats your educational qualifications and which part of Abuja do you reside.

You made a foolish mistake but that doesn't mean there is mo correction for this mistake.

byinks:
Hmmm why does everyone bring their personal poo to NL ?

...because it's a faceless forum where you can pour out your frustrations without being recognized, and feel eased afterwards.

pocohantas:


The useless alfa male wanted to chop her money, her pussy, have her submit to him, wash his clothes, feed him, while he does nothing. Hunter became the hunted.

Switchman:
Honestly, I don't see the house chores as a big deal and as a matter of fact I don't need her to tell me to get that done cos it is a way of being responsible.

My issue and why I raised that point was I noticed she nags and complains more even when it isn't necessary.

She only behave normal and act loving again whenever she needs sex and I am honestly holding back on that cos with the little I have seen, getting her pregnant would complicate things for me and she gets more infuriated when I hold back on the sex.

I just pray God opens a way for me before it's too late for me cos it's really affecting me emotionally. I disgust nagging women who doesn't consider peaceful communication without raising there voice.

@Switchman
1) Don't get her pregnant if not you will see misery in the future. The negative trait she is showing you is a sign and a deal breaker of her previous relationship.

2) Dont allow the sweetness of her vagina to cloud your mind. You are already seeing the red flag in this relationship, so be patient and plan well.

3 months is too soon for you to spring up financially in a new environment and any woman that cannot stand by you through thick and thin is not deserving of you.

Next time: Date a girl that is more younger than you.