akinolasam:

anty jennykadry, i wasn't expecting that from you.
Some of you Nairalanders should know that some people respect your contributions
Please, dear JENNY, i think you should be a bit soft next time.

My apologies

Nope. I am not soft. It's my duty to single out stooopid posts like I did with Uplawal. That woman is the sister to "Useless". I owe it to Seun and his website to treat every stoopid opinion as what it is "stoopid". Uplawal is the daftest soul I have come across in this 2012, I thought I had seen it all until I read her post, People like her make me envy the transgendered.

She is daft, she is stoopid, she is an "omobolanle high school drop out" so why on earth is she here giving that stoopid advise? No woman waits until her husband starts maltreating her before she gets a job, who thinks that way though? No woman waits until her husband is jobless before she dusts her CV and submits it ASAP. I asked daftlawal a question she could not answer  "What happens if the man loses his job?"

Those that respect my opinion my contributions like you said, know me. I don't tolerate dumb people, I cannot stand them

Cherechy:

@OP I won't say anything in form of advice. Read dis story and make ur decision.

My elder sister, our 2nd born was in exactly d same situation you are in now. She got married in year 2000. Husband was comfortable or so we thought. He married her straight out of university, infact she was heavily pregnant during nysc orientation.

The first thing he did, wen she gave birth was telling her not to work. And 2ndly not to ever take okada. They had jst one car, so wen he left for work, she was stuck at home. My mom fought tooth and nail dt decision, cos she was imagining a 2/1 graduate of a marketable course sitting down at home as a house wife. My sister's attitude then seemed to be like my mom wanted to scatter her marriage. The last ditch effort my mom did was getting my sis a Zenith bank job back in 2001, my sister refused to take that job and her husband insulted my mom for trying to break his home. So we all left them. She joyfully became a housewife and had all the time in d world for her daughter, they had all d coloring books and they colored together.

Like a few years later, my bro-in-law decided to quit his job in govt. The presidency to be precise. All of a sudden, private jobs looked attractive and he had someone's assurance he'd get a big telecoms job, so he resigned.
Things didn't work out as planned, so he became jobless. And as expexted, d 3 bedroom flat they were occupying given by govt was allocated to someone else. Right in our eyes, things took a turn for the worse, they were homeless, my sister was jobless and husband jobless.
Her husband's junior brother was at dis time relocating to UK wit his Family, so they got temporary accomodation. My bro in law, started doing some side gigs, money would come this month and nothing for the next 3 months. By now she had 2. See, I'm not hiding anything in dis story, I'm laying it out for you, so dt u won't open ur eyes and enter trouble.

Then, my sister decided she wanted to work. After years with no work, no further education, it was hard and the labour market was saturated plus you have to factor in her age. Yes, the jobs will be there, but will age be on ur side? Wen far younger pple have d same qualifications and more competing with u for d same jobs with experience to booth?
Suffice it to say, d jobs were not there as she thought. So she settled for a teaching job in a private school. Guess what, it didn't last. She was frustrated becos, a small girl with a degree in education will be employed and placed on a higher salary. Let's face it, she didn't study a course close to Education. She kept bumping around frm school to school and she kept leaving. At dis time, the owner of the house came bak and they were homeless again!

The both families raised up funds and rented a place for them. Then child number 3 came. Of course d depression caught up with her, cos all her younger ones and former classmates seemed to be doing well. It was termed a spiritual attack, so we were moving from prayer house to prayer house.

To cut a long story long, the mouth her husband used to insult my mother, is still d same mouth he's using to say thank u now. Cos, she's the one solely holding that family up. My sis calls all of us, everyone sends her money. They've managed to secure a place of their own, but they're living in it and building it at d same time. So technically, its an uncompleted building.

This has affected my sister so much, infact, as I type dis, I'm holding back tears. She called me aside once, and told me not to rush into marriage and that I should ensure I get to d peak of my career as a lawyer. Her biggest regret is not grabbing d Zenith job wen it came up. Her husband cud hv taken d gamble wit his job wit little or no consequences if she was working. The only thing keeping that family is that my sister is tenaciously holding unto God. Her husband is still working for himself, and d money isn't forthcoming and his family cannot be bothered. He was in my office the other day, and d sight I saw made me want to start crying. My mom is always weeping, when she sees d kids and is always packing foodstuff to their home. The fight has gone out of the husband, and I knw he won't say it out but if only he had seen all these back then, I'm sure nobody will tell him to allow his wife work.
My only consolation is that God that began that good work in them, will be faithful to complete it.

Use ur tongue to count your teeth. Things may look rosy now, but hindsight is always right.

This is a classic example of why the poster should get a job.

I dnt insult her first, she did,av just given her what she deserves,Jennykadry has been like this ever since on nairaland,so its nothing new.Thanks for your advice Akinolasam.

Cherechy:

@OP I won't say anything in form of advice. Read dis story and make ur decision.

My elder sister, our 2nd born was in exactly d same situation you are in now. She got married in year 2000. Husband was comfortable or so we thought. He married her straight out of university, infact she was heavily pregnant during nysc orientation.

The first thing he did, wen she gave birth was telling her not to work. And 2ndly not to ever take okada. They had jst one car, so wen he left for work, she was stuck at home. My mom fought tooth and nail dt decision, cos she was imagining a 2/1 graduate of a marketable course sitting down at home as a house wife. My sister's attitude then seemed to be like my mom wanted to scatter her marriage. The last ditch effort my mom did was getting my sis a Zenith bank job back in 2001, my sister refused to take that job and her husband insulted my mom for trying to break his home. So we all left them. She joyfully became a housewife and had all the time in d world for her daughter, they had all d coloring books and they colored together.

Like a few years later, my bro-in-law decided to quit his job in govt. The presidency to be precise. All of a sudden, private jobs looked attractive and he had someone's assurance he'd get a big telecoms job, so he resigned.
Things didn't work out as planned, so he became jobless. And as expexted, d 3 bedroom flat they were occupying given by govt was allocated to someone else. Right in our eyes, things took a turn for the worse, they were homeless, my sister was jobless and husband jobless.
Her husband's junior brother was at dis time relocating to UK wit his Family, so they got temporary accomodation. My bro in law, started doing some side gigs, money would come this month and nothing for the next 3 months. By now she had 2. See, I'm not hiding anything in dis story, I'm laying it out for you, so dt u won't open ur eyes and enter trouble.

Then, my sister decided she wanted to work. After years with no work, no further education, it was hard and the labour market was saturated plus you have to factor in her age. Yes, the jobs will be there, but will age be on ur side? Wen far younger pple have d same qualifications and more competing with u for d same jobs with experience to booth?
Suffice it to say, d jobs were not there as she thought. So she settled for a teaching job in a private school. Guess what, it didn't last. She was frustrated becos, a small girl with a degree in education will be employed and placed on a higher salary. Let's face it, she didn't study a course close to Education. She kept bumping around frm school to school and she kept leaving. At dis time, the owner of the house came bak and they were homeless again!

The both families raised up funds and rented a place for them. Then child number 3 came. Of course d depression caught up with her, cos all her younger ones and former classmates seemed to be doing well. It was termed a spiritual attack, so we were moving from prayer house to prayer house.

To cut a long story long, the mouth her husband used to insult my mother, is still d same mouth he's using to say thank u now. Cos, she's the one solely holding that family up. My sis calls all of us, everyone sends her money. They've managed to secure a place of their own, but they're living in it and building it at d same time. So technically, its an uncompleted building.

This has affected my sister so much, infact, as I type dis, I'm holding back tears. She called me aside once, and told me not to rush into marriage and that I should ensure I get to d peak of my career as a lawyer. Her biggest regret is not grabbing d Zenith job wen it came up. Her husband cud hv taken d gamble wit his job wit little or no consequences if she was working. The only thing keeping that family is that my sister is tenaciously holding unto God. Her husband is still working for himself, and d money isn't forthcoming and his family cannot be bothered. He was in my office the other day, and d sight I saw made me want to start crying. My mom is always weeping, when she sees d kids and is always packing foodstuff to their home. The fight has gone out of the husband, and I knw he won't say it out but if only he had seen all these back then, I'm sure nobody will tell him to allow his wife work.
My only consolation is that God that began that good work in them, will be faithful to complete it.

Use ur tongue to count your teeth. Things may look rosy now, but hindsight is always right.

May you live long

XX01:

JennyK, please be nice to me. Thanks.

Get a job, get a job, get a job.

How's your SIL? you people still not cool with eachother?

jennykadry:



she could not answer  "What happens if the man loses his job?"

Not even only if he loses his job. What if he divorces her and marries someone else Uplawal?
This Nigeria wey men sabi claim 'naturally polygamous' well well, what if she gets fat from spending all her life at home then her husband is no longer attracted to her and wants her to go?

Modified

I actually switched to Agency work at some point just to have time for my family and plus the pay is good. No woman should be idle. Get a job and like you said, what if he divorces her? how many times do we read stories on here of women who all of a sudden get beaten blue back by their husbands(men that never showed signs of violence) but cannot leave the marriage cos they have no other source of income?

What happens if he dies (God forbid) and she has to fend for the family?

this guy most probably knew her as the career type and went ahead to marry her. I detest such acts in men. He could have made this known before their marriage and it wouldnt have been a problem now.

@op, pls make sure you have a sustainable source of income. A Salary from him is just as bad as not working.There's more to your income than the money. respect is one and your children would be proud, like someone pointed out.

jennykadry:

I actually switched to Agency work at some point just to have time for my family and plus the pay is good. No woman should be idle. Get a job and like you said, what if he divorces her? how many times do we read stories on here of women who all of a sudden get beaten blue back by their husbands(men that never showed signs of violence) but cannot leave the marriage cos they have no other source of income?

Well said.

naptu2:

What happens if he dies (God forbid) and she has to fend for the family?

That was my exact thought too. What happens then?

deols:

this guy most probably knew her as the career type and went ahead to marry her. I detest such acts in men. He could have made this known before their marriage and it wouldnt have been a problem now.

@op, pls make sure you have a sustainable source of income. A Salary from him is just as bad as not working.There's more to your income than the money. respect is one and your children would be proud, like someone pointed out.

Exactly! These are some of the issues that ought to have been ironed out before marraige and I equally detest people who just change overnight. If OP's husband wanted a permanent stay-at-home mom and wife, why did he not marry an illiterate from the village?

uplawal:

Nairalanders just decide for people like they own the Husband mind and God,very funny people on earth.Mrs poster dnt be fooled,many ladies here never get anything good from their husbands,they could be jealous of you,if your husband command you on something God is not against,pls you berra haste in obeying,that obedience alone is million times better than disobeying and argueing with him over the matter,If your husband is like you wrote abegi you berra soft pedal with him,if He wants you to work after you have all his kids for him,i believe He would, but for now,obey him and dnt feel any silly shameful for not working with your degree,all He should do is for you not to lack and gives you nice support financially as hes been doing,and only God knows what will happen tomoro if at all anything inevitable happens,dnt be shy to raise nations as an home maker,you are not an housewife but a home maker,a nation maker.

Madam, both men and women responded to this thread. The saying that women are their own worst enemies proves true here. Why would you pick on only the women folks and accuse them of not being married or happily married all because they support the idea of the poster working? Madam, there are many of us who were raised by widows in Nigeria. We know all to well what can happen when a man who is the sole bread winner of the family suddenly dies. You sit in the UK/England where they have social services in place to assist financially-struggling single mothers who became widowed as a result of their husband's death. The OP however lives in Nigeria. A country that has nothing in place to assist widows in raising their children. Nigerian culture does not make it any easier on the woman because often times, women are left with absolutely nothing when their husbands die because the man's family comes along and claims everything the couple ever worked for. So, it is easy for you to sit in England and tell her to submit to her husband's faulty idea. If God forbid the OP's husband should die tomorrow, are you going to take it upon yourself to send the OP money for her and her child's upkeep every month? If not, then please madam hold your peace.

^^^Why do you think I insulted her? I saw Dayo and co's comments and not once did she pick on those ones. I saw her first comment and I was like "this woman has got to be kidding me" picking on the female posters like they were the only ones that posted, and then she posted another reply and I was like "STFU" Just because women told her to work we have become jobless homewreckers. We are suffering from failed marriages, we are not married, we envy the poster, we are trying to spoil her marriage because we do not have marriages as sweet and loving as the OP's. Talk about women being their own worst enemies truly. Picking on her fellow women and she calls herself a woman, what a waste of v@gina

I asked her a simple question she failed to answer. Daft ugly looking soul

oiseworld:

if you really want to work its no big deal.
Discuss with ur husband. While he sits on a chair, knell on the floor beside him putting your hands on his laps and talk heart to heart. Men love control and authority, above all a submisive wife. Don't care and don't feel proud i know wat yoi want.
At this point he would feel ashame if he dosen't let you.,

Where did they recruit this family section polluters from? Can someone please tell me what the heck is going on here?

Outstrip:

LMAO. You still have not treated this your vomitting. I vomited too. Just a little in my mouth

now where have i heard that before!!1lol

ive been trying soo hard, these nl posts havent been easy on my intestines!!!

@op- seriously how much is your husband earning gimme figures. i'm still trying to figure out how much exactly it will cost any man to make me sit at home.
he'd have to hire like 5 different people to keep me company, a personal trainer, personal assistant, personal shopper, personal gay yoga instructor, chef/cook/cleaner

@OP

I am not going to say much because everything that I would have said has already been said. I have just these few questions for you.

What do you intend to do if your husband (God forbid) where to suddenly pass away/die?

Are you aware that in Nigeria where you live, there are no social services in place to help widows who are struggling financially to take care of their kids?

Are you aware that in the Nigerian culture, once the man dies, his family is bound to come along and take everything you and your husband ever owned and/or worked for?

Considering that human beings are fickle like the weather and can change like a chameleon overnight, what do you intend to do if your husband should begin to see another woman, chooses to kick you out of the house and seize your kids, becomes verbally, physically or emotionally abusive? I know you claim to be married to a good man but people do and can change you know. Even the bible says that the heart of man is desperately wicked. Who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9).

What do you intend to do if he suddenly looses his job? Even in western nations right now the job market is fickle, one can be with a job today and unemployed tomorrow but atleast we have unemployment compensation money paid out in the event of a sudden job loss. What does Nigeria have in place in the event of sudden unemployment? Nothing!

So think about all these questions carefully before you make your final decision because this life is unpredictable and be sure to make hay while the sun shines. Time waits for no one and the older you become, the more challenging it becomes to get back into the work force because your work experience will be seen as stale/archaic/not up to date by potential employers.

Goodluck with whatever it is you decide.

jennykadry:

^^^Why do you think I insulted her? I saw Dayo and co's comments and not once did she pick on those ones. I saw her first comment and I was like "this woman has got to be kidding me" picking on the female posters like they were the only ones that posted, and then she posted another reply and I was like "STFU" Just because women told her to work we have become jobless homewreckers. We are suffering from failed marriages, we are not married, we envy the poster, we are trying to spoil her marriage because we do not have marriages as sweet and loving as the OP's. Talk about women being their own worst enemies truly. Picking on her fellow women and she calls herself a woman, what a waste of v@gina

I asked her a simple question she failed to answer. Daft ugly looking soul

Precisely! I read Uplawal's first post and I said to myself, you got to be kidding me. Then I began to see a trend with her attacking female posters and making false insinuations/assumptions about Nairaland posters she does not even know in real life. By the time I read her third post on this topic, I got up from my bed (I was initially browsing with my phone), hopped on my desktop computer and was getting ready to respond to her when I saw your post to her and smiled. I said to myself "thank you Jenny for articulating my exact thoughts" LOL

Goodness! I can see a lot of jealousy on this thread. The truth is some people here envy your degrees (men who wonder why a woman should have what they don't, and women envying a fellow woman for having such), and they would give you advice based on that.

Ftmom stayed home also, but she isn't advising you to tow her line; instead she's giving you areas to examine to ensure things turn out right like it did for her, unlike some others that just say "stay at home".
One lady here also gave her sister's example (I'm grateful to that lady for sharing because it will also guide me too) which you can learn from.
This reminds me of a man in my office (top oil and gas company) he was earning big (by oil and gas standard o not Nigeria's standard), but he fell ill and died. This man was very very nice, but he still died, leaving behind a housewife and 3 young kids. I wonder what their fate will be.

dasparrow:

Precisely! I read Uplawal's first post and I said to myself, you got to be kidding me. Then I began to see a trend with her attacking female posters and making false insinuations/assumptions about Nairaland posters she does not even know in real life. By the time I read her third post on this topic, I got up from my bed (I was initially browsing with my phone), hopped on my desktop computer and was getting ready to respond to her when I saw your post to her and smiled. I said to myself  "thank you Jenny for articulating my exact thoughts" LOL  

Ok, you are kidding me right? Honestly I was browisng with my phone when I read her comments and jumped on my laptop to respond to her very well. Honestly

How can you make such baseless, silly assumptions on people you have never met?   and you expect someone to take your posts seriously, a lot of men here told this OP to go and work, she no see that one ooooo, na her fellow women own she seee. Coward.

Richvkunt:

[b]@OP,
I am going to say this just once.
Your husband loves you dearly and cares for you.
Your husband cares for you and takes care of your every need.
Your husband wants you to take proper care of your kids and for this duty he is ready to provide your every need.
So what is your problem that you have brought your home affair to air in the public?

I would seriously advise you to learn to submit your self to your husband.A submissive wife has won half the battle that marriage brings.
Secondly when your husband is in a good mood you can carefully bring up the issue of him establishing a business for you that is near your home and does not disturb your bringing up your baby,I am quite sure he will listen to you and set you up in a business if you put it nicely and in a humble way.
Lastly I would like to warn you that,this is the last place you should come to if you are thinking of building a peaceful home,because:
1.Lots of the women on this forum are in a worse marriage than you are in,but they will come here and give you advise that will disrupt your marriage.
2.You will get advise from people who are not yet married and do not even know the intricacies of marriage.
3.Some will probably advise you to divorce your husband.
4.You will probably leave the forum more confused than when you entered it.

I wish you good luck in your marriage and hope you find happiness with your husband and kids-I am sure your husband loves you and you KNOW it too.There is nothing bad or evil in being a house wife if that is what your husband wants and he takes good care of you!Follow your heart for you are in this marriage,and you wear the shoe and know where it pinches you.
PEACE!!![/b]

This is the best advice given on the thread @ the end of the day its a win win, you get to work and your husband will feel good about you working which allows the harmony in your relationship to continue. You got a good marriage woman, please work with your husband and dont listen to these nl posters that will set your marriage on the road to distruction

There is nothing more to be said that has not already been said.

I will like to reiterate Dayokanu's advice of sitting with your husband and asking him to allow you pick up this job and try it out for at least 3-6 months to see how it affects both your home and your family.

I am a career woman and by "His Grace", a supportive wife and the best friend to my 2 kids, girl and boy, aged 10 and 5 respectively.
I have 2 helpers at home alongside a driver etc, but it does not stop me from spending quality emotional time with my kids especially my preteen daughter who wants to know "everything"!
You can do it if you make up your mind along with your husband's support and it benefits everyone totally.
Your husband will be proud of you (at the end of the day) for being able to succeed at whatever you're doing and would even want to show you off
Your kids will be proud that their mum is someone important and yet still has the time to bond with them fiercely! they will show you off to their friends
Above all, you will be fulfilled, happy and blossom and this in turn will bring out the best in you towards your hubby, kids and your colleagues/career.

To succeed at all 3 will definitely task you somewhat but i believe God has made us women very strong and able to multitask if we put our heart and mind to it.

What i think you should do
Ask for that 3 months or 6 months grace lovingly form your hubby to prove that you can cope well
Source and get reliable help (there are still good ones, but be ready to pay well)
Take time to train them (the help) properly and if possible get your mum or his mum to spend the first few weeks as an extra eye on the helps
Plan your day and your home, plan your meals properly, wake up early to do the necessary things, dont allow sloppiness in your home
dont stay longer than you have to in the office and if possible take your lunch break and check on your home as often as you can
show your hubby, that working or having a career is not only a necessity economically but it helps you to be fit mentally, intellectually and it completes you (Well it does me sha) and also complements him.

All the best.

PS: the above might look as if you're doing all the work, but in this case you have to stoop to conquer and moreover its only at the beginning so as to win him over, Once you do that, he will definitely join you in all work that needs to be done, if he is a good man.

God bless you for sharing this story.

Cherechy:

@OP I won't say anything in form of advice. Read dis story and make ur decision.

My elder sister, our 2nd born was in exactly d same situation you are in now. She got married in year 2000. Husband was comfortable or so we thought. He married her straight out of university, infact she was heavily pregnant during nysc orientation.

The first thing he did, wen she gave birth was telling her not to work. And 2ndly not to ever take okada. They had jst one car, so wen he left for work, she was stuck at home. My mom fought tooth and nail dt decision, cos she was imagining a 2/1 graduate of a marketable course sitting down at home as a house wife. My sister's attitude then seemed to be like my mom wanted to scatter her marriage. The last ditch effort my mom did was getting my sis a Zenith bank job back in 2001, my sister refused to take that job and her husband insulted my mom for trying to break his home. So we all left them. She joyfully became a housewife and had all the time in d world for her daughter, they had all d coloring books and they colored together.

Like a few years later, my bro-in-law decided to quit his job in govt. The presidency to be precise. All of a sudden, private jobs looked attractive and he had someone's assurance he'd get a big telecoms job, so he resigned.
Things didn't work out as planned, so he became jobless. And as expexted, d 3 bedroom flat they were occupying given by govt was allocated to someone else. Right in our eyes, things took a turn for the worse, they were homeless, my sister was jobless and husband jobless.
Her husband's junior brother was at dis time relocating to UK wit his Family, so they got temporary accomodation. My bro in law, started doing some side gigs, money would come this month and nothing for the next 3 months. By now she had 2. See, I'm not hiding anything in dis story, I'm laying it out for you, so dt u won't open ur eyes and enter trouble.

Then, my sister decided she wanted to work. After years with no work, no further education, it was hard and the labour market was saturated plus you have to factor in her age. Yes, the jobs will be there, but will age be on ur side? Wen far younger pple have d same qualifications and more competing with u for d same jobs with experience to booth?
Suffice it to say, d jobs were not there as she thought. So she settled for a teaching job in a private school. Guess what, it didn't last. She was frustrated becos, a small girl with a degree in education will be employed and placed on a higher salary. Let's face it, she didn't study a course close to Education. She kept bumping around frm school to school and she kept leaving. At dis time, the owner of the house came bak and they were homeless again!

The both families raised up funds and rented a place for them. Then child number 3 came. Of course d depression caught up with her, cos all her younger ones and former classmates seemed to be doing well. It was termed a spiritual attack, so we were moving from prayer house to prayer house.

To cut a long story long, the mouth her husband used to insult my mother, is still d same mouth he's using to say thank u now. Cos, she's the one solely holding that family up. My sis calls all of us, everyone sends her money. They've managed to secure a place of their own, but they're living in it and building it at d same time. So technically, its an uncompleted building.

This has affected my sister so much, infact, as I type dis, I'm holding back tears. She called me aside once, and told me not to rush into marriage and that I should ensure I get to d peak of my career as a lawyer. Her biggest regret is not grabbing d Zenith job wen it came up. Her husband cud hv taken d gamble wit his job wit little or no consequences if she was working. The only thing keeping that family is that my sister is tenaciously holding unto God. Her husband is still working for himself, and d money isn't forthcoming and his family cannot be bothered. He was in my office the other day, and d sight I saw made me want to start crying. My mom is always weeping, when she sees d kids and is always packing foodstuff to their home. The fight has gone out of the husband, and I knw he won't say it out but if only he had seen all these back then, I'm sure nobody will tell him to allow his wife work.
My only consolation is that God that began that good work in them, will be faithful to complete it.

Use ur tongue to count your teeth. Things may look rosy now, but hindsight is always right.

I am reposting it as a response to a compilation of some of the dumbest posts on this thread so far. Here they are:

Why marry in the first place if you are looking to abandon a 1 year old child to the mercy of strangers,  not doing office jobs does not mean you should not do any other thing to make money,  is HE BANNING YOU TOTALLY FROM DOING ANY KIND OF WORK BE IT BUSINESS?

if you know you want to chase after your career, do that and leave out marriage or just get barren if possible so you don't worry about raising any child because of your "career".

BY THE TIME YOUR HOME STARTS CRUMBLING, ALL THESE PEOPLE TELLING YOU SHITX WON'T BE THERE TO FIX IT,  Responsible men protects their "family" and i believe your husband wants to play that role to the fullest.

^^This one is truly the most r.etarded, distasteful thing I have seen here in a long time. *And there is no want for r.etarded posts here!* Not to mention hypocritical as shown by his next posts.

2OP, honestly, I still find it hard to believe that there is a true Nigerian woman, lady or girl, who would truly want to work when she has a slave-man working his asss off to provide her with the best of human comfort, most pretend to love work, when actually they don't. For instance, even when she is finally allowed to work (and she is married to a rich guy), she becomes a terrorist in her work place, terrorizing and oppressing her co-workers simply because she knows her husband is rich, and she would always make reference to the fact that she can quit the job and still lives big, especially when a little scuffles erupts at the office. So therefore, majority of Nigerian women still love to be housewives irrespective of how much they claim  to love being a working class woman. They rather prefer to sit at home in front of Africa Magic, ordering maids and slaves up and down, and cruising around city in their husband's cars, jumping from one shopping mall to another, squandering our hard earned CASH, lolz, are you truly sure you desire to WORK Ma'am?

90% OF NAIRALANDERS ARE MARRIAGE SPOILERS,by the time they all chase you from your husband's house,they will be the one to advice you again,MADAM POSTER, what job do you need really that is better  than to take care of your kids and husband?you dnt lack anything from your husband,hes there for you all the time,so what are you looking for?the most  rewarding thing on this earth for mothers is to take care of her home(kids and husband) and serve her creator day and night, i will advice you to listen to your husband,since he is gonna be giving you finances,be less worried,dont let some bad nairalanders  that their husband has denied them so many good things of life to spoil your marriage,there is huge blessing obeying your husband,as long as God is not displease with such obedience.

Nairalanders just decide for people like they own the Husband mind and God,very funny people on earth.Mrs poster dnt be fooled,many ladies here never get anything good from their husbands,they could be jealous of you,if your husband command you on something God is not against,pls you berra haste in obeying,that obedience alone is million times better than disobeying and argueing with him over the matter,If your husband is like you wrote abegi you berra soft pedal with him,if He wants you to work after you have all his kids for him,i believe He would, but for now,obey him and dnt feel any silly shameful for not working with your degree

why do women like creating problems for themselves?

for goodness sake, if you feel insulted by your husband asking you to stay home and take care of the kids, then enroll in a part-time course or something.


arent there saturday courses or programs tailored towards adults who have a busy schedule? Or learn skills like cake making, interior decorating, whatever?

is it the 5am to 9pm banking job that you're fighting your husband over?

@op- - - listen 2 Agiboma. . . .she's very very sensible. . .Have faith and always be positive.

.

^wise words in general.

like anyone can foresee the future?

neither is it every job that can sustain a family in the event something happens.

Which is why when a man dies, most women still struggle

thank you.

@OP
Very complicated situation after reading all these posts.
This is a lesson to never ever mock someone's situation, because you do not know what life will dish out for you tomorrow in spite of all the struggles (has happened to me).

Here is my own two cents.

Talk to someone in your life that you know has always given you unbiased advice, like your mother.
You need to share and talk with someone.

Then ultimately pray to God about this. You sound like your plans have always been to further your career. Maybe you need time to convince and sway your husband to understand your own personal aspirations in life.  Or like many have suggested, you can start a business, in your field, and that time "at home" would not be wasted because you have created something which you can call your own. We have all found ourselves in uncomfortable situations in life, but you just have to adjust. This thing called marriage requires a lot of patience and sacrifice.

The decision is still yours which can have good or bad consequences.

ftmom:

@cherechy,

First thing I noticed is that your sister couldn't afford to stay home. Like I mentioned, that is one of the key issues. The decision to stay home is a heavily financial one, thorough reasoning is required. That doesn't automatically make it a bad choice though.

A woman I know, working or staying home, details each kobo she spends for her hubby to review and the only thing she buys without her husband present are things she buys at the market. All else, he's present and he decides.  It looks odd, but If it works for them, what is anyone's business? Now, this is a highly educated female.

To address the concern about the man dying - Even in Naija today, life insurance policies are available if you don't have a sufficient financial cushion. Funny thing, though - for most Lagos women, the money they make goes back into buying clothing and shopping for things they really can't afford so it's not as if they have amassed savings or assets with their jobs that can take them out of the house for more than 12 hours a day. Which is why when a man dies, most women still struggle. For those that live abroad, a life policy for each partner makes sense, subject to my WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU MARRIED TO assertion (murder for insurance payout?)

Dont you think its demeaning to have to explain that you spent 100 Naira on sanitary pad, razor blades and even Nasco biscuit when you were hungry.

There is no way death wont affect any one. Because its 2 incomes that became 1. But with housewives, The income might become Zero.

uplawal:

90% OF NAIRALANDERS ARE MARRIAGE SPOILERS,by the time they all chase you from your husband's house,they will be the one to advice you again,MADAM POSTER, what job do you need really that is better  than to take care of your kids and husband?you dnt lack anything from your husband,hes there for you all the time,so what are you looking for?the most  rewarding thing on this earth for mothers is to take care of her home(kids and husband) and serve her creator day and night, i will advice you to listen to your husband,since he is gonna be giving you finances,be less worried,dont let some bad nairalanders  that their husband has denied them so many good things of life to spoil your marriage,there is huge blessing obeying your husband,as long as God is not displease with such obedience.

The best advice so far.

^ No, it’s not.

the marriage is less than two years old- why is the husband's death the major issue here?

is he sick?

Sickness is not the only thing that kills people.

@tpia
He is not sick. And not that anyone wishes him such
When a man dies untimely in Nigerian soiety, and his wife is jobless, the family usually gets stranded
There are many women who have been in unpleasant,unfortunate situations like that
Respondents are advising the OP to see the wisdom of having a job of hers.
In some parts, when a man dies, his relations come to hijack his properties from his wife and kids leaving them emptyhanded.
Now supposing the wife is the jobless housewife, is that not frypan to fire in a society where the majority of husbands are ignorants who do not leave a Will behind?
The Op is an educated woman.She can get a laptop,take a course in online business such as information marketing and do it part-time at home to keep busy. The husband is not likely to disagree with that cos there's no harm in it.