i've bin dating my boyfriend for like two months old now and everything seems to be going on well and on track.however we have our moments of disagreements but we end up settling it amicably,we iron out our issues without resentments and apologize when necessary.we also mutually agreed that we are not going to have sex until after marriage though we talk about sex related issues and other stuffs since we mutually agrid dat we'll court for two years.but d problem now is dat i'm beginning to get worried,uncomfortable and suspicious because since we've bin dating i dont even know his house.i cant even point my fingers and say dats where he stays even though he has come to my house once n dint mit my parents cos dey both went 4 a ceremony buh met my younger bro.he cals my mom over d fone n ask bout my parents quite frequently.my mom too even asked on a lighter mood wen i was helpin her weave her hair whether i've bin to my boyfriends house b4 n i said no n she was like dont u know where he stays n i said no.she luked at me in shock n said how can u be dating a guy n u dont know where he stays,i tried covering up n said d occasiion 4 going to his place hasnt arised n she was like abi is he hiding somtin from u (as if she had already seen my mind) or could it be dat he is married n he is hiding dat from u,because i dont see any reason y u shouldnt know d place of somebody ure going out with.dose statements was born out of love n where very factual.it has bin a cause 4 concern 4 me n i've bin ruminating ova dis.d surprising part of it is dat each time i bring up d issue of knowing where he stays,he gets angry.i'm confused here because i dont understand y a man should be hiding where he stays from his galfriend.when i asked my uncle about it he said well maybe because d relationship is still very young and early,he feels its not yet tym 4 u to know where he stays.however i stil dint give up.i asked him in a more subtle way.i said "baby dont u tink its weired dating u n i cant even tell my friends much more my parents dat i dont know where u stay".he flared up n said kelly,u've asked me dis a million n one tyms n i said when i'm ready,u'll know my place.so could dis really be a genuine explanation or is he hiding somtin from me cos i'm really very scared whether or not to go on with the relationship or to be patient with him and not bring up d issue again till he's ready.please be honest with me buh i dont nid sarcastic or rude replies.i nid advice from older men,more experienced women n married men.thank you

AKUDAYA!!!!!!!!!! you better pour sand on him or water, because what other reasons, would he have for not wanting to show you or tell you where he lives. The men are usually the first to take the babes to their homes and then visit the babes house later. Shoooo!!!!

In as much as I believe that your man is hiding something from you: the most important thing for you to do is to hear what God is saying concerning this man. Marriage and relationship/courtship is not the same. Your boyfriend/fiance is displaying signs for you to be truly concerned about. Take everything to God in prayer and He will surely direct you. This is your future we are talking about remember. God bless!

Married man/boyfriend . When he is ready to clean mouth he will tell you. Keep waiting and have faith, So where una dey do AM

@poster
Your boyfriend is insecure.

Is either he's marry, in a serious relationship, ashame of where he lives etc

Do you know where he works? Do you know any of his friends or associates? If you answer no to all of this question then you have to consider if its worth it going ahead with such a secret agent

//

What does your Boyfriend do for a living, do u know his office? how about his friends, has he introduced you to his close friends? do u communicate with them if you know them?, if he is not communicating with u about certain issues that would mean he is not open and could be very secretive.

Also, it could be possible that he is ashamed of showing u his house, that could depend on the burden of conformity u put on him, if u have got a very high taste i guess he is worried you would not like his apartment or where he lives. but it all boils down to communication, if he is not open with u at this early stage of the relationship, that could be a scare for the future.

It could be really really scary.

@poster
as a previous poster asked, do you know ANYTHING about him or it's just his house that you haven't been to? his friends? where he works? what he does away from you etc?

bare in mind, it's all about BEING COMFORTABLE to bring you to his house, so take it easy and dont make it such a big deal if it's only his house that you haven't been to. so long as he treats you right then accept his reason and don't be suspicious of him, if he doesn't give you a reason to be.

you might move faster than he is comfortable with, also not everybody has got a great place to take you to OR are proud of where they live. yes, it could be anything (both good or bad) but pressuring him surely wont change anything.

2 months is nothing. . . . . . . so long as he treats you right, enjoy what you got and focus on whats important.

i've gone to his office b4 n he was so happy and excited dat i was there (of cos he told me where he works) n while passing by on a weekend he showed me his office n i told him one of dis days ill come to ur office so wen i got to his office he introduced me to every of his colleagues as his "fiancee" n all.so i wonder y he gets angry any tym i raise d issue of goin to his house.i'm nt even sayin he shud take me to his parents (of cos he has to use his discretion to do dat) buh at least if anytin happens or if nid be i should be able to go there.its rather a puzzle n a concern 4 me.as 4 sex,dats so out of it.we r developing friendship n despite his busy schedule he stil finds tym to call me.d funny part of it was dat he has asked me weda i love him 4 who he is,he said "we dont have much buh we r happy" n i was like if i dont love u in d first place i wouldnt have gone out with him much more accepted d ring.so dis is wots makin me feel funny

Sorry, I am confused. Does he live with his parents?

we've also both gone 4 weding ceremonies n burial ceremonies togeda n he proudly introduces me to his friends n dose ones wud playfully tell me "sister please take kia of our friend n all" so if he can flaunt me to his friends n colleagues i wonder y knowing his place is such a big deal.according to him he said he wants his mother or any of his siblings to raise d issue first b4 he brings me n as far as i'm concernde dat is a very lame excuse.even wen he came to our house he gave my younger bro one thousand naira n gave me a perfume buh all dat dont min notin to me because dey r things i can get myself n besides i'm more interested in knowin d person am datin instead of all d woteva.not dat i dint appreciate it buh things like dat r to little to get to me

kulyie:

i've gone to his office b4 n he was so happy and excited dat i was there (of cos he told me where he works) n while passing by on a weekend he showed me his office n i told him one of dis days ill come to your office so wen i got to his office he introduced me to every of his colleagues as his "fiancee" n all.so i wonder y he gets angry any tym i raise d issue of goin to his house.i'm nt even sayin he shud take me to his parents (of cos he has to use his discretion to do dat) buh at least if anytin happens or if nid be i should be able to go there.its rather a puzzle n a concern 4 me.as 4 sex,dats so out of it.we r developing friendship n despite his busy schedule he stil finds tym to call me.d funny part of it was dat he has asked me weda i love him 4 who he is,he said "we dont have much buh we r happy" n i was like if i dont love u in d first place i wouldnt have gone out with him much more accepted d ring.so dis is wots makin me feel funny

i still dont get where your problem is?! let HIM take you to his house when he will be READY/SECURE/CONFIDENT about it. dont try to force him to do what he is not ready to do. accept him for who he is rather than trying to force him to be who he is not. GIVE HIM TIME, you've only dated for 2 months. if you are quick to take guys to your home then fair enough but others are different, understand?

what reason would you need to go to his house without him?! your reasons for knowing where he lives make no sense. just say plain and simple that you expect him to take you to his house simply because he has been to yours.

there is a huge difference between going to his place of work or meeting his friend and GOING TO HIS HOUSE.

@ chair cover he lives with his married elder sister cos he has not yet found an accomodation or a decent flat close to his work place.he said d agent he saw claimed dat he came to late so d flat he wanted to rent has bin sold.he himself said he's so eager to leave his sis place buh since he hasnt gotin a house,he doesnt have a house 4 now

@ mr brown i now understand.u've analysed d situation 4 me.i now see wot side ure comin from.i think i nid to be more patient.however,nt dat i'm forcing him to know his place,i just want to be sure dat i'm nt in a wrong relationship or he's tryna play on my intelligence, thanks tho, i really appreciate ur advice

//

ok i'm concerned that he loses his temper when you ask him to show you where he lives. My guess initially was he is trying to avoid sex with you since that's what you both agreed on. the minute you start coming around his place especially if he lives alone . . . nne it will be hard to keep that commitment oh.

But i would have expected him to have calmly explained matters to you but it looks to me like there is a problem he is hiding from you.

@ chair cover ok i get.our communication is very good.we talk bout almost anytin.we disagree n agree n as 4 d sex tin wen he asked me out i defined wot my kinda relationshi wud b n he said he was good with dat besides he doesnt bliv in premarital sex, .so wen he stays alone,i'll b comin to his place with my galfriend n if we have to talk bout issues concernin us it wud b in a public place like a fast food restaurant (so dat we wont b temted to touch n have our privacy at d same tym its just dat its a young n growin relationship so leme just wear d garment of patience n understanding .thanks very much

and davidylan

It could be that he is not very comfortable living with his married sis and maybe he doesnt like the feeling of living off someone else and doesnt want you to see him as such a person. I guess that's why he is eager to move out. Im sure he will invite you over once he gets a place of his own. Just be patient and prayerful.

thanks soreola n everyone.really understand beta now.now i'm at peace

Maybe he sleeps in the sisters living room on the rug and wont want to spoil his image before you

@OP,
There is no need to be so insecure and emotional over a simple issue.
He appears to be a good and responsible guy who has allowed you to visit him at his office where he feels comfortable.You have answered all your questions yourself,and since he has not yet secured an suitable place of his own,and he is currently staying with a relation,he is proberbly not comfortable taking you to such a place,at this stage of your relationship.
And he has agreed to your conditions of NO premarital s.ex.
You said he takes you to places,and introduces you to his friends,who appear to approve of you.

I think you are in too much of a hurry,for him to take you to his home,because you are in too much of a hurry to met with members of his family.Please slow down because what will be will be!
You said he gets annoyed when you broach the subject of visiting him at home,so I will advise you to slow down,or else he might start to view you as being desperate.
It is only two months into the relationship,so you need to be a bit more laid back and let things take a natural course.I think you have got a good thing going here,so don't ruin it with over anxiety.
Goodluck.

soreola:

It could be that he is not very comfortable living with his married sis and maybe he doesnt like the feeling of living off someone else and doesnt want you to see him as such a person. I guess that's why he is eager to move out. Im sure he will invite you over once he gets a place of his own. Just be patient and prayerful.

Ah i see the real reason now. Even i would find it very hard to bring you around if i lived with my sibling. Ego is a problem for men you know. You have nothing to worry about.

He should still give you the address. What if something happens to him? And all communication through phone or e-mails prove abortive? You don't have to go there, just have the address.

my opinion,
i feel he is avoiding any situation that will led to sex by trying to avoid u guys being together in closed room.
Try and understand him.

still waters exactly what was goin tru my mind.im nt anxious bout mitin his parents.its just 4 cases of "in case".thanks everyone.ill sure let everytin take its natural course.i'm calmer now

thanks very much richkunt.i'll just slow down n take tins easy as dey come

Give him an ultimatum its either he takes you to his place or you will end the relationship. If he doesn't please just walk away ,the relationship is still very young. Some men are very crafty. I have been in this situation before i met everybody brothers, friends, uncle. I was introduced as fiancee but he never took me to his place. He had d perfect story he is squatting with married friend, d place is not presentable but with time he will get a place. He was charming i believed, but my mind was not still at rest so i started digging and I found out he was married with kids. I left immediately but till today he still denys being married even with all my proof. Today i am dating someone we are not having sex but i know were he lives. No matter how bad a mans house is at least he will take you there.

iv4real:

Give him an ultimatum its either he takes you to his place or you will end the relationship. If he doesn't please just walk away ,the relationship is still very young. Some men are very crafty. I have been in this situation before i met everybody brothers, friends, uncle. I was introduced as fiancee but he never took me to his place. He had d perfect story he is squatting with married friend, d place is not presentable but with time he will get a place. He was charming i believed, but my mind was not still at rest so i started digging and I found out he was married with kids. I left immediately but till today he still denys being married even with all my proof. Today i am dating someone we are not Being Intimate but i know were he lives. No matter how bad a mans house is at least he will take you there.

Gbam! OP is gullible. Even if he sleeps on the floor under his sister's bed, there is nothing wrong in you meeting the sister, afterall he must be old enough to be in a serious relationship. Dont deceive yourself, a man can introduce girls to friends and family even if they are married. Some families and circle of friends dont see a big deal in a "small iyawo" on the side.

iv4real r u kidding me, :osmh

At the risk of sounding "uncool" I don't get why you have to write like this. Replacing "BUT" with "BUH". Why? It's a three letter word anyway why not just type the actual word. What is the point. I don't want to sound mean but it makes someone look like they are not serious. I am sure you are a nice person but no one over the age of 21 should be narrating a story and write that way. Just had to get it off my chest  

2mch hunn?? me?smal iyawo to a bank worker well given wot majority says time would unravel d mystery n open secrets since its still young