I wrote about a week ago asking for advice because my Boyfriend lost his sister.
Yesterday he called me and said we need to talk. Earlier we had agreed that we would achieve some targets before we get married, He wanted to get his PHd and I was going to work on two projects both of which are about to kick off.
My projects are time consuming and requires a lot of travel, so we agreed that we would take two years to do all that before we settle down.
Now he wants us to get married as soon as possible, According to him, He wants to get married so he can take his mind off the loss of his sister and he is scared of loosing me. I understand how he feels but i tried to talk to him to but he seems adamant, He said he has made up his mind. He schools in London and He says he is not going back even though he has started His Programme.
I am confused, Please is this just a phase or is he serious, He has given me an ultimatum to make up my mind. But we are not ready, financially, emotionally and otherwise.

oh darling, please say yes to the lonely soul.
for your readiness, it might be ur mind.
say yes and see wht comes out ok? ur delayance
might cause him to think u dnt love him

ONE LOVE

Tie the nut fast!
In dis state of mind he can easily fall into another womans hand perharp a girl dat have been chasin him for long.

Thanks, but it is just that its too sudden and I dont think marrige is a cure to any pain. I dont know. If we get married now, my work will suffer, his schooling he wants to abandon, My project is just kicking off and its really time intensive.
Yet I love him so much dont want to loose him at all

It is not too sudden. It is in order.

talk to him, it not going to curse the pain but it will bring more to both of u, all he really needs now is more of ur love,

@bibi4u, I have tried to be there for him during this period the best way I can. I talked to him about this when he brought up and he told me that the only thing he wants to hear from me is yes or no. If i say yes we will be getting married for the wrong reason, I cant say No cos I love him and I dont want to loose him, I feel he needs time to heal from his hurt of loosing his sister because they were extremely close nut i feelm he wants to marry me now to replace his sisters space in the family and honestly i dont think anyone can do that

I don't think men can use a big thing such as marriage for some joke, or cover up for emotions. He loves u enough to pop d question. Again, u don't need to have d whole wealth & everything to start a marriage.

Don't let this time pass, You may regret.

honestly i don't think anyone can do that


yes u can't do that, even if u say YES for this reason he will not get want he wants, the only thing that can help is much more of ur love like never before n time, if he really love u he understand

I am just alarmed that someone will Abandon a P.hd Programme after paying 5000 pounds deposit for tuition. He is a rational person, all this rush rush does not make sense to me.
I am not saying we need a lot of wealth to start a marriage but we have to be realistic to get money for basic things.

Aisha; from the way you have been replying its very clear where your mind is at. You don't need advise from anyone because you already know what you want and would prefer.

He is in pain and he is acting irrational.

You need to help him deal with the pain and the emptiness that he's feeling rather than allow him substitute one pain for probable joy.

This may become a pattern if its not dealt with immediately and thoroughly. he will continuously, be looking for something to fill the void which may end up destroying both your lives.

Do you understand me Aisha?

I do thank you so much. Its just that he has always been very rational so this caught me off guard.
I will be there for him

if u are not ready, then u are not ready. dnt force urself to do something u will regreat. think about it first before making up ur mind.

Aisha have you thought of maybe making your engagement formal. Depending on what part of the country you are from, you could encourage him to do the traditional engagement thing and then go back to complete his Ph.d program after which you guys could get married, what do you think? because abandoning a 5000 pounds Ph.d program and rushing the wedding ceremony doesn't really make sense no doubt you guys must have been toghether for sometime now and must really love and care for each other but when it comes to getting married the two individuals involved have to be, most importantly, emotionally and pshychologically ready. Don't worry too much sha, just keep asking God for guidance and he'll definitely lead you down the right path.

Tete, thanks so much. Is this how men react to grief, maybe I need to be more Patient and understanding