What can i do, i need your advice, married as a virgin to a man who had a kid although not intentional
but i guess he is still keeping in contact with the lady, one year has passed without a kid between us, am a graduate but not able to work
for now cos am not in the country, am getting confused day by day, do u think i should remain in this marriage or walk out to
get myself settled, really need your advice.
Thanks

If they both have a kid together, itis only natural that they keep in touch at least for their child's sake. Except they are sleeping with proof, I still don't understand why you wanno leave a marriage because your husband is communicating with his child's mother. What do you want him to do? Abandon his child and his childs mother? Only responsible men own up to that responsibility you know.

Or is there something else, you are not telling us? Cos that excuse you gave up there is not strong enough.

Excuse me did you say you married a year ago as a virgin? Wy do nigerians feel the need to conceive immediately after wedding? Come onnnnnnnnnnnnn, you should be exploring sex in different dimensions seeing that you had no prior experience, one year of trying and not able to conceive is not a strong enough reason to leave your husband.

Your reasons for wanting to walk out of the marriage are no reasons at all. I think there are selfish reasons.

There is. Reason why he married you and not her, don't you think?

What difference does it make if the kid was intentional or not? The child is there and has all rights and benefits as his child.
My dear a man that has a kid needs to have contact and communicate with the kids mother for the well being of the child. If he loves his child he would help the mother in her need because a mothers condition affects her relationship to her child.
What you should do is wait for God to bless you with your own kids. Thank God you have a man that knows the value of a child.
Remember that children are always innocent. Show this child love and care and God will bless you with wonderful kids you can be proud of.

Errm the information of married as a virgin is what i want to explore what bearing does it have on the story? does your hubby not appreciate that he married a virgin oh ok i get it now a virgin means you have never had abortion or contacted any STD's and therefore should have kids pronto! Virginity is no guarantee that you will conceive immediately after marriage, there are infections that affect a womans fertility apart from STD's so you might want to check that out since you are in a hurry to have kids. Before the babies come relax and enjoy sex with hubby explore and discover him and yourself.

Stop worrying about the mother of the only child he has presently. He married YOU. I can see you now see yourself in competition with her to have kids for your hubby so you will keep him at home. I guess your not working yet may be contributing to your feelings of inadequacy. Is it possible you start some sort of business? I would also suggest you talk to hubby about your feelings even though it may be uncomfortable and embarassing.

Thanks for your advice, you could call it a selfish reason, try and look at it this way,
am married to a man that hardly stays at home, either work, or back home sleeping,
being a housewife is never a thing i bargain for, for a lady who had being active, i mean
working just to leave the work in order to relocate with her husband, not an easy one,
in term of exploring sex, for a man who see sex as a disturbance, quite difficult for him
to have sex cause probably of the nature of his work, i practically used to ask for it when
i know am ovulating, and am not finding it funny at all, am just considering what the bible
said about divorce, i would have considered walking out, getting my life back on track,
and reestablish my life.

It still doesn't mean he is cheating. You have no proof.

You both just need to sit and talk,

You are not selfish. you are being human.
Being a virgin also does have some disadvantages. You need to learn how to excite your husband and make him desire you afresh every day. If you just keep waiting for the right time to lie there like a log and conceive, the poor guy will quickly loose interest. Many young wife`s seem to forget that. Men are complex they love virgin /whores. You have to work on yourself as far as that aspect is concerned. learn how to arouse your man i am sure loads of young women here can give you tips. It already starts from the way you say goodbye when he goes to work. The calls you make while he is at work, the food, the way you dress, your facial expression and body language, then the art of making love.
There is no classroom you need to educate yourself.

You are not selfish. you are being human.
Being a virgin also does have some disadvantages. You need to learn how to excite your husband and make him desire you afresh every day. If you just keep waiting for the right time to lie there like a log and conceive, the poor guy will quickly loose interest. Many young wife`s seem to forget that. Men are complex they love virgin /whores. You have to work on yourself as far as that aspect is concerned. learn how to arouse your man i am sure loads of young women here can give you tips. It already starts from the way you say goodbye when he goes to work. The calls you make while he is at work, the food, the way you dress,  your facial expression and body language, then the art of making love.
There is no classroom you need to educate yourself

^^I think this is very good advice. Hope u dnt look like those '80's deeper life members cos these days dem sef have stepped up the game. Look for things that give you joy and do it. You seem to b in a rot pull urself out. An angry woman with a stern expression is sooo unattractive.

.

Am not a deeper life, am quite attractive and wonderfully made,
thanks for that advice, taking it up.

Your home shall be filled with the laughter of your children.
Just learn to be happy and contented. Remember it is for you to make sure that all the kids grow up to love each other.

@mutter, thanks a lot,
To everyone, thanks.

Both of yous need to talk about sex more. You guys should have talked about It even before the wedding. You both need to explore each other and can do that by verbally exploring sex and putting it to good action physically. There is nothing wrong with asking him to teach you how to please him, he knew you were a virgin when he married you. Pleaseee please and please, stoP asking for sex only when you are ovulating, it is boring, your marriage is too young to have a sex time table. Cuddling and kisses should be done a lot more often and not only when ovulation comes knocking.

You are not selfish, but your reasons for wanting to call it quit were

All the best.

OP
what is your problem? is it that you cant work right now? cant get pregnant
you are saying that you are desperate for a baby while your hubby is too tired to mount you, why dont you sort that out with your hubby then?!
you relocate and cant find a job (or dont want to) how can we help on that issue?
how is walking out (to get settled) is going to help you? these are issues you should have SERIOUSLY evaluated BEFORE marriage, not after.

i still dont understand what exactly you need?

Poster, look for a job first and get settled at mind, the child will come, when you least expect him or her. You are bored, you need to keep yourself busy.

Work on your marriage girl, don't allow your fears and guesses chase you away from your mariage. If you guess he is still keeping in touch with his former woman as the lovers they were as in still having a s-e-xual relationship with her talk to him about it, he may not be doing that. Okay I get it!, you may be having some complex here because the other lady has had a child for him. Discuss out the frictions you are having instead of allowing them weigh you down. You need to relax dearie and not worry too much as you are trying to get pregnant, you will have your children okay.
You also need to work at having something to engage yourself in. Take care of yourself.

@op, please, there is to be no divorce for any reason. "For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband." - Rom_7:2

Whatever you situation, continue to read the holy word of GOD and pray. With this in mind and by GOD's grace, work it out. - "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." - Php 4:6-7. GOD's holy word is true.
"be careful = be anxious for nothing".

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"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. - Matt 19:6

OP, what is the issue here? You make it seem as if you married a total stranger. If your husband has a tough job, he might be spent before getting home. Hence, it is up to you to soothe him and no sane man will ignore his wife when she makes him feel good about himself.

As for his child, I am sure you had an understanding before getting married on the issue, why are you complaining now ? Has anything changed?

As for not having a job, seek to find one with the support of your husband. Get your mind open and think positive. Focus on keeping yourself happy within your marriage and talk to your husband about your fears.

We are not anti-marriage here and won't tell you to leave your husband for the fun of it.