i need pples advise on this issue and am in dire need of that now. my mind, head and heart is going crazy.

i met this ghanian chik some months back, she is doing he house manship and we sarted dating and really liked each other. there was this day that we were caried away and we made love without condom. immediately we finished, i told her that she shld just do someting abt it . she assured me that, she is a doctor and obviously she will do someting abt it so i relaxed. a month after i found out that she didnt do her menses, so i drew her attention to it that she shld go for a test. she the discovered that she was a month preg. i told her that i just dont want a baby now cos i have a lot to put right abt my life and a baby will not make things easy for me. at first she refused that she doesnt want to go thru an abortion and that she wants to keep the baby which i insisted all the while. she keeps calling me everytime abt the what we r going to do abt it but i kept telling her that i dont need a baby for now.

3ths into it she agreed to go thru an abortion after a lot of talking and talking. she then billed me which i gave her 80% of the cash. she said the doctor will give her an injection first and after 3 days he'll carry out the operation. some days later, she came and told me that the injection didnt work and i told her to go back and see the doctor but she didnt go and she lied she went. i dont knw how many months the preg is now cos she is pregnant and she has been calling and calling saying that i come and that she needs a place. she said she was going to come and see mey family but i told her that once they knw abt it, she is on her own and that all these audience that am giving her will cease. AM IN DEEP MESS HERE. PLS SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO cos i dont want any baby right now.


at a point we broke up, there was this night my ex- called my fone and she piked it up while i was sleeping and she copied her num and started calling her and i dont knw what she said. she sent a text to my-ex that am stupid, i only sleep with her and all other things but when i acousted her, she said it was my ex that started it. i called my -ex and told her that she shld hands off my life and face hers.

what is my main concer is that, she has so many guys after her, so many times at night guys call her but when i challenged her, she said do i expect guys not to walk up to her but i now asked that must u give every guy u meet ur num. there was even a day she said a guy came to her place and wanted to sleep with her forcefully even when she was pregnant

her friend called me some days ago that she is so sick and she wants to see me. am so confused but am still adamant that i dont need any baby for now which i have always told her from day 1.


pls help, what do i do

I would not start the blaming game here cuz the harm has already been done. Its obvious that your Ghanian chick wants marriage and nothing else. She used the pregnancy as a trap for you. Lets pray and believe that she loves you very much. My dear, work on the relationship o! you have to take responsibility for your action which is the unborn child. Whether you want it or not, the truth is she is not going to have an abortion so get ready to be a baby father or a husband whichever one you pick you are Trapped mate!

You cannot abadorn the baby even if you do not want the mother anymore, the child is innocent of all skirming acts of the mother. I know it would not be easy for you to do now, but there is always a way where it seems there is none. Try and be objective about the whole situation and stop saying you do not want the child. Face reality, she is having the baby.

Good luck!!!!

to bad).
There is nothing she can do now except for her to have the baby.
Abortion is not the best option as the pregancy is already over 3 months.
You can decided whatever you want to do with the mother later.

It appear the lady had made up her mind to have the baby out of wedlock. Somehow, I am affriad to say there is something fishy about you and the lady. Much as I would say you erred. The deed has been done. Nothing we do or say can recerse that. Abortion is a risky option.

Many questions begging for anwers. Why would she want you by all means? Why would she keep flowing with guys even when she is pregnant? Are you from rich home? If yes, I am affraid, you have a gold digger in your hand. If NO, what is the reason that made her insist on having a baby for you? You must have a clus unless you are dumb. I want you to research into that quickly.

It is not what happen that matter but what you do with what happen.

This is my candid advice:

in this cicumstance, find out how old is the pregnancy. It is silly of you to know wken she does her menses but not how old is the pregnancy she carries. It is better late than never. Owe up to the pregnancy, but, I am sorry to recommend this line, DON"T MARRY HER! At least not now. tell her that and see what her reaction is.

Did you say she is a doctor? or a medical student? Please if she is a doctor, then she know what she is doing it. Don't trap yourself with marriage when you are not sure of the outcome. It would only worsen your plight. Maybe you can arrange a temporary marriage subject to some conditions.

A lesson for you and other guys. IF YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THE OUTCOME, DON'T DO! Next time, after this storm is over, you would learn to tuck your thing where it belong.

Let hear more from you so we may see if we need to remodel the above.

Good advice from Olanajim.

Men, why do it if ur not ready for the baby

Same old story, same old song. No matter how many times it happens, it's going to happen again. Another one will still bite the dust. When will men learn? Tuck it in, like someone said, use a condom, if you must. Exercise caution, please. Too many unplanned children.

uf4oma:

Same old story, same old song. No matter how many times it happens, it's going to happen again. Another one will still bite the dust. When will men learn? Tuck it in, like someone said, use a condom, if you must. Exercise caution, please. Too many unplanned children.

you have said it all my dear.


KEEP YOUR LITTLE SOLDIERS ZIPPED

the ghanaian lady was doing her housemanship? That leads me to think she was a doctor.

a medical doctor of all people would not know to use a condom during sex? secondly, as a doctor she would have access to 'next day' drugs which would prevent pregnancy. Obviously she suckered you into it. The same way the other guys wanted to sleep with her was the same way you had the hots for her.

unfortunately, she has you in her trap. You don't sound like a kid, you should exercise self control later.

right now you're in a mess, the solution is not clear.

thanks so much for all ur words. what baffles me is that, her mum came to nigeria and she never even called me for once to ask me abt it. her bother only called me once and never again. i dont knw what she wants from me. i wouldnt blame her cos i did it but she is a doctor in the making or made. how did she not knw that she missed her period? i was the person that told her she could be pregnant. i'll just sit down and think of what to do, aint getting married to her and the baby? dont know for now

.

My man, there is nothing much you can do now. The pregnancy is already too far along, just be a responsible FATHER to your child. A child will be complicating her life too she has more of it to deal with don't be selfish.

Next time if you know you are not ready for a child, don't think with your prick but with your head, use a condom and give her a morning after pill if you are not so sure of d condom.

thats my 2 cents !

Hmm! Sometimes we keep hearing things that sound like love. But inthe real sense of it they are pure infactuation. If I have the opportunity, I will ask some few questions like how long did you know the lady in question?, what make you to feel she is qualified to have sex without protection?.

Even without the answer to these questions I think I should provide a honest advice on this issue:

1. Having the baby is inevitable, what you need to do is plan a better life for this baby He/She will be your first born. Pray God to provide for how you take good care of the baby. Aspire to be responsible father. the Coming child is innocent transfer the aggression to it.


2. You are not in any legal agreement with the Lady, all you do is settle it out with her amicably if you think you are not ready for marriage.

3. I will suggest as a matter of fact that you go for HIV test, since I am not sure you no the HIV status of this woman neither do I think you know her sexual history. The Earlier is better.

4. finally, I will like you to learn from this case for you not to make such mistake in the future. Hmm! God is Merciful pray to HIM for 4giveness.

God is Love nothing more

When you were jecking none of us was aware now we will turn to advicers and problem solvers. If you dont want to marry a ghanian gyl just take care of the your nigerian Child, who knows he/she might be our president in future. Let your case teach others the importance of condom and staying out of sex. Maybe you were too stingy to buy a condom now you have to buy pampers which is more expensive not to talk of baby food and buggy.
Wish the unborn innocent baby all da best as he/she will follows us teste the sweetness of this world.

my bro, a trap was set for u and u fell. thats all there is to it. so as we all fall into sin and come out of it, casting it aside and walking away after doing penance then u should do d same. never marry a woman who starts a relationship with deceit and lies, marriages have broken up for less reasons. come out of the relationship,cast her aside and walk away from her but be sure to do penance by taking care of ur innocent and blameless first child as penance for giving him/her such an unworthy type of mother. do this and it will be well with u. be more careful next time. all d best.

My heart go to the innocent product of that copulation. I have seen scenerio like this. The couple married but the marriage was too hot for them. The man suffered, the mother suffered. And they both transfer their frustration on the innocent child. The child grew up with grandma who spoilt him and made him a nuisance. He is such a waste of divine gift.

The child is now a big boy living a reckless life. Both parents eventually went their seperate way and remarried. That child lives in my former street. I don't ever pray for my enemy to be like him.

Why not compromise, for the sake of the baby? The most logical thing to do now is to own up to it.

Tell your parents about the circumstance of her getting pregnant. Please be honest about it. Tell them it was a trap and you don't want the baby to suffer. I am sure if you have understanding parents, they would bail you out. I have been lucky to witness this one too.

What would happen is that, you accept the custody of the baby with full support of your parents. And then face whatever it is that is holding you down.

After delivery, she would have to make her choice on whether to stay or leave. It is not really difficult. Just confide in your parents.

"Ti Aja ba fi ori k'omi, A gba ile olowo e lo!"

I do not see what you are passing through as a problem at all. I see it as an opportunity, and challenge for you to be counted among the champions. If l found myself in that state, (though it is very unlikely as my kalashinokov don't think for me) I would welcome it with an open arms and make a man out of that child. As for the mother, she would have two options and they are fair.

My brother, TELL YOUR PARENTS ABOUT IT. They won't kill you. Once the lady know that your parents know, she would not give you empty threat again. She would think.

Since the gyl keep on sleeping with other men while pregnant, why can't go for DNA test before you conclude the child is yours.
Who know that might save you this agony you are going thru.
Nuff said.

go see her and maybe talk things over again with her
its obviously too late for an abortion now so, take care of her and do a test to see if the child is yours.
if the baby is yours, u got no choice but to accept it. U put it in there in the first.
abortions is not as easy as the name, alot of things could go wrong.

hard at first but u will come to accept the fact the u might be having a baby.
all the best!

@olajim,
ii tink u re d best guy in naija true true,
u don solve d guy problem.

congrats papa bomboy!!! pls remember to invite us for the child naming.whether its in ghana or lagos,i'd love to attend.E ku Orire! Eku Ina owo.mogbo moya

you have gotten all the advice you can get, but something sounds fishy, it looks like she's desperate to marry you, but as advised above don't marry her, if you know she's not the right person you want to settle down with. and i suggest you really find out if she's truly pregnant, and if your truly the father of that child, for crying out loud she is a doctor or almost a doctor , she should know these things. more over you said there were other guys. it looks like she's up to something.

also those blaming the guy, abeg make we hear word, jare .

as much as am not in support of him sleeping with the lady, she also has some fault. abi na the guy tell am make she open leg.

she freely opened her legs. so she also has a fault. am tired of hearing all the blames go to the guys, as if the girls were forced to have sex.

if its a case of sex-attack, its understandable. but any other thing, the girl has as much fault as the guy, because she should have a mind of her own, she's not a robot, but a human being with a mind and who can think for herself.

everyone should learn to take responsibility of their actions and not blame it on another person, which most girls do.

@Teeboy

I know you are in a shock right now; any decent and ambitiuos person would. My advice,therefore, is that you need to relax a little. What would you have done if this lady had called you a month after having sex with her to reveal to you that she had just discovered she was HIV positive at the time the two of you were intimate ? And what would you have done if she is so below your standard that you wouldn`t even like anyone to see you with her ? What am I getting at ? Well, I just want you to know that a situation is as bad and distressing only as your mind chooses to make it.
First question: How would you describe this lady before the issue of pregnancy crop up- character-wise ? If you know she was above average before the pregnancy ,we can then move on to my next points.
At this juncture, you need to understand that you will never find a girl that is totally compatible with you; there is nothing like 100% compatibility!!!! And one other question is relevant here, teeboy: if you have to choose between marrying someone that loves you but you don`t love, or marry someone that you love but doesn`t love you, who are you going to choose ? Process that question and hold on to whatever answer u`ve got, we`ll come back to it later ? Up until now you have not said anything to convince me that this lady is not good enough to be your future wife. If you can relax a little and accept the fact that even married women do engage in this type of game (when they know they want more children than their husband desire). The wife of the Prime Minister of Britain did it a couple of years ago.
Most importantly, pls do understand that the moment you go down this route, having a child now then marrying a different person later, your life may never be as predictable as you will want it to be.
The two of you are young, she can be telling you that a guy wants to sleep in her place when there is nobody there whatsoever, just to let you know that she is valued by so many other guys. And why should she do away with other guys when she knows in her mind that you are not very keen
One mistake you are making right now is to be thinking that the moment she knows you are going to accept her in your life, she wouldn`t change for the better. Unlike men, ladies tend to show more commitment and seriousness when they know that the person in question is going to be their future husband. So expect things to be different once she is sure of her position with you. I asked you a question earlier; the point is, just as you can pick and choose b/w the ladies to marry so also can the lady you eventually pick chooses not to marry someone that already has a child . So I want you to think properly about that b/c there is always a difference b/w fantasy and reality. Of course, you are the one that knows so many other things that we don`t; you may have seen many things that made her a no-no, that is why the final decision has to be yours
But let your parents know about it as soon as possible, especially if you are still a student, you are going to be surprised at the amount of understanding they would show.
At the end of the day, you have to reconcile yourself to the fact that when you chose to have sex with her without a condom, you set in motion a set of circumstances that would change your life for ever, but there is no misfortune that doesn`t come with a modicum of fortune, provided you handle things wisely. I wish you God`s guidance

the lady is deperate of marriage.

guy don't marry her. u will not find happiness in such marriage.

let her give birth first even if u have 2 rethink later.

don't be afriad of having a child ouside wedlock. the child may not be urs.

tell ur parents about it but don't marry her NOW

For those who seek to know the lady's age, here is a simple calculation: if the lady is a doctor doing her housemanship. I guess she must stand between 26 and 30 year in age! I choose 27 for convinience. The guy is possibly around the same age or younger.

My calculation on the lady is as follow: if she finished o'level at 18, and spent 7 years in medical sch. The minimum age we get is 26. Her desperation to marry is a trademark of ladies from 27 year upward. I may be wrong. That is however a fair computation. I am confidence she must have a strong reason for deliberately getting herself impregnated. If Age is not catching her up, then it must bear the imprint of materialism. Such a lady can be dangerous. Yet, l won't blame her. The guy must have seen something good in her before "firing his kalashinikov". He must learn never to underestimate the power of women to get what they want.

Like someone said, let thank God she didn't give him HIV, she only donate a baby which is worth celebrating.

Everything, as my friend had said above, depend on her character. Should she be found wanting, DON'T RUSH INTO MARRIAGE. She won't be the first to have baby out of wedlock.

@Olanajim

Whao!!!that really shows u r a good mathematician.

@Teriba
thanks 4 that wonderful post,i have reallylearnt alot from that .

@poster

Ah,All the best man!

I started honing my mathematics skill after l married. That is to enable me calculate how you spend my daily loots. I just have to be sure my rival isn't getting more than me!

dont worry,i can assure u that we r going to share the loot equally.

Ok. We'll discuss that at the right place. Don't let them know you are my my.

Ok ,Love

Marry her.