[b]

RELATIONSHIPS HAVE 3 STAGES.

1, WHEN YOU MEET NEWLY AND THE LOVE IS SO STRONG EVERYONE IS FORMING AND PACKAGING, TRYING TO IMPRESS THE OTHER PERSON AND MAKE THEM NOT LOOK DOWN ON THEM.

AT THIS STAGE WHEN A GIRL IS HUNGRY SHE CANT SAY IT SO THAT THE GUY WONT THING SHE IS CHEAP, THE GUY OR THE GIRL CANNOT poo IN THE TOILET, THE HIGHEST THEY CAN DO IS URINATE, BECAUSE U DONT WANT THE OTHER PERSON TO KNOW THAT U POO IN THE TOILET.

THE GUY CANNOT VISIT THE GIRL WITHOUT HAVING MONEY IN HIS POCKET BECAUSE THEY MIGHT EVENTUALLY GO OUT, AND HE CANNOT SAY HE IS BROKE AT THIS STAGE, HE WILL RATHER BORROW TO IMPRESS.

2- AT THIS STAGE THE 2 PARTIES HAVE GOTTEN COMFORTABLE AROUND EACH OTHER AND CAN EVEN FART IN THE PRESENCE OF EACH OTHER AND LAUGH ABOUT IT, THEY CAN JOKE ABOUT THEMSELVES, TALK ABOUT FINANCES AND FAMILY.

3- THIS STAGE IS WHERE THEY CAN NOW QUARREL, SAY HASH THINGS TO EACH OTHER, FIGHT, INSULT EACH OTHERS FAMILY , COMPARE EACH OTHER TO EX BFS AND GF. STOP TALKING FOR DAYS AND MAKE UP.

WHEN A RELATIONSHIP SURVIVES THE 3RD STAGE, THEN MARRIAGE CAN BE CONSIDERED THE NEXT STEP. MOST PEOPLE DONT ALLOW RELATIONSHIPS TO GET TO THE 3RD STAGE BEFORE THEY GET MARRIED, THIS IS PART OF THE REASONS WHY MOST MARRIAGES DONT WORK.

BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE HAVE NEVER HAD REAL QUARELLS BEFORE THEY GOT MARRIED, AND WHEN THEY EXPERIENCE THE 3RD STAGE AFTER MARRIAGE THEY NEVER RECOVER FROM THE SHOCK AND EXPERIENCE, SOMETIMES THEY START TO WONDER IF THEY MADE THE RIGHT CHOICES MARRYING THIER SPOUSE. SOME ASK IS THIS THE MAN/WOMAN I DATED ? HARSH THINGS ARE SAID TO EACH OTHER WHICH THEM MIGHT FIND HARD TO FORGET  AND WILL ALWAYS REFER TO WHAT WAS SAID AT THE SLIGHTEST PROVOCATION.


THAT IS THE REASON WHY I SAY U SHOULD ALLOW your RELATIONSHIP TO GET TO 3RD STAGE BEFORE U CONSIDER MARRIAGE, IT IS AT THAT STAGE U CAN DECIDE IF U CAN LIVE WITH your PARTNERS BEHAVIOR FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

MOST TIMES THOSE THAT ENGAGE IN LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS MISS OUT ON THE 3RD STAGE BECAUSE THE PARTNER IS AWAY AND ALL THEY SAY IS I LOVE U AND SWEET THINGS, AND WHEN THE PARTNER FINALLY COMES, THEY HAVE LIMITED TIME SO THERE IS NO TIME FOR QUARRELS .


SOON THEY GET MARRIED AND MEET THE 3RD STAGE AND THEY MIGHT NEVER RECOVER FROM THE EXPERIENCE.

YOU MUST WAIT TILL YOUR RELATIONSHIP GETS TO THE 3RD LEVEL, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES, IF THE GUY OR GIRL PROPOSES BEFORE THE 3RD STAGE TELL THEM TO GIVE YOU TIME TO THINK AND WAIT TILL IT GETS TO THE 3RD STAGE. MANY HAVE EVEN LOST THEIR LIVES IN MARRIAGE BECAUSE THEY NEVER EXPERIENCED THE 3RD STAGE OF RELATIONSHIPS.

NOW I AM NOT SAYING IF YOU QUARREL, A WEEK AFTER YOU MEET THEN YOU CAN GET MARRIED, I KNOW SOME GIRLS ARE CRAZY, THEY ALWAYS LIKE TO BE BEATEN BY MEN BEFORE THEY MAKE LOVE, BEATING TURNS THEM ON. SO FOR THOSE TYPE OF GIRLS , THEY CAN FIGHT WITH A GUY THE FIRST DAY THEY MEET.

I AM TALKING ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP THAT STARTS OUT SMOOTHLY, IT MUST GET TO THE 3RD STAGE BEFORE MARRIAGE IS CONSIDERED.   

I HOPE THIS WILL HELP YOU GUYS MAKE GOOD DECISIONS WHEN IT COMES TO MARRIAGE.

BY THE WAY I AM NOT MARRIED 

YES I KNOW MOST PEOPLE WILL ASK HOW I CAN ADVICE PEOPLE ON MARRIAGE WHEN I AM NOT MARRIED, WELL ITS BASED ON MY PERSONAL OBSERVATIONS. MOST TIMES ITS THE FOOTBALL SPECTATORS THAT SEE THE CHANCES MORE THAN THOSE PLAYING, THE FOOTBALL COACH DOES NOT NECESSARY HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO PLAY TO BE A COACH.

[/b]

Very well put together and great thoughts. I agree with the assessment

Hmnnn, Nice piece, Wrong title though.

What I'm trying to say is that the wonderful piece in here deserves a better title. I almst dint want to click on the thread when I saw the title,

Btw, do u really take note of your quarrels to knw the exact no of times u've quarelled?

@Poster.
From my own view when u quarrel dat makes it clear that both of u are not compatible. But when u ARGUE and come out on a common ground then u can see dat both of u are compactible. So the right word is not Quarrel but I will Suggest ARGUE. But u and ur woman/man u are looking up to for marriage quarrel 5 times dat means u cannot stay 2geda cos u dont find common ground. But when u argue and find common ground den u can contemplate marriage at all.

This makes good sense!

Nice post though

fool fool thread.

I'd say you should make constructive quarrels in order to learn to know each other

I agree with you Mekaboy but not fully, you know at this point all of you are finding out what both of you can do, if quarrels are too much then that relationship may not work out as purposed, but if they are minimal it may work out,

[b]

I AM NOT SAYING YOU SHOULD BE QUARRELING EVERYDAY, WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT YOU SHOULD MAKES SURE YOU HAVE QUARRELED A NUMBER OF TIMES, ATLEAST 5 TIMES, NOT AT ONCE, THE MORE QUARRELS YOU HAVE, THE MORE YOU GET TO KNOW WHAT PROVOKES YOUR PARTNER. BECAUSE MOST TIMES YOU QUARREL YOU QUARREL OVER DIFFERENT ISSUES, SO YOU CAN TAKE KNOW OF WHAT CAUSED THE QUARREL AND YOU BOTH TRY TO AVOID IT.


I DONT ASK PEOPLE WHO ARE PLANNING TO GET MARRIED IF THEY ARE INLOVE , WHAT I ASK IS " DO YOU QUARREL? " AND IF YOU DONT I HOPE YOU START TO QUARREL.

I REMEMBER SOMEONE CALLED ME AN ENEMY OF PROGRESS FOR ASKING THAT QUESTION, SHE SAID HOW CAN I BE WISHING FOR QUARREL FOR SOMEONE I CAL MY FRIEND. AFTER A FEW MONTHS SHE CAME TO COMPLAIN TO ME ABOUT THE MAN SHE MARRIED, I TOLD HER SHE SHOULD HAVE QUARRELED WELL BEFORE MARRIAGE.

SO QUARREL AS MUCH YOU CAN BEFORE MARRIAGE THE MORE QUARRELS YOU HAVE BEFORE MARRIAGE THE LESS YOU HAVE WHEN YOU ARE MARRIED. BECAUSE YOU HAVE TAKEN NOTES OF WHAT PROVOKES EACH OTHER.

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Guy, were is the validated and documented evidence to back up this your assertion, or is it just based on mere random hearsay?!

***MBJ scratch his head while trying to understand how people can vouch for such craziness***

ok let's focus on these claims for a minute (or two):
3 stages, FIRST the LYING stage where the guy/gal pretend to be who they aren't and vice versa. obviously that should be called the NONSENSE stage because, if there is ever any sign of infatuation (how can anyone have the audacity to call that LOVE), it is based on BS.

SECOND the getting comfortable stage, which should be called the DISCOVERY stage because "now" each of them will finally discover the REAL person they are dating/infatuated with.

THIRD stage, now thats where i have beef. . . . . . . . .  if they have to abuse each other's parents, compare exes etc then i am safe to say that this should be the GETTING THE FUKC OUT stage because you suddenly realize that you guys aint compatible. which is completely NORMAL since you have been dating a stranger who pretended to be who they are not, duh!! if anyone disrespects you by insulting your family then you guys have no business being together and you should part ways immediately for LACK OF RESPECT for one another, which is the BASIC of any union. lol!

now here are my important questions for you OP:
- why quarrel with anyone if you have a good thing going on? have you never dated a person who could communicate/disagree in a civil manner before, rather than argue/quarrel?!
- how is quarreling/provoking someone for no damn good reason prepare someone for marriage?
- how can you claim that if people dont quarrel it means they are not close?! bwaaah! shouldnt this be called understanding (which is another strong foundation for healthy marriages)!
- why should i make myself look dumb by making BS quarrels that surely will be counter-productive to the r/ship?  think about how these BS quarrels with your future bride is going to make you look like an immature guy who is making quarrels about BS. any smart gal will take to her heels, especially if the quarrels are about NONSENSE, simply because you want to know her "threshold"!
- who ever told you that quarreling was the basis of having a great marriage? cant you discover what makes your partner tilt without getting there? aka THROUGH COMMUNICATION.

my most important point to you IS:"why bring ANGER into a beautiful thing? why mess up a good thing?" if you dont feel it in your guts that this person is the ONE for you then no amount of quarreling will fix that and you might as well walk away!

^^and i will respect your views.

Maybe for some couples, their relationship will get to the stage of disagreements rather than quarreling. There are different ways and degrees that each couple will conflict. Hopefully, the outcome will be that they all learn to work through it in the end with respect for each others differences,and sometimes compromise.

@sexkillz
there is a HUGE difference between a disagreement and quarrels/provoking someone (like the OP suggested).

sexkillz:

[color=#000099][font=segoe print][size=10pt]MBJ! If i'm in a 6 month old relationship, and we are yet to quarrel even after a seemingly glare occurrence, i'm gonna find a way of finding out how my partner reacts when under pressure!

bro, if you are in a 6months r/ship, you DEFINITELY shouldn't think of marriage to begin with, and should rather let this r/ship run its course naturally. why would you want to "test" your partner in such manner? life itself is a test and, if she is till happily dating you, then she has passed it with flying colors. why make obstacles where there aint no  worries?
btw: what has quarreling got to do with being under pressure?!

There must be something wrong some where! It's either she is perfect, or i am perfect! The last time i checked, perfect people DONT exist or have all gone EXTINCT! Relationships are not ice cream!

are you saying that people MUST quarrel in order to warrant that they are in a great r/ship? what about communicate and solving issues in a respectful manner rather than quarrel which surely wont solve anything?!
what about people who understand each other and therefore dont "need" to go against each other?

A close pally of my dad said to be: "Most ladies are pretenders! If a woman has 10 characters, she'll only show you 2 while she is dating you, the remaining 8, you'll get to see after she becomes your wife!" That goes for men too! Men are sweet talkers! I'll force those characters outta you! Or at least i'll try to!

we all know that people pretend to be who they are not (look at stage #1 of the OP) BUT TIME is the best weapon against such, the same TIME you will need before deciding on marrying someone. there is not much you can do against a determined fake person (if they put their mind into it), whether you throw fast balls at them or not. many are desperate for marriage therefore they will do WHATEVER it takes to get the coveted ring.

My relationship should not hit the rockz simply because my woman suddenly starts exhibiting strange characters! I should have known 80% of her wild and unpalatable side! That's me though! I value long term relationships, especially if they could lead to marriage! Maybe that's why!

if she does show "strange" signs then you have to act accordingly, in due time. why would you focus on negative points (like the poster) that AINT THERE, when you should be enjoying the good, the great, the positive times with her? unless she naturally shows signs of wrong character, there should be NO NEED to treat her as such or hope for any.

are you actually saying that you have never been in a r/ship where you guys understood each other fully?!

Another thing, ur stages don't always happen in that pattern we can have a mix. . . and i also think some of ur examples are attribrutes of a typical 'lagos nigerian couple'