@Jobfront, nice question.

Secondly, I don't know how many of those respondin are married or gone through wat d OP is going through. Cos being a house wife isn't as bad as people make it look. It simply means being there when ur children get back from school or be there to pick dem up. Wats d money U'll be gettin be used for? Like most have said a business wouldn't be a bad idea. But like U quoted up ur degrees wat can I say. If U had lost ur pregnancy wat would U have said? Wat will his reaction have been?

Job security is in d mind not in d job.
This coin has many sides.

Pls dont sit at home.Plead with him to allow you to work.I have seen many cases like this which has put the woman at the recieving end.time wait for no man.sometimes lost opportunities are not easy to regain.Make haste while the sunshine.Only God is the true provider.

This is a very sensitive issue.

There's something I'm quite concerned about- your husband referring to your kids as HIS. This shows that he's willing to place his kids above you and doesn't understand the meaning of marriage i.e leaving and cleaving. You are both one, the kids are just extras but you both own each other as partners. If he's this way because he doesn't know better, then you could try educating him through books or the Facebook page "truly faithful" run by a couple worth emulating. A lot of us just need to understand things better, and this might be his case. On the flip side, he might truly have the I-own-them mentality, which could prove to be a problem if you don't take this job.
Are you certain he wouldn't leave you cold and dry (it's happened before) for another lady (kids don't always follow their parenta' footsteps and vice-versa)?
If you stay home, you wouldn't have much to talk about and he might find the office ladies more interesting, as you'll only have mundane things to talk about. You would also yearn to talk to him more after a boring day and he might find thta irritating after a while.
Also, that sharp office look might be one he would end up missing and could send him out.

A friend told me of a man he knew and visited who sent 1 million naira home monthly as he wasn't based in Lagos. The wife wasn't working. the man died and his wife is now living in a community without electricity. His family might have come to take up everything (this is my own assumption).

I was reading a book written by a woman who believed in women staying home. She gave an example of a woman she trained and ago decided to be one. She would tidy up and prepare gourmet for her family. this lady became so depressed with being a housewife that her husband and 10-year old son told pleasdec with her to get a job. She did and became happier; they benefitted from this.
the brain grows smaller with lack of stimulating mental activities.
Would your children give you the respect you deserve as their mother?

A lot of us have benefitted from our mothers working because of those times their fathers lost their jobs.
You can get a nanny and fix cameras all over your house for monitoring.

I'm not telling you to work, because that's pretty challenging. I tell you the truth, you would find it difficult some days, especially if it's a bit far from your residence.
You would also be able to bond well with your kids if you choose to stay home.

My advice is this: after weighing all, and you decide to work, put it before your husband humbly. Tell him how much you love him and that you want to do this for your sanity so it wouldn't affect your relationship with him. Let him know how much you respect his mom and wish you had her strengths. Talk about this gently, while holding and caressing him.
Make his head swell. All this should be after a tasty meal (if he's sentimental, candle-lit dinner with no light but the candles, lingerie etc). You can massage his feet or an activity he loves so much- not limited to sex, just be creative.
Tomorrow's environmental so you gave enough time to get the 'car' warm before the grand finale (dinner et al) in the evening.

Really wishing you the best.
Do let us know how things go.

90% OF NAIRALANDERS ARE MARRIAGE SPOILERS,by the time they all chase you from your husband's house,they will be the one to advice you again,MADAM POSTER, what job do you need really that is better than to take care of your kids and husband?you dnt lack anything from your husband,hes there for you all the time,so what are you looking for?the most rewarding thing on this earth for mothers is to take care of her home(kids and husband) and serve her creator day and night, i will advice you to listen to your husband,since he is gonna be giving you finances,be less worried,dont let some bad nairalanders that their husband has denied them so many good things of life to spoil your marriage,there is huge blessing obeying your husband,as long as God is not displease with such obedience.

Masters in finance and he wants you to master housework instead. It sounds like your husband is a wonderful man but you will have to let him face reality. God forbid something happens and he is without work tomorrow. It would be your job that would keep you guys from being homeless. With the employment climate in Nigeria today I am not sure how he could even suggest that. Unless he comes from good old solidified money I would advice him to think again

Readin through this post again. I never saw anyone say from my experience-it simply means well dat d right people haven't said anythin yet.

If I'm correct He never had a problem wit ur workin till U had d little health challenge when U were pregnant. Could d doctor have warned him of somethin? Could it be dat ur prone to stress related illnesses? There's somethin, and I believe U'll understand. Start wit finding out why-

that's what you signed up for when you got married. Insisting on your decision "by fire by force" might be recipe for failed marriage and I know you do not want that. You have to beg him so that he can see reasons outside his. Maybe not now but in the future. You have to talk so that he can let you do your job after a specific number of years.

why do women like creating problems for themselves?

for goodness sake, if you feel insulted by your husband asking you to stay home and take care of the kids, then enroll in a part-time course or something.


arent there saturday courses or programs tailored towards adults who have a busy schedule? Or learn skills like cake making, interior decorating, whatever?

is it the 5am to 9pm banking job that you're fighting your husband over?

and why must you open thread as if it was nl who married you?

tpia@:

why do women like creating problems for themselves?

for goodness sake, if you feel insulted by your husband asking you to stay home and take care of the kids, then enroll in a part-time course or something.


arent there saturday courses or programs tailored towards adults who have a busy schedule? Or learn skills like cake making, interior decorating, whatever?

is it the 5am to 9pm banking job that you're fighting your husband over?

and why must you open thread as if it was nl who married you?

And what will be the benefit of the course if she can never use it to work since hubby wants her to retire and stay home?

Is she interested in any further education? Someone that already has a masters, when will she stop reading book?

saska1122:

@OP, U and your hubby both have valid points. My only sadness about your story is that U don't want to be mocked as a "housewife" because U once mocked others.

very d.aft of her.

See, Naija mentality?? Why on earth will U mock someone who has chosen something for herself(good or bad, life is a choice). Maybe, U were even mocking ur mother-in-law, yet she raised a decent and enviable guy for you.

na so nah.

Mind U, many career women take time off their career to train their kids.

i wonder.

if you really want to work its no big deal.
Discuss with ur husband. While he sits on a chair, knell on the floor beside him putting your hands on his laps and talk heart to heart. Men love control and authority, above all a submisive wife. Don't care and don't feel proud i know wat yoi want.
At this point he would feel ashame if he dosen't let you.,

^^o dear lord *vomit*

LMAO. You still have not treated this your vomitting. I vomited too. Just a little in my mouth

uplawal:

90% OF NAIRALANDERS ARE MARRIAGE SPOILERS,by the time they all chase you from your husband's house,they will be the one to advice you again,MADAM POSTER, what job do you need really that is better than to take care of your kids and husband?you dnt lack anything from your husband,hes there for you all the time,so what are you looking for?the most rewarding thing on this earth for mothers is to take care of her home(kids and husband) and serve her creator day and night, i will advice you to listen to your husband,since he is gonna be giving you finances,be less worried,dont let some bad nairalanders that their husband has denied them so many good things of life to spoil your marriage,there is huge blessing obeying your husband,as long as God is not displease with such obedience.

Best advice so far! . . . I hope the poster will read this.

I have never been in support of a woman being a housewife.I will advise you to get a job cos it's never good to depend solely on your husband.A day will come when he will use your dependence on him to make your life miserable.

I'm a Stay At Home Mom of a 2 1/2yr old daughter and i'd say its the most rewarding thing i've done in my life. I cant imagine anyone else raising my child, not with all the pedophiles running loose. I have a 1st degree and i'm currently taking online courses to further my education. There are also online conferences for moms to keep abreast in their chosen careers or for transitioning back into the work force. I intend to go back to work when she is 3yrs and starts preschool. By then she'd be very verbal and can express her needs, hurts and abuse etc (God forbids any). And if we think she isnt ready then, i'm ready to wait.
I know you said your hubby wants you to 'retire', cry out to God telling him your heart's desires then talk to your hubby. You should be ready to reach a compromise. As others have suggested, maybe open a store or something else you'd like to do other than a 9 to 5 job.

It wasnt something i thought i'd do before marriage or having kids but when i had my daughter, my hubby and i both agreed it was for the best. My extended family still gets on my case cos they cant imagine me being a 'housewife', maybe they're even ashamed based on naija mentality. I cant bear leaving her in anyone's care even though she's no longer an infant but when i can do it myself what stops me. My husband has a very good job and he's a very good provider so i cant complain. Once he lost his job for a yr and we lived on our savings but God was faithful. We never lacked. No one ever knew and God gave him a better job. That's what motivated me to do something.

Kids grow up so quickly that you'll soon wonder where your 'baby' went and you'll be left with just memories. Plus these are their formative years that any wrong step cant be taken back.
Meanwhile i keep busy with my courses and work-from-home opportunities so that i make some money and i'm not at someone's mercy. I also take my daughter for lots of 'mommy and me' classes and activities that its rewarding to see her blossom and grow into the person God intends her and i wont trade the bond we share for the world.
Dont make a hasty decision because it may seem like the perfect solution or you may live to regret it. And remenber whatever you decide, what works for one household may not apply for another. Goodluck.

@ OP
So many posters here will not even mind being in half of your position. Heck! This is internet! A place where every squirrel can claim to be anything. The decision is yours alone to make.

Brentwood:

I'm a Stay At Home Mom of a 2 1/2yr old daughter and i'd say its the most rewarding thing i've done in my life. I cant imagine anyone else raising my child, not with all the craddle-robbers running loose. I have a 1st degree and i'm currently taking online courses to further my education. There are also online conferences for moms to keep abreast in their chosen careers or for transitioning back into the work force. I intend to go back to work when she is 3yrs and starts preschool. By then she'd be very verbal and can express her needs, hurts and abuse etc (God forbids any). And if we think she isnt ready then, i'm ready to wait.
I know you said your hubby wants you to 'retire', cry out to God telling him your heart's desires then talk to your hubby. You should be ready to reach a compromise. As others have suggested, maybe open a store or something else you'd like to do other than a 9 to 5 job.

It wasnt something i thought i'd do before marriage or having kids but when i had my daughter, my hubby and i both agreed it was for the best. My extended family still gets on my case cos they cant imagine me being a 'housewife', maybe they're even ashamed based on naija mentality. I cant bear leaving her in anyone's care even though she's no longer an infant but when i can do it myself what stops me. My husband has a very good job and he's a very good provider so i cant complain. Once he lost his job for a yr and we lived on our savings but God was faithful. We never lacked. No one ever knew and God gave him a better job. That's what motivated me to do something.

Kids grow up so quickly that you'll soon wonder where your 'baby' went and you'll be left with just memories. Plus these are their formative years that any wrong step cant be taken back.
Meanwhile i keep busy with my courses and work-from-home opportunities so that i make some money and i'm not at someone's mercy. I also take my daughter for lots of 'mommy and me' classes and activities that its rewarding to see her blossom and grow into the person God intends her and i wont trade the bond we share for the world.
Dont make a hasty decision because it may seem like the perfect solution or you may live to regret it. And remenber whatever you decide, what works for one household may not apply for another. Goodluck.

+ 1000

I feel ur pain. Wt such remarkable credentials and pedigree, its a crime to limit u to just being 'mummy-baby'.if ur hussy had this pic in mind, he shoulda settled for ond holder or someone wt less ambitious career prospects. The trick is thus, how u break it down that u really need to work desperately without bruising his ego. Some women are great multi-taskers and can wear several hats without any problems, I sense u ar in this category. Others may loose d script if dealin wt more than 1 role, eithr home or career will suffer, or even both. What are ur values, how are they ranked, how do they align or merge with ur husband's? Study ur husband and try to see why his thinkin is skewd, perhaps ther is drama frm his own upbringin that is fuellin this paranoia. Its d key to breakin down his resolv and winning his support.

.

Take the job.

Even Iya Basira, the mama put owner beside my house is very busy and she has 4 kids. There are no easy careers if you really want to be fullfilled.

Take the job. A sad unfulfilled woman may not make a good mother anyway. Just learn to balance life, motherhood and work like millions of other women.

Take the job.

Nobody prays for bad things to happen, but the reality of life is that they do happen. I wonder what would have happened to us if my mom had been a housewife when my dad died?

It is usually better and more secure if you have multiple streams of income. Look for a job that has flexible hours or start a business.

ALL SAID WELL AND GOOD.
You have all the advices you wanted already.
Some out of experience, and some out of biased mind.
The big question is: WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR LIFE?

1. A good job, a bad home
2. A good home, but no job
3. A good job, good children, good husband
4. A good job, good children, bad husband
5. A good job, bad children, good husband
6. No job, good children, good husband

They all may look alike, but CONDITIONS to each one of them are never the same.
No two HOME can be the same, what one is lacking may be the strength of the other.
The BLESSING of the one may be the CURSE of the other.
So, sit down, study your own FAMILY set up
Look at the positives and negatives, and having done that
Then make your CHOICE (remember your choice will have its fulfilling conditions)
Then CAREFULLY dance to the music LIFE play for you after.
Good luck.

Nairalanders just decide for people like they own the Husband mind and God,very funny people on earth.Mrs poster dnt be fooled,many ladies here never get anything good from their husbands,they could be jealous of you,if your husband command you on something God is not against,pls you berra haste in obeying,that obedience alone is million times better than disobeying and argueing with him over the matter,If your husband is like you wrote abegi you berra soft pedal with him,if He wants you to work after you have all his kids for him,i believe He would, but for now,obey him and dnt feel any silly shameful for not working with your degree,all He should do is for you not to lack and gives you nice support financially as hes been doing,and only God knows what will happen tomoro if at all anything inevitable happens,dnt be shy to raise nations as an home maker,you are not an housewife but a home maker,a nation maker.

Ok I said I wasn't going to post here but seriously?

uplawal:

Nairalanders just decide for people like they own the Husband mind and God,very funny people on earth.Mrs poster dnt be fooled,many ladies here never get anything good from their husbands,they could be jealous of you,if your husband command you on something God is not against,pls you berra haste in obeying,that obedience alone is million times better than disobeying and argueing with him over the matter,If your husband is like you wrote abegi you berra soft pedal with him,if He wants you to work after you have all his kids for him,i believe He would, but for now,obey him and dnt feel any silly shameful for not working with your degree,all He should do is for you not to lack and gives you nice support financially as hes been doing,and only God knows what will happen tomoro if at all anything inevitable happens,dnt be shy to raise nations as an home maker,you are not an housewife but a home maker,a nation maker.

Shut up you dumbb azzeddd eeediotttt. The fact that you are a houswife whose husband gives 200 naira every month for always super pads does not give you the right to come here and disgrace yourself like this. Yes, if you did not go to the UNI stop discouraging peopole that actually went to the UNI and came out with flying colours from looking for a job.

People have asked questions here which you obviously fail to see because it is not in your line of daft thought you f@ggot .What if the husband loses his job? what happens then? answer me, will you share your Pad money into half and give her, her own share?

Celebrated illiterate oshi May devil shait on your dumb skull

So?

Hey Jenny, I think that was abit too harsh. She was only expressing herself the best way she could, Don't take it out on her pls.

@OP I won't say anything in form of advice. Read dis story and make ur decision.

My elder sister, our 2nd born was in exactly d same situation you are in now. She got married in year 2000. Husband was comfortable or so we thought. He married her straight out of university, infact she was heavily pregnant during nysc orientation.

The first thing he did, wen she gave birth was telling her not to work. And 2ndly not to ever take okada. They had jst one car, so wen he left for work, she was stuck at home. My mom fought tooth and nail dt decision, cos she was imagining a 2/1 graduate of a marketable course sitting down at home as a house wife. My sister's attitude then seemed to be like my mom wanted to scatter her marriage. The last ditch effort my mom did was getting my sis a Zenith bank job back in 2001, my sister refused to take that job and her husband insulted my mom for trying to break his home. So we all left them. She joyfully became a housewife and had all the time in d world for her daughter, they had all d coloring books and they colored together.

Like a few years later, my bro-in-law decided to quit his job in govt. The presidency to be precise. All of a sudden, private jobs looked attractive and he had someone's assurance he'd get a big telecoms job, so he resigned.
Things didn't work out as planned, so he became jobless. And as expexted, d 3 bedroom flat they were occupying given by govt was allocated to someone else. Right in our eyes, things took a turn for the worse, they were homeless, my sister was jobless and husband jobless.
Her husband's junior brother was at dis time relocating to UK wit his Family, so they got temporary accomodation. My bro in law, started doing some side gigs, money would come this month and nothing for the next 3 months. By now she had 2. See, I'm not hiding anything in dis story, I'm laying it out for you, so dt u won't open ur eyes and enter trouble.

Then, my sister decided she wanted to work. After years with no work, no further education, it was hard and the labour market was saturated plus you have to factor in her age. Yes, the jobs will be there, but will age be on ur side? Wen far younger pple have d same qualifications and more competing with u for d same jobs with experience to booth?
Suffice it to say, d jobs were not there as she thought. So she settled for a teaching job in a private school. Guess what, it didn't last. She was frustrated becos, a small girl with a degree in education will be employed and placed on a higher salary. Let's face it, she didn't study a course close to Education. She kept bumping around frm school to school and she kept leaving. At dis time, the owner of the house came bak and they were homeless again!

The both families raised up funds and rented a place for them. Then child number 3 came. Of course d depression caught up with her, cos all her younger ones and former classmates seemed to be doing well. It was termed a spiritual attack, so we were moving from prayer house to prayer house.

To cut a long story long, the mouth her husband used to insult my mother, is still d same mouth he's using to say thank u now. Cos, she's the one solely holding that family up. My sis calls all of us, everyone sends her money. They've managed to secure a place of their own, but they're living in it and building it at d same time. So technically, its an uncompleted building.

This has affected my sister so much, infact, as I type dis, I'm holding back tears. She called me aside once, and told me not to rush into marriage and that I should ensure I get to d peak of my career as a lawyer. Her biggest regret is not grabbing d Zenith job wen it came up. Her husband cud hv taken d gamble wit his job wit little or no consequences if she was working. The only thing keeping that family is that my sister is tenaciously holding unto God. Her husband is still working for himself, and d money isn't forthcoming and his family cannot be bothered. He was in my office the other day, and d sight I saw made me want to start crying. My mom is always weeping, when she sees d kids and is always packing foodstuff to their home. The fight has gone out of the husband, and I knw he won't say it out but if only he had seen all these back then, I'm sure nobody will tell him to allow his wife work.
My only consolation is that God that began that good work in them, will be faithful to complete it.

Use ur tongue to count your teeth. Things may look rosy now, but hindsight is always right.

GoldCircle:

Hey Jenny, I think that was abit too harsh. She was only expressing herself the best way she could, Don't take it out on her pls.

Same way I expressed mine

anty jennykadry, i wasn't expecting that from you.
Some of you Nairalanders should know that some people respect your contributions
Please, dear JENNY, i think you should be a bit soft next time.

Let her keep displaying her madness as usual,who cares?Jennykadry can hit her head against the wall if my writtings upset her,hit it hard girl,at the end of the day that shows you the kind of woman or wife you are,thats if you are even happily married sef.Me am not an housewife but an home maker,and i dnt lack good things of life, emotionally,financially,materially etc,and am so pleased and happy with my dear husband,and loving being an home maker,call me names,na you sabi,na your migrane which will never be cured.Awon daleru daleru oshi. Madam Poster,them plenty for nairaland than normal highstreet,be wise.Though am not against women working,if your husband is not providing for you and maltreating you like hell just like JENNYKADRY and some here,its wise if you take up employment.

Lady Lwal, you too should keep it cool. i respect you ladies more than all these Tom and Jerry kind of behaviour