cococandy:

I don’t subscribe to physical violence.
Ignoring is great but let to me, let him stay where he’s packed out to. I’ll be changing the locks. Ihukwa trouble

Hmm, you are just giving him reason to beat you to stupor. Ignore him and act like you don't find him attractive anymore

Lol... Baba werey ! He just wan use that manipulate you to begging him to come back home. Leave ham.. street go soon chase ham come back house, I promise.


Coming from a guy

Amazingbaby:
It is kind of surreal

My husband took his bag and left the house after an argument and have been gone for over a week now, trouble started when he came back and told me he wanted to hire a particular girl to work with him,this girl was working with his friend before he closed up.he told me his friend beg him to hire the girl.
Earlier in the week my husband told me he was going for a convention,I checked his phone and saw when this particular girl was asking him when he will be leaving the house at 7:44 in the morning,I didn't talk or made a fuss about it,so when he told me he wanted to employ this girl my suspicion grew,I asked him how does he want to pay her he told me the lady said she would work for free.
I started laughing,which girl on this island would want to work for free if you don't have anything to do with her.i started bombarding him with questions;
If the girl is your friend's employee how did she know about your business?My husband said he has not talked to the lady since last year but he never knew I saw the messages.

I told him to give me his phone only to see that he has been exchanging Whatsapp calls and phone calls with her.i got angry and was asking him questions he took his bag and left that night.

That was when I confronted him about the messages I saw the week before only for him to say he doesn't owe me any explanation.

I am deeply hurt that he would want to employ a person he has a secret relationship with and has the mind to tell me about it.he deletes any conversation he has with this lady,he hides his phone and would never pick a call in my presents.

Pls how do you think I should handle this,I told him the only way I would ever listen to him is if he tell me where he went with that lady on that Saturday. Calling her sounds desperate and I don't like fighting my fellow lady because of a man.your opinion pls

You'll not fight your fellow lady for a man if the said man ain't your husband, this is your husband we're talking about oo,not that I'm saying you should fight her, anyways, at this point...you need to be as calm as you can be, because strong head won't win this war, fight on your knees dear wifey. Your man wanna chill with the big girls.

Update

Thankyou all for your contribution

He is back to see the kids, he has been providing a d talking to his kids daily,I guess I am the only one he has a problem with

I will take a lot of advice into consideration,we have alot of intelligent people here.

I was just surprise that he would want to employ someone he have been having secret calls and meeting with and would be arrogant about it.

I Don't believe stories on nairaland again. They now look like twitter illusions.

Toks2008:


There is nothing like cheating here. Men don't cheat, they just want to be with another lady. Men are polygamous but they usually always come back to their wives but if the wife troubles him too much she may lose him forever.

Do you think women don't feel like being with another man? Some men are so full of themselves, if only they understand how many men beg married women to marry them.

It's the love and respect women have for the institution called marriage hence they don't cheat as most men do.

ibechris:
Madam u see this fight is worth every stress.

Every married woman should fight for what belongs to them. Because this kind of woman is ready to tear your home apart and can do any thing possible to destroy good families out there.

As far as u are not ready to fight the lady,it is very good u fight to get your husband back,because as it is,your husband is about crossing to the other side. And do not also forget,that some of these ladies usually charmed married men and after which u see such men behaving like mumu and spending their life savings on such a LovePeddler.

Continue the fight after all,if anything happens to him tomorrow,people will not speak well of u. Now is the time to get your husband and his senses to order.

Good luck to u.

Lol. I'm not in the mood for insults today so let's be civil.
Why should this woman 'fight' for her husband. Or better still if the roles were reversed will you be asking the man to 'fight' for his wife?

Is the husband a fool? Is he a kid? Why should it take a fight from his wife for him to see the grave damage he's dolling out to his family and children.

A man ups and leaves his matrimonial home and kids without explanation and all you patriacharl charlatants can say is for the victim to put in more effort to pacify the abuser.

Op, you're well within your rights to be suspicious of your husband and his new found apprentice, especially given the texts you've seen and his more than apparent gaslighting.
All that said, he can only do this to you and your kids because you gave him leverage to do so.

As someone before stated, its most likely you depend on this man for finance. He's not scared of what you will do because he knows you need him to survive. Really, most times this is the dynamic underlying most abusive relationships, overrelliance on one partner by the other, whether for emotional or financial support.

Do you want to continue letting this happen? Cos it's gonna keep happening whether you like it or not (and to your knowledge or not).

Don't be a slave to no man. Take charge of your life or this will be the beginning of unfanthomable disrespect that'll most likely usher you into the warm arms of depression.

In as much as I will never support any kind of infidelity and extra marital affairs and I'm deeply sorry for about what you're going through now.
OP I have a feeling that your story may not really be as truth as it is in reality. Many women knows what am about to say, you people like to manipulate men and the situations surrounding us to always make us look bad while you carry victim card around.
If your husband should say his own side of the story, it could be that you're one hell of a horrible woman.

Maybe you don't appreciate his efforts in everything he does, with kind words of THANKS and ENCOURAGEMENT.

Maybe you nag him from morning till night.

Maybe you don't clean up and dress smart.

Maybe you're very rude, mannerless and uncultured.

Maybe you're lazy and selfish in the bed, no style, no creativity and no adventures.

And your husband have looked very well and prefer to find peace in the arms of your opposite kind of woman and here you are writing epistle.

And also, maybe your husband is just as asshole who thinks with his d!ck.

Amazingbaby:
Update

Thankyou all for your contribution

He is back to see the kids, he has been providing a d talking to his kids daily,I guess I am the only one he has a problem with

I will take a lot of advice into consideration,we have alot of intelligent people here.

I was just surprise that he would want to employ someone he have been having secret calls and meeting with and would be arrogant about it.

Nice.
He still needs to answer your questions. His actions don’t make sense.

ibechris:
Madam u see this fight is worth every stress.

Every married woman should fight for what belongs to them. Because this kind of woman is ready to tear your home apart and can do any thing possible to destroy good families out there.

As far as u are not ready to fight the lady,it is very good u fight to get your husband back,because as it is,your husband is about crossing to the other side. And do not also forget,that some of these ladies usually charmed married men and after which u see such men behaving like mumu and spending their life savings on such a LovePeddler.

Continue the fight after all,if anything happens to him tomorrow,people will not speak well of u. Now is the time to get your husband and his senses to order.

Good luck to u.

The same way you'll fight for your wife if she runs off with a man, odi egwu

Are you single, married or divorced?

Kobojunkie:
She has her kids and her life to focus her attention on, which is what she ought to do In a situation such as this. I mean we are not here discussing a child running away from home but a ç7fff up man walking out of his own marriage. So why should the wife chase after him?

Toks2008:


You are still naive.

That a man chooses to be with another lady does not mean he does not want his wife anymore.

The guy left the house cos of the heat the wife is giving him not because he no longer wants her.

See, most marriages that collapsed nased on man's infidelity is the womans fault.

I dont know who is lieing to these ladies that a man must be with only them..

A man choosing to be with only his wife is a choice and not a yardstick to measure how responsible a man is.

A man can be fauthful to one woman and be totally irresponsible and a man can marry 3 women and can be the definition of a perfect guy.

Any woman who leaves her marriage because her husband has eyes for another lady is the most foolish woman in the entire universe.

If you like change men a thousand times, nah your under go suffer cos men will always be men.

Lol. Nawa for una for this country oh. If roles were reversed would you still be saying this.
I mean, how dense are you to rationalize cheating as normal behaviour cause its coming from a man.

If it were a woman now, y'all will be out with gargantuan pitchforks ready to slaughter the entire feminine gender.

Or you think women don't have the urge to cheat too? Your wife probably wants to fvck all her handsome bosses who have more money, are better looking and will probably fvck her better than you do.
She chooses to remain committed to you but you can't do the same cos 'its a man's nature.'

Lol, funny people. Women have higher urges and chances to practice infidelity compared to men. Through societal romanticization of chastity and responsibility, y'all managed to subjugate their urges, yet you don't want to be held to same standards.

What's even worse is the fact that you lot feel you can continue with this perpetual scam even as women are unravelling from your masochistic grasps. No worry, e go shock una

kowalsky:


Lol. I'm not in the mood for insults today so let's be civil.
Why should this woman 'fight' for her husband. Or better still if the roles were reversed will you be asking the man to 'fight' for his wife?

Is the husband a fool? Is he a kid? Why should it take a fight from his wife for him to see the grave damage he's dolling out to his family and children.

A man ups and leaves his matrimonial home and kids without explanation and all you patriacharl charlatants can say is for the victim to put in more effort to pacify the abuser.

Op, you're well within your rights to be suspicious of your husband and his new found apprentice, especially given the texts you've seen and his more than apparent gaslighting.
All that said, he can only do this to you and your kids because you gave him leverage to do so.

As someone before stated, its most likely you depend on this man for finance. He's not scared of what you will do because he knows you need him to survive. Really, most times this is the dynamic underlying most abusive relationships, overrelliance on one partner by the other, whether for emotional or financial support.

Do you want to continue letting this happen? Cos it's gonna keep happening whether you like it or not (and to your knowledge or not).

Don't be a slave to no man. Take charge of your life or this will be the beginning of unfanthomable disrespect that'll most likely usher you into the warm arms of depression.

Madam you are the only one that kind of hit closer to the truth.yo be truthful he is the only breadwinner,I can't seem to get a job at my present location,it is quite pitiful.
I have always suspected his arrogance stems from him being in charge of finance,I literally have to ask him for everything.

I have no one to complain to about it because everybody kind of rely on him to get one thing or the other,God forbid they make him angry by advicing him....lol.

Anyway regardless of finance I think I am still owed alot of explanations.

I am making alot of moves to be financially liberated,been taking alot of courses on tech.

Born2Breed:


You think women don't feel like being with another man? Some men are so full of themselves if you they know how many men beg married woman to marry them.

The love and respect women have for the institution called marriage they don't cheat like most men.

Babe i have written many times.

No body is stopping any lady from sleeping with another man outside her marriage.

Whether you are a man or woman, there is a consequence for every action we take and we must be prepared to face it.

Simple

kowalsky:


Lol. Nawa for una for this country oh. If roles were reversed would you still be saying this.
I mean, how dense are you to rationalize cheating as normal behaviour cause its coming from a man.

If it were a woman now, y'all will be out with gargantuan pitchforks ready to slaughter the entire feminine gender.

Or you think women don't have the urge to cheat too? Your wife probably wants to fvck all her handsome bosses who have more money, are better looking and will probably fvck her better than you do.
She chooses to remain committed to you but you can't do the same cos 'its a man's nature.'

Lol, funny people. Women have higher urges and chances to practice infidelity compared to men. Through societal romanticization of chastity and responsibility, y'all managed to subjugate their urges, yet you don't want to be held to same standards.

What's even worse is the fact that you lot feel you can continue with this perpetual scam even as women are unravelling from your masochistic grasps. No worry, e go shock una

I just addressed this point. Check my post above.

Toks2008:


How old are you?

Have you ever been married?

Cos this advise is very typical of a naive person no pun imtended.

Lol. What not intended pun are you alluding to. Or you're just trying to sound smart

Toks2008:


Babe polygamy is permitted by GOD just the same way he permitted divorce even when it was not in his original plan.

So you ladies should wake up from the white man's doctrine of one man one woman. That is one of the biggest scam in the world.

Monogamy is a choice.

And its a choice that goes both ways, gerrit?

Framed:
Spiritual hogwash. Kobo i thought you are a xtian you don't believe in prayers and fasting? I don't know how many marriages it has saved but when people say go spiritual it means go to babalawo or go to God

Oh, I believe in Jesus Christ, the same one who said your marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 - meaning there are no special rules that apply as far as your marriage relationships are concerned, so yes, it is spiritual hogwash to assert that one can use your typical churchian prayer and fasting templates to overcome problems in marriage.

The same Jesus Christ also taught us that that those who love Him are those who obey His commandments and teachings, not those who are fastidious when it comes to prayer and fasting(diet). In fact, God's actual commandment regarding fasting looks nothing like the diet plans most go on pretending he is pleased by such acts - Isaiah 58. So yes, it is spiritual hogwash where God is concerned.

As for those who head over to babalawos for answers to marriage issues, we both know how that always seems to end , don't we. The same way it does for the churchians who seek out similar spiritual answers from their pastors and mogs, all of them glorified babalawos.

Amazingbaby:


Madam you are the only one that kind of hit closer to the truth.yo be truthful he is the only breadwinner,I can't seem to get a job at my present location,it is quite pitiful.
I have always suspected his arrogance stems from him being in charge of finance,I literally have to ask him for everything.

I have no one to complain to about it because everybody kind of rely on him to get one thing or the other,God forbid they make him angry by advicing him....lol.

Anyway regardless of finance I think I am still owed alot of explanations.

I am making alot of moves to be financially liberated,been taking alot of courses on tech.

I'm a guy.

The sooner you address that financial liberation, the better for you

VULCAN:
Are you single, married or divorced?

or abandoned? What does it matter?

socialmediaman:
I’m sure you know your husband more than anyone else here, but was it just the text message “what time are you leaving the house” and phone calls that you have as evidence? Anything else that indicates they’re in a romantic relationship? I don’t doubt that he could be in a romantic relationship but the only thing so far he has lied about is his communication history with the lady. If he deleted messages, he could’ve as well deleted phone calls, so I was expecting you found something more.

I’ll say give him a chance to explain his suspicious activities. Wait for him to come back, and probe further on the issue, find out why he lied about his communication with the lady. If he lied about that, he could be lying about other things, that’s your premise for further investigations, but you don’t have hard core or circumstantial proof of an affair yet.

BTW it might be a good time to remind him that the thing he’s looking for outside is inside his house and he has everything to lose by breaking his marriage vow. Hopefully you guys find a way to fix things not working out, seems you guys are having unresolved issues

you just spoke my mind

Amazingbaby:
Update

Thankyou all for your contribution

He is back to see the kids, he has been providing a d talking to his kids daily,I guess I am the only one he has a problem with

I will take a lot of advice into consideration,we have alot of intelligent people here.

I was just surprise that he would want to employ someone he have been having secret calls and meeting with and would be arrogant about it.

Please make certain to find yourself a Job or businesss of your own and start putting your brain to use for the sake of your family and marriage. No one knows the future that is why you plan today for what may come..

SoapQueen:


You always make sense.

. Thanks

Simran94:


As in, I am surprised how the guys on this thread are saying the wife should pray and fight for her husband? When she’s actually the one hurting?

I wonder if these men would pray and fight for their wives if she is having an affair with another man

you know the advice would be totally different.

Mariangeles:


No ooo.
You know, the thing is, this place is a faceless forum and might seem harmless, but it could be dangerous for one’s mental health if one is not careful.
Stalkers and trolls are not even a joke.
So, I do what I have to for… even at the risk of being seen as “childish”, “dramatic”…

Possessive? I think I have that tendency.
But stab? Naaaaaah! I hate sharp objects.
I’m not even violent. Just kinda weird I think.

I understand you. The forum can make someone paranoid, but just be calming down you hear?

It is very unfortunate seeing how some NLs here have been condemning and judging the husband based on what OP said, when No one has even heard the husband side of the story.

There are 3 sides here- The husband, the wife and the truth.

Let us be wise here abeg.

I will continue to be correcting this your wrong beliefs anywhere you type it. You keep giving morally wrong teachings, even when you applied the teachings in your life and it failed you woefully. Your relationship teachings can never keep a relationship, talkless of marriage, believe me, it scatters it.

What you should teach is that men should not marry if they are not ready to be faithful. By the time they waste their years jumping from woman to woman, there would definitely come a time they would be ready to commit to a woman and be faithful. A good relationship counselor which you claim to be is supposed to teach what is correct/proper. You think anyone be it male or female does not have the trait to be polygamous in nature? Oga wake up from this delusion and clear your mind from the trash your illiterate African fore fathers fed you with. Your teachings provoke me.

Toks2008:


The day you ladies wake up from your deluded slumber is the day you lot will be liberated.

MEN DON'T CHEAT and only married ladles commit Adultery and ofcourse the man they sleep with but if a married man decides to be with a single lady, there is no single crime in that as long as he wants her as another wife and not just fvking her.

I wrote a thread concerning this recurring issue. Perhaps you should take a look at it.

https://www.nairaland.com/5492915/opinion-present-day-woman-misplaced-priority#83457096

Cc: Lalasticlala

Let him be for now.. When he comes back, remember to ask him to go for HIV and other std tests.

Sometimes men always like to get shit outta their system. He will soon come back to his senses, I hope it won't be too late by then.

Oh

Amazingbaby:


No never,I am no fuul.
I told him that he must explain why a girl he deny talking with ever was sending him a message on when he is leaving the house at that time of the morning,if he likes he should stay away for a year.

I’m disappointed with this your comment “if he likes he should stay away for a year”. So why bring the issue if you ain’t bothered? Abeg park your load and leave the marriage then since you are not ready to redeem your home.

LilMissFavvy:
I will continue to be correcting this your wrong beliefs anywhere you type it. You keep giving morally wrong teachings, even when you applied the teachings in your life and it failed you woefully. Your relationship teachings can never keep a relationship, talkless of marriage, believe me, it scatters it.

What you should teach is that men should not marry if they are not ready to be faithful. By the time they waste their years jumping from woman to woman, there would definitely come a time they would be ready to commit to a woman and be faithful. A good relationship counselor which you claim to be is supposed to teach what is correct/proper. You think anyone be it male or female does not have the trait to be polygamous in nature? Oga wake up from this delusion and clear your mind from the trash your illiterate African fore fathers fed you with. Your teachings provoke me.

I dont blame you.

I blame those pastors lying to you ladies cos they dont want to lose their female members or is it the clueless relationship experts dishing out unrealistic advice.

Babe cry me a river if you like and mind you, i care less what you think about me.

You either accept this truth or continue to live a lie.

Marriage is not by force. Any lady who is not ready for the possibility of sharing her husband with another woman should remain single.

It is just that simple.

Saintmary:



A hurt woman will tell how sad she is, not about fighting.

If indeed she is a woman in this situation, she should just face front.




Omo, who wants to get stuck with someone like this.

Honestly you're brilliant. And I like you because of that. Respect!!!