What are the issues you discussed with you husband when you were in courtship or with your spouse now you are in courtship?

issues like family background

ur pass lover(s)

And everything good or bad that 've done

Treat each other as brother and sister and disclose things
u can't even share with ur mum

@afolayangs
Thanks for your contribution.

Remember that courtship isnt the same as boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.Here you hope to be heading for marriage.My advice is , Do not pretend, Let him know your likes and dislikes, your desired family size,where you both will fellowship, the location you guys desire to settle in, your future ambition and projections, relationship with inlaws and friends, finance management in the home, sharing of duties, plans for leisure etc

What about talking about Sexual compatibility?

In my own little opinion, this is the time that all cards are on the table, be naked to your partner, everything must be put on the table.

So that if anybody  or anything crops up in the future nothing will meet him/her by shock, he or she would even laugh about it and say he/she already told me or I am already aware.

Trust is what you discuss, or how to build it, children(if you are planning to have any etc) finances , investments , work, spiritual life. foods, likes and dislikes., cleaniness.

To be honest with you, you may need to find a christian book that discuss Courtship and marriage and both of you to read it and discuss things.

In marriages, there are constant that can make or break marriages

1. communication
2.Trust
3.Finance
4.Care and attention
5. Sex without being used as bargaining tools from women in particular (sometimes some men-though more of emotional punishment with men)
6. Above all prayers to every situation

I wish every bachelors and spinsters who are on this ladder best of luck.

Wedding and honeymoon
Children
Employment
Place of residence/type of plan--double masters bedroom/double closet spaces.
Plan for the future/finances/budgets
Household chores
Dealing with relatives and friends
Choice of next of kins --  chosing at least 3 sets just in case----
Vacation spots
Familly doctors and Pedriatricians
Type of family cars
Health history and genetics
Food choices
Diet and exercise

so wat do u discuss wen u guys are dating and u dont mind getting married to each other though u v started off as boy/girlfriend?

almondjoy:

Wedding and honeymoon
Children
Employment
Place of residence/type of plan--double masters bedroom/double closet spaces.
Plan for the future/finances/budgets
Household chores
Dealing with relatives and friends
Choice of next of kins --  chosing at least 3 sets just in case----
Vacation spots
Familly doctors and Pedriatricians
Type of family cars
Health history and genetics
Food choices
Diet and exercise

That's it. . . All said!

for serious minded people who know what they want for themselves,they are to plan and discuss life both in the present and future tense coupled their individual basic priority that could help boost their marrital life.Most importantly,they should endevour they are truely compatible before setting up a marriage date.Good luck to you all.

do you snore when you sleep? (for those of you saints that are yet to sleep in the same bed as your partner) LOL.

better to know ahead of time o. i tell you, some people's snoring can make you want to commit homicide! walai!

don't forget how you will both raise your future kids, for example, everyone's idea of discipline is different. i will make sure i lay it out to him that my children are precious, therefore, not to be beaten like goats when they do something wrong. in my opinion, beating a child does more harm than good, especially a female child. its a big NO NO! if you can't discipline your kids without giving them bulala (switch/cane), then you need help yourself. i know there are some kids that don't hear word, but a little smacking is ok, but not beating them like donkeys!

discuss any issues on this earth

altar call experience
no of kids
hw to fund the kids education
what business to do 4 more income
her menstrual period
discuss dream,visions,aspiration
discuss who will be mentors, counselors
discuss hw long to stay in a rented apartment
and pray

1. No of kids
2. No joint accounts
3. Kids names
4. Will she work or not
5. Visitation rights of family relatives
6. Sex (Frequency,positions and toys)
7. Late Nights
8. Medical history
9. Bills
10. Where we hope to be , time from now
11. Infidelity
12. Weight issues
13. Dress sense
14. Fears
15. Dreams
16. Likes and dislikes
erm,

thank you jare. hence, for those that think getting married is child's play, remember it is an institution and its got many many departments and offices. if you ain't ready, then chill out.

Thanks you all for your response.

ess, can u please explain weight issues and dress sense please and how this is so relevant to courtship.

Leilah:

ess, can u please explain weight issues and dress sense please and how this is so relevant to courtship.

e.g is she the type that is going to lose herself after marriage, splurge on junk foods and get fat while tying wrappers around the house.

So u mean in your culture its quite okay for you to put that comment to your fiance ie hey honey do u think you will eat junkfood and get fat? do you think you will always remain as appetising as you are today?

So I take it its the norm to put these sort of questions to ones finace?

oh I forgot to mention the dress sense bit. How woudl you put it then david "do you think you can always dress trendy and be sexy and turn me on?" even when you have about five kids to take care of, you better still be quite hip, slim, and sexy! talk about the whiteman!!!!!!!!

actually I should have included that a big beer gut should be satisfied with a banquet on request.

Its not a matter of culture . . . no one wants a fat slob around the house. You bet i will be snooping around to see if she is bingeing on junk foods.

but in the topic its say the word discuss. So when youre thinking of marryig a lady would you put it to her that she should remain sexy etc and not get fat?

you dont "put it to her", that is like commanding her to stay slim or else.
The type of woman she will turn out to be in 40yrs can be gleaned from the type of woman she is now.

But it does help to let her know what you expect of her.

yup. going on and on about a woman's weight might put her off, but when she sees your eyes going to the slim young things, then she won't need to be told. she go join gym kia kia one time. then again, no double standard o, if you want your woman to be slim and fit, you better work on your six pack abs too o. , no love handles and all that ugly pot belly. it has to go both ways now abi? 

The woman ought to ask the man if he can rise and stay risen .
I'm serious.
I heard a recent story of a sis that married a bro,they never chopped during courtship like good Christians and on the honeymoon nite,bro could not perform.
They have since gone their seperate ways

That is really sad

how is bros supposed to know if he can 'stay risen' if he's been keeping himself for his bride?

Some dangling yekini's have been known to be 'strong' at other times but 'faint' at the sight of almighty Jerusalem, so bros himself may not even know.


@ topic

your life goals and dreams. . .are the compatible? what are you willing to compromise on?

what will you tolerate and what is completely unacceptable to you?

how many times a week do you want her to pound yam and egusi for you?

how many shopping sprees allowed a month

the last two are very high on my own list.

Leilah:

but in the topic its say the word discuss. So when youre thinking of marryig a lady would you put it to her that she should remain sexy etc and not get fat?

Yes,

It's something that I have noticed in most peoples marriages. After the first child is born, most women just let themselves go. They become annoying fat and also lazy. I really do not want to cheat on my wife so it would be to her advantage to stay sexy and hot. She has to give me a reason to want to come home every evening and hit that for the next 50 years.

So you see it's important that such things are made known during the courtship period so as to avoid the drama later in the future.

Leilah:

ess, can u please explain weight issues and dress sense please and how this is so relevant to courtship.

It's just like davidylan said. no wrappers 24/7 around the house. I want my wife to look good all the time. save the wrappers for old age.

wrappers? most women nowadays don't go anywhere near wrappers. except traditional wear, and even that one is geared towards the older women like you said. wrappers can be so unflattering. i don't even remember the last time i went near one. but come o, if you want your woman to stay sexy and whatnot after marriage, it should be a joint effort. no be say na only her go dey stay trim. don't be carrying around a bear belly and expect your wife to still be looking like halle berry. go the gym together.

Nice thread.. Learning so much.. Thanks @OP for this topic..

POINTS TO DISCUSS DURING COURTSHIP

Rather than just engaging yourselves with things that will not build your home, take time during your courtship to engage in effective communication that will enhance the success of your home. It has been discovered that greater percentage of the reasons why marriages are collapsing and there is high divorce rate in our generation is as a result of faulty courtship period. Below are some suggested points you can discuss during your courtship period in addition to praying together, visiting places together and the rest. Ensure you both agree on all the points as that will help you to understand each other better and prepare for your future home. Don’t try to win an argument but rather see things from the other person’s point of view and then come up with a mutual agreement. Suspend any issue you can’t agree on till another time to allow time to think or ponder over it well.

Also note that the key point is that you hide nothing from your spouse as you both discuss your Past, Present and Future. Tell your partner about your past lifestyles but with the appropriate timing (let there be love, trust, and confidence before discussing certain issues)

In addition to telling stories about your childhood and places you’ve been and past life experiences, Discuss the following and every other thing:

Finances

Budgets, bookkeeping, how to handle household finances. What kind of account do you want to keep? Separate account or joint account, joint account does not necessarily means opening an account in the name of the two of you although that can also be implied, families handles their finances in different ways; both of you can bring in certain percentage of your income to meet the home need, or add the income of the two of you together and then do the home budget based on the total income, some can also divide the responsibilities based on the earning power of each person decide on how you want to run your finances.
Categories of spending in budget
Who is responsible for what in finances?
How to work together on bookkeeping, paperwork
Debt
Credit cards, ATMS
Used vs. new – cars, clothes, etc.
Tithes, offerings, benevolence (giving to people)
Savings
Investments
Relational

Balance of job and family
Overtime work – evenings and Saturdays
When wife disagrees with husband – what should happen?
Should any information be withheld from a spouse? If so, what and when?
Decision making – What is the wife’s role? What is the husband’s role?
Role of father and mother in relationship to children
What if the wife is negligent in an area of her responsibility?
What if the husband is negligent in an area of his responsibility?
What are the basic responsibilities of a wife?
What are the basic responsibilities of a husband?
What role do in-laws play in a marriage?
How to handle disagreements with parents or in-laws
Care of elderly parents and grandparents
Holidays – with extended family or at home?
How important is the extended family?
Ever consider moving far away from extended family? Under what conditions?
The role of seeking counsel when making decisions
When is it appropriate to reject the counsel of others?
Role of female friends in wife’s life
Role of male friends in husband’s life
What if the spouse is going against the clear teaching of Scripture and church leaders?
How to resolve disagreements and offenses? How soon? What compromises are you willing to make? Who has the final authority in areas of disagreement?
How much time do you want your spouse spending on activities away from home without you?
What are specific ways that a wife can serve as a helper to her husband?
Do you like lots of company, or do you prefer more time to yourself and alone with your family?
Do you want to use the service of a housemaid, if yes, what should be the sex and age of the housemaid and at what point in time will you need a housemaid?
What type of dress is appropriate and inappropriate in courtship or when married.
Do you like lots of company, or do you prefer more time to yourself and alone with your family?
Food: choice, favorite meals, preparation, restaurant etc.
Division of responsibility in home – i.e. emptying garbage, keeping the car clean, yard work, housework, cooking, shopping, etc.
What are your fears, likes, and dislikes?
Your personality and values.
Cars.
Children

How many? Names.
Birth control or as God grants them?
Discipline – Observe situations or make up hypothetical situations. How would you handle them?
When to use spanking?
Who disciplines the children when both parents are present?
Should grandparents discipline their grandchildren?
Goals for children
Sports involvement
What to do when one spouse disagrees with decision or discipline of other spouse
How should daughters be raised?
How should sons be raised?
What if older children disagree with some of your beliefs?
How much should the family be away from home when young, when older?
Ideas about memorizing Scripture, catechizing, family worship
Dresses vs. pants on little girls, older girls
Standards that govern relationships with those of opposite sex.
Favoritism and sibling’s rivalry.
Education

Schooling options
What are the goals you seek to reach as you school your children?
What subjects are most important?
Would you consider having others teach your children certain subjects?
Schooling methods
Music education
Scriptural instruction – how and when
What is the father’s role in home lessons or tutorial and homework?
What is the mother’s role in home lessons or tutorial and homework?
Church

Church vs. family – is one higher priority than other?
Time commitment to church vs. family
What about mid-week activities and meetings?
When and what would lead to leaving or changing churches?
How to handle disagreements with church leadership
Youth groups and youth activities without families
Church attendance – frequency of going to church services
Bible doctrines & beliefs.
Time

Morning person or night person?
Arrive early or late to commitments?
How much time for work vs. how much time for play?
Use of leisure time

What are appropriate uses of leisure time?
Reading materials
Regarding movies, games, etc.
TV?
Vacations – What makes a good vacation? How often? What are inexpensive alternatives for young families?
Background music or quiet?
Medical

Standard medical practice vs. alternatives – do you use traditional medicines or just orthodox?
What necessitates a doctor visit? What other alternatives are there?
Prenatal care and birth options
Diet preferences – homemade, package, whole grains, etc.
Political

Does wife vote according to husband’s direction or by her own conscience after his counsel?
What if wife disagrees with husband?
When is resistance to government appropriate?
Dreams & Goals

Desired accomplishments – Writing? Business? Etc.
Travel – when, where, how much
Family, Home, estate, vacation etc.
Cultural differences (if applicable)

Views on cultural values, ethics, and beliefs.[color=#000099][/color]