From A Recovering Hater-a-tor

At the urging of a sister-friend here's my issue:
And before you jump to conclusions, let's just establish the fact that I know I need some help

BACKGROUND
I am a Nigerian who grew up in Nigeria [all my formative years were in naija] but I can't figure out why I can't date a Nigerian man anymore. Although I claim that I like Nigerian guys I've come to learn that I am very critical of them and very dismissive of any woo-ing efforts from that direction.

I find myself being impatient with you guys and will completely blow-off a Nigerian guy for the same reasons I'll find a man from another culture attractive.

Surface Example:
Recently, a naija co-worker/toaster friend of mine called me, and then drove over to my house to show me his newly purchased BMer. My attitude was somewhat negative and I recall thinking "how tacky, am I supposed to be impressed?" On the other hand, another toaster from a different culture did something similar and I felt it was a sweet gesture that he wanted me to be the first to see his new car. Not sure why I'd react in different ways.

QUESTION
So help a sister out and tell me one reason/way to start loving a Nigerian man today!

In Nigerian Singles In The US', chi-chi suggested that Nigerian singles need to get together and quit fighting each other. In 'Nigerian Girls in the US are Lonely' I suggested that it's not wise to go about looking for a Nigerian man if there are available men of other races around you and interested in you.

Back to your question. Love has no race, no color, so let's embrace happiness and stop discriminating!

Thanks Seun. I'll take a look.

I do consider myself to be open minded to other cultures and races so maybe afterall is said and done the reasons won't even matter.
But, I still need more reasons to consider though,

Topdoller my sister i really understand how you feel but before i give you 1 reason,let me know how old you are.

well all i have 2 say is dat,a bad son gives his family a bad name,i guess men vary?

As per nigerian men, they can either be fantastic or not just like other nationals. it depends on individuals. it will only be better to choose from a culture that you understand most. if you are planning to settle in nigeria, then, a nigerian man will be ideal for you but if not, i will advise you face somewhere else.

By the way, you didnt tell us why you are so critical and dismissive of nigerian men. that will really help in this analysis

I find myself being impatient with you guys and will completely blow-off a Nigerian guy for the same reasons I'll find a man from another culture attractive.

Trust me, this is what luv does to people, you dont need any help, u r already in luv with naija guyz. All u need to do is search your heart and find out who the guy is and chikina! - its done

because he's handsome

Looks aint all that matters
Naija guyz are also very gud at many other things

I think your reaction is caused by previous unpleasant experience which has made you to attribute similar trait to all Nigerian men. No suggestion can help you because you have developed a peculiar repulsion to Nigerian men. The only advice I can give to you is to stop seeing men primarily from their origin; if the truth must be told Nigeria has over 250 ethnic grouping which mean you already have 250 different types of Nigerian men. If you cannot choose from these lot, then FORGET!

whitelexi:

Looks aint all that matters
Nigeria guyz are also very good at many other things

you mean like in bed?

This is my first time here (I i mean the site). Its very sad that everyday we devalue ourself (Men) but to this question i strongly believe its a personal thing. Choice is what sepeartes any living being from the rest. Most times peer pressure beclouds our sense of judgemnt alas our choice of men. I am 29/M/Niaja and must confess that i envy the whites but adores our black women. That you detest the idea that a young brother's gesture towards a sister is premature and remember it takes a thief to identify a rogue. My dear anyone that fails to identify with its root needs to stop existing and start living. I appreciate your candid question but will rather plead that you open up alittle and assimulate the other good quality(ies) of a young Nigerian male. after all what else have we got when our women dispise us? thanks

you mean like in bed?

Use your tongue to count your teeth

i think your reaction is simply discrimination in another guise. you just don't know it yet or u're in denial.

It's a mindset that makes you blow off a nigerian guy for the exact reasons that American or british guy looks cute and sweet. In your heart you have settled not to have anything to do with a nigerian guy, you want to marry a sophisticated, possibly white foreigner as your own trophy of "having arrived"! So no matter what effort that poor nigerian puts, u're just going to turn him down.

Look at the reverse scenario. There are certain character flaws you would readily accept in your "foreign" guy that u won't be willing to put up with in the nigerian guy.

the same reason u love nigeria at first!! u are nigeria, everyone is not the same if u dnt like all nigerian men then u dont really like urself in the first place u are the one that needs help

i dont understand why many nigerians dont like other nigerians, they dont like living where there are many nigerians for e.g, some sort of complex,

in line with my initial post, you are the problem. you don't like being nigerian, infact you resent being seen as a nigerian so your natura impulse is to ensure you don't have anything to do with nigerian men so u can spare ur offspring the ill-luck of being born nigerians!

whitelexi:

Use your tongue to count your teeth

:Dthats impossible

Rhodalyn:

:Dthats impossible

We elders speak in parables, u may need to consult another elder to find out what that truly means, but i tell u most solemnly, thats one of our easiest parables

Why do you need a reason, your mind is obviously made up. i have better naija babes seeking good naija men so you are one less competitor. Be who you are and stop seeking validation for your choices

whitelexi and rhodalyn u lot seem to be hmm flirting or rather just on each other's nerves, i just smell something fishy just kiddin lol,
anyways men are all different just dat a majority are bad but then u don't fight the right guys unless he's d one for you. wht d'yall think?
as for me i'm proud of being nigerian anytime anyday naija is d place to be for real i luv that country despite the flaws.

There is also the other side to this story. I am male/Nigerian/27 yo living in the UK and just as u are more attracted to men of other countries, I find myself more attracted to women of other countries rather than Nigerians. Even other African countries. Upon analysis, I think it is a case of familiarity bringing contempt.

Even though we are meeting for thE first time, we actually go into interactions with so much bias and assumptions in the air without giving the other party the chance to express who they are as individuals. because we come from the same country, started in the same reality, have the same value systems and are now in a different environment , we let all our prejudices from the past to cloud our judgements.

MY OWN STEREOTYPES: I think Naija girls, here in the UK, "form" or act compared to most other girls.I think they are more materialistic. I think they are looking for the next eligible bachelor with a job to tie down in marraige FOREVER.I think they are not as adventurous as girls from other places. I think BUT U KNOW WHAT, I KNOW THIS IS NOT ALL TRUE!!!But that is the stereotype I get from my interactions.And I probably brought it with me from Naija!!!

It's like that girl/guy who we all went to school with, who speaks English through their nose even though the closest they have been to Jand is Ajao Estate on the way to the airport. You know how we dislike them and considered them fake? That's the way we Naija people feel about our own people here. We never admit it, but that's the way it is.

That's why I'd rather chase an English girl who, if she likes you, would kiss you 10 minutes after meeting you while a Naija girl would act like you don't exist even if she likes you. Yet I would be the first person to think the Naija girl is "loose" if she kisses me afetr 10 minutes. YES IT IS COMPLEX, but NA SO E BE!!!

It's about value systems. Because we have the same value systems, it's difficult for us to transfer it into this foreign culture when there are things about the other culture's value systems that we like and want to indulge in.

Remember the law in physics that says "Like charges attract, and unlike charges repel", That's the best summary for the situation.

SO WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT IT?
1. Treat each person as an individual and not based on their skin colour or our assumptons of their culture
2. Be aware how much of your judgement is clouded by stereotypes and gaurd against this
3. Spread the love - NAIJA WOMAN to NAIJA MAN and vice versa.

WHEN COLD CATCH FINISH, NA MY NAIJA WOMAN I WAN TAKE KILL AM!!!

I'll get back to you when I think of one reason.

i think u dont like nigerian guys because u expect more from them, and they always fall short below ur expectations. and as for the car doing, they all do that soo dont count that against them. (but trust me i feel your pain)

It's been 7 months since I said I would think of a reason to love a Nigerian man. I still have none.

maybe u should stop looking an djust go with the flow, love and marry who ever u want

Marry whoever you want.At least marriage is about happiness.
But for your prejudice about nigerian men is really wrong.
Look am not trying to be harsh but really prejudice is evil against any race. psychologist have even described it as a disorder of thinking,moreso towards your root.

i dont entirely blame you for ur prejudice, i guess its something the society somehow worked into ur head. Even in the business world, the company where i work is so open and responsive to foreign partners but once its nigerian, we've been taught to have our ears up,

On the light side, go try other guys preferably togolese, kenyans of folks from malawi, maybe u'll appreciate us beta then

ghengis:


On the light side, go try other guys preferably togolese, kenyans of folks from malawi, maybe u'll appreciate us beta then

Good point

None

don't even waste ur time loving em!

curiousNja

You have not tried me because I will bamboozle you with lots of love

na waa oo

god bless naija! we are out!