Ishilove:
Hiaaaaan!

Take this lesson home: you call her 'evening newspaper' and say she is desperate, but she is a lot smarter than you with your puny preek, puny brain and gigantic ego. How can you relocate to leech off a woman without a plan B?? Who does that?

I was in this situation, 3,4 years back but thank God say I no fall mugu. In this case, it was Jand. As for me, I no fit dey with babe wey go be breadwinner as a man. Not me.

Icumsa45:


I was in this situation, 3,4 years back but thank God say I no fall mugu. I no fit dey with babe wey go be breadwinner as a man. Not me.

How did you escape it?

Ishilove:

How did you escape it?

I had to let go, simple. Love is not enough.

Women can't handle that breadwinner role well.

You know what to do, you don't need any advice.

Ewwu Gambia, never knew self centered men like yours exist. Your basis and moves are utterly wrong and woeful. First, why would you relocate to be staying with a woman? Ordinarily, the norm is a woman moving in to stay with the man, which is even very wrong unless they are married. Now you concluded she is desperate because she is in her late 30s, but unfortunately, you quest for more success without laid out plans made you dumb and even more desperate than her. How would a man just be living in a woman's house doing nothing that brings money, than doing house chores. Bro, you are female in behavior while the woman is the real man! I salute her courage to be able to house a man, feed him and take care of him, those are the traits of real men. Let her just pay your groom price and seal off the wedding.

Zzor:
Normal me knows what to type but I got soft when he mentioned depression, let me not just add to it

Very good of you for being sensitive and considerate.

Switchman:
Yes you are right I actually accepted her cos then I was seeing anyone and secondly am in my late 30s too and I felt this is a good opportunity to set my self up in the family way but the way she changed overnight due to the fact that the job search wasn't going the way we expected. Na money be man true true.

Switch the lady no even get money self, unless you guys are living in gwarimpa or galadima or inside town for that one room,if not she no get enough money,that's why she is complaining already,but you self where your car dey? You fit pack out use the car dey run life

Icumsa45:


I had to let go, simple. Love is not enough.

Women can't handle that breadwinner role well.

That's because we were not made to be breadwinners. By default we are nurturers, not providers.

McSquishi:


You described doing house chores as “being reduced to house help”... reduced is not usually the word choice when you have no issues with the position.

I agree that belittling and degrading words are never ok. It even rises to the level of. the level of disrespect.

Very Smart.

Return to Lagos.

Once a woman becomes the breadwinner she becomes a demon and only God Almighty can save that man.

Men must never trust work and a woman in a relaionship or marriage when it comes to financies. These a the two WW a man must never trust.

cooooooks:
While job searching and staying home, could you do online work? Can you write articles, do analysis? Have you heard of Fiverr?

The ball is in your court to earn in this modern world.

Direct me to any where I can write articles and get paid abeg

Ishilove:
Hiaaaaan!

Take this lesson home: you call her 'evening newspaper' and say she is desperate, but she is a lot smarter than you with your puny preek, puny brain and gigantic ego. How can you relocate to leech off a woman without a plan B?? Who does that?

He is obviously not a wise man.

There's absolutely no wisdom in his action.

Carelessness isn't for men. Women can afford to be careless. But as a Man, you can't afford to be careless. The earlier he leaves the crib, the better for him.

You are not married, but living together and probably having sex, that's fornication and no wonder your life is not progressing.

However we see similar stories in marriage too.

In the traditional view, the man is the breadwinner and the woman is the housekeeper.

If the roles are reversed, and the woman is the breadwinner, why is it always hard for the man to accept the role of the housekeeper.

The world is not as black and white as it used to be. Some women earn much more than their husbands. I believe we should also be relaxed on the traditional view of the home.

Kaiiii..

Oga oooo.
Even as you feel she is desperate
At this point you will have to over look somethings , Get a job first then you will be on your feet again.

Walahi. This woman loves you OP. Na only your ego, and a the programming wey you don get from small dey cause this yawa. You be guy man, bone. Better go come. Treat her well biko. She does her part and of your part is to wash plate, wash it well. No shame in washing plate guy. The deal is to find a good legal hustle and start, no matter how small

firstratedcitiz:
My dad (may his soul rest in peace) used to say to me:

"My son, if you can put women aside for now and focus on achieving your dreams, you'll become a better and successful man."

I took my father's advice and today I am the happier for it.

Then I can guarantee you. You will be successful in life if you can leave women alone

I personally, can pile a heap of blames on OP but there wont be need for that we've said alot. And I believe he has learnt his lessons - sometimes hard lessons are part of what makes men wiser!

What the OP needs now is a job. Fellas if you have a job or any good vocation with a short learning curve around Abuja kindly recommend it for Op.

Second option you might consider going back to lagos to continue with your ehailing stuffs.

Since you like Abuja, once you've had enough savings you can relocate to Abuja, get your own apartment continue with the ehailing in Abuja till you get a good job or get a better engagement.

There are lots of skills you can Quickly learn these days. And you can do this alongside with your ehailing biz...

Learn programming/coding skills, learn how to trade crypto, forex, copywriting, learn digital marketing and advertise your services to individuals and companies, using YouTube or Facebook etc.

If you know you don't love that lady pls free her and don't take any advantage of her age etc. But if you do, help her get better with her choice of words and if she does not change after lots of efforts toh...do what's right by your judgement..But know that no man or woman is perfect.

I think If you follow the good advices given earlier too by other NLanders, you will be fine.

You will overcome!

No sane person does that, putting the cart before horse.

You must be sure of your financial independence before being considered as a responsible fiance.

Do all you can to become a rational man.

Get a menial job for now...at least the one that can get you off Abuja back to Lagos,....you fit still find help from your old colleagues.

SeriouslySense:
Next time you will not jump into relationship without a backup plan. How can you leave your life in Lagos to start with a woman in Abuja, who you are just getting to know, and you will live in her house, lol, who does that.

I wish you success, may you have success.

Hahah

This is simply just an overbearing arrogant entitled gigolo move gone wrong.


Now he is wailing on top of his voice.

just use that your fu?king car by being an uber driver, thats your solution.

fiverr.com

Nairaland Literature thread. People are always looking for writers.

Hassanmaye:

Direct me to any where I can write articles and get paid abeg

Switchman:
Please I Need Your Candid And Long Term Advise, I Am Presently Depressed And Out

This will be a lengthy one but I promise to summarize it as much as I can.

I met a lady in her late 30s 18months ago through an online friend. I was working in Lagos while she was based and working in Abuja.

We chatted for a while before she volunteered to come to Lagos for a visit over the weekend which doesn't seem a bad idea to me cos I believed seeing in person is better than 1 million pictures.

Due to her age and desperation, we met and she liked what she saw in me and intensive talks began on how I can relocate to Abuja and get better job. I actually haven't been to Abuja so I was excited to take that move with the hope of becoming a better person and getting a better job.

I resigned from my job due to some issues as at that time which could had been managed but so I can have more time to visit and see how things are in Abuja before making my final preparation to relocate. She supports financially during those time while I use my car for ehailing business pending when I will finally relocate.

Covid 19 lock down came and all plans were halted due to restrictions on vehicular movements. Fast forward to November last year I made final plans and I agreed to finally relocate but on the conditions that we will need to get a new apartment cos I don't want to move in with her to her former apartment which was a one room self contain, we got a 1 bedroom apartment and I moved in with her. She owns 90% stake on the expenses incurred but in the spirit of hope for a better job, I will upgrade the apartment to have an equal stake in the home.

It's been 3 months now I have fully relocated and we have been cohabiting but it's been hell for me and I just need help on how to get out of this mess I put myself. No job was forth coming and due to the fact that I am home always, I have been reduced to a house help cos I am the one doing the chores, cleaning the dishes and even my laundry though she pays for her own, so many other insults and atimes it's with exchanges of words before I can take a walk just to acclimatize myself with the terrains of the area.

It's really a bad experience for a man not to have a steady source of income cos in a twinkle of an eye the love will vanish.

I love the lifestyle of Abuja cos it is less stressful than Lagos and I will really like to get a good source of income so I can get my own apartment and be free from the shackles I put myself in the name of love.

I really need help now cos I know my days are numbered and it's a matter of time before she sends me packing cos I really don't have the right to the apartment. Please house, I need your candid advise on what to do and as always constructive criticism is allowed.

Thanks
Switchman

If you have a car, or can rent one, try UBER out. It will afford you opportunity to leave the house and you can use the time in between to scout for a job.

bigpicture001:
@ OP..think deep for things you can do..it must not b a white collar, then sell your car..and raise funds to start it..

...and just so everyone knows that there hundreds of ladies going late in marriage timing living in abj. And have plenty money..many if them through past immoral practices,many through hardwork...they have spread their net all around the rest of the states to drag usually underachieving guys to abuja for marriage..they promise everything... They cover all cost. But undergone condition: they will never leave abuja to b with you.

In my area, we call them abuja desperate marriage

Can you link me with one abeg lol

chatinent:
Can a fool be wise?

Hahahahah

Munzy14:

Lol, bad mouth is normal....

If u can't hustle as a man, u will end up with ur mama age mate.

But, if u remove that pride and hustle like a man, u will watch the bright light at the end of tunnel.. leave that lady, go and hustle... Words can kill faster than knife... ur mental well being is at stake here...

A woman leaves her father's house to be with a man and never the other way, if u do so, u have handed ur position to her...

Go out hustle and start footing bills before a frustrated single lady will kill u mentally before physically...


A lesson to guys, stop leeching on women,even if she is wealthy, it is not in the place of woman to keep giving, one day na 2seconds everything go burst..

It usually starts with change in attitude before the last struck that will shatter the Camel's back.

Work as real man, even if ur wife is buoyant, see her contributions as bonus, because e get y...One day she will make that utterance that might change una love story if not tolerated.

But why does this gender have so much problem?

[quote author=BIGNAME2020 post=100079772][/quote]
Haha

Guy better bring ur motor here in ABJ use am start huzle... Where u see work ? And if ur serious with it guy u go dey see money... If u like dey dia dey doll ur self .

Since you said you have a car this is very easy if your car is up to standard you can register on bolt use your car to work in the day and sleep inside in the night you must not have a house before you survive in Abuja many bolt drivers in Abuja sleep in there cars with time you get a better job Abuja life is very easy.

You made a suicidal move to resign your job and move into a woman's house where she is paying the rent and feeding you.

The only thing you can do to reclaim your dignity is to go and look for a daily paid menial job like for example a bricklayers work so that you can at least feed yourself daily and give her some money daily instead of being a continuing liability to her - which you currently are.

And never again let a woman feed or house you if you respect or value your self esteem or respect your self.

It is better you look for a daily paid job as a bricklayer or something similar because SHE WILL throw you out of HER HOUSE VERY SOON and you will be stranded on the streets of Abuja with no money for transport back to Lagos and then you will hope you had taken the advice to look for some daily paid job such as a bricklayer earlier 'cos that is what you might end up doing to get some transport money back to Lagos when she EVENTUALLY throws you out of her house and if she is mean enough she will throw you out in the middle of the night .

You did not respect yourself by moving in with her as you thought that because of her age she was desperate but that has backfired on you now and the lesson you need to learn for the future is 2fold :-

1. Eni to ba fi aso iyawo e bora, akisa lo fi bora - meaning :- Any man who uses his wife's cover cloth to cover his body is actually covering himself with rags.

2. Eni to ba sun si ile iyawo e, ori akitan lo sun si - meaning :- Any man who sleeps in a house paid for by his wife is actually sleeping in a Dumping ground where rubbish is dumped .