Should Parents choose wife/husband for their children?
I know the default general answer to this is NO. But directly or indirectly, our parents affect our choices.
But how far should the influence go?

depends on your culture it also depends on how fast your culture evolves.

personally i wont allow anyone to have a say so in whom i choose to spend my life with and i dont care what happens

depends on how for you let them.
IMHO,you have the final say when it comes to who YOU choose to spend the rest of your life with.

To an extend their say or stand could be of great one especially when it is glaring that one is about to make that mistake. Most times the child involved doesn't see the danger ahead because of emotions. So my advice is that when such differences occure one should take a brake to look inward.

NO!

Thank God I came from a family that doesnt care what ethnicity, tribe or religion I marry!

comotdere:

To an extend their say or stand could be of great one especially when it is glaring that one is about to make that mistake. Most times the child involved doesn't see the danger ahead because of emotions. So my advice is that when such differences occure one should take a brake to look inward.

I agree with this.

comotdere:

To an extend their say or stand could be of great one especially when it is glaring that one is about to make that mistake. Most times the child involved doesn't see the danger ahead because of emotions. So my advice is that when such differences occure one should take a brake to look inward.

SO IT IS OUR PARENTS THAT DONT MAKE MISTAKE AND WHEN IT COMES TO MARRIAGE YOU CAN NOT SEE DANGERS MTSEEEW. OUR PARENTS HAVE IDOLS IN THERE HEARTS THEY EXPECT YOU TO MARRY SOMEONE AND WHEN YOU COME WITH ANOTHER PERSON THEN YOU HAVE MADE THE WRONG CHOICE. PARENTS SEE EVRYTHING AND THAT AS MADE OUR WORLD PERFECT ABI? WHEN YOU MEET SOMEONE AND YOU DECIDE TO SPENT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH THAT PERSON, YOU CONSIDER HIS/HER VISION, INTERLLECT, DRIVE, MOTIVATION, DREAMS AND ALOT OF THINGS, BUT OUR PARENTS THINK WHERE IS HE/SHE FROM, WHICH TRIBE, PARENT AND DOES HE/SHE HAS MONEY OR NOT.

I wouldn't say they should choose(cos no one will choose for me)but their opinions matter a lot cos my people say that what an elder sees while sitting down even if a child should climb an iroko tree,he won't see it,they are more than welcome to share their reservations if any, the final decision will be mine.

In a way, YES but i think Parents should allow inter-tribal marriages.

brainpulse:

SO IT IS OUR PARENTS THAT DONT MAKE MISTAKE AND WHEN IT COMES TO MARRIAGE YOU CAN NOT SEE DANGERS MTSEEEW. OUR PARENTS HAVE IDOLS IN THERE HEARTS THEY EXPECT YOU TO MARRY SOMEONE AND WHEN YOU COME WITH ANOTHER PERSON THEN YOU HAVE MADE THE WRONG CHOICE. PARENTS SEE EVRYTHING AND THAT AS MADE OUR WORLD PERFECT ABI? WHEN YOU MEET SOMEONE AND YOU DECIDE TO SPENT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH THAT PERSON, YOU CONSIDER HIS/HER VISION, INTERLLECT, DRIVE, MOTIVATION, DREAMS AND ALOT OF THINGS, BUT OUR PARENTS THINK WHERE IS HE/SHE FROM, WHICH TRIBE, PARENT AND DOES HE/SHE HAS MONEY OR NOT.

You can say "YOUR" parents have someone they idolize and expect you to marry, cos my own parents DON'T have any for me,I come from a family where my decision matters and is highly respected,since I grew up to know what's right and wrong,my parents have never forced or imposed their decisions that doesn't go down well with me,on me,all they do is make me see reasons why what they think is best for me is what I should do,even at that I still weigh the options and choose for myself,my dad wanted me to be a nurse but I told him that's not what I want and he didn't argue about it,they only show me the right part,taking it is left for me and as a reasonable child,I know the want the best for me so I often heed their advice,where I come from you are allowed to use your free will and liberty,so don't generalize.

comotdere:

To an extend their say or stand could be of great one especially when it is glaring that one is about to make that mistake. Most times the child involved doesn't see the danger ahead because of emotions. So my advice is that when such differences occure one should take a brake to look inward.

True.

freecocoa:

You can say "YOUR" parents have someone they idolize and expect you to marry, cos my own parents DON'T have any for me,I come from a family where my decision matters and is highly respected,since I grew up to know what's right and wrong,my parents have never forced or imposed their decisions that doesn't go down well with me,on me,all they do is make me see reasons why what they think is best for me is what I should do,even at that I still weigh the options and choose for myself,my dad wanted me to be a nurse but I told him that's not what I want and he didn't argue about it,they only show me the right part,taking it is left for me and as a reasonable child,I know the want the best for me so I often heed their advice,where I come from you are allowed to use your free will and liberty,so don't generalize.

If you do decide to become a JW, all that you've just said na blowing grammar. They will have more influence as to who you marry than any family member will (that is if they don't choose him for you themselves). Something to think about (and if people tell you otherwise I know of many examples).

@ OP - if I lived in a rural village alone or in a closed society only amongst my gender, then yes, my parents can choose my spouse for me. As it is, they have brought me up properly and the ultimate decision is mine.

This "what elders see sitting down" thing doesn't wash with me either. Maybe in a few examples, but nowadays many "elders" have myopic vision and are unaware of the nature of the world we live in. I have seen way too many bad examples of elders sitting down seeing what they want, that the child standing up could have told them if they bothered to listen.

We should listen to them, it is important,(it depends on the parent you have) they may have one reason or the other against our proposition. This will make us to thread softly and be very careful. God bless you. God2man.

If my parents were a life, it would have been a joy to have them influence who I get married to cos parents see a lot that we, their children fail to see or can not see. I will like them to influence my choice if what they look out for is not far from what I want in my partner.

N101:

If you do decide to become a JW, all that you've just said na blowing grammar.  They will have more influence as to who you marry than any family member will (that is if they don't choose him for you themselves).  Something to think about (and if people tell you otherwise I know of many examples).

Becoming a JW is an entirely different thing,now if I do decide to become one,with all I know about them so far,it means I already know what I'm going into and have fully accepted to work in accordance with whatever they want me to do,if I knew nothing about them before joining and they influence my decisions,that's when you can come back and write what you just wrote now.

Hi poster good topic
I think parents have a right of giving advices to their children, but not choosing for them for 2 reasons:
Their children have to be responsible for their own choicec, parents are not eternal!
Secondly, love can not be directed by anyone else than them

But of course, they have to tell their children about what they think so that children could take anything in consideration to decide

The child is responsible for his/her life. But the bible says honour your parents, so it should be a thing where both the child and parent sit down and reason together. If the marriage doesn't work later on, the child will have someone to hold for it, if forced into any marriage.

I will not mind their imput.

godman01:

The child is responsible for his/her life. But the bible says honour your parents, so it should be a thing where both the child and parent sit down and reason together. If the marriage doesn't work later on, the child will have someone to hold for it, if forced into any marriage.

Yes I know what Bible says brother, but you know religion is not something straight, I mean you have to adapt yourself to different situation, religion is here to guide your moral but not here to impose you a husband or a wife
As I told you, Parents have to tell what they think about relationship, but don't have to choice, that's how children become adults

No.

Parents should allow their children to make decisions on their own and it may not be the decisions they were want their children to make.

Teach your children the way they should go and they will never depart from them. Praise.

No big deal

Parents should not choose their children's partners but a wise child will seek and listen to the advice of his/her parents. Remember our parents we once our age so they have gone through all you are going through and seen alot more. Some have made mistakes they dont want you to make or seen other make mistakes they want you to avoid. I generally see two areas where parents input could be very important

1. Family background; sometimes parents may not want you to marry from a particular family or family set-up just because of some of that family's history.
2. Future prospects; as a father, if my daughters want to marry, I know if I watch her spouse for sometime, I can tell weather he is going somewhere in life or not. He may not be rich at the moment but you can see prospects.

These are the two areas I think parents input are very important.

As I said, parents should not choose but a wise child will listen.

i hav nothing against parent trying to pick a partner for their child , but the final decision is yours to make.
Their choice maybe right, it all depends on wat they hope to achieve for you.

Rano walks in, singing "Obia ije k'ambu, obianu obia ije k'ambu, Olisah chebe nu'm O, ebe mu n'etigba, n'eti egwu'm O!"

nope

Not in this world anymore.