My People, i don't know how to start explaining my issue, i have this lady, i love so much and we planned spending the rest of our lives together. We ve always enjoyed telling each other truth and as we know it is always bitter. She said there was something she wanted to tell me that she has been hiding from everyone but she feels its time i know. she revealed that she has a child(girl) for one man  from Jos who she said she does not love to marry because of ethnicity and other issues but her parents and siblings  did not know about it. When i asked how she could do it, i mean hiding the pregnancy from her parents, she said she told her parents that she was in her cousins house in Aba and coincidentally, her cousin was abroad throughout the period of her pregnancy so no way for her parents to suspect but she was always speaking on phone with her parents and then  she was waiting for NYSC too. She then followed the owner of the pregnancy(Jos guy) sister who lived in Kaduna while her parents stay in Abuja and she stayed with the guys sister in kaduna for 1 yr and three months and gave birth to the girl child. She said because she planned to get married one day, she did not bosom feed the baby in order to keep the shape of her bosom. She proceeded to put the child in motherless babies home in Abuja where she always sneak out to visit without the knowledge of her parents and siblings. we re both from the eastern part of the country.  meanwhile, she always said no to premarital sex  now we are dating, she is not a virgin o and even said it is till our wedding night that can i make love with her meaning i ve not slept with her before, she said she has done sex before and never achieved anything now no more sex but we planned getting married. And i love her not because of sex and i continued with her.

After listening to all these, i was confused but i know i love her and i ask her, her plans for the baby, she said immediately we marry, she will move the  child who is now 3yrs and 3 months old to our matrimonial home to start staying with us and show her motherly love which she has denied her for long. i told her i don't support the idea that she should let her parents know for the child to stay with them but can be visiting her mother in my house as i will not take another man's  child into my house like that unless i adopted the child officially(where i came from such children stay with the family of the woman and husbands of their mother  can not claim them) meanwhile the child's father is still available with his own family knowing about their son having a girl child. i suggested that  i will let her parents know myself as the child is not motherless and she threatened dealing with me if i do, saying it is her life and not mine and even if she decides not to marry a again, she has her baby who will take care of her at old age. My people, i know good suggestions are always gotten here.pls if you were in my shoe what will u do, your advise is welcomed. Note we re both managing financially and marriage is everlasting,Advice your brother.

The child is my focus here dnt make promises you cannot keep. If you cannot love that child like your own you need to let your gal know. Also it seems your woman wants to marry you but keep on making decisions on her own marriage does not work that way. Why dnt you talk with her about your concerns and give her reasons you feel the child should be with her parents. Let her know if the child grows up like this, (in hiding) feeling like a mistake the damage will be worse than her best intentions. she isn't the first to have given birth to a child out of wedlock.

What about the father of the child is he completely out of the picture? You need to help your woman not make more mistakes. You guys should be able to come to a reasonable decision that will satisfy both of you. Try not to come across as rejecting her child, belittling her. Be gentle with her and remain true to yourself.

there u don't need to be confused if u love your woman ,you should be able to love her child ,maybe she is hiding the baby from her family Dur to her family background, try and help her out , try to make her understand that you are doing the right thing,

andromida:

The child is my focus here dnt make promises you cannot keep. If you cannot love that child like your own you need to let your gal know. Also it seems your woman wants to marry you but keep on making decisions on her own marriage does not work that way. Why dnt you talk with her about your concerns and give her reasons you feel the child should be with her parents. Let her know if the child grows up like this, (in hiding) feeling like a mistake the damage will be worse than her best intentions. she isn't the first to have given birth to a child out of wedlock.

What about the father of the child is he completely out of the picture? You need to help your woman not make more mistakes. You guys should be able to come to a reasonable decision that will satisfy both of you. Try not to come across as rejecting her child, belittling her. Be gentle with her and remain true to yourself.

what you said about her making decison about her marriage is what i am trying to let her know that is not proper but she insisted that whoever loves her as i claimed must love her child. Frankly speaking, i can't accept her child to live with me but can always visit her mother in my house . consider this, i will be a newly married man and start cartering for a child immediately that is not mine, when will there be a time to relax and plan for mine when a child is already there with me. how will i explain it to my own family too immediately i wedded that my wife had a child. don't u think my people might feel i was the owner of the child and what if something happens tomorrow and am not there my people will start to drag the child. thanks for anticpatory reponse to save me from this issue.

Wrong foundation for a marriage. The woman has issues and you would find out after marriage. A woman that can be pregnant for 9 months and the parents didn't know? decided not to breastfeed the baby cos of her breast shape? and abandoned the child at a motherless home for 3 years? why are you not seeing the red light? I see a very selfish, hardened heart, wicked woman. Then no sex before marriage after a child? i smell a rat!!!! They are so many other secrets she is keeping from you so my brother be sure of what you are going into.

very bad sample for a wife material! Smh

samtoye:

Wrong foundation for a marriage. The woman has issues and you would find out after marriage. A woman that can be pregnant for 9 months and the parents didn't know? decided not to breastfeed the baby cos of her bosom shape? and abandoned the child at a motherless home for 3 years? why are you not seeing the red light? I see a very selfish, hardened heart, wicked woman. Then no sex before marriage after a child? i smell a rat!!!! They are so many other secrets she is keeping from you so my brother be sure of what you are going into.

bros this is a no go area . Don't walk where angels will fear to tread. I feel there are still more secrets.my father told me that what to marry in a woman is the heart not beauty. The heart of this lady is is mean,very mean.

GUY UR DECISION IS RYT, IF SHE DOESNT AGREE, Abegg Step out o!, Its kinda difficult luvng anoda man's child, especially wen ur wife 2b is d mother, Tell her 2do d ryt tin 'tell her parents' , Or u QUIT!!!, IF U GO ON 2 MARRY HER, I BET SHE'LD DROP A BOMBSHELL,

[size=14pt]When you are in at crossroads, you either cross the road to avert danger, or you stay and get hit by an oncoming car! You have sensed danger approaching, you wanna stay and find out what happens? You wanna confirm the rumor than says that[b] the element that kills a man when he gets hit by a car, has been removed[/b]? You sound quite intelligent! You should know where to draw a line, and differentiate between LOVE and LUV! Dont make a biased decision because of your discombobulated emotions! Nobody rakes in fire into his bosoms, and yet not get burnt! Marrying this lady would inevitably lead to confounded marital problems which invariably could be catastrophic to the marriage itself! It's not too late to back out, as a failed courtship smells & tastes better better than a failed marriage, no matter the level of pepper and salt in it! See yourself as having come from the future, and you have come to correct the failings of your past! Now that you are in your past, would you make the same mistake twice? I'm not in your shoes, so i dont know how it really feels or hurts! But the only thing i'll say to you is:

Cross the road fast,. . . . . .or you DIE! [/size]

I'm with @andromida on this! What does dat mean?

samtoye:

Wrong foundation for a marriage. The woman has issues and you would find out after marriage. A woman that can be pregnant for 9 months and the parents didn't know? decided not to breastfeed the baby cos of her bosom shape? and abandoned the child at a motherless home for 3 years? why are you not seeing the red light? I see a very selfish, hardened heart, wicked woman. Then no sex before marriage after a child? i smell a rat!!!! They are so many other secrets she is keeping from you so my brother be sure of what you are going into.

I agree

Wrong foundation for a marriage. The woman has issues and you would find out after marriage. A woman that can be pregnant for 9 months and the parents didn't know? decided not to breastfeed the baby cos of her bosom shape? and abandoned the child at a motherless home for 3 years? why are you not seeing the red light? I see a very selfish, hardened heart, wicked woman. Then no sex before marriage after a child? i smell a rat!!!! They are so many other secrets she is keeping from you so my brother be sure of what you [table][/table]are going in

i agree with u,

For how long have you being dating before revealing this truth to you? there may be more where this is coming from try and find out. marraige is build on trust and the too of you should be able to agree on issue like this. If you can agree on this now then there is danger ahead. My brother love is not blind as people use to say. whatever you can overlook you don't take it into marriage.

@poster
there are few things i dont really understand:
- is she planning on revealing her child to her parents after "marriage" or what?!
- do you think that what she did was/is RIGHT?
- after all the deceit that has happened in her life, how can you still trust what comes out of this woman's mouth?
- shouldnt you ask this girl to do what's right FIRST before thinking of getting married? meaning telling her parents etc.
- what is this BS about keeping tittay's shape if not brea.stfeeding?! TITTAYS WILL SAG that she breastfeed or not, duh!!!! when women get pregnant, their tittays expand due to the milk therefore the skin get stretched and lose its "elasticity". THAT'S the reason why br.east sag, not breastfeeding lol.

Titties sags because of gravity and weight.

A whole ot of issues.
I think you should run before its too late. There s no guarantee that even if your woman agrees with you now, the 'living in' thing wont come up later and this has the potential of rocking your young marriage.

A woman who carries a pregnancy to completion without confiding in anyone (not even her mother), hehehe wahala dey.

And a mother whose daughter gave birth and returns to the house and she didnt suspect a thing. Well i know not every mother is like mine.

Thank God I believed when the bible said the heart of man is desperately wicked. Now I know it is filled with deceit. Viper is better than this your girl. I really pity what will become of u if u go ahead with. I dnt have problem with pple making mistake, but when they decide to stick to their mistakes without amendment is a problem. Guy, shine your eyes abeg.