A question / advice for the mothers:

Some mothers are unable to make their kids listen or do what is right. They would let the kids have their way or call the fathers to enforce the rules when needed. They claim the child is too stubborn and they (the mothers) cant be stressing themselves to enforce laws.

Now, when the father enforces these rules and make the kids do what is necessary, the mother and kids calls the father 'aggresive' - the kids prefer their mom to the dad for this particular reason. Of course they always have thier way with the mom.

So . .mothers, why are some of you like this . . .is it because of your unconditional love for your kids clouding your judgement; or the fact that you are being lazy in enforcing the rules; or you just dont want to look mean to the kids . . .and it is OK to let the dads look mean??

Simple fact of life: Spare the rod and spoil the child. Maybe we need to say this over and over again.

Enforcement does not always mean spanking or beating by the way.

A child that grows up without the necessary and right guidance when young will not appreciate the 'love' showered on him / her. Now I appreciate the reasons why my parents dealt with me when I was wayword. Thank God they did. . . I know better now

A mother should be able to enforce rues- at least most of the time. But kids still break rules.
I certainly get my husband involved and all serious issues are discussed with him.
The crazy thing is that I am the wicked parent because my husband mostly talks calmly to the kids and hardly applies sanctions. Yet they kids know that he is the last instance.
I guess it is because they see that even this witch of a mother respects dad , so dad must have more authority than her.
However no matter how hard a woman tries kids especially boys still need their dad as a role model.
Especially with my boys î have developed serious complex- Even the 12 year old is almost a head taller.

mutter:

. . .The crazy thing is that I am the wicked parent because my husband mostly talks calmly to the kids and hardly applies sanctions. Yet they kids know that he is the last instance. . . .

No need to be wicked to your kids . . I am sure you are not.

But when necessary, we need to be firm and not give in. . .or else the kids will be dealt with outside and we as parents will look stupid.

I am not being wicked but the kids see it as being wicked. You can imagine for instance how wicked I apear to my 15 year old because I do not let him hang out or stay out late. I am also wicked because they have to spend time every day with their school books.

A woman that says her child should not cry at an early age will weep with that child when he/she becomes an adult.

It is better for the child to cry than for the mother to cry- proverb

@OP
i think, at a younger age, when a child spends many hours a day at home with mama, they get a little "too friendly", and after testing mama all day long, they know how lenient she can be. on the other hand, papa hasnt/cant be tested like that since he at work, so what he says GOES! lol

^^

Well, your post does not apply in all cases.

I know situations in which the father spends the same time with the kids as the mom . . .but the mom still wants to condone while the father enforces rules.

When it is time to enforce rules, the mom will walk away and call the father to do the job.

The kid notices this and think they father is the devil.

So . . .sorry, this has nothing to do with time spent with the child.

^^although NO MAN should oblige in these circumstances, so long as the child respects the words of the father then its all good. if being determined to raise your child properly means to be seen as the devil, then so be it.

in that same instance, father should also educate his wife on making sure that SHE raises that child properly (whether she likes it or not) because it is NOT a game. . . . . . . .not following the "set rules" would surely mean that the child is in charge, when papa no dey for house!

^^^

my point exactly.

God bless

I am sorry but I cannot relate because it was the exact opposite for me. My dad was strict but never really spanked us. My mom was the terrorist and my dad always called her out on it. In her eye my dad just wanted to spoil us but in my dads eye we did not need to be beaten. If all the father only does is come in when it is time for discipline then he will look like the bad guy. If he is also involved in other things with the child then he will have the balance he wants. Children themselves can be very manipulative but I hightly doubt that a child that loves baseball and daddy takes him every saturday and they have fun together will think daddy is a monster. He still knows that daddy will not take any mess but there will be no question that when he gets disciplined by daddy it is because he did something wrong not because daddy is always picking on the child

Outstrip:

. . My mom was the terrorist . .

I really wasnt talking about spanking per se. You shouldnt have to beat a toddler to make them do what needs to be done.

@poster,I dont think its fair to let the dads look mean!Both parents must work together in the raising AND disiplining.It doesnt matter how much time a parent spends with their kids because kids know when a parent means what they say and that there are consequences for not behaving. A mother at home with her kids will figure out all the tricks and the way their child behaves in general,so she can be at an advantage to be right on top of things. While it may be necessary to have the dad help backup and deal with any behaviour issues that happened during the day, the mother must be in charge when she is looking after her kids! And its important to point out that children NEED the mother to be in charge and disipline when necessary so that they feel SECURE with her and RESPECT her.

^^^

Thank you.