Good morning fellow Nairalanders, there is something that has been giving me sleepless night for a week now and I want to share it to this forum for you to advice me on the next step to take.

There is this girl that I have been in a relationship with for 5 years now, when we started the relationship, she was still looking for admission while I was already in my final year. As time goes we started talking about marriage but she told me that I should wait till she get to her final year. Though, we have been at peace but not that we don't use to have misunderstanding but once such happens, we reconcile with immediate effect. One thing that use to make us to have misunderstanding is that am a jealous lover and the fact that we are not close to each other made me to suspect that she is cheating on me especially if I call her at odd hours to discover that she is on another call, I would be mad at her to the extent that I may use some offensive words on her but have not I have not assaulted her physically, after she explains, she will apologize and I will also apologize for using offensive words. Though, the above problem rarely occur, upon that we still love ourselves.
Last two years, I told her that I want to be introduced to her parents and she did as I requested, I have also introduced her to my own parents, my parents have given me the approval to make plans for our marriage. Her parents too were still ok with me. When my parents gave the approval earlier this year, I called her on phone and told her that I will be coming to see her people very soon for our marriage plans but she answered by telling me that we will discuss in details when we see one on one. I kept quiet, we have been seeing but she has not for one day remembered that we had unfinished discussion. I decided to raise the topic again, last week that I want to go to her house for the marriage plans so that during next year's Easter period by the grace of God we will wed but she told me that I should still give her time, that she is yet to see the sign. I told her that we have been in this relationship for 5 years and you are yet to get a confirmation, when are you going to get it? Is it in this remaining one month of the year? She said that she don't know but as soon as she gets sign she will let me know.
To be honest, I really love the girl and since we started I have not dated another girl but know that it is going like this, I wish to seek advice from fellow Nairalanders on which way to go, either to stay or to live her because I am emotionally traumatized now.
Your advice will make a difference.
Thanks to all Nairalanders.

She said that she don't know but as soon as she gets sign she will let me know.

Which sign she dey find, abi na sign language?

But on a serious note, I have some questions:

Do you have a good source of income? Are you financially, emotionally, medically, and physically compatible?

Have you given the relationship a good scrutiny whether or not you aren't a deputy boyfriend?

Does she still want to enjoy the bliss of youthful exuberance?

Have you reasoned if her parents approved of you both being together? Is there a tribal discriminatory thing?

Does she feel you are rushing her? Is she not ready for marriage? Have you tried asking any of the questions above?


If you ask her these questions and she still says she is looking for a sign from whrever it is coming for, dear huncle, e fit bi say you don dey date yourself all this while. I no dey mince words. Shey you talk say na distant relationship? You mah fit dey learn how to do endure now before she mah give you her traditional marriage invitation card. It can pain but no reason am. A man is never ugly and never too old nor outlived to marry.


cc: mynd44, Dominque lalasticlala

One thing that use to make us to have misunderstanding is that am a jealous lover and the fact that we are not close to each other made me to suspect that she is cheating on me especially if I call her at odd hours to discover that she is on another call,


You are jealous she is cheating a jealous person can kill that one is certain, a cheat can kill too, both of you are just friends with no direction. Marriage is not moi moi and pap that is easy to eat, you can't just rush or being forced into it. The main thing now, you need good conclusion if she is meant for you or not. Broken relationship is far better than broken marriage.

God please, don't let my male offsprings to be a simp like this op.

oh lord!! Thank you for prayers answered

Women and marriage are like butter and jelly sandwich. Thus, they don't waste time to accept from their supposed partners except otherwise.

Is better to have a broken relationship than marriage.

She's not sure again if she feels the same for love for u again like before, 5 yrs no be here, she has seen it all, and nothing will surprise her again if she eventually marry u.

And plz Op don't force it, give it ur self time you'll know and understand why she's backing out.

That girl clearly has someone else who is more stable financially than you, the reason why she's trying to keep your proposal pending is because she's been with you for a long time and you're still struggling.

The handwriting is clear on the wall, if you over pressurize her into marrying you, don't expect her to remain faithful in that marriage.

This I have seen.

OP let me be real with you;

She's waiting for the sign of Jonah before she approves you.

Next time you guys meet in za other room, refuse the missionary style of coitus. Hit her real good from behind. Trust me bro, that's the sign she's looking for.

[b]Which sign she dey find, abi na sign language?

But on a serious note, I have some questions:

Do you have a good source of income? Are you financially, emotionally, medically, and physically compatible?

Have you given the relationship a good scrutiny whether or not you aren't a deputy boyfriend?

Does she still want to enjoy the bliss of youthful exuberance?

Have you reasoned if her parents approved of you both being together? Is there a tribal discriminatory thing?

Does she feel you are rushing her? Is she not ready for marriage? Have you tried asking any of the questions above?


If you ask her these questions and she still says she is looking for a sign from whrever it is coming for, dear huncle, e fit bi say you don dey date yourself all this while. I no dey mince words. Shey you talk say na distant relationship? You mah fit dey learn how to do endure now before she mah give you her traditional marriage invitation card. It can pain but no reason am. A man is never ugly and never too old nor outlived to marry.
[/b]


We are compatible dear and am financially stable, I have tried to find out if she has another guy but could not come up with any evidence against her.
I have asked her the above questions but she kept telling me to wait and am tired of waiting.
Yesterday, she complained that she is afraid of how I use to use offensive words on her sometime if we have misunderstanding.

Holly Gram Wen will men be WISE.. I no sey u FOLLOW SPONSOR her SCHOOLING.. Na people like una de make me BLAST pesin left leg wit my KALA 4 free. WAITING DE WORRY U. U no go get SENSE... Go and MAKE MONEY guy... Mumu men EVERYWHERE.. Woman FINISH SCHOOL and u EXPECT her to STILL ACCEPT u. As waiting. Go n MAKE MONEY b4 THUNDER go FIRE u. WTF MAN

My friend, carry your dignity and small sense and remove yourself.

5 years and sign has not come? Let her go and look for the sign at a shrine.

butyne:
Good morning fellow Nairalanders, there is something that has been giving me sleepless night for a week now and I want to share it to this forum for you to advice me on the next step to take.

There is this girl that I have been in a relationship with for 5 years now, when we started the relationship, she was still looking for admission while I was already in my final year. As time goes we started talking about marriage but she told me that I should wait till she get to her final year. Though, we have been at peace but not that we don't use to have misunderstanding but once such happens, we reconcile with immediate effect. One thing that use to make us to have misunderstanding is that am a jealous lover and the fact that we are not close to each other made me to suspect that she is cheating on me especially if I call her at odd hours to discover that she is on another call, I would be mad at her to the extent that I may use some offensive words on her but have not I have not assaulted her physically, after she explains, she will apologize and I will also apologize for using offensive words. Though, the above problem rarely occur, upon that we still love ourselves.
Last two years, I told her that I want to be introduced to her parents and she did as I requested, I have also introduced her to my own parents, my parents have given me the approval to make plans for our marriage. Her parents too were still ok with me. When my parents gave the approval earlier this year, I called her on phone and told her that I will be coming to see her people very soon for our marriage plans but she answered by telling me that we will discuss in details when we see one on one. I kept quiet, we have been seeing but she has not for one day remembered that we had unfinished discussion. I decided to raise the topic again, last week that I want to go to her house for the marriage plans so that during next year's Easter period by the grace of God we will wed but she told me that I should still give her time, that she is yet to see the sign. I told her that we have been in this relationship for 5 years and you are yet to get a confirmation, when are you going to get it? Is it in this remaining one month of the year? She said that she don't know but as soon as she gets sign she will let me know.
To be honest, I really love the girl and since we started I have not dated another girl but know that it is going like this, I wish to seek advice from fellow Nairalanders on which way to go, either to stay or to live her because I am emotionally traumatized now.
Your advice will make a difference.
Thanks to all Nairalanders.

I still can't figure out why some men give themselves unnecessary high BP over sperm dumps especially the ones prostituting in higher institutions. If she is not your wife, why bother yourself who she fuccks. Why not fucck your own and leave other to men to fucck their own until one of you puts a leash on the street dog. This matter tire me abeg.

despite you being older, she is more emotionally matured than you. she probably is very beautiful and you count yourself lucky to have her, that has made you to show too much affection to her. she knows she holds the cards and your emotional strings. As a man who is probably stable, treat yourself well and nice, buy clothes, look and smell good, have other women in your circle because she has other men too, infact she is weighing several options.
Women sense when a man is at the lowest mental state hence his confidence is at a low.
women are naturally jealous and if she isn't jealous or worrying if you're with another lady, you have made yourself a lover boy for her which is bad. truth is for the years she has been in school, she has most definitely slept with someone else. it is what it is. put yourself first brother man.

You dey date one girl for five years. I for don date at least 10 girls within that period. No be Nigerian girls again? Abeg move to the next one. This one don see you finish.

No let any girl see you finish. You go just turn to her big brother

She may be scared or hesitating because you're a potential abuser.

butyne:
Good morning fellow Nairalanders, there is something that has been giving me sleepless night for a week now and I want to share it to this forum for you to advice me on the next step to take.

There is this girl that I have been in a relationship with for 5 years now, when we started the relationship, she was still looking for admission while I was already in my final year. As time goes we started talking about marriage but she told me that I should wait till she get to her final year. Though, we have been at peace but not that we don't use to have misunderstanding but once such happens, we reconcile with immediate effect. One thing that use to make us to have misunderstanding is that am a jealous lover and the fact that we are not close to each other made me to suspect that she is cheating on me especially if I call her at odd hours to discover that she is on another call, I would be mad at her to the extent that I may use some offensive words on her but have not I have not assaulted her physically, after she explains, she will apologize and I will also apologize for using offensive words. Though, the above problem rarely occur, upon that we still love ourselves.
Last two years, I told her that I want to be introduced to her parents and she did as I requested, I have also introduced her to my own parents, my parents have given me the approval to make plans for our marriage. Her parents too were still ok with me. When my parents gave the approval earlier this year, I called her on phone and told her that I will be coming to see her people very soon for our marriage plans but she answered by telling me that we will discuss in details when we see one on one. I kept quiet, we have been seeing but she has not for one day remembered that we had unfinished discussion. I decided to raise the topic again, last week that I want to go to her house for the marriage plans so that during next year's Easter period by the grace of God we will wed but she told me that I should still give her time, that she is yet to see the sign. I told her that we have been in this relationship for 5 years and you are yet to get a confirmation, when are you going to get it? Is it in this remaining one month of the year? She said that she don't know but as soon as she gets sign she will let me know.
To be honest, I really love the girl and since we started I have not dated another girl but know that it is going like this, I wish to seek advice from fellow Nairalanders on which way to go, either to stay or to live her because I am emotionally traumatized now.
Your advice will make a difference.
Thanks to all Nairalanders.

Why is nobody talking about the part where he use offensive words on her.
You try to justify yourself by saying you didn't go physical on her.
You keep abusing her emotionally and mentally and you want her to see a sign of going into marriage with you.
God forbid it, a jealous lover can kill
Your emotional and mental abuse on her can lead to depression, low self esteem, and even suicide.
You want to marry a woman you don't respect?
Why do I feel you want to get married to her because she's a victim you're able to manipulate and bring to her knees easily.

#spits

Normally an average Nigerian girl would ripped off your once you offer marriage to them, talk more of someone that have dated for 5 years. Op I can bet that you've been a deputy boyfriend all these while. At these stage of that relationship na you suppose dey do shakara but somehow the reverse is the case. something is amis

InTheCloudySky:
She may be scared or hesitating because you're a potential abuser.

God bless you ma'am
You're the only sensible person I've seen on this thread since I started reading through

.

Give her more time, like 3 to 5 yrs time. she'll get a sign.

Some things are not meant to be brought online.

If everyone brings every little thing to NL, this place would be a mess. Learn how to solve things on your own and see how she will behave. To her you're still immature and not ready for the hostilities that marriage brings. She wants a real man, not a sissy, a lover not an abuser, someone that she can call a friend not a thug. The lists goes on and on.

Na she supppse dey pressure you for marriage not you


She know say she no get competitor that’s why

Stop talking about marriage to her

Neva been in one but i'm here to read comments

1. For 5 years+ you've been dating yourself and simultaneously investing emotionally, financially, physically on a woman who was never interested in you. (The first time after your final year that you asked for her hand in marriage which she refused was a red flag signal. Women interested in you will want you to commit early. However, there are also cases where women feign submissiveness and ignorance in order to siphon you of what your commitment entails).

2. Long distance relationship is no relationship at all. Phone calls, texts are necessary but never the ultimate. You must be there to posses your woman and fill her with your essence and to be able to analyse her in order to know who she is and what she represents.

Bro, you were never there, she has had trysts, entanglements, sexual and emotional flipping here and there with a guy or guys. As it is:

A. She's either engaged to a guy she prefers better than you. Or,

B. Experiencing an unforgiving and troubling conscience about the bad things she has done behind you. Or,

C. She's weighing you and the other guy in the scene in order to determine between you two who's a better prospect with a long term goal. (Don't think the ball will actually come to your court). Or,

D. Scavenging for illogical alibi to defend herself and shift the blame to you when she finally decides to end the relationship.

You felt these things in your guts, the reason you were jealous! You are not a jealous lover per say, it was your ancestral (evolutionary) trait prompting you to act by sending you signals.

4. The sunk cost fallacy has already set in place, you're the victim and on the losing side! Even if you eventually marry her, she will do it out of pity because her attraction is at a minimal level, zero! You'll end up trying to please her for the sins she committed which she wants to experience again and of which you're making sacrifices for.

You will end up marrying yourself if you finally lock in with holy matrimony with her!

5. Best bet is to cut off the relationship! Sequester yourself from the sunk cost fallacy! I know it is painful, difficult and heartbreaking, but that is the best panacea that will help you long term!

6. Go outside and date other women, analyse, and scrutinize them thoroughly and anyone that suits your taste you commit to. However, you must also be aware that modern day marriage is a zero sum game; your only benefit is raising quality children who will propagate your genetic line! If this is not the case for you, you're simply shooting yourself because there is nothing in it for the man/husband!

Have a nice day!

Well op alot of guys said somethings up there which will joggle your heart but that's the truth. One thing you should never call bluff is your "gut feeling". Someone said she's scared. You see now, the ladies here will capitalize on the fact that you're jealous lover and twist it to suit the narrative that you can kill. So she's an angel right?? If after 5 years she's telling you this, my brother, you might want to think twice. "One thing i know for sure if woman like you, na she go dey bring up the marriage talk."

Thank you all fellow Nairalanders for your advice.

9ja girls are out to add more burden to your life instead of softening it.

In mosdii voice: They are all useless..... All of them!

Ocholu:
OP let me be real with you;

She's waiting for the sign of Jonah before she approves you.

Next time you guys meet in za other room, refuse the missionary style of coitus. Hit her real good from behind. Trust me bro, that's the sign she's looking for.

Na man u be

anuofGod:


Why is nobody talking about the part where he use offensive words on her.
You try to justify yourself by saying you didn't go physical on her.
You keep abusing her emotionally and mentally and you want her to see a sign of going into marriage with you.
God forbid it, a jealous lover can kill
Your emotional and mental abuse on her can lead to depression, low self esteem, and even suicide.
You want to marry a woman you don't respect?
Why do I feel you want to get married to her because she's a victim you're able to manipulate and bring to her knees easily.

#spits

See the angle wey u carry the matter go.
Na witch u be

Lemme laugh first ... Hehehe

This op has been scammed big time.

5 years?

I can only imagine the billing.

You have been used, re-used, and still, you don't want to read the handwriting on the wall.

The bitter truth is that you've been dating yourself.

If I should ever birth a male child, I'm shoving the red pill down his throat whether he like the taste or not.

Op, you lost. But at least, hope you got some pussy?

If not, you deserve to be stripped of both your brain and genitals.