Thanks to everyone who made out time to read my post and reply to it! I honestly appreciate all of your input.  And to all the matured responders, thanks so much, greatly appreciated. I decided to remove the original post this morning.  I will one day return with an update whether good or bad.  Thank you once again and y'all have an awesome week!

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190:

why?

Ur sis doesnt want u both 2geda?

Dyt:

your sis doesnt want u both 2geda?

I dont think she does by her actions, shes not coming out directly bt finding faults with everything

Omolola1:

don't i know Jerri?

.

I dunno,

I think i do

Jerri
damn ur sista! she is maried,so wat's hr stress?bsides d guy is jxt an ex 2 her

Infact,ds isnt even an issue!

Jerri:

One of my new year’s resolutions for 2010 was to find a good man to love and blab blab, I cried a lot and prayed to God. It so happened that in August 2010 I started to see this guy in a new light, I shared it with my close friend and younger sister (friend was like – go for it. Sister - why bother with a guy from same state as you i.e., same tribe).  It took me so much courage to stay focused to a plan; eventually I went home last Nov, was out with my cousin and behold his older brother! I said to myself, this is a sign and am not letting it pass me by.  I went home and sent dude a facebook msg and the rest is history (or so I thought).

I was home for a couple of days so we didn’t get to meet, came back to phone calls, bb, fb, emails and in short technology had it for us. Then I found reason to dash home for three days in Dec to attend my sister’s wedding.  I was super excited to meet with him again, what a better birthday present. I saw him on birthday!!! Of course we had a lot to talk about, things about past relationships that cldnt be shared on the phone? (Oh, well I didn’t think much of it). He had something important to tell me and this could either make or break the relationship! I was like hmmm, am ready for anything, I love you and that’s what matters.  Then he dropped the bomb! He had a relationship with my younger sister in 2007, said it was a onetime thing and I remained quiet for a brief minute and said why? He explained what had transpired and I said thanks for sharing it with me.  Looked up into the dark cloud and all I could think abt was why me, why this, why now? I took a look at him and said nothing was going to change my love for him.  And we continued, our love grew stronger.  I never said a word abt the revelation to anyone not even my sister.  Of course it was her wedding and I bet she got too busy to even notice.

This February, dude told me he was going to talk to my sister about it and sent her a message, oh boy! The pool broke! My usual quiet self was so mad at my sister, we exchanged words, gave each other the cold shoulders for a couple of days then we became friends again.  But she never for once agreed to tell me what happened between them so I was only working with his side of the story.  And she remained angry with him for letting me know.  In short our relationship has not been the same since then (sis and I)

Something else transpired between my sister and me last night and we are back at it again. I know I haven’t given myself time to absorb it and make a decision; I was home in April, met his entire family and fell in love with all of them and they were all so nice!  My family on the other side stayed hot/cold because my younger sister found fault in everything dude did and I don’t have a strong voice at home anyway (on the quiet side).
My first time saying this out to anyone so I am desperately in need of your honest opinion……

if you love yourself and value your family. . . .forget about the guy. never ever take sides with an outsider against your family. granted, your sister has been nasty, jealous and self-centred but she is still family. from what i can gather, your sister still likes this bloke and if you marry him. . . .can you trust the 2 of them not to rekindle their past on your matrimonial bed? are you aware there would be situations when your sister will be visiting and you will be far away from home to monitor what she and this bloke do behind you? do you seriously want to risk such drama every now and then or would you ban your sister permanently from entering your house?

dump the bloke now!

You said it better than I would have.

Thanks ladies, I truly appreciate your input. I know there will be a lot of bad blood flowing even if it works out or not. But like you rightly said, family and values for myself matters a lot. Gee, life can be unfair sometimes but I trust in God. Quite sad that I kept this bottled up so this long,

He shagged your sister, he only plans to just shag you and move on. No love here. A good man doesn't jump on his ex sister. You choose. Find your own man.

I don't know why you wanna marry someone that had slept with your sister, we are Africans. Please don't do it. It will be shame on your family if the word gets out. and one question, why do u think you love this guy? Don't you think this is an art of desperation? Your younger sister is married and you don't want to be left behind. The guy that left your memory for years can always leave anytime. I can't see true feelings here.

Una too dey mumu tu much! Haba are you that cheap or just trying to be stuupid? You should drop him the moment you notice anything of that nature.

Oya! Wait until when you hear. . ."your sister is even tighter than you and knows how to suck me better", then your coconut head will become active.

Go search for your 'own' man and stop feasting on your sisiter's left over. Shiooor!

This how a friend of mine slept with entire family in the name of wanting to marry.

odiaero:

Please Summary someone, am too lazy to read this now, some Chinese food just put me in a lazy form this afternoon, summary please someone

body dey catch u sha

nothing to say to you, just follow your heart.

you would be surprised if you marry this guy and you find him fucking ur sis one day . so the guy was asking you out 4 so long, that means he was once interested in you, and then you faded away and he went down with the next on the queue . am sure when ur sis asked about his relationship with him, he must have said you were the one toasting him then . my candid advice is that you should dumb him fast and look for a fresh dude. guess you are still in town,ure not too old to go for "just anything" that comes your way

din' someone tell you it's a sick thing going out with your sister's ex?

The dude would feel awesome, sure! he's had both sisters. . .but you, yes you!--how would you feel bringing him home to dinner with your pa and ma ?. . . not minding the fact that yo sister knows exactly how big his díck is and the things that make him go "oooh, ahhhh, yes baby yes baby" in bed

get yo head together mate, at last count, there are 6.5 billion boys in the world, must it be this one?. . .hell i'd wager their are better guys on NL than the ársehole you're currently sleeping with!

Oh gal! That is a Nigerian man for you o!
To phock as many poohsies as possible.
No discrimination. Sister o! Mother o! Aunty o! Daughter o!

Amazing he waited to 'kpansh' you first before the almighty confession.

No discrimination with this poohsie matter!

O gal forget the dude.

No be am atol atol!

Like a wise poster wrote above. . . .NEVER FIGHT A FAMILY MEMBER OVER A MAN!

Neither of you had any control over the situation but the dude. . .

As for the need to get married. The best things in life come when you are not looking. Take your mind out of the 'marriage' issue and enjoy your life.

There is no time limit to achieving happiness.

x

violent:

din' someone tell you it's a sick thing going out with your sister's ex?

The dude would feel awesome, sure! he's had both sisters. . .but you, yes you!--how would you feel bringing him home to dinner with your  pa and ma ?. . . not minding the fact that yo sister knows exactly how big his díck is and the things that make him go "oooh, ahhhh, yes baby yes baby" in bed

get yo head together mate, at last count, there are 6.5 billion boys in the world, must it be this one?. . .hell i'd wager their are better guys on NL than the ársehole you're currently sleeping with!

lol You must be kidding, aren't u?
@OP, from your post, you played so hard to get initially and then lost him so i guess you should move on, especially now that he's had your sister. I know it's not easy but in life, we win some, we lose some. All da best!

@ OP

You will not be the first nor the last woman to date or marry a guy who previously dated her sister, cousin, aunt etc. In fact, its not as uncommon as some people are trying to pretend here. Some men have married women that previously dated their brother or uncle. It is true that your situation is really not ideal and most families would not like for a man to date one sister and then marry another. But there is an exception to every rule. At the end of the day, its you and this man who will share a bedroom/life together for the next 50 years plus. The main issue you need to address is your sister's lingering feelings for the guy. Are you certain that he's moved on from your sister?  Do you trust that he will not betray you in future with your sister if the opportunity presents? What do your parents/family have to say about this situation? Disclose fully to them and hear them out.

Bottomline - the decision is yours. Pls don't let all the childish rants and petty insults put you off.

As for those going eew, gross etc here, pls keep in mind that inheritance of a late brother's wife or wives was once accepted as part and parcel of our African culture. And in the olden days before IVF and other modern reproductive technology was available, an infertile or impotent man would ask his male relative to help impregnate his wife. So its not necessarily an abomination by African culture to have sex with a woman or man who previously had sex with your brother or sister.

@posta,
one thing is certain and dats d fact dat u alredy kno wat 2 do.
What ever decision u may take is alredy wat u wanted. Howeva, i wil stil advise u.
If dis was an election, i tink "dump the dude" wud av won. But its dangerous to take such a rash action.
U prayd 4 tru luv and God availd a man whom u luvd. So, weda he had don wat wit ur sista shouldnt be an issue.
The guy desav u bak sins he was courageous enof to tel u the truth as regads his past afair wit ur sista.
Every woman is afta corageous and honest guyz and i tink he is.
Lets luk at it dis way:
ur sista is angry bcuz he told u d truth, ok, what if he neva mentiond it, wud u av known?
So u see wat i mean.
som folks here may call a desperate gurl but hey! Sweet heart, you ar gettin no younger.
Did i hear som1 sayin u ar not too old either? Yes u ar not dear. . . But i guess u ar already above 25 and hmm!
U know what it means.
However, i must say i like ur mode of expresion and u wil make a gud wife.
GOOD LUCK.

how serious do u think this dude is, i mean do u think he is willing to go that far with you. what does he really want from u, a relationship? i wouldnt advice u to dump the guy just because he once slept with ur sister. people sleep with people before they finnaly settle down. if u think the guy really loves u, please dont let him go for such a silly excuse. or are u expecting to marry a virgin. the next man would have probably slept with some other girl, will u leave him if u meet the girl.

only be sure that ur sister is his past. to me, the fact that it is ur sister does not matter, it could be any girl, and that does not change anything.

jmaine:

[size=12pt]I understand why people are advising you to do away with your man since he dated your sister before . . . And they are all correct though not a certainty anywhere . . . Why don't you give him a chance considering the fact that he owned up his dealings with your sis to you which is a courageous and commendable thing few men dare attempt . .if he wanted to have you as a quest . .they why spill something that could mar that adventure . . ,  . The respect and love he had for you made him do that and am sure he was scared of the outcome, but he still came clean . . . You need to follow your heart and for once appreciate the fact that he was bold enough to face you with the truth .

@jmaine, thanks for the sense of maturity.

@OP, the world doesn't end because someone you love once had a tryst with a relative or a close friend. Yes it is hard to stomach and could be an emotional drain, but once you accept that your love for him is greater, things can only lead to more happiness.
Nothing says the two of them would get back together again and nothing says they wouldn't, but all the same he loves you enough to open up to you, and that can only be because he truly and genuinely loves you.

The choice is yours but make it sensibly.

Think about FAMILY VALUE. He has slept with your sister is a lifetime-stigma, that will always be at the back of your mind whelther you like it or not, even though you said you stil love him. And if you want to go ahead with him just because you are in a desperate need to have a man in your life. FAMILY VALUE is very important. Dont let your man cause pain between you and your sister, find a way to make peace with your sister and listen to her. Goodluck.

Well the situation is not ideal but it isn't the worst scenario. The guy came clean and even told ur sister that's got to count for something. The rest is up to you and pls cancel that idea that anytime he sees ur sis they will look for the nearest bed and get at it. Were that to be the case then they are already at it.

Op,
How sure are you that, ur boyfy and your sister had sex just once?? Are you sure they are still not seeing?

For a moment, take yourself out of the issue and view the whole thing as if you are a third party!!!

His mistake was that; He slept with ur sister ( how many times? We don't know!!!!) Given that, he once professed love to you but, he had d gut to go straff the sister of the. ame woman he claimed to love.

U have got to be careful!!!! Slow down and don't get desperate. I know a game when I see one! This is obviously a game and you would do better not to be caught in it.

If you are not a shy type, feel free to mail me here; micklplus@yahoo.com

Mind you, I am happily married so, I aint trying to toast you.
Cheers