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How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? - Romance - Nairaland

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How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by Ejine(m): 11:25am On Mar 10, 2012
Okay. . . I need to be honest.
My girl and I have been dating since the late '05. I've introduced her to my older siblings, not as a "future wife" or anything, but as a girlfriend at the time (you know what I mean).
In our relationship though, I've been a bit conservative with 'questions' regarding her past, because I'm too careful (to a fault) in order to avoid making the people around me feel 'uncomfortable'. All the things she's told me about herself have been out of her own free will; because in our relationship, she's the extrovert (while I'm the opposite). She's adventurous (sexxually), but also emotionally fragile.

But my real problems began this January.
There's this mounting pressure on me to get married; both from parents, siblings, cousins, and even the girl herself (She hasn't been blunt per se, but I can tell from her recent talks about all her friends, roommates and colleagues getting hitched up). And even taking into consideration some sacrifices she's made for me, I'd find it difficult to forgive myself if I didn't make our union official.
However, I still have my doubts about her checkered past. Stories from my female cousin who went to the same Igbinedion Secondary School boarding house with her in her hometown back at Benin, tell me about her very loose sexxual past; about her evening sneak-outs, her 'tag-team' blah blah blah and the rest of that craap. You know, all those freakishly nasty things some people would rather forget about themselves. I wouldn't have given a damn, really, if my cousin hadn't finished it up with one final disturbing question . . . "How sure are you she hasn't even washed some out?"
Now, I'm not one to punish or treat people badly about things they long did when our paths hadn't crossed, but mehn! I was raised in a staunch Catholic family, and our views regarding the marriage institution are rather extreme - "If you can't do it in one take, don't even try at all."
I don't want to ask her these nasty questions, but it would suck if such a hideous secret only starts to gain visibility after we've wed. I could care less about how many men she's slept with (cuz I wasn't exactly Mr. Squeaky-Clean myself in my 'dorm dayz'); but it's this abortion thing that really bothers me.

What if she's lost her ability to have a child? How would I know? I don't want to ask her these troubling questions, but I also don't want to live without this vital info.
Please, ladies and enlightened peeps, are there any 'physical signs' through which I can find out?
Abeg, I no wan chop disgrace  embarassed
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by InkedNerd(f): 11:37am On Mar 10, 2012
Lemme ask you something OP, do you have asëxual past as well [regardless of the number of people you have been with or what kind of sëxual acts you have or haven't been involved in]? If not then you shouldn't be taking on the task of judging her based on her sëxual past.

As for her having/not having an abortion, if her ability to have children is truly a concern of yours then only way you could find out is if you find out from her DIRECTLY or if she goes to a gynecologist and is examined. Aside from that, there are no other ways to find out. Don't just rely on hearsay as a means of trying to find answers because in the process some [if not all] of the things people may be telling you could be false. Also, her being your girlfriend doesn't mean that you should try to strong arm her into telling you. If you truly care about the likelihood of having children in the future then you must ask her yourself!
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by Killz3(m): 11:39am On Mar 10, 2012
All the things she's told me about herself have been out of her own free will; because in our relationship, she's the extrovert (while I'm the opposite)
Bro, i don't know about you, but i think an extrovert would have told you all about that if she really had such a past. If you care less about her past, why not go all the way? Having an abortion previously doesn't mean she cannot have babies, unless her womb is lost. . . Errm, why don't you just ask? Hard, but then. . . If she's honest like you portray her to be, she'll spill.

1 Like

Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by Goldieluks: 11:45am On Mar 10, 2012
OP like inkie has rightly stated, it is better you sit her down and tell her how you feel.
Feel free to aks her the question but not in a direct way, use other means and if you
are really serious about having her as your other half, then it is better you make
your feelings known.

1 Like

Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by Ejine(m): 11:48am On Mar 10, 2012
Inked_Nerd:

Lemme ask you something OP, do you have asëxual past as well [regardless of the number of people you have been with or what kind of sëxual acts you have or haven't been involved in]? If not then you shouldn't be taking on the task of judging her based on her sëxual past.
Yes, I do. I've had girlfriends, 'physical acquaintances' and the rest, but none of that has involved cradles. You see, it's not about myself or what I'd feel about it (Cuz hell, I'm no saint. Not by a long shot - I admit it); but it's the disgrace and humiliation that comes with it. . . from the family, to the outer circle. This is a strong Catholic family, and divorces, separations and second marriages (barring widowhood) are seriously frowned at.

As for her having/not having an abortion, if her ability to have children is truly a concern of yours then only way you could find out is if you find out from her DIRECTLY or if she goes to a gynecologist and is examined. Aside from that, there are no other ways to find out. Don't just rely on hearsay as a means of trying to find answers because in the process some [if not all] of the things people may be telling you could be false. Also, her being your girlfriend doesn't mean that you should try to strong arm her into telling you. If you truly care about the likelihood of having children in the future then you must ask her yourself!
I was rather thinking along the lines of 'spotting' from external physical signs than confronting her openly, cuz like I said, she's a very emotional person; and asking her anything related to this would destroy her self-esteem, AND the relationship.
But I guess life is all about risks, hey?  smiley
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by Ejine(m): 11:55am On Mar 10, 2012
~Killz~:

Bro, i don't know about you, but i think an extrovert would have told you all about that if she really had such a past. If you care less about her past, why not go all the way? Having an abortion previously doesn't mean she cannot have babies, unless her womb is lost. . . Errm, why don't you just ask? Hard, but then. . . If she's honest like you portray her to be, she'll spill.

shocked Not about baby-killing, mehn!!
You don't understand. This girl is just extremely fragile. Her emotions work on some bizarre domino-like order. Little misyarns get her weeping and fighting with me! Yes, I've accepted she's not perfect; and I've found other 'corner-corner' ways to get around her moments.
But I just seem to have reached a dead-end with this abortion issue. I don't know how to go about this without getting her hurt; so here I am on the internet looking for 'mgbor'.
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by InkedNerd(f): 11:58am On Mar 10, 2012
Ejiné:

Yes, I do. I've had girlfriends, 'physical acquaintances' and the rest, but none of that has involved cradles. You see, it's not about myself or what I'd feel about it (Cuz hell, I'm no saint. Not by a long shot - I admit it); but it's the disgrace and humiliation that comes with it. . . from the family, to the outer circle. This is a strong Catholic family, and divorces, separations and second marriages (barring widowhood) are seriously frowned at.

Though I don't see it as a 'disgraceful' act, the right thing to do is to ask her. It's not like you can force her to get an exam because that would both be wrong and intrusive on your part. Asking is all you can do. If she truly loves and respects you as her partner then hopefully, she will tell you whether or not she has indeed had on. Even if she did have an abortion, that doesn't make her a bad person, especially if you don't know the circumstances surrounding the abortion. Also, you said that you've had girlfriends, 'physical acquaintances' and the rest, but none of that has involved cradles but that's if you even know every aspect of the those individuals lives. Truth be told, there are women who have abortions and never tell their partners or sex buddies so for all you know one of those past sexcapades could have resulted in the conception of a child who may have been aborted. And like ~Killz~ stated, if she indeed has had an abortion in the past, that doesn't mean her ability to have children has automatically gone out the window.

Ejiné:

shocked Not about baby-killing, mehn!!
You don't understand. This girl is just extremely fragile. Her emotions work on some bizarre domino-like order. Little misyarns get her weeping and fighting with me! Yes, I've accepted she's not perfect; and I've found other 'corner-corner' ways to get around her moments.
But I just seem to have reached a dead-end with this abortion issue. I don't know how to go about this without getting her hurt; so here I am on the internet looking for 'mgbor'.

Saying she's fragile is no reason not to address it if you truly want to know. You shouldn't be getting married or having children if you're not mature enough to approach or address certain issue. Marriage will require a lot of work and at this early stage, if this is something you can't handle then you should rethink this whole idea of even being in a relationship.
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by Ejine(m): 11:59am On Mar 10, 2012
Goldieluks:

OP like inkie has rightly stated, it is better you sit her down and tell her how you feel.
Feel free to aks her the question but not in a direct way, use other means and if you
are really serious about having her as your other half, then it is better you make
your feelings known.


It appears there's no way around this. So maybe I'll just have to take those risks  undecided
Here goes nothing.
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by InkedNerd(f): 12:01pm On Mar 10, 2012
Ejiné:

It appears there's no way around this. So maybe I'll just have to take those risks  undecided
Here goes nothing.

Just be careful about how you ask her, your tone, and the words you use to address the issue.
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by Killz3(m): 12:17pm On Mar 10, 2012
Ejiné:

shocked Not about baby-killing, mehn!!
You don't understand. This girl is just extremely fragile. Her emotions work on some bizarre domino-like order. Little misyarns get her weeping and fighting with me! Yes, I've accepted she's not perfect; and I've found other 'corner-corner' ways to get around her moments.
But I just seem to have reached a dead-end with this abortion issue. I don't know how to go about this without getting her hurt; so here I am on the internet looking for 'mgbor'.
Bro, bear in mind that she also has her fears about you(e.g, what if he shoots blanks?). . . but she is willing to let that slide just to be with you. . . wink
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by InkedNerd(f): 12:23pm On Mar 10, 2012
~Killz~:

Bro, bear in mind that she also has her fears about you(e.g, what if he shoots blanks?). . . but she is willing to let that slide just to be with you. . . wink

True!
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by andromida(f): 12:54pm On Mar 10, 2012
@op I personally knw of several gals who have had up to 10 abortions they are now happily married with kids. An abortion does not prevent a woman from being able to have kids. Marriage is an act of faith.
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by tpia5: 12:57pm On Mar 10, 2012
there's no way to physically tell unless she tells you herself.

as per whether she can have kids or not, you just have to wait and see.

and yes, many people who did abortions and survived, still went on to have kids.

in any case, at this point, you're only assuming- if it bothers you that much, maybe you should ask her.

both of you need to get closer to God however.
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by freecocoa(f): 1:28pm On Mar 10, 2012
Hmm,na wa o,OP you have a past too so its a two way street,if you are bothered you go ahead and ask her cos its not advisable to go into a union with insecurities,besides having had an abortion doesn't mean one can't conceive and being a virgin before marriage also doesn't guarantee having kids,btw that your cousin seems like an amebo.



PS,I heard that if you suck a woman's bobbsy and milk comes out of it then it means she's had a child before or had an abortion,so try sucking as hard as your lips can,that might help. wink kiss wink
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by Johnsinia(m): 2:32pm On Mar 10, 2012
Guy u r nt goin 2 marry 2 her past bt d present.if her womb is ok n she is nt an infectn carrier den u dnt ve a problm,go ahead n marry her whether or nt she had abortd b4.
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by Idowuogbo(f): 2:54pm On Mar 10, 2012
freecocoa:

PS,I heard that if you suck a woman's bobbsy and milk comes out of it then it means she's had a child before or had an abortion,so try sucking as hard as your lips can,that might help.  wink kiss wink
grin grin grin grin grin

f00lish gal

@op

Ask or forever remain silent.

Goodluck without the Jonathan sha. wink cheesy
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by freecocoa(f): 3:12pm On Mar 10, 2012
^^Na wetin i hear na,e fit help op o,please spread the message. grin wink
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by Nobody: 4:02pm On Mar 10, 2012
Your 56yr old cousin is just jealous because she's probably going to get married before her.
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by sauer(m): 4:19pm On Mar 10, 2012
Why not just take yourselves to a good doctor? Tell her it's the last leg you guys are going before officially pronoucning marital vows. If you are being checked, she would also be comfortable with being checked!
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by MrsChima1(f): 5:25pm On Mar 10, 2012
I know for sure my husband doesn't shoot blanks!  Oops.  I meant to think that.  grin

Killz is right, just like you have worries about her ability to produce, she may have the same worries but she is relying on faith to bring what you both desires, children. 

If you really love her nothing should be impossible but of course we all have a deal breaker and you have every right to make sure the person you are marrying can bear children. 

The fact that you are online asking questions tells me communication between the pair of you aren't that great. 

Work on communication and draw out the deal breakers before wasting further time.
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by moHot(f): 7:51pm On Mar 10, 2012
freecocoa:

Hmm,na wa o,OP you have a past too so its a two way street,if you are bothered you go ahead and ask her cos its not advisable to go into a union with insecurities,besides having had an abortion doesn't mean one can't conceive and being a virgin before marriage also doesn't guarantee having kids,btw that your cousin seems like an amebo.


PS,I heard that if you suck a woman's bobbsy and milk comes out of it then it means she's had a child before or had an abortion,so try sucking as hard as your lips can,that might help. wink kiss wink

BAD GIRL grin grin grin grin grin


@OP
ARE U SURE YOUR COUSIN IS TELLING YOU THE TRUTH? I MEAN YOU HAVE NOT EVEN CONFIRMED ANY OF WHAT SHE TOLD YOU YOURSELF
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by isalegan2: 7:59pm On Mar 10, 2012
andromida:

@op I personally knw of several gals who have had up to 10 abortions . . .

shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked  undecided

shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked

Ejiné:

Okay. . . I need to be honest.
My girl and I have been dating since the late '05. I've introduced her to my older siblings, not as a "future wife" or anything, but as a girlfriend at the time (you know what I mean),  . .

What if she's lost her ability to have a child? How would I know? I don't want to ask her these troubling questions, but I also don't want to live without this vital info.
Please, ladies and enlightened peeps, are there any 'physical signs' through which I can find out?
Abeg, I no wan chop disgrace  embarassed

You've been seeing her for 6 years and you never thought to ask all the questions you would need to know from a potential spouse.  Unfuckingbelievable!!!  What kinda world are you living in? undecided  I concede I am old school; My apologies. Carry on.  wink
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by Exponental(m): 9:31am On Mar 11, 2012
If u cant face her wit important questions, den u cant man her.
When u feel u r bold enoff 2 ask, suggest u want both of u 2 know ur health status b4 tieing d knot.
So, from d medical report, u know where u belong.
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by queensmith: 10:16am On Mar 11, 2012
Only sarcasm can fully deal with this question.

OP you cannot tell anything; there is absolutely no way of knowing, if you marry her you are submitting to the state of the unknown in which no man can cope.
One is meant to know every minute detail of a womans life before he marries her, you was meant to groom her from childhood and keep a video dossier of all her activities. You failing to do so has now lead to this connundrum.

We thank God all hope is not lost, it's not too late to visit the orphanage and adopt a little baby girl, you can groom her for 25 years.
Remember you need to keep her locked in a cell to make sure external influences of civilisation has no affect on her.
Make sure you hire Catholic Nuns to teach her the firm Catholic beliefs that shape your life.
Good luck with all that.
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by SexMatters: 10:37am On Mar 11, 2012
If her Tips are very dark compared to the rest of her bosoms.
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by Tobiustobius: 10:56am On Mar 11, 2012
queensmith: Only sarcasm can fully deal with this question.

OP you cannot tell anything; there is absolutely no way of knowing, if you marry her you are submitting to the state of the unknown in which no man can cope.
One is meant to know every minute detail of a womans life before he marries her, you was meant to groom her from childhood and keep a video dossier of all her activities. You failing to do so has now lead to this connundrum.

We thank God all hope is not lost, it's not too late to visit the orphanage and adopt a little baby girl, you can groom her for 25 years.
Remember you need to keep her locked in a cell to make sure external influences of civilisation has no affect on her.
Make sure you hire Catholic Nuns to teach her the firm Catholic beliefs that shape your life.
Good luck with all that.

GBAM. I couldn't have done it better if I tried.
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by purplekayc(m): 10:59am On Mar 11, 2012
U fit *inger am sha to see how tight she might be?
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by zannie(f): 11:50am On Mar 11, 2012
I like what Tpia said. Took d words ryt outta my mouth.
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by dabrake(m): 12:27pm On Mar 11, 2012
Ejiné: Okay. . . I need to be honest.
My girl and I have been dating since the late '05. I've introduced her to my older siblings, not as a "future wife" or anything, but as a girlfriend at the time (you know what I mean).
In our relationship though, I've been a bit conservative with 'questions' regarding her past, because I'm too careful (to a fault) in order to avoid making the people around me feel 'uncomfortable'. All the things she's told me about herself have been out of her own free will; because in our relationship, she's the extrovert (while I'm the opposite). She's adventurous (sexxually), but also emotionally fragile.

But my real problems began this January.
There's this mounting pressure on me to get married; both from parents, siblings, cousins, and even the girl herself (She hasn't been blunt per se, but I can tell from her recent talks about all her friends, roommates and colleagues getting hitched up). And even taking into consideration some sacrifices she's made for me, I'd find it difficult to forgive myself if I didn't make our union official.
However, I still have my doubts about her checkered past. Stories from my female cousin who went to the same Igbinedion Secondary School boarding house with her in her hometown back at Benin, tell me about her very loose sexxual past; about her evening sneak-outs, her 'tag-team' blah blah blah and the rest of that craap. You know, all those freakishly nasty things some people would rather forget about themselves. I wouldn't have given a damn, really, if my cousin hadn't finished it up with one final disturbing question . . . "How sure are you she hasn't even washed some out?"
Now, I'm not one to punish or treat people badly about things they long did when our paths hadn't crossed, but mehn! I was raised in a staunch Catholic family, and our views regarding the marriage institution are rather extreme - "If you can't do it in one take, don't even try at all."
I don't want to ask her these nasty questions, but it would suck if such a hideous secret only starts to gain visibility after we've wed. I could care less about how many men she's slept with (cuz I wasn't exactly Mr. Squeaky-Clean myself in my 'dorm dayz'); but it's this abortion thing that really bothers me.

What if she's lost her ability to have a child? How would I know? I don't want to ask her these troubling questions, but I also don't want to live without this vital info.
Please, ladies and enlightened peeps, are there any 'physical signs' through which I can find out?
Abeg, I no wan chop disgrace  embarassed
when you are ready, you will know
Re: How Can I Tell If She Has Had An Abortion Before? by Konnektions146(m): 1:46pm On Mar 11, 2012
freecocoa:
PS,I heard that if you suck a woman's bobbsy and milk comes out of it then it means she's had a child before or had an abortion,so try sucking as hard as your lips can,that might help. wink kiss wink

***cocoa, lwkmd, chhei dis girl: na wa ooo but come ooooo: re u talkin from experience??
i wont mind practicalizin it, just help me with de subject.

@op, y dis kind of insecurity now, i dont think dis lady can do so much of a pretence for abt 6years. moreso, if she is an extro as yu say,she go don talk somethin relatin to dat.
i advice yu forget dat yu amebo cousin and concentrate on yur future.
yu should ask her cos from ur tone, yu re gettin unconfiortable and askin is de only thing dat will get yur mind at rest......how do u do it.

start like dis,

baby, yu know we ve known each other for a while....i want u to know me well enough.....tell her abt all yur dirty past first and den wait for her to talk and from den yu can ask her and she wont be so unconfortable to talk....u can even tell her dat u had accompaanied 2 of yur ex for D&C in de past.
mind yu, yu are sayin all dese to make her comfortable enough to spill if she has got anythin to say.

good luck

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