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Not The Marriage I Had In Mind - Family (10) - Nairaland

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I Love My Wife & My Kid, But I Want To Leave The Marriage. Help! / The Marriage List Given To A Man In Akwa Ibom State / 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Wizmj4real(m): 8:54pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .


God loves u both,just commit him to his creator and make sure you're at peace with God definitely God will transform him believe
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by musiliyukayode(m): 9:15pm On May 22, 2022
What is his background like? Charity begins at home.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by legionISproteus: 9:16pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .
Only your husband can free himself from poverty. It is good you have an amicable relationship with your in-laws so they will always support. Keep speaking against his alcohol habit, he will come out of it.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Awise09(m): 9:16pm On May 22, 2022
There is notting God cannot do, its only God madam try search for mercy TV on YouTube for you to make your next steps. That's only my advise now
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Nobody: 9:26pm On May 22, 2022
That drink is giving him some strange imagine if anybody come fight with your husband he can win the fight, because that alcohol will blow his medulla of ablongata, but you as a wife becareful on what you are doing, just claim down latter he will stop,
even me i drink 8bottles nothing wrongs with me but am still pretain like a good man
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Ofadaman(m): 10:41pm On May 22, 2022
A grown man is very hard to change, it often requires a serious life experience to change them. You should leave if he's not showing any commitment to change
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by ibinaboonline: 10:59pm On May 22, 2022
I’ve seen something similar and it made me think, “what in God’s name is going on?” Man has a beautiful family, works hard, leaves the house before it’s 8 am, lives peacefully with everyone, but drinks alcohol like a fish. I wonder if his drinking is a result of private battles or what? I once saw him returning home having peed on himself, barely walking a straight line, and completely shit-faced. I was really pained.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Blastedholligan: 12:02am On May 23, 2022
This is sad . If you don't know how to get side hustle for yourself, why not try crypto trading? Start with Yellow card cos it's beginners friendly.

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Breezy90(m): 12:20am On May 23, 2022
If you really understand how addiction works, then you will need to know that he can’t control his actions ,as the brain centers have completely been hijacked by alcohol.I would implore you to check him into a rehab center. He could be placed on a drug known as dilsufiram( he loses the urge to drink when he is placed on this medication as he get symptoms of hangover whenever he ingests alcohol).

2 Likes

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by LINSAR: 12:27am On May 23, 2022
Kobojunkie:
Stop lying to yourself! undecided


Your advices are usually not commonly applicable in Nigeria.

You mean you don't know what commonly means again?
I was wrong.You sound like someone from the village.

1 Like

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Vicfacebadoo: 12:35am On May 23, 2022
If he is drunk again, carry him go mortuary make he sleep one night, plan this with the mortuary attendance, by the time he wakes up in the midst of deadbody is eye go clear, o heard a story like this and the woman said her husband did not drink again till date
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Nobody: 1:09am On May 23, 2022
Augustwife:
thank you. I have sent a dm
Ok! Yeah!
For Safety Reasons!
I will advice you take him straight to a psychiatrist.
...a MEDICATION will be prescribed 4 him to take.
This he shall drink with the ALCOHOL.... and that medication works like magic.
It will swiftly make him to dislike Alcohol!

I wouldn't want to put up the name of the medication here for safety & ethical reasons.
However, it's not a dangerous medication.
It's a medication you already KNOW.
50% of Nigerians know this medication but they do not know such can handle Alcohol Addiction effectively.

We also have some for TOBACCO abuse!.
Most times we don't take Mental Health serious in Nigeria, hence the reason for all these!.
I am open for questions!
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by GloriousGbola: 2:16am On May 23, 2022
Iretii0511:




So do you now see that even our poor health could be cause by choices we made? There are lots of sicknesses that's caused by the decisions we made or the lifestyle we live/used to live.

Meanwhile, at one point or the other, we make poor life choices, the consequences of which varies and in different degrees. Should we now throw the child away with the bath water? One of the essence of relationships/marriage is to help each other overcome some of the consequences of our yesteryears poor choices. It's hard, but if we claim to love a person, it's not too much to stick around and help them overcome their problems.

Do you honestly think if she leaves him instead of helping him overcome it by all means, the next person she gets involved with will be better? Or the next person won't have an issue that may even be worse than alcoholism?

We have high functioning addicts, who are able to earn a living in spite of their addiction. I remember reading that Stephen King was such a person. And we have low function alcoholics who literally destroy the lives of everyone around them. Read Angela's ashes. The op will grow old and frustrated.

Addiction at this level means you are literally stealing to support it. Any money that comes in, straight to the beer parlour. So you can't even plan anything. I read about Irish wives literally camping outside pubs on Friday to way lay their husbands before the weeks wages were blown.

That's how bad it is.

1 Like

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by nobleagu: 4:58am On May 23, 2022
Only Jesus can fix this situation, nothing else. This is just the truth & once he comes in, everything is changed for good. I tell you from experience.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Iretii0511(m): 5:18am On May 23, 2022
GloriousGbola:


We have high functioning addicts, who are able to earn a living in spite of their addiction. I remember reading that Stephen King was such a person. And we have low function alcoholics who literally destroy the lives of everyone around them. Read Angela's ashes. The op will grow old and frustrated.

Addiction at this level means you are literally stealing to support it. Any money that comes in, straight to the beer parlour. So you can't even plan anything. I read about Irish wives literally camping outside pubs on Friday to way lay their husbands before the weeks wages were blown.

That's how bad it is.


Well, I still feel the husband can be salvage. There is something deep down him that regrets his actions and it means he’s ready to be saved. I just hope for the best for OP and her family.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by SavageResponse(m): 5:33am On May 23, 2022
Prevailing:
Continue the prayer and fasting, God will see you through

What she needs is a practical advise whose time line can be determined
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by JesusDWay(m): 5:56am On May 23, 2022
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

This may sound harsh or undesirable but, you and his people may have to take some drastic actions. First, talk to him to know if he's willing to leave the alcohol addiction, if he his then tell him there's a need for him to weaned of it which will involve some form of quarantine. When he's locked up in a place and has no access to the alcohol, you let him have something else instead, he will gradually start to withdraw until the power of the addiction over him breaks. He will need to be motivated by him knowing it's for his own good and so he doesn't lose the life he has built plus losing the love of his his life.

2 Likes

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by SaintAY(m): 6:12am On May 23, 2022
Fool!! don't listen to this fool who thins the first option is a divorce, marriages do have problems, I hope you things get sorted out and you guys come back stronger. Keep Praying while taking necessary action.


FERNANDEZISBACK:
You better file a divorce for your sanity..if he's hell bent then dish him in the waste bin before he ruin your life completely..
Do that asap and stop managing yourself cos of some nonsense love you have for him..that guy is gonna wreck you and your future with his addiction.
You are better off single than being with a futureles boozer...

Modified:those saying for better for worse nonsense ain't good... It’s better to divorce after one year of a failed marriage than to hang in miserable for years..
Marriage is not an act of charity...If you're done then you're done..
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by qtguru(m): 7:09am On May 23, 2022
This man is going to drink himself to death, cry
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by rainlover(m): 7:10am On May 23, 2022
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

Do this and thank me later.
Lock him up in a room without food. Leave enough water for him. After 6 days, release him.

This is the solution. Doctors know this but wouldn't recommend it so that you'll keep patronizing them.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Chuksemi(m): 7:21am On May 23, 2022
Augustwife:
On several occasions I have asked maybe it's something I am doing wrong or not doing at all but he keeps saying it's not me it is him. God knows I have tried my best to be a good partner/wife. I have no other excuse to leave aside from his addiction. Won't it be that I am leaving him because of a problem.
For the first time in 5 years I spoke to my mom about this(I didn't want any member of my family to know so they won't loose respect for him as I was really hopeful he would change), But i can't talk to her about it again, she would only ask me to pray that's why I am here on nairaland. I just want to hear other people's opinion and make the best decision especially for my children


Good morning Mrs August. From what you have said so far, I do not think your “marriage” has a problem. Rather your husband does, addiction. Addiction to alcohol is a very difficult thing to fight, it is not easy for anyone to fight any addiction. A lot of people spend years trying to get rid of alcohol addiction but it’s largely unsuccessful. You can decide to leave him because of his addiction problems, but the essence of marriage is to stick to your partner especially in times like this. Addiction is an illness and should be treated as such, he can’t control himself, he doesn’t drink because he “wants” to. He drinks because he must and if he doesn’t his body system goes haywire.


What you need is a solution to his problem and the ones you have tried so far has been unproductive. I advise both of you do an extensive research on alcohol addiction and best methods to fight it. Meet professional psychological doctors, try home therapy too. So many times he will try and fail, you are his support system and should be there to cheer him on to win the fight. He also needs to belong to a group or community of people trying to fight alcohol addiction, if you can find one. Overseas, they have what is called AA meetings for those addicted to alcohol and trying to fight it. If he can find something like that here it will help a lot, so he can know he is not alone in the fight.

People make mistakes and get addicted to substances that ruin their lives. You’re his last hope, leaving him right now will only make things worse and make it more difficult for him to break his addiction.


Like I said, addiction isn’t easy to fight, you may not understand him because you are not in his shoes. But right now, if he is willing to stop, he needs love, support and care. He won’t get it right on the first try, or even the 10th one, but you guys have to keep trying together till he is able to overcome it.

And yes one more tip, it’s difficult or stop addiction at once. It has to be gradual. Try first by reducing his alcohol intake little by little. If he takes 10 bottles a day, start by making it 9 per day.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by plaintrader: 9:09am On May 23, 2022
kazyhm:


Did you called me boy ?

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by yommyoke: 11:09am On May 23, 2022
kazyhm:


It is not common that a man advice other men to divorce/breakup with their wives/galfriend over trivial issues...... especially when her good side outweigh the bad sides.....

Do your survey..... husband/boyfriend on average help the person they love out of severe situations than this....men spend fortune to educates, elevate, care and cure terminal diseases/ailments of their wives/galfriend and it won't even ever become a topic.

Did you just say trivial issue?
This matter above isn't trivial as you think, this is pertaining to their future, if you're the one involved or maybe your sister, you wouldn't advise her to continue with the relationship.
Haba, the man crumbled the business, they almost went bankrupt from debts incurred from alcohol consumptions. the woman raised it back from LOANs and you are telling me that the matter should continue like that, maybe until the family carry bowl and start begging till they know that issues involving finance and your future shouldn't be taken with levititive hands.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by yommyoke: 11:12am On May 23, 2022
pocohantas:


Don’t mind the chronic liar. When did Nigerian men start advising themselves to put up with such? For this Nairaland abi where?

I don't know o, I doubt if any man will take that, the moment you Bleep up and get the family into debts, the moment they raise it back and give you another chance and you still mess up, it's over.

1 Like

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by pocohantas(f): 11:14am On May 23, 2022
yommyoke:

I don't know o, I doubt if any man will take that, the moment you Bleep up and get the family into debts, the moment they raise it back and give you another chance and you still mess up, it's over.

He should show me anyone in his family that has taken such. Even the one beyond the woman’s power like ill-health, they would catapult her to her parents.

3 Likes

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by JovialJune(f): 11:21am On May 23, 2022
MALIGNANTGuest:

Ok! Yeah!
For Safety Reasons!
I will advice you take him straight to a psychiatrist.
...a MEDICATION will be prescribed 4 him to take.
This he shall drink with the ALCOHOL.... and that medication works like magic.
It will swiftly make him to dislike Alcohol!

I wouldn't want to put up the name of the medication here for safety & ethical reasons.
However, it's not a dangerous medication.
It's a medication you already KNOW.
50% of Nigerians know this medication but they do not know such can handle Alcohol Addiction effectively.

We also have some for TOBACCO abuse!.
Most times we don't take Mental Health serious in Nigeria, hence the reason for all these!.
I am open for questions!

Why can't you openly say the medication since it is commonly known and effective, so that others can use or recommend for people suffering from alcohol addiction undecided

2 Likes

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by TYCO77: 12:12pm On May 23, 2022
[color=#000099][/color]
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

God bless you and keep you strong. Please, do not leave him at this point, believe me he needs you now more than ever. I do not want to believe that his addiction to alcohol is ordinary going by his previous disposition. It is good you have prayed, keep on praying and take him to a Bible based faith and deliverance ministry like Mountain Of Fire & Miracles Ministries(MFM), for more prayers and deliverance. By the power of God he shall be set free.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Juicy1945: 12:58pm On May 23, 2022
Don't run away from your marriage. Alcohol is something that can be handle. If run away and he stop drinking then you come back? He is in a pit he need someone to bring him out and that is you. Pray and show him more love. He will do the same for you as well.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Nobody: 4:02pm On May 23, 2022
JovialJune:


Why can't you openly say the medication since it is commonly known and effective, so that others can use or recommend for people suffering from alcohol addiction undecided
I thought you would have seen my reasons up there.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by JovialJune(f): 4:16pm On May 23, 2022
MALIGNANTGuest:

I thought you would have seen my reasons up there.


You only said safety and ethical reasons, besides, that's just a silly excuse undecided

2 Likes

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Nobody: 4:32pm On May 23, 2022
JovialJune:



You only said safety and ethical reasons, besides, that's just a silly excuse undecided
Ok.
Thank you.
I'm just thinking,
If not for such a forum, what would someone like you & I share in common?
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by JovialJune(f): 4:41pm On May 23, 2022
MALIGNANTGuest:

Ok.
Thank you.
I'm just thinking,
If not for such a forum, what would someone like you & I share in common?


Exactly, if not for this forum, the kind of you cannot exist in my space,

So you have options, leave this forum and go to where your fellow dregs exist, or try not to comment baselessly that will attract a counter comment from me

Modified,

Just realized you're the reptiles and snakes whisperer angry

2 Likes

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