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Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! - Romance (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by dealordea(m): 7:50am On Jan 12, 2012
I quite understand how you feel about this but I don't want to be an obstruction to your marriage but kindly check your guy very well, i think is up to something like double dating and there is a dilemma of another lady involve in this matter and his kinda looking for a way to her believe his feelings towards her and i think the girl must have been an online chit chat friend who always see you often with him and is kinda asking her out!!! lol, Just my opinion.
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Nobody: 8:11am On Jan 12, 2012
marry him, after all women are known to love money. i bet if he came to you as a poor man, you wont even look @him in the eyes. you will look down to his shoes. grin grin grin grin grin grin
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by LDG(f): 9:07am On Jan 12, 2012
He may not even turn up on your wedding day the way things are going, Or even if he does and you do get married, it is quite possible that he may for example say he is going to work one day and just never come back,
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Mynd44: 9:15am On Jan 12, 2012
Please be very careful and be prepared for anything. But don not step in front of any priest or judge with him until you nave confronted him
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Goldieluks: 9:30am On Jan 12, 2012
@OP. You mentioned that he was married before,how much do you know about his previous marriage,are you sure he has finalised his divorce with his ex wife? Who knows maybe he's facing pressure from his ex and he decided to send the email to her so as to prove to her that he's not getting married to you,hence the story about you being a well to do person prior to taking care of the child as a single mum. Think outside the box.

About the first replies you got from some poster about confronting him,I think that is the first step to deal with this issue. If possible call some few members of his family and some of yours too,I believe his past is not hidden from his family and they may have some insight about what he does for a living. The earlier you do this the better for your situation,knowing fully well that you are pregnant. Yes the marriage is pretty close but it is better to know where you stand rather than going ahed with the marriage without a clue of any knowledge about the person you are going to live with. The fact that he is well to do and the fact that he's spent so much on the upcoming wedding ,is not the primary issue at hand,you may be feeling insecure financially but my dear money is not everything. You have to protect your dignity and sanity first,so go for it girl.  My pinch of advise.
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by LongOne1(m): 11:55am On Jan 12, 2012
Cuddlemii:

Wait a min, sh-it! that guy played you. He is probably married to a barren woman and dated u for a child or he needs to prove that he can father a child. Because why else would he want a child so bad as to get u pregnant twice when he doesn't want any commitment or marriage. Maybe he relocated to achieve his means. He might even kill you after the baby is born. He had mapped out his plan from the get go, he saw an emotional lady to play stunts with. The act of trickery and devious antics. I am thinking like a crook here

Haba Cuddlemi, you want her to have a panic attack leading to another miscarriage?

Jack Bauer has nothing on you, Dexter would not have been able to survive his first season and CSI would have been out of work, since crime would have stopped out of frustration for your deductive reasoning, lol.

Goldieluks:

@OP. You mentioned that he was married before,how much do you know about his previous marriage,are you sure he has finalised his divorce with his ex wife? Who knows maybe he's facing pressure from his ex and he decided to send the email to her so as to prove to her that he's not getting married to you,hence the story about you being a well to do person prior to taking care of the child as a single mum. Think outside the box.

My thoughts exactly, you just might have your answer up there. It is possible he is STILL married and wants to use your email to end his marriage without hurting his wife.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Eiregirl(f): 11:57am On Jan 12, 2012
DON'T GET MARRIED!!!!!!! This all sounds waaaaaay too dodgy & you're considering getting married to him. So what if you are pregnant! There are millions of single parents out there doing a better job alone. Definitely confront him & watch his reactions, you should know by that whether he's lying or not. I wish you the best of luck.
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by imalady: 12:02pm On Jan 12, 2012
Nope I don't think he is still married as I have seen the divorce papers, and we are having a registary wedding. It is against the law and a criminal offence to marry someone else whilst you are still legally bound (bigamy). As for the people saying why did I get pregnant again outside wedlock , trust me once you have experienced a miscarriage it messed up your head and you would do anything to reassure yourself that you are fertile and can bear a child like the majority of other women out there. Thanks all in all everyone for your individual advise .
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Eiregirl(f): 12:06pm On Jan 12, 2012
Anyone know how to send a PM?
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Mynd44: 1:52pm On Jan 12, 2012
Eiregirl:

Anyone know how to send a PM?
I don't think you can do that but you can check if the person you wanna send a message to has an email or you can just ask the person for his/her contact details.
Ps if you send someone an e-mail then you should inform the person
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Eiregirl(f): 1:55pm On Jan 12, 2012
Mynd_44:

I don't think you can do that but you can check if the person you wanna send a message to has an email or you can just ask the person for his/her contact details.
Ps if you send someone an e-mail then you should inform the person
Ok cool, thanks for that wink
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by MrsChima1(f): 1:57pm On Jan 12, 2012
im_a lady:

Nope I don't think he is still married as I have seen the divorce papers, and we are having a registary wedding. It is against the law and a criminal offence to marry someone else whilst you are still legally bound (bigamy). As for the people saying why did I get pregnant again outside wedlock , trust me once you have experienced a miscarriage it messed up your head and you would do anything to reassure yourself that you are fertile and can bear a child like the majority of other women out there. Thanks all in all everyone for your individual advise .

Registry marriage and traditional marriage are two separate things.   He can be legally divorced through the court of law, but it doesn't mean he isn't married traditionally.   Courts do not have the time to go to neighboring villages and investigate whether he is married or not.  

If there isn't a legal document stating that he is married then he isn't married in the COURT OF LAW.
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Mynd44: 2:22pm On Jan 12, 2012
Mrs Chima please don't mistake the trditional weddings oooo. You can actually be married traditionally and it will still be legally recognised event without without legal evidence. All you need is witnesses that witnessed the event and the officiating priest or family head involved.
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by MrsChima1(f): 4:17pm On Jan 12, 2012
Mynd_44:

Mrs Chima please don't mistake the trditional weddings oooo. You can actually be married traditionally and it will still be legally recognised event without without legal evidence. All you need is witnesses that witnessed the event and the officiating priest or family head involved.

I forgot some people need detailed and broke down information.  In the countries that supports and recognizes traditional marriages are legal in those countries. 

Countries like America, Canada, UK, and few others recognizes COURT LAW marriages.  If she lives in those countries, he will need to be legally MARRIED by the courts before he can be charged with bigamy.  Got it? 

If that was the case, then many of these men from other countries that are traditionally married with wives will be charged with bigamy if they are married to other wives in countries that doesn't support polygamy.  Common sense. 

Last time I have checked, polygamous marriages are acceptable in Nigeria and few other African countries. 

LMAO@me confusing traditional marriages with court of law marriages.   grin grin grin grin grin I can see the American government officials going to Kenya to see if Ollan is married traditionally. grin grin
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Mynd44: 4:32pm On Jan 12, 2012
Okay
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Goldieluks: 6:42pm On Jan 12, 2012
Chima might be right,that guy might be legally divorce whilst traditionally married to the same woman(ex)still.
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Nobody: 6:49pm On Jan 12, 2012
Have a hidden recorder with you. Have the convo. . .
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by imalady: 7:02pm On Jan 12, 2012
His Ex wife was a white English woman , do by law it's illegal and I have seen the divorce papers, but while all this was happening, I am uncertain on if he has another wife in Nigeria.
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Cuddlemii: 7:25pm On Jan 12, 2012
im_a lady:

His Ex wife was a white English woman , do by law it's illegal and I have seen the divorce papers, but while all this was happening, I am uncertain on if he has another wife in Nigeria.

Now you are talking. So he is one of those men that marry white women for stay and all. So of all the men in the world, you decided to venture into such union. Did you find out his reason for separating from his ex white wife and did you confirm he was telling the truth?

The thing with shortcuts is that, it has a way of catching up with u. That was how a lady deceived everyone and married a man who was separated from his marriage and lied to everyone that he was divorced from a wicked wife.

It was later the lady was publicly disgraced as the man was catholic and they didn't permit divorce in that religion. So they dealt with him and said they wont bury him in the church. It was later he confessed that his ex-wife was not at fault that it was him, that slept with a maid. He also said his new wife forced herself on him, used sex to cajoled him into marrying her and initiated the whole thing. He said their marriage was a sham. Now the lady is a laughing stock and he has gone back to his wife and kids.

Women need to be very careful when it comes to dating, marriage and bearing kids. Yes money is really cool but its better to have peace of mind and happiness. Nothing wrong with dealing with an upcoming guy who is realistic enough to show you his shortcomings & faults from the very beginning.
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by ronkebp(f): 7:34pm On Jan 12, 2012
That is why, ladies would always be at the receiving end, what is wrong in waiting, getting married first before getting pregnant. What if he actually dumps you, 3 weeks to a wedding means nothing!!!!.
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Mynd44: 7:38pm On Jan 12, 2012
Okay she has made the mistake of getting pregnant can we please help out with some hard biting truths
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Nobody: 7:39pm On Jan 12, 2012
What are you doing with a divorced man? If he can leave one woman then he can surely leave you too.
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Amya(f): 7:44pm On Jan 12, 2012
Cuddlemii:

This story sounds like a mafia flick. This is a very strange topic. What won't naija men dabble into. And where is that foolish Opribo that said unmarried women should be stoned and beheaded. smh

@op, I really sympathize with you but even if he was having unprotected sex with you, why didn't you protect your own self, are you a baby or what? How much is postinor2 that you are going through all these now.

I am afraid you have to sit back and see what he is up to as you are already pregnant and have a wedding coming up soon but prepare your mind for anything. People should learn to use protection and run proper test on themselves because that thing called prick can be very sweet but with severe consequences so make sure you are always well secured or open up with insurance and not assurance.

Its obvious he is living a double life, he must have an oyinbo wife somewhere or something. You said he is well to do, what is he into, hope not that he is even a 419ner or fraudster for him to impersonate you like that. You were busy frolicking with a man you didn't run a background search on him. How well do people know who they are dating, sleeping-with or in relationship with, this is a good lesson to ladies and I inclusive. That miscarriage was a bad omen and sign, an easy escape root only for you to make the same mistake. Sorry once again and get to the root of the matter before you do anything rash.

Wait a min, sh-it! that guy played you. He is probably married to a barren woman and dated u for a child or he needs to prove that he can father a child. Because why else would he want a child so bad as to get u pregnant twice when he doesn't want any commitment or marriage. Maybe he relocated to achieve his means. He might even kill you after the baby is born. He had mapped out his plan from the get go, he saw an emotional lady to play stunts with. The act of trickery and devious antics. I am thinking like a crook here
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by coogar: 7:56pm On Jan 12, 2012
im_a lady:

His Ex wife was a white English woman , do by law it's illegal and I have seen the divorce papers, but while all this was happening, I am uncertain on if he has another wife in Nigeria.

just do your thing.
i don't begrudge you getting pregnant. it's a safer option than going for an abortion.
you have found out his ploy. think - soak your head in a bathtub full of ice cubes and think of how you can make that work to your advantage.
maybe you should actually compose another mail like he's done and write to your own advantage as well.

good luck!
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by ronkebp(f): 7:57pm On Jan 12, 2012
Mynd_44:

Okay she has made the mistake of getting pregnant can we please help out with some hard biting truths

What help do you think anybody can give the poster, even without being told, the ''shit'' she found in his mail, is like a revelation to her, it is better she listens to her head now, and run for her life, because, what kind of a being, would act that way??, '' a pretender of the highest order'', he must have multiple personalities disorder.
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Mynd44: 8:00pm On Jan 12, 2012
ok
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by doeeyed: 12:34am On Jan 13, 2012
It all seems dodgy.
embarassed embarassed embarassed

The past is dodgy: he lied to his ex that another lady was pregnant for him to get a divorce. 

Has it crossed ur mind, that he may have left the email intentionally to be discovered, leading to ur present predicament,  you being unreasonable n breaking up as he originally planned. 

Playing the waiting game may get you into trouble, this guy possibly has you all worked out and will play you out no matter how smart you think you are.  Presently he holds all the aces.
Discussing wt a senior family member whom he holds in high esteem may help or backfire depending on ur chap's original plan. But it helps to place things out in the open, give you some credibility ( not appear like a psychotic woman ) and give ur chap fewer exits or maneuvers.

Most importantly, u need prayers at this point to gain divine direction.

Gut instinct, better to live as a mentally stable single mother than dwell in a bittersweet marriage that has you dwelling on the verge of insanity due to his self- centred, selfish devious attitude.  angry

(Doesn't he realise this is a precarious time for you??)
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Mynd44: 8:08am On Jan 13, 2012
This woman needs to confront the guy and not do it alone else he might just play her and she should be prepared for anything
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by OK2NV: 9:25am On Jan 13, 2012
he is creating an alibi and it may not simply be for just breaking up. Am sensing he is trying to cover his tracks so that if he suddenly skip town and you dissapeared he will use the email as reason for him relocating.

Do you own property, have substantial cash holdings or connections to such and does he have access to them?
Check your account, important documents, etc.
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Mynd44: 9:31am On Jan 13, 2012
Yes oooo. He might be planning to take off with your money or with another woman
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by Wislet(f): 10:57am On Jan 13, 2012
@OP, DO NOT get married to that guy. And confront him about it,. How can a responsible man be planning to leave both his wife and kid later and run?
Or is he the type that wanna have kids but want no responsibilities?

U will do well to confront him NOW about it, AND WITH HIS FAMILY IN THE KNOW.

He needs to know he can't continue fooling everyone. Who knows how many other women have kids for him elsewhere he is not taking responsibility for?

Marry him and you might never be able to extricate yourself, cos he might never divorce u. Yet wont be responsible for you.

You need to bring this out in the open before anything. Else YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO CONVINCE ANYONE YOU DIDN'T SEND THAT MESSAGE. COS U'LL ALREADY BE MARRIED THEN.
Re: Getting Married In A Couple Of Weeks, And Discovered Hubby Is A Fraud! by malaika(f): 11:33am On Jan 13, 2012
:/

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