Interesting thread i must say.


I think as a general principle, a Man must trust his wives and vicer versa. When you begin to distrust your partner, your marriage becomes a time bomb.

However, we must also acknowledge that no one is perfect. Point therefore is dont go about with wild imaginations in your head and try not to get your self killed when you hear of your partner's(anyone) imperfection cuz after all said and done, we remain mere mortals!

Essentially, it is pertinent to maintain a compromise. a middle cause.

debrief08:

Oluite, I attended a seminer yesterday and a research was conducted where it was shown that 30 % of Nigerian women think its ok to be slapped or beaten by their husbands if they disagree with them. Even in the conference hall with Educated women some still argued in favor of beating as a way of correcting erring wives, I was so depressed.

That is really sad . . .

Interesting thread i must say.


I think as a general principle, a Man must trust his wife and vice versa. When you begin to distrust your partner, your marriage becomes a time bomb.

However, we must also acknowledge that no one is perfect. Point therefore is don't go about with wild imaginations in your head and try not to get your self killed when you hear of your partner's(anyone) imperfection cuz after all said and done, we remain mere mortals!

Essentially, it is pertinent to maintain a compromise. a middle cause.

dayokanu:

Ronke

I cant agree with you any less. I left Nigeria in 2008 but my cousin travelled to Nigeria last year and if you see what I heard about naija girls and their sexcapades You wont believe

Actually he believes now that 95% of girls are into "runs"

They even told him its a normal thing for girls to do runs.

He was like some of these girls who are not full time ashi who stay by roadside or brothels might have slept with 50-100 men before they are 30yrs

I just pity some men who from Obodo Oyinbo would abandon all the girls here to go and look for "fresh ones" from naija

Na dem I pity pass.

In 2010 in NJ, I met some younger guys and they were telling me that since I am new in town incase I need female entertainment, there is one fresh from Naija girl they can give me, This girl they are talking about was a "fresh innocent" import to America by one 40yr old man and all those young boys about 26-30yrs around the area don sample am

DK na true you talk o, honestly i don't know how these old men think that a 20 year old girl will simply fall in love with them if not for green card.

i got married because my bed mat was to big for me

I got married for love, companionship, kids and family life.

The topic took a different turn. I thought the idea was for people to just tell us why they got married. Instead it became an issue of faithfullness, spousal abuse and a case of who is cheating on whom. Every marriage has it's own unique problems. However i would like all these akata naija women to know that in Nigeria and Africa, cheating by a wife is totally not tolerated. Cheating for men and women carry different weight.
A married woman with kids that has sex with a strange man in Africa is doomed. There is a very good, natural reason for that.
So never you go and cheat because you think your husband is cheating. Of course men should do their best to remain faithfull to their wives.

I'm not yet married, but I hope to find mr right soon. I want to get married cos I want 2 have a life partner, some1 who I can share all my ups and downs, some1 who will share my happy moments and I'll share his.
I don't understand why some girls want 2 marry for money. My mum always says that the man her daughters marry shouldn't necessarily be rich, but should have ambitions, not some lazy guy.

@ Steph7, plz i nid to tlk to u, inbox me ericdra@yahoo.com, Thanks

It is always refreshing to find people who do not accept cheating as a natural course of events because the faithfulness chair can be a lonely place sometimes. It is so surprising the extent which society seems to accept it to the extent that my SO said I was behaving like Mr. Perfect simply because I have exhibited self control.

@debrief
What you wrote about love I wish could be repeated in every ear and heart till we behave that way to one another. Thanks for articulating my thoughts.

Lord Reed, I wish I can say God Bless you in all the languages I know. My hubby says some of his collegues question his choice and tell him that its because he is not too long in marriage, he feels sorry for them because he feels they must have had lousy upbringing because they have no idea how to be husbands.
I feel sad when a man makes up his mind that he will disrespect himself and his wife even before he gets married. The love lesson is my father in laws' he gave his boys regular refresher courses right from when they were kids on treating people right and also respecting themselves. Thank you Lord Reed for the great reminder that married men can respect their bodies and their wives. Love is not an easy responsibility

@debrief
Your last statement reminded me of something: why do people equate love to easy?

Lord Reed because they have no idea what it is. Who teaches them? A drunk abusive father? A mother who has no self worth or self respect? A father with children all over the place? The churches who believe love equals slavery on the womans part? The society where anything goes? I fondly remember late Pasto Bimbo, wow that woman was something

Why Did You I Get Married

That is a name of a movie. very interesting, featuring Janet Jackson

I m nt married. Why should i? I think, 2 heads are better than 1 and ‘ve got lots of love to share with a loving partner.

GP15:

Why Did You I Get Married

That is a name of a movie. very interesting, featuring Janet Jackson

thats exactly what i was gonna say! lol

i didnt like the end of the 2nd part the wrong man died. But its an eye opener to say the least.

The race to marry a BIG BOY is what's now in vogue. Most ladies nowadays can't function if there is no cash involved. The urge for material things has changed the STORY OF LOVE. Never make money your only priority when choosing your spouse. There's more to marriage than money alone. A man with good heart is better than a rich man with the heart of beast. Most women say they want security in life so they won't date the poor. If he's not rich today doesn't mean he will be poor for life. The happiness and security of your life is your responsibility. Those who choose never to endure at all may have to suffer for long. Getting married to the rich doesn't guarantee happiness in life. HAPPINESS IS PRICELESS. Perhaps those who say they will rather cry inside a Mercedes than laughing on a bicycle have never experienced pain in their life. Some relationship mistakes can cause life regret. WOMEN OF VIRTUE don't date for cash. They work hard and pray to GOD to make them rich and give them a good partner in life. IF IT DOESN'T COUNT, DON'T LOOSE THE COUNT. Many young women have blindly turned themselves to TEST DRIVE VEHICLE for the love of material things. Don't spoil your tomorrow today. What qualifies you as great woman is not in designer shoes and bags. It's in your good heart, good characters and real personality. When a real man finds a wife in you he will never let you go. It's funny how material women blame men for breaking their heart. A man who wins your love with cash may not stay for long. Real men don't settle down with fake women. THE ONLY PLACE YOU CAN FIND A FAKE WOMAN IS TEMPORARILY IN THE HEART OF A FOOLISH MAN, BUT WHEN THE FOOLISH BECOMES WISE, THE WISE PERSON IS IN SERIOUS PROBLEMS. Looking for a real man when you are fake is like looking for a LIVE FISH IN THE FOREST. There is nothing in life that is not a risk. DATE WISELY!

moremi2008:

Most big society ladies give intimate favors in exchange for money. It's the sad unfortunate reality of Nigeria. I personally know lots of big women that made it to the top with intimate favors and jazz. One particular woman is the most spectacular example of the big-time runs game. I knew her well when she was a broke, uneducated "business" woman living in a 3bedroom flat in Ikeja because she was my Mum's really close friend from way back in the day. Now, she's probably worth at least $20-$50mm from stolen national cake. She hustled hard and slept with the right people at the right time to get to where she is. I know this because we spent a few days at her place in Abuja and [b]early one morning Uncle Segz himself was lounging in pajamas in her sitting room chewing pako! [/b]Before Uncle, she probably slept with half the Yoruba senators. You can't knock her hustle oh! She is one premium obanje pussycat, old as she is.

LOL @bolded lwkmd

Nna men na wao something dey happen for naija oh parole, runs, even in marriage? i fear the world 

Mahn this marriage thing is real scary. I was talking to a friend who was scandalously treated by her ex while they were dating(the dude would bring girls to his house knowing full well that she would walk in any minute) and the mood between us is noone can be trusted, I mean it's just scary. Just coming out of a nasty, messy breakup and I regard females with trepidation. Imagine my MIL literally breaking her own daughter's home all because(bobo yen ke, ko lowo) it's just bleeped. Church girls nko?don't even bother. Only God can give you your right match anything else, I'm sorry.

I will get married when I find that guy who makes me smile when i feel like crying!
he doesnt have to be rich but he sure has to have some good prospects.
he should also be God fearing

Mahn this marriage thing is real scary. I was talking to a friend who was scandalously treated by her ex while they were dating(the dude would bring girls to his house knowing full well that she would walk in any minute) and the mood between us is noone can be trusted, I mean it's just scary. Just coming out of a nasty, messy breakup and I regard females with trepidation. Imagine my MIL literally breaking her own daughter's home all because(bobo yen ke, ko lowo) it's just bleeped. Church girls nko?don't even bother. Only God can give you your right match anything else, I'm sorry.

It's so sad when people complain about someone vouching 100% for their husbands.
I can never ever have anything to do with such a man. Yes, we are humans and are fallible, but when your mind is made up on something of this nature, then you would not find yourself in such a situation.
Fela Durotoye told God that the day he cheats on his wife would be his last day on earth. He then went on to say that he looks at any woman who wants to sleep with him as an assassin he Must FLEE from.
Once we give cheating an I-hope-it-will-not-happen place in our life, then there will be a day it will happen; but once we say "I respect my wife, creator and body enough to NEVER make it happen, then it will not.

If you also have a 'I'll tell you everything' relationship with your spouse, then you are on the right track.
A woman was tempted with adultery, and emotionally, she had committed it; she was to take the client to visit a house the next day (she was into real estate), but she knew that if she did, she was going to commit adultery with him. That day, she got home and confessed everything to her husband, and with tears, asked him to pray for her.
I wonder what you, as a Nigerian man would do in that situation. To know the husband's account of what he thought and how he felt, visit their Facebook page "Truly Faithful". You would see transparency in action.

Ps: I wonder why the only verse Nigerian men know about if "wives submit unto your husbands" but they never see the verse that talks about sacrificing even your life for your wife or the one that talks about committing adultery when you've looked at a woman with lust.

juleze:

It's so sad when people complain about someone vouching 100% for their husbands.
I can never ever have anything to do with such a man. Yes, we are humans and are fallible, but when your mind is made up on something of this nature, then you would not find yourself in such a situation.
Fela Durotoye told God that the day he cheats on his wife would be his last day on earth. He then went on to say that he looks at any woman who wants to sleep with him as an assassin he Must FLEE from.
Once we give cheating an I-hope-it-will-not-happen place in our life, then there will be a day it will happen; but once we say "I respect my wife, creator and body enough to NEVER make it happen, then it will not.

If you also have a 'I'll tell you everything' relationship with your spouse, then you are on the right track.
A woman was tempted with adultery, and emotionally, she had committed it; she was to take the client to visit a house the next day (she was into real estate), but she knew that if she did, she was going to commit adultery with him. That day, she got home and confessed everything to her husband, and with tears, asked him to pray for her.
I wonder what you, as a Nigerian man would do in that situation. To know the husband's account of what he thought and how he felt, visit their Facebook page "Truly Faithful". You would see transparency in action.

Ps: I wonder why the only verse Nigerian men know about if "wives submit unto your husbands" but they never see the verse that talks about sacrificing even your life for your wife or the one that talks about committing adultery when you've looked at a woman with lust.

Couldnt have said it better. I really wonder why anyone has a problem with others vouching for the intergrity of another. Have we sunken so low as a society that we condition our minds to expect the worst of every human being?

juleze:

It's so sad when people complain about someone vouching 100% for their husbands.

Abeg let me clarify my position for those that have reading comprehension issues. I have no problem with vouching for one’s husband. That is complete and utter trust in your partner and kudos to the couple who have this. My main gripe (which I stated in my posts) with the OP was in vouching for her father and father in law as well. Very soon she will vouch for her husband’s 4 brothers too. lol

The most successful marriages will always be between 2 selfless people who are thinking as much (or even more) about what they can give as they are about what they can receive.

I always worry when I see that people have put a lot of thought into what they want from a partner and how he/she is supposed to make them feel and wonder whether they've put as much thought into what they themselves will offer such a partner.

Unfortunately, marriage is not some sort of panacea. Most people that have a hump on their shoulder as singletons, will still have that hump on their shoulder as married people. The only difference is that this time they'll be convinced that it's their spouses fault.

As for me, I got married because I found someone I was ready to begin the family journey with. To be frank, I went into marriage treating it as an open book. I was (and still am) confident that I had found a good woman and we had each others best interest at heart. As for all other details, we have learnt and continue to learn them within the marriage and by God's ability.

ileobatojo:

Abeg let me clarify my position for those that have reading comprehension issues. I have no problem with vouching for one’s husband. That is complete and utter trust in your partner and kudos to the couple who have this. My main gripe (which I stated in my posts) with the OP was in vouching for her father and father in law as well. Very soon she will vouch for her husband’s 4 brothers too. lol

I would tend to agree with this position. While being able to stand up for the integrity of our loved ones is an act of love, most people do not go about publicising the skeletons in their cupboards making it difficult to pin that 100% mark on anyone apart from those we have the most intimate relationships with (i.e. husband/wife). Even then, errors of judgement have been known to happen.

The truth is, there are VERY few things outside of our own experiences that we can vouch for 100%.

The most important thing is that we can see the characters of these people and use them as role models, whether or not they have made mistakes in the past.

Claus:

I would tend to agree with this position. While being able to stand up for the integrity of our loved ones is an act of love, most people do not go about publicising the skeletons in their cupboards making it difficult to pin that 100% mark on anyone apart from those we have the most intimate relationships with (i.e. husband/wife). Even then, errors of judgement have been known to happen.

The truth is, there are VERY few things outside of our own experiences that we can vouch for 100%.

The most important thing is that we can see the characters of these people and use them as role models, whether or not they have made mistakes in the past.

Finally! Thank you!

For the hot sex whenever and however I want it. Why else?

@ poster u r on point. young ladies of todae prefer 2 marry rich guys who would see to their wants. The institution of marriage is being disrespected . Its no surprise marriages crumble a lot these days because both parties enter with the wrong mentality.

debrief08: Aqva yea that's the excuse given by men who lack self respect and body control to justify their actions, I refuse to buy it. No one seduced you, you lacked xontrol and respect for your sefl and your wife. Siena is more than an online personality, he is someone who has made his life even on nairaland an open book. Learn from good people it will help you instead of justifying wrong doing. Stop creating problems for yourself

Truth, noting but the truth. You have just said it all. He lacks self control and the fear of God.

fizzybaba: Interesting thread i must say.


I think as a general principle, a Man must trust his wife and vice versa. When you begin to distrust your partner, your marriage becomes a time bomb.

However, we must also acknowledge that no one is perfect. Point therefore is don't go about with wild imaginations in your head and try not to get your self killed when you hear of your partner's(anyone) imperfection cuz after all said and done, we remain mere mortals!

Essentially, it is pertinent to maintain a compromise. a middle cause.

This is true. However there are some imperfections that are very costly especially in marriage which is cheating. Imagine the only reason that bible recommended divorce, this is to tell you how expensive infidelity can be and why married people MUST say no to it. Men and women should have fear of God for this will help to be faithful partners.