Let me start by stating that genuine advice and constructive criticism are what I desire and that exactly led me into this form of expression in this public domain.
I clocked 41 years old earlier this year and I got married 11 years ago. The marriage with my wife has not been able to yield any fruit of the womb but that is not even the problem here. At least I observed a lot of people have had great testimonies from the IVF procedure recently as many of the recent threads on here made us believe.
At the beginning, it was not much of a big deal as we thought it was perhaps not a right time for us to conceive but we kept pushing. The disturbing issue, however at that time was that my wife had a very low sex drive from the beginning and that was the way I met her. We later started going for several tests and the results revealed that it wasn't my fault at all but of course, there were some medical issues she had to sort, so we did all that. By 2014, I noticed she started drawing back in bed and that raised a lot of concerns. So I spoke with one of her brothers who is about my age mate, but I noticed no changes like her brother did not raise the issue with her at all. By 2017, I went to Abeokuta to see her mum and told her about her daughter's new fashion of running away from intimacy between me and her. She promised to talk to her. Then I got tired of going for various medical tests as I wondered why we had to spend money and time on tests which won't be backed up by the proper thing eventually. Since then, I think we only made love once and that should be in 2018 or so. Since 2018, there's not been a single hug not to talk of kiss as we lost it completely!

So I met a much younger girl and we started dating. Initially, it was just for the fun of it and to relieve myself of the domestic stress. Later, we got so much into each other and she got pregnant for me! We both agreed to abort it as we knew the danger inherent in keeping it. But then, my wife continued to force me with the periodic medical tests (without the slightest form of intimacy) while the other lady continued to abort pregnancies she had for me. Only last year, the girl aborted 3 pregnancies for me and I felt so bad using her as lab rat. Now I'm 41, when most of my mates don't have infants as children but I'm still contending with a wife who has decided never again to go to bed with me. Confusingly, the other girl is pregnant for me and I'm strongly determined not to abort it this time. In fact, it's already 5 months old!
Now my problems are

*I'm legally married and I have no single problem with my wife asides the issues raised above.

*I think it's criminal because I had a court wedding and I might be prosecuted if she gets to know about this, more so that we are not divorced.

*The pregnant lady's mum has met me before and she doesn't want me because she knows I'm married, so we didn't tell her parents but all her siblings are fully aware and in full support, maybe because they know I've perfected plans to move her abroad to have the baby and let the baby have overseas citizenship. Currently, I've gotten her a well furnished flat since 2 years ago also got her a job paying her 200k monthly.

*My wife's family respect me so much and I think they'll all be disappointed if they get to know.

*I did not tell anybody at all. Not a single family member or friend of mine knows about it because I don't want to be discouraged or lose focus, then nobody can tell me how to create my own happiness.

*I have never had a single issue with the new lady before as she is even about 13 years younger than I am and she respects me a lot. I believe she can't drag issues with me in the future and even if she does, my child remains my child.

*I have never been a fan of polygamy as I understand its intricacies. I know my wife will most likely walk away if she gets to know about this and it will be her strangest imagination!

*I know I can't eat my cake and have it. So what am I to do?

Mods please help shift this to FP as it's an issue really bothering me and I want the participation of many people with diverse opinions.

You want the truth mate? Tell your wife about it,come clean to her. Worst case scenerio,she'll seek for a divorce which might still play into your hands. You're 41 and this hide and seek you're playing ain't gonna help anyone.

Nawa oh!

Either you marry the girl legitimately and face the consequence or keep her as your secret baby mama and face a greater consequence in future. If Satan wants to finish you when you keep the girl as a secret, your wife will conceive and have a child after the girl has already had a child for you. It takes greater crime to cover up a crime.

You are afraid of polygamy but you are committing adultery.

You want your wife to give you a child but you have committed more than 3 abortions with a girl.

Is polygamy more sinful than abortion? Let me not even dwell on this particular question because not everybody believes abortion means murder.

A more bitter truth is that only God's grace will make the girl's child a responsible adult. Ask yourself the kind of girl that will date a married man and commit many abortions for him. Will you want your daughter or sister to be like this your side chick? Will you want such a girl as your daughter-in-law? Let me not talk much about the side chick and her family.

You likely didn't read the part where I said my wife has not allowed me to touch her at all in the last 4 years or more. That means we have not been making any attempt in that direction and at some point, we got used to it. I sure wouldn't have bothered finding an alternative if she was any forthcoming. Having a child isn't the issue, not wanting me is.

immortalcrown:
Nawa oh!

You are afraid of polygamy but you are committing adultery.

You want your wife to give you a child but you have committed more than 3 abortions with a girl.

Is polygamy more sinful than abortion? Let me not even dwell on this particular question because not everybody believes abortion means murder.

Either you marry the girl legitimately and face the consequence or keep her as your secret baby mama and face greater consequence in future. If satan wants to finish you when you keep secret, your wife will conceive and have a child after the girl has already had a child for you. It takes greater crime to cover up a crime.

OPweysabi:
You likely didn't read the part where I said my wife has not allowed me to touch her at all in the last 4 years or more. That means we have not been making any attempt in that direction and at some point, we got used to it. I sure wouldn't have bothered finding an alternative if she was any forthcoming. Having a child isn't the issue, not wanting me is.

Didn't you read the part where I question why you chose adultery over polygamy? You should have married another wife since you could not hold yourself. Are you trying to claim adultery with many abortions for a childless man is better than polygamy? Your wife's wrong does not justify yours. Two wrongs do not make a right.

@OP, come out clean, who are no longer a child,an adult that can make decisions & go with his choice.
First tell one or two persons closer to you either a friend, your brother or sister close to you or one of your parents. Your wife have to kwn from you but it's difficult.
If what you narrated in your story is real truth, who am I to blem you.

You dey find child and you still dey abort.

The only reason your wife is still with you is because she is the problem. Trust me, if she wasn't the problem she would have left your sorry ass long time ago.

Polygamy is allowed in Nigeria, marry the new girl.

Marry the new chick. She has what you want.

Don't abort again. As for your wife, she has disqualified herself from your consideration, so you shouldn't be feeling guilty for your action. Brace up and tell her, and care less about her reaction. More so, whatever your legal in-laws or any other person thinks should be the least of your worries.

Dis ur story is fake ooo. I Ave stopped blvng it when I read d abortion parts. If u truly u ave been married for many years without children u desperately needed children and boom ur aide chick become pregnant u will neva allow her 2 abort in d first place. U would have beg her 2 keep d pregnancy and u just said she had three abortions u r a big liar . come on we are not kids oo stop lying

How can someone that is looking for a child be aborting? Unbelievable

Sha make sure you conduct a paternity test for that kid later on make una no go turn suffer head.

Ciscodollards:
Dis ur story is fake ooo. I Ave stopped blvng it when I read d abortion parts. If u truly u ave been married for many years without children u desperately needed children and boom ur aide chick become pregnant u will neva allow her 2 abort in d first place. U would have beg her 2 keep d pregnancy and u just said she had three abortions u r a big liar . come on we are not kids oo stop lying

true.

OPweysabi:
Let me start by stating that genuine advice and constructive criticism are what I desire and that exactly led me into this form of expression in this public domain.
I clocked 41 years old earlier this year and I got married 11 years ago. The marriage with my wife has not been able to yield any fruit of the womb but that is not even the problem here. At least I observed a lot of people have had great testimonies from the IVF procedure recently as many of the recent threads on here made us believe.
At the beginning, it was not much of a big deal as we thought it was perhaps not a right time for us to conceive but we kept pushing. The disturbing issue, however at that time was that my wife had a very low sex drive from the beginning and that was the way I met her. We later started going for several tests and the results revealed that it wasn't my fault at all but of course, there were some medical issues she had to sort, so we did all that. By 2014, I noticed she started drawing back in bed and that raised a lot of concerns. So I spoke with one of her brothers who is about my age mate, but I noticed no changes like her brother did not raise the issue with her at all. By 2017, I went to Abeokuta to see her mum and told her about her daughter's new fashion of running away from intimacy between me and her. She promised to talk to her. Then I got tired of going for various medical tests as I wondered why we had to spend money and time on tests which won't be backed up by the proper thing eventually. Since then, I think we only made love once and that should be in 2018 or so. Since 2018, there's not been a single hug not to talk of kiss as we lost it completely!

So I met a much younger girl and we started dating. Initially, it was just for the fun of it and to relieve myself of the domestic stress. Later, we got so much into each other and she got pregnant for me! We both agreed to abort it as we knew the danger inherent in keeping it. But then, my wife continued to force me with the periodic medical tests (without the slightest form of intimacy) while the other lady continued to abort pregnancies she had for me. Only last year, the girl aborted 3 pregnancies for me and I felt so bad using her as lab rat. Now I'm 41, when most of my mates don't have infants as children but I'm still contending with a wife who has decided never again to go to bed with me. Confusingly, the other girl is pregnant for me and I'm strongly determined not to abort it this time. In fact, it's already 5 months old!
Now my problems are

*I'm legally married and I have no single problem with my wife asides the issues raised above.

*I think it's criminal because I had a court wedding and I might be prosecuted if she gets to know about this, more so that we are not divorced.

*The pregnant lady's mum has met me before and she doesn't want me because she knows I'm married, so we didn't tell her parents but all her siblings are fully aware and in full support, maybe because they know I've perfected plans to move her abroad to have the baby and let the baby have overseas citizenship. Currently, I've gotten her a well furnished flat since 2 years ago also got her a job paying her 200k monthly.

*My wife's family respect me so much and I think they'll all be disappointed if they get to know.

*I did not tell anybody at all. Not a single family member or friend of mine knows about it because I don't want to be discouraged or lose focus, then nobody can tell me how to create my own happiness.

*I have never had a single issue with the new lady before as she is even about 13 years younger than I am and she respects me a lot. I believe she can't drag issues with me in the future and even if she does, my child remains my child.

*I have never been a fan of polygamy as I understand its intricacies. I know my wife will most likely walk away if she gets to know about this and it will be her strangest imagination!

*I know I can't eat my cake and have it. So what am I to do?

Mods please help shift this to FP as it's an issue really bothering me and I want the participation of many people with diverse opinions.

No matter how dicey this issue is, you ha e to face the reactions for the fact that your child is on the way

I think you will have to wait untiysje puts to bed then announce it to the family both yours and that of your inlaw and tell them how sorry you are for keeping it a secret and the reason you went ahead is that you don't want the lady to die because of abortion having gone through it before because you were rejecting the pregnancy but it keeps coming

No matter how uoir wife reacts just don't shout at her just be calming her down, she may not walk away and if she decides to walk away ask the family to stop her from walking away

If she insist, just free her

At least you have made attempts to stop her and they witness it

But if you were able to sort her and she calms down, the best option for her is for both of you to go for adoption so that she can have a child to be with, while you continue raising your family biologically from the other end

With this you will like be having two wives and make sure you love them equally to avoid much drama and be ready to witness that drama if you don't find aways early enough to prevent wives rival clash

Tales by moonlight..... keep sharpening your writing skills while Nairaland gets more content

A web





.

OPweysabi:
*I did not tell anybody at all. Not a single family member or friend of mine knows about it because I don't want to be discouraged or lose focus, then nobody can tell me how to create my own happiness.

You have already answered your own question with this however, please know that you can never hide the truth forever and the consequences will be far worse WHEN your wife finds out eventually. Your best bet is to tell her, just stay far away from home for a few weeks after
Seriously though, she will be very hurt and disappointed but you can't change what has already happened and of course you may lose her so you should have thought about this before, if she was that important to you. You may however not lose her too and there's a belief that she may bear her own child now that you have impregnated someone else. I know this is a coincidence but it happens too many times and it might just be true, she may therefore hold on to this also and forgive you, especially when she bears her own child as a result of this. My mum had me after many many years of marriage, after my dad impregnated someone else and she never left my dad because she also fell pregnant!! I hope this gives you some hope. Goodluck!

For years you and your wife couldn't solve your lack of intimacy issues, yet you still go for tests with her? Lies, looking for ways to make her the evil one at fault, there is no way a woman who is looking for a child will stop having sex with you just like that without any concrete reason, and yet she still goes for tests without having sex? Since 2014 to 2017, no sex, 2018 sex was once, since then till now no sex? Yet tests are still done? Stupid lies

And you this adulterer, cheating on your wife with a stupid girl, having several abortions, even renting a house for her with her siblings aware of it all, also expecting a child with her, what stops you from divorcing your wife before you started your philandering and diick hopping spree? will you with your conscience allow your daughter to be used and betrayed like your wife and made to do several abortions like the stupid side chick? And you think God will not punish you for all the atrocities you've done?

immortalcrown:



You are afraid of polygamy but you are committing adultery.

You want your wife to give you a child but you have committed more than 3 abortions with a girl.

Louder bro

Karleb:
You dey find child and you still dey abort.

The only reason your wife is still with you is because she is the problem. Trust me, if she wasn't the problem she would have left your sorry ass long time ago.

Polygamy is allowed in Nigeria, marry the new girl.

U Truely sabi women jare, if na say na baba get problem, she for dun leave d marriage Tey Tey. I even blame op for aborting 3 pregnancies

OPweysabi:


*I know I can't eat my cake and have it. So what am I to do?

Mods please help shift this to FP as it's an issue really bothering me and I want the participation of many people with diverse opinions.

what's the essence of marriage?....
You're in the right track.
I'll advice you not to fly her abroad cos women cannot be trusted with power.
I blame you for making your relationship a secret in this first place. this is an Africa,men should be men not sissy

An episode of things that never happened, what a creative content writer you are!
It was you who desperately needed kids yet you allowed your side chick to abort thrice for you comfortably, please tell me another tales by moonlight abeg.

OPweysabi:
Let me start by stating that genuine advice and constructive criticism are what I desire and that exactly led me into this form of expression in this public domain.
I clocked 41 years old earlier this year and I got married 11 years ago. The marriage with my wife has not been able to yield any fruit of the womb but that is not even the problem here. At least I observed a lot of people have had great testimonies from the IVF procedure recently as many of the recent threads on here made us believe.
At the beginning, it was not much of a big deal as we thought it was perhaps not a right time for us to conceive but we kept pushing. The disturbing issue, however at that time was that my wife had a very low sex drive from the beginning and that was the way I met her. We later started going for several tests and the results revealed that it wasn't my fault at all but of course, there were some medical issues she had to sort, so we did all that. By 2014, I noticed she started drawing back in bed and that raised a lot of concerns. So I spoke with one of her brothers who is about my age mate, but I noticed no changes like her brother did not raise the issue with her at all. By 2017, I went to Abeokuta to see her mum and told her about her daughter's new fashion of running away from intimacy between me and her. She promised to talk to her. Then I got tired of going for various medical tests as I wondered why we had to spend money and time on tests which won't be backed up by the proper thing eventually. Since then, I think we only made love once and that should be in 2018 or so. Since 2018, there's not been a single hug not to talk of kiss as we lost it completely!

So I met a much younger girl and we started dating. Initially, it was just for the fun of it and to relieve myself of the domestic stress. Later, we got so much into each other and she got pregnant for me! We both agreed to abort it as we knew the danger inherent in keeping it. But then, my wife continued to force me with the periodic medical tests (without the slightest form of intimacy) while the other lady continued to abort pregnancies she had for me. Only last year, the girl aborted 3 pregnancies for me and I felt so bad using her as lab rat. Now I'm 41, when most of my mates don't have infants as children but I'm still contending with a wife who has decided never again to go to bed with me. Confusingly, the other girl is pregnant for me and I'm strongly determined not to abort it this time. In fact, it's already 5 months old!
Now my problems are

*I'm legally married and I have no single problem with my wife asides the issues raised above.

*I think it's criminal because I had a court wedding and I might be prosecuted if she gets to know about this, more so that we are not divorced.

*The pregnant lady's mum has met me before and she doesn't want me because she knows I'm married, so we didn't tell her parents but all her siblings are fully aware and in full support, maybe because they know I've perfected plans to move her abroad to have the baby and let the baby have overseas citizenship. Currently, I've gotten her a well furnished flat since 2 years ago also got her a job paying her 200k monthly.

*My wife's family respect me so much and I think they'll all be disappointed if they get to know.

*I did not tell anybody at all. Not a single family member or friend of mine knows about it because I don't want to be discouraged or lose focus, then nobody can tell me how to create my own happiness.

*I have never had a single issue with the new lady before as she is even about 13 years younger than I am and she respects me a lot. I believe she can't drag issues with me in the future and even if she does, my child remains my child.

*I have never been a fan of polygamy as I understand its intricacies. I know my wife will most likely walk away if she gets to know about this and it will be her strangest imagination!

*I know I can't eat my cake and have it. So what am I to do?

Mods please help shift this to FP as it's an issue really bothering me and I want the participation of many people with diverse opinions.

First, is clear your wife is not ready to make that sacrifice. Common since 2018 no sex, how do you make babies then? This is torture and you tried to endure. You can see your wife never cared about you or your feelings.
I always advise people to put their interest first. If your wife was not ready to give you sex thats enough ground to go your seperate ways. You didn't and now you have created a big mess. Just tell her and respect whatever decision she takes but it won't end well.

Una don start again with una fake story.

It's not rocket science to know that what you have just narrated is nothing but a FICTITIOUS AND FAKE STORY.

Spend your time in doing better things than coming up with this ridiculous and make-believe story.

Anyway this family section don dry small so pushing out these fake and fictitious stories will bring back traffic .

immortalcrown:
Nawa oh!

Either you marry the girl legitimately and face the consequence or keep her as your secret baby mama and face a greater consequence in future. If Satan wants to finish you when you keep the girl as a secret, your wife will conceive and have a child after the girl has already had a child for you. It takes greater crime to cover up a crime.

You are afraid of polygamy but you are committing adultery.

You want your wife to give you a child but you have committed more than 3 abortions with a girl.

Is polygamy more sinful than abortion? Let me not even dwell on this particular question because not everybody believes abortion means murder.

A more bitter truth is that only God's grace will make the girl's child a responsible adult. Ask yourself the kind of girl that will date a married man and commit many abortions for him. Will you want your daughter or sister to be like this your side chick? Will you want such a girl as your daughter-in-law? Let me not talk much about the side chick and her family.

I'm so disappointed by this kind of useless advice of urs. I hate people that give this kind of myopic and sentimental advice even people like u are the one that complicate the issue for people like op. Do u know what it means to have a wife in ur room and avoiding u of intimacy since 2018 and still drag me to useless tests even when she knows she's the one having problem. This op is even gentle as for me I can't take 1%of that. I can't even keep a wife that deny me intimacy for just a month without genuine reason. The fact that I did court wedding does not Me a slave in my marriage in d name of law. Marriage is to be enjoyed Mr op go for divorce with the woman that holds u in a shackles and face ur baby mama . I did court wedding too be for una go start quoting me.

Fairbanks:
I'm so disappointed by this kind of useless advice of urs. I hate people that give this kind of myopic and sentimental advice even people like u are the one that complicate the issue for people like op. Do u know what it means to have a wife in ur room and avoiding u of intimacy since 2018 and still drag me to useless tests even when she knows she's the one having problem. This op is even gentle as for me I can't take 1%of that. I can't even keep a wife that deny me intimacy for just a month without genuine reason. The fact that I did court wedding does not Me a slave in my marriage in d name of law. Marriage is to be enjoyed Mr op go for divorce with the woman that holds u in a shackles and face ur baby mama . I did court wedding too be for una go start quoting me.

If you are not the myopic and sentimental one here, point out any sentimental or false statement in my comment. Did I not question why he chose a side chick over getting a second wife? Or, are you claiming having a side chick and committing abortions is the best option for him? If you are not sentimental and myopic one, answer these questions.

That's how a relative of mine had a 3yrs old child without any of us knowing.
He informed the wife recently and he already has plans to go marry the other lady soon, he's now begging his wife to follow him to go pay her bride price..

This one even have 2 grown up sons o. May God deliver us from men that'll humiliate us because of lack of self control.

@OP, the deed has been done. You still have to tell your wife no matter what, it would be worse if she get to hear it from an outsider. It is well with you and your family.

Nothing new under the Sun though, it's been happening from time immemorial.

OPweysabi:
Let me start by stating that genuine advice and constructive criticism are what I desire and that exactly led me into this form of expression in this public domain.
I clocked 41 years old earlier this year and I got married 11 years ago. The marriage with my wife has not been able to yield any fruit of the womb but that is not even the problem here. At least I observed a lot of people have had great testimonies from the IVF procedure recently as many of the recent threads on here made us believe.
At the beginning, it was not much of a big deal as we thought it was perhaps not a right time for us to conceive but we kept pushing. The disturbing issue, however at that time was that my wife had a very low sex drive from the beginning and that was the way I met her. We later started going for several tests and the results revealed that it wasn't my fault at all but of course, there were some medical issues she had to sort, so we did all that. By 2014, I noticed she started drawing back in bed and that raised a lot of concerns. So I spoke with one of her brothers who is about my age mate, but I noticed no changes like her brother did not raise the issue with her at all. By 2017, I went to Abeokuta to see her mum and told her about her daughter's new fashion of running away from intimacy between me and her. She promised to talk to her. Then I got tired of going for various medical tests as I wondered why we had to spend money and time on tests which won't be backed up by the proper thing eventually. Since then, I think we only made love once and that should be in 2018 or so. Since 2018, there's not been a single hug not to talk of kiss as we lost it completely!

So I met a much younger girl and we started dating. Initially, it was just for the fun of it and to relieve myself of the domestic stress. Later, we got so much into each other and she got pregnant for me! We both agreed to abort it as we knew the danger inherent in keeping it. But then, my wife continued to force me with the periodic medical tests (without the slightest form of intimacy) while the other lady continued to abort pregnancies she had for me. Only last year, the girl aborted 3 pregnancies for me and I felt so bad using her as lab rat. Now I'm 41, when most of my mates don't have infants as children but I'm still contending with a wife who has decided never again to go to bed with me. Confusingly, the other girl is pregnant for me and I'm strongly determined not to abort it this time. In fact, it's already 5 months old!
Now my problems are

*I'm legally married and I have no single problem with my wife asides the issues raised above.

*I think it's criminal because I had a court wedding and I might be prosecuted if she gets to know about this, more so that we are not divorced.

*The pregnant lady's mum has met me before and she doesn't want me because she knows I'm married, so we didn't tell her parents but all her siblings are fully aware and in full support, maybe because they know I've perfected plans to move her abroad to have the baby and let the baby have overseas citizenship. Currently, I've gotten her a well furnished flat since 2 years ago also got her a job paying her 200k monthly.

*My wife's family respect me so much and I think they'll all be disappointed if they get to know.

*I did not tell anybody at all. Not a single family member or friend of mine knows about it because I don't want to be discouraged or lose focus, then nobody can tell me how to create my own happiness.

*I have never had a single issue with the new lady before as she is even about 13 years younger than I am and she respects me a lot. I believe she can't drag issues with me in the future and even if she does, my child remains my child.

*I have never been a fan of polygamy as I understand its intricacies. I know my wife will most likely walk away if she gets to know about this and it will be her strangest imagination!

*I know I can't eat my cake and have it. So what am I to do?

Mods please help shift this to FP as it's an issue really bothering me and I want the participation of many people with diverse opinions.

As a married man I will tell you this, the moment she started denying you your right you guys are no longer husband and wife.
Tell her point blank that married couples have sex but mow that she denied you sex for this long with tangible reasons you need divorce.

Said this having mind that you have a plan, the family respect you is not enough.


You do not have any issue with your wife yet the one that drives you into the waiting hands of another woman is known as what?

That's the biggest problem sir.


Seek divorce without pity.

Fairbanks:


I'm so disappointed by this kind of useless advice of urs. I hate people that give this kind of myopic and sentimental advice even people like u are the one that complicate the issue for people like op. Do u know what it means to have a wife in ur room and avoiding u of intimacy since 2018 and still drag me to useless tests even when she knows she's the one having problem. This op is even gentle as for me I can't take 1%of that. I can't even keep a wife that deny me intimacy for just a month without genuine reason. The fact that I did court wedding does not Me a slave in my marriage in d name of law. Marriage is to be enjoyed Mr op go for divorce with the woman that holds u in a shackles and face ur baby mama . I did court wedding too be for una go start quoting me.

Many idiots attacking op are not even married.

Me too, I didn’t believe that abortion part.... three abortions? And her womb is still intact?

Ciscodollards:
Dis ur story is fake ooo. I Ave stopped blvng it when I read d abortion parts. If u truly u ave been married for many years without children u desperately needed children and boom ur aide chick become pregnant u will neva allow her 2 abort in d first place. U would have beg her 2 keep d pregnancy and u just said she had three abortions u r a big liar . come on we are not kids oo stop lying