Hi Nairalanders,
I don't know why guys are scared of getting into serious relationships. They won't want to quit the relationship, yet they would not want to be serious with it. I have a boyfriend that stays in Surulere while i stay on the Island. I used to live in a hostel in surulere where he visits me earlier on. Now that i have left the hostel and at home he does not come again, just phone calls and text messages. We have been dating since December and he has never bee to my house to say hi to me or my family. i usually go to his place once in a while ie when his folks are not even around. i challenge him everytime concerning this issue but he justs begs me and explains that he is too young (at 28 o) for marriage. i don't know what else to do o, yet i don't want to lose him because i love him. i cannot double date, else i would not be bothered if someone else is treating me well.
my people please what should i do.

Because they want to be discern'ful'

@Mc Doe
pls what does dat mean? pls i really need answers cos i am very confused

@McDoe

Discernful of what ,  una stupidity?

My ex is still parambulating (even he knows that i am rare to find) but u no what,  I dont have time for idiots. Its comforting to know that there are guys out there that are not afraid of commitment when they know they have met the one.

hey,
your thread confirms your fears about the guy,in as much as u take in seriously to this guy,his intentions,feelings and commitment are not just reciprocal.Try keep your acts together and stay clear before u get deeply hurt.
you could add me up to your messenger and perhaps we talk more about it.

VictoriaO:

@Mc Doe
please what does that mean? please i really need answers because i am very confused

It is simply being watchful!

at 28 if he still lives with his parents then hun he will never be ready for marriage, i'll advice you to move on because you are wasting ur time and letting him use you, love or no love the guy is not grown up.

Why are most women so insecure about life that getting attached (marriage) to man is a goal that must be accomplished to make them whole?

Most men want to get married (I don't), but there are more important practical factors, such as wealth, which every right thinking man with ambition, considers before jumping into the inconvenient reality of marriage. Marriage without guaranteed comfort is doomed. F*ck love. It's transient. Respect endures but comfort breeds respect.

@poster

Why are you so focused on marriage ? Can't you just enjoy the relationship without bringing committments and responsibilities into it ?
Not every man wants to get married now or carry the so-called responsibilities.
Just enjoy yourself but if all you want is marriage then I advise you to look for somebody who is also looking to get married and leave this guy alone.

By the way, sisters should stop making marriage look like the sole goal and purpose of their existence. Learn to enjoy your friendship and relationships without focusing on marriage, it scares guys away.

And talking about responsibilities, who says a guy has to carry some responsibilities simply because he is dating a girl.
Girls, learn to bear your own burdens and stop leaning on a man for fulfilment or assistance in life

The loves you, am sure of that.

But there might be things that he has to put in place before settling down. To go into a serious relationship, one has to be financially stable unless your girl would take you for granted. So please don’t misunderstand him.
If he says he’s too young like you mentioned, it might be an idiomatic expression he is using to say he isn’t ready yet.
Just give him time as he says maybe as time goes on, things would get well.

Good luck.

@ funloving

why shouldn't women think about marriage? unlike men, women's clock are ticking as they age, the older they get, the harder it is for them to find someone that will interested in them. So therefore it makes absolute sense that a woman will want a man that is responsible and be sure of that while she is young.

Now for the ladies, all men are not created equal. Some guys are just in a relationship for fun others are looking for something stable. I think the mistake that women make is that they think that they can change a man. this is sooooo not true. If a man says he is not ready, then he is not ready, its up to the lady to stick with the man and assume that he will eventually be ready, or u pack your things and look for another one. Now there is a difference when what is holding the man is financial reason. If the man is truly honest then he should say that money is the reason why he is not ready. Ladies, abeg, never force a man into marriage, I have seen many marriage fail because the woman wants it and the man doesn't but decide to go on with the marriage. I know this is not as easy as it sound, but you have to look at the relationship and decide if it is worth staying in it.

Men are scared, cos once the man has commited, it seems like he has signed his death and bebt warrant, if the sistas could be a lil gentle on da brodas, we will commit more, a man commit today and the next day, you start talking about the wedding dress, men are like cats, the more you rub their head(s), the more they will willingl commit to you

To get to my point: If he is mature enough, he'll be serious.

@ima1
Girl u are on it!!!!

@ Rhino
if it feels like signing death warrant then they are not in the right relationship.

@BlackMamba
Marriage should not be a convenient reality. It is more beautiful and awesome than you can eva think of. It can be a fatal mistake as well as glorious journey between you and your partner. Money is not everything. (then again u're entitled to you opinions and your priorities)

@funloving
I see from your name what you are exactly, I would like to know how old you are tho. There is a certain age you get to that requires one to be more focused on what they want. You don't have to dwell on it, but it should be what shapes your relationship up for the future. The main reason most people hook up is becos they are looking for a compatible partner. (even if you disagree with me its tru!)

@crazykid
thanks i appreciate. i jusy hope that giving him time won't make me end up losing him to another girl.

@funloving
i am not focused on marriage like you think, i did not even mention it, it was his excuse.
what is a relationship or why is one in it if there is no commitment?
even if marriage is left out, if you are in a relationship you should be serious and commited to it except if you are in it for another reason.
a girl does not need to put burdens on a guy, i don't. but the guy should once in a while buy the girl stuffs to make her happy.
i would like to know your age, asides from that why would marriage scare a guy away.

@ima1
thanks, he stays with his sister and her husband. thats why he does not like me visiting. so you think i should just move on like that? could there be anoda reason for a kind of behaviour like that?

@hailtopsy
thanks man, i will try to do that. my fear is not to get hurt in the end as i don't double date and would be so hurt if despite all my patience he gives a filmsy excuse for break up, you know what you men are like.

VictoriaO:

@crazykid
thanks i appreciate. i jusy hope that giving him time won't make me end up losing him to another girl.

If he truly loves you, then he won't leave you for another girl.
Just keep your eyes open, I know that most guys can't be trusted. I know it's a bit difficult for you, but you have to excerise a little patience and am sure things would work out ok?

i for one have to be wary

because this woman woud be watching my back for the rest of my life as i would her



shit aint easy ,

you wont understand!!, only guys do, even if you got the full explaination, u wont get it!!, it aint easy, at alll at all!!

Another reason is cos since the day God created women, he is yet to rest, and men likes to rest

not that men r afraid of commitment, they rather do not like being comited before they r ready for commitment, u dd not tell us if this guy, though 28 has a job, beside from ur story he still leaving with his parent( people, whatever), so its obvious he is not ready yet, so i dont think is afraid of commitment, rather i put it to you that u r the one who is desprate ! men do not like desprate ladies


besides it cld be that he was dating u then cos of the proximity (always avaliable) now that u ve moved to island u r no longer readly avaliable so ur tenency has expired and he is trying to let u see that but bc ur in love ur blind

Men ain't scared of commitments or responsibilities, they just like to keep their options open when it comes to women.

hello girlfriend,
See i will not lie to you, some girls don't deserve committment and responsibility, why? I just got heartbroken by a girl that i went out with for two years, and the funnest thing about this is that i have introduced her all who are close to me, and her parents also approve of me, but since she went to sokoto for her service year, she just change and the next thing is that she is no interested in the relationship. so not that guys don't want to be serious or committed is just that girls of nowadays don't deserve it, i am even wiser now and in fact, it will take a girl that is patient to understand that, not that i can't love again, but not a kind of fast track to introduce her to my parents. takia

Ima1:

at 28 if he still lives with his parents then hun he will never be ready for marriage, i'll advice you to move on because you are wasting your time and letting him use you, love or no love the guy is not grown up.

Dirty Talk, dirty Advise.

@aik.mamah
he is working at a very good organisation. so to you, proximity determines a relationship?
is that supposed to be so?

VictoriaO:

@aik.mamah
he is working at a very good organisation. so to you, proximity determines a relationship?
is that supposed to be so?

a lot of things determines r/ship, mind you, two people do not have to be in love in order  to be into a r/ship. what of those who go into contract marrage, don't they have a r/ship? well i understand where you're coming from though. when i talked about proximity, i was telling u that it was bc u were readly avilable thats y he chose to in a r/ship with u, now that you're no more close, so to him its over, that simply means that he never loved u, if not distance ought not be a barrier

bottom line: move on with your life, he only needed u he never loved you (it will be difficult  for you to accept but thats the truth) if not , he would be visting

@poster who told you we are Scared Of Commitment & Responsibilities. let me tell you why we dont Commitment our self or spend more into relationship.

1) We dont want to cook food and we not eat from it
2) Ladies are not worth spending for:
3) Ladies are like driving a car with no brake only God no were it will lead you to

Alot to say about ladies but finally we must get marry one day because of our beautiful kids. hahahahahahahahhahaha.

@fine boy.
why did you say that you will marry. u for no marry now and say that all women are not good. if you shine your eyes and pray well you will eat the food that you cooked.

@all
thanks you all for your various contributions o. i have decided to let go. i stopped reponding to him, picking his calls and stopped all communications.
i came accross an old friend that has been disturbing me and i decided to be a closer friend to him just to ease off my mind(not that i want to date him which he - the old friend- is aware of)
now my boyfriend is begging me, has been to my house 3ce this week and explaining that its work that has really been the problem. he is promising me now that he would adjust his own schedules for me, that he wants to be serious with this aspect of his life.
please what should i do. now that i am almost able to get myself together again, i dnt wnt to fall back in the same heartbreak.
fellow nairalanders, should i give him a try again?

Olarewaju why such a post na?

3

VictoriaO:

@fine boy.
why did you say that you will marry. u for no marry now and say that all women are not good. if you shine your eyes and pray well you will eat the food that you cooked.

@all
thanks you all for your various contributions o. i have decided to let go. i stopped reponding to him, picking his calls and stopped all communications.
i came accross an old friend that has been disturbing me and i decided to be a closer friend to him just to ease off my mind(not that i want to date him which he - the old friend- is aware of)
now my boyfriend is begging me, has been to my house 3ce this week and explaining that its work that has really been the problem. he is promising me now that he would adjust his own schedules for me, that he wants to be serious with this aspect of his life.
please what should i do. now that i am almost able to get myself together again, i dnt wnt to fall back in the same heartbreak.
fellow Nairaland users, should i give him a try again?

3x in one week, one will nerver know the value of what one has till one looses it
anyway sha, if the feeling is still there, and i guess it still is give him a scond chance. of course you the story of the devil u know and the angel u dont know, in all sha, follow ur heart

Ok