Hi guys,
I won't take much of your time. I have a very delicate matter in my hands and I need diverse opinions please.

Background
I don't live in Nigeria but me and my wife both have a very comfortable 4 bedroom duplex in Nigeria. We have a one year old baby. I have been in Nigeria for 5 months now and I will be returning to UK in a few weeks.

Ever since I've been in Nigeria, my cousin (mid 30s) has been with us. Quite frankly, it is not very easy for him at the moment and i do care about him as a brother. He is in the process of processing his visa, so its not as if he is loafing about.

The plan is that both me and my wife will be taking turns in visiting each other for the next 2 or so years until I return fully to Nigeria.

The problem
The problem is that I do not feel comfortable leaving just him and my wife under thesame roof whilst I return and he is not showing any signs of leaving when I return to my base.

So, this is my situation and I don't know if I am being insensitive.

I married a very good wife and under most circumstances, I trust her. I am just not comfortable leaving my wife with any man atall under thesame roof.

I need your opinions pls.

Bros, you can’t eat your cake and have it ooh. Your cousin is at a matured age with similar hormones. Same as with your wife.

Women will likely have a feeling with someone who “has always been there for them”. Cousin could be helping with a few things around the house and what stops him from helping in za oza areaz ?

To avoid stories that touch the heart, you and your wife should reach a middle ground and come up with a permanent solution. One person has to relocate and join the other ooh.

Tell him to look for a room selfcontain apartment around the neighbourhood and pay for it to have rest of mind... That way he can constantly check on your wife and assist her if need be

I don't think a room self con should be more than 250k depending on your neighbourhood ,£300 charity for your brother isn't too much especially considering his usefulness staying near by and to secure your home


Infidelity with a stranger or an ex is quite forgivable, but with your own blood and family , that would ruin your entire family and make your innocent children suffer from broken marriage and it's vices

According to Marslows hierarchy of needs regardless of who you think you are or your discipline level and self control... Your urge and needs sometimes are involuntary

Your wife needs Food, Sleep, Sex, Intimacy, Companion , security and no matter how disciplined she is she would seek it with someone close to her especially when they are cohabitating



.

If you have 250k, maybe u can sacrifice it for your peace of mind...Give it to him to look for an accommodation.. he will understand...I believe it was financial issues that made it seem like he was not showing signs of going away... Give him that money and see how his spirit will revive....Please remember, do not give out of compulsion.... U do not owe him money... just a suggestion.

If he's sensible you don't need to ask him to leave. There's no way you can leave him behind to be a live-in relative with your young family. I'd rather suggest your wife's sibling possibly a boy should take that position.You can help him financially to move out and find a place. If he stays around in your absence, problems would arise mark my words. There's no way it would end well.

thisnaijaguy:
Bros, you can’t eat your cake and have it ooh. Your cousin is at a matured age with similar hormones. Same as with your wife.

Women will likely have a feeling with someone who “has always been there for them”. Cousin could be helping with a few things around the house and what stops him from helping in za oza areaz ?

To avoid stories that touch the heart, you and your wife should reach a middle ground and come up with a permanent solution. One person has to relocate and join the other ooh.

Thabks for your advise buddy. We are working towards that. I dint really want to raise my kids abroad, so I will be relocating finally within the next 3 years.

In between, we get ro spen 8 months together every year.

Richy4:
If you have 250k, maybe u can sacrifice it for your peace of mind...Give it to him to look for an accommodation.. he will understand...I believe it was financial issues that made it seem like he was not showing signs of going away... Give him that money and see how his spirit will revive....Please remember, do not give out of compulsion.... U do not owe him money... just a suggestion.

This is another idea that I have never really thought about. Thabks for that advise, I will explore it further.

Thanks guys for all your advices.. It is really worrying because I am trying not to sound insensitive to my brother but at thesame time, it is common sense that someone's wife should not be living under thesame roof alone with a full grown man.

cj1900:


This is another idea that I have never really thought about. Thanks for that advise, I will explore it further.

You are welcome buddy

cj1900:
Thanks guys for all your advices.. It is really worrying because I am trying not to sound insensitive to my brother but at thesame time, it is common sense that someone's wife should not be living under thesame roof alone with a full grown man.

So make a solution from all the advices given to u cos the best advice is the one u give yourself.

GOODLUCK

You can help him get a room self con...at a very far place to your home for your wife privacy and to avoid story that can bomb one's heart....you think right bro..it's common sense.

Discuss your travel plans with him and wait for his response. Failure to get a response from him regarding his accommodation plan in 24 hours is enough reason to eject him from your house. A sensitive person should know what to do, especially one that is close to 40.

Den go nackana ur wife wetin fit sweet pass ur own

cj1900:
Hi guys,
I won't take much of your time. I have a very delicate matter in my hands and I need diverse opinions please.

Background
I don't live in Nigeria but me and my wife both have a very comfortable 4 bedroom duplex in Nigeria. We have a one year old baby. I have been in Nigeria for 5 months now and I will be returning to UK in a few weeks.

Ever since I've been in Nigeria, my cousin (mid 30s) has been with us. Quite frankly, it is not very easy for him at the moment and i do care about him as a brother. He is in the process of processing his visa, so its not as if he is loafing about.

The plan is that both me and my wife will be taking turns in visiting each other for the next 2 or so years until I return fully to Nigeria.

The problem
The problem is that I do not feel comfortable leaving just him and my wife under thesame roof whilst I return and he is not showing any signs of leaving when I return to my base.

So, this is my situation and I don't know if I am being insensitive.

I married a very good wife and under most circumstances, I trust her. I am just not comfortable leaving my wife with any man atall under thesame roof.

I need your opinions pls.

Your wife is the issue here not your cousin

If your wife is decent and you trust her with your last breath, you don't need to panic

If she wants to sleep with another man, she will do so even while you are leaving in Nigeria

So even if you get a room self contain for your cousin to pack out, they will meet when they want to meet

So, just talk to your wife by advising her and that's all

Who go cheat go cheat

frozen70:



Your wife is the issue here not your cousin

If your wife is decent and you trust her with your last breath, you don't need to panic

If she wants to sleep with another man, she will do so even while you are leaving in Nigeria

So even if you get a room self contain for your cousin to pack out, they will meet when they want to meet

So, just talk to your wife by advising her and that's all

Who go cheat go cheat

Don't bait the rat with azu fridge.

cj1900:
Hi guys,
I won't take much of your time. I have a very delicate matter in my hands and I need diverse opinions please.

Background
I don't live in Nigeria but me and my wife both have a very comfortable 4 bedroom duplex in Nigeria. We have a one year old baby. I have been in Nigeria for 5 months now and I will be returning to UK in a few weeks.

Ever since I've been in Nigeria, my cousin (mid 30s) has been with us. Quite frankly, it is not very easy for him at the moment and i do care about him as a brother. He is in the process of processing his visa, so its not as if he is loafing about.

The plan is that both me and my wife will be taking turns in visiting each other for the next 2 or so years until I return fully to Nigeria.

The problem
The problem is that I do not feel comfortable leaving just him and my wife under thesame roof whilst I return and he is not showing any signs of leaving when I return to my base.

So, this is my situation and I don't know if I am being insensitive.

I married a very good wife and under most circumstances, I trust her. I am just not comfortable leaving my wife with any man atall under thesame roof.

I need your opinions pls.

Trust her? Yet still doubting her staying with ur own cousin not friends or outsiders oo.

If you cannot trust ur family around ur legal wife how much more outsiders and exes.

I think you should be more concerned about her exes who may likely play rebound ball after several years of separation.

Everyone said my mind, rent him a house and replace him with any of your wife siblings...

cj1900:
Hi guys,
I won't take much of your time. I have a very delicate matter in my hands and I need diverse opinions please.

Background
I don't live in Nigeria but me and my wife both have a very comfortable 4 bedroom duplex in Nigeria. We have a one year old baby. I have been in Nigeria for 5 months now and I will be returning to UK in a few weeks.

Ever since I've been in Nigeria, my cousin (mid 30s) has been with us. Quite frankly, it is not very easy for him at the moment and i do care about him as a brother. He is in the process of processing his visa, so its not as if he is loafing about.

The plan is that both me and my wife will be taking turns in visiting each other for the next 2 or so years until I return fully to Nigeria.

The problem
The problem is that I do not feel comfortable leaving just him and my wife under thesame roof whilst I return and he is not showing any signs of leaving when I return to my base.

So, this is my situation and I don't know if I am being insensitive.

I married a very good wife and under most circumstances, I trust her. I am just not comfortable leaving my wife with any man atall under thesame roof.

I need your opinions pls.

Get an apartment for your cousin, if your wife needs his assistant, he can come around and leave when he's done. You can get your wife a house help or she can bring her siblings in for support

cj1900:
Hi guys,
I won't take much of your time. I have a very delicate matter in my hands and I need diverse opinions please.

Background
I don't live in Nigeria but me and my wife both have a very comfortable 4 bedroom duplex in Nigeria. We have a one year old baby. I have been in Nigeria for 5 months now and I will be returning to UK in a few weeks.

Ever since I've been in Nigeria, my cousin (mid 30s) has been with us. Quite frankly, it is not very easy for him at the moment and i do care about him as a brother. He is in the process of processing his visa, so its not as if he is loafing about.

The plan is that both me and my wife will be taking turns in visiting each other for the next 2 or so years until I return fully to Nigeria.

The problem
The problem is that I do not feel comfortable leaving just him and my wife under thesame roof whilst I return and he is not showing any signs of leaving when I return to my base.

So, this is my situation and I don't know if I am being insensitive.

I married a very good wife and under most circumstances, I trust her. I am just not comfortable leaving my wife with any man atall under thesame roof.

I need your opinions pls.

Well, there is no remedy to cheating. Sending your cousin out of the house, still won't restrict your wife from cheating assuming she is a cheat. Sending him away is a breach of trust and insecurity from you end. You have mentioned that you trust her to an extent, give her that benefit of doubt. It is certain your cousin isn't comfortable staying under your roof. No man in such age, will be happy either. Discuss with your wife your fears, and get assurance of her love and loyalty.

Alternatively, get an additional domestic staff or her relative to stay around as well. Every house needs a man to protect it. And whilst, you are away - your cousin will definitely protect your wife.

OreoPaschal:


Well, there is no remedy to cheating. Sending your cousin out of the house, still won't restrict your wife from cheating assuming she is a cheat. Sending him away is a breach of trust and insecurity from you end. You have mentioned that you trust her to an extent, give her that benefit of doubt. It is certain your cousin isn't comfortable staying under your roof. No man in such age, will be happy either. Discuss with your wife your fears, and get assurance of her love and loyalty.

Alternatively, get an additional domestic staff or her relative to stay around as well. Every house needs a man to protect it. And whilst, you are away - your cousin will definitely protect your wife.

OP....
Take this advice...
Rather than send your cousin away, bring in *her* relative or a domestic staff...

Do not let your cousin stay in that house, I repeat do not. For the sake of your marriage and extended family, do not.

Wahala

It depends if pussy dey always scratch am. If she get scratchy pussy, employ your nephew in a POS stand 15Kms away from home at least for a start. Let him stay away from the house till when you’re back in the evening.

As you dey travel go back, make him leave your house go find his own place till his visa get ready.

There is love in sharing. Allow your cousin share with you na

The heading is funny though.

cj1900:
Thanks guys for all your advices.. It is really worrying because I am trying not to sound insensitive to my brother but at thesame time, it is common sense that someone's wife should not be living under thesame roof alone with a full grown man.

But yes, you are right, with this point

This your mind .... common na

Ty
To be sincere, since you will not be around if your wife wants to cheat with your cousin she will still cheat even if your cousin lives in another place.
Though it is better your wife stays alone staying under same house with your cousin will act as a catalyst is there will be any body reaction.

To leave your wife with even your adult brother in a house for just a weeks is one of the most stupid thing any man can do talk more of leaving your cousin with your wife for an unknown period of time.

listen oga. tell your cousin you will soon be traveling back therefore he has to make alternative arrangement for his accommodation before your due date of your trip! period!

Must you even tell him before he knows he has to make an alternative arrangement? what kind of a moronic cousin is that?

tell him you will assist him with 100k for his alternative accommodation.

A MAN THAT IS NOT BOLD ENOUGH TO PROTECT HIS FAMILY DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE CALLED A MAN.

DON'T BE A SISI!

cj1900:
Hi guys,
I won't take much of your time. I have a very delicate matter in my hands and I need diverse opinions please.

Background
I don't live in Nigeria but me and my wife both have a very comfortable 4 bedroom duplex in Nigeria. We have a one year old baby. I have been in Nigeria for 5 months now and I will be returning to UK in a few weeks.

Ever since I've been in Nigeria, my cousin (mid 30s) has been with us. Quite frankly, it is not very easy for him at the moment and i do care about him as a brother. He is in the process of processing his visa, so its not as if he is loafing about.

The plan is that both me and my wife will be taking turns in visiting each other for the next 2 or so years until I return fully to Nigeria.

The problem
The problem is that I do not feel comfortable leaving just him and my wife under thesame roof whilst I return and he is not showing any signs of leaving when I return to my base.

So, this is my situation and I don't know if I am being insensitive.

I married a very good wife and under most circumstances, I trust her. I am just not comfortable leaving my wife with any man atall under thesame roof.

I need your opinions pls.

Your wife is the best person to ask, there are pros and cons to the situation. He may be providing security. He should also have his place, help him get one than ask him to leave. 120-300k can get an apartment. Is it what you can afford?

Na wao! This means you don’t trust your wife at all. In other words, since you harbor such thoughts, you can’t be trusted with your wife’s female cousins.