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Stats: 1304238 members, 1858089 topics. Date: Saturday, 31 January 2015 at 04:59 AM
|He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by natalya: 11:09am On May 02, 2008|
hello nairalanders. I have a problem which i hope u intellecual minds amongst the community can help me sort out. I am a 25 year-old lady and i just gained employment in a bank. Some years ago when i was in the university(i was 19 then) i naively fell in love with one man who was working in an oil company. One thing led to another and i got pregnant for him. I told him then that i can't abort the baby but he refused, saying that he has a fiancee, he even went as far as telling me that it wasn't his baby, and that I should go meet the other guys i slept wit, but God knows he was the first and only man to have slept with me. He then left me, told me to stop calling him, and said i should abort the baby. He even gave me the money for the abortion.
I tried so many times to g do the abortion, but my heart just couldn't let me as i was scared. this went on until it was too late and my mother noticed and found out i was pregnant. That day was hell at home as she tore off all my clothes and beat the living day-lights out of me. My dad was like i was a disgrace to the family, my brothers and sisters were angry. it was hell. I had to leave home and go stay in the village with my dad's mother. It was in the village i gave birthh to a beautiful baby girl.
Later, when the child was about a year old, my grandma took me back home and i begged my parents. They took me back into the house and i went back to school. Having lost almost two years, i had to continue. I managed to finish school without anyone knowing i had a child. All that while, my grandma brought my baby to see me anytime i went home, and she grew up to be a very cute little troublesome thing. My mom later took her from my grandma and she started attending one of these creche schools around our neighbourhood.
I finished school and after NYSC, I got a job tin a bank. Sometimes last week, I got a call from downstairs and when i went there, who did i see but the father of my child. I wanted to leave but he held onto me, begging me to forgive him. i told him he almost ruined my life. h told me he had gotten married and that his wife was yet to give him a child, and that in his village, there was a title or something that was to be given to him, and since he had no child, the title was being withdrawn from him and was to be gven to someone else. I told him to get lost and that i had long since aborted the pregnancy, but he told me no, that he knew that i had the baby, and that he had seen me with her one evening when i went to the supermarket. i told him to get lost and i had to end up telling the security men to take him out when things were getting heated.
Ever since he has been begging me. Yesternite, he called me and threatened me that if i don't give him his child, he'll call the police. i told him to do his worst and hung up on him. People what can i do? do i allow him see his child or do i call his bluff?
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by LadyT(f): 11:23am On May 02, 2008|
WOW thats some story you had a lucky escape he sounds like a monster. I suggest you let all your family know what he is doing and the threats he is making. Dont let him near your baby what a loser he only wants to know the child because of some dumb title.
He can bring the police or army if he wants they can't do a thing.
Dont allow yourself to be broken you have done well to pull yourself backup. You should be very proud of yourself. Look after your child I'm sure you will find a correct guy soon!
All the best darling
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by jaybee3(m): 11:24am On May 02, 2008|
Story is very touching and looks similar to numerous nollywood scripts
If thru though, you will have to try & forgive for the sake of your beautiful child as a dad's influence cannot be bought nor can it be substituted.
Having said all that though, he doesn't have any right to threaten you. He needs to continue begging and hope you will change your mind very soon.
Remember a child is involved so try and overlook the past even though it's very difficult
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by babyx(f): 12:07pm On May 02, 2008|
I feel your pain gal. Cant imagine what you had to put up with all these years.
The father of your CHILD was irresponsible and still is, report to the POLICE and child welfare just incase the FOOL resorts to KIDNAPPING the child. Tell your Parents as well,
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by joselekas(m): 12:50pm On May 02, 2008|
This is one story that has underline how wicked some men could be. @ poster u have to be strong. Don't allow him to intimidate you. He is a fool to have made the statement of reporting you to the Police. u see my dear all he want is the title and unfortunately for him ur child is attached to it because his wife cannot give him a child then he now remember he has a child somewhere. For now don't give in and let him lose that title for the pain he has inflicted on you but later you can. Inform your family eps your grandfather and be strong and brave. I'm a guy and i cant ever imagine doing that to a lady.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by simoen(f): 2:07pm On May 02, 2008|
he needs the baby now dat his wifey cant give him children. . . . he is such a BIG FOOL, wel turn yr back against him juz the way he did to you, he doesnt worth d child, dont u dare give him dat child and you shud report to the police also.
Am sure the wife doenst know abt d child.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by Dreloaded(f): 2:11pm On May 02, 2008|
He knew you had the kid yet did he ever call about her wellbeing or sending money for his upkeep?
I take it from your story,. he didnt but he wants it cos of a title. You should tell him the child isnt his
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by CoolG1(m): 2:24pm On May 02, 2008|
Chei!!! People dey wicked ooooo.
Well, your story sounds touching, i feel your pain but i must commend you for your bravery you have done very well.
I think that guy is a very BIG fool i've ever seen, after rejecting the pregnancy which he damned know he did it. Now come back for it so that he can win a title. Foolishness!!!
If he like let him bring or hire Al-Qaeda he cant do nothing.
If he threaten you again let me know. i know how to dealt with those fool like that.
Gilr your own man will surely come.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by HRhotness(f): 2:40pm On May 02, 2008|
thats a very touching story and i feel your pain girl
i beg you tho to not base your decision on advise gotten from an internet forum
i know u must be angry but please don't forget there is a child involved
you might think it best to keep her from her dad now but how will she feel about it
I'm not saying you should jump back into bed with him (God forbid!) but allowing a relationship between him and is child may not be so bad,,,
Its entirely your decision and one you should not take based on emotions alone. You have to be fully prepared to handle the consequences of ur decision plus u hav to be the bigger person and think of your childs welfare, its ur duty as a good mum
Yes he may only want her because h's desperate to show he isn't impotent but then again karma might have caught up with him and he really is sorry. There is no way to find out unless u talk to him and give him a Chance to explain. yes he threatened to call the police (like they can do anything?) but Nigerian men are famous for their lack of finesse, it may boil down to desperation. speak to him and find out if its safe to hav him in your child's life.,,, try to sort this out in a civilised manner rather than the screaming matches and threats, try to remember its no longer just the both of you, there is a third person involved and she should always be taken into consideration. if you are not convinced, make him proove he is genuine, allow him short visits until your mind is put at rest,,, whatever you have to do but don't make rash decisions!
Parents tend to force their anger on their children but u have to realise she either wont see it d way u did and hate you for keeping her from her dad, or she'd adopt your anger as her own and take it out on all men,,, you really can't say and these are things you should consider. anyways I've said too much already. I wish you all the best
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by oziomatv(m): 2:44pm On May 02, 2008|
Your story may sound like Nollywood production but I have to give my contribution.
This case normally happen in Igboland and we've ways of solving them.
The baby will one day ask of her father and you'll definitely show her the dude. So you now stand the chance to make some offer to him to choose now he's desperate to have her. what is this offer? Make a list of all the expenses you made from the day you took in to the day he start taking care of the baby, let him pay it back to you with a guarantee of giving child support every month.
Get yourself a good lawyer to back yourself up and make sure some of his elder kingsmen and yours are available the day he'll sign before you let him take her.
There is no need for you to hold her when you know she'll one day decides to see her father. it's like fighting a war you know quite well you'll loose.
The Name bastard is too strong to bear in Nigeria.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by LadyT(f): 2:47pm On May 02, 2008|
No way hotness. He only wants her so he can claim a title. That Child needs to be protected from such a man. When he comes to his senses then she should talk to him!!!
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by chisimdi(f): 2:52pm On May 02, 2008|
oziomatv:@oziomatv,i 2nd 2 ur suggestion,but is beta 4 d mother 2 hv custody of d baby while d dad have d visitation right.LOL
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by HRhotness(f): 2:54pm On May 02, 2008|
My stand is we are in no position to makethis decion for her,
she needs decide for herself, she knows him and its her child,
I'm just saying, all possibilties shd be considered or she'll ruin the relationship she could hav with her child
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by HRhotness(f): 2:55pm On May 02, 2008|
that would be safe option, but remeber as soon as she is old enough she might want to spend more time with him
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by Dreloaded(f): 2:57pm On May 02, 2008|
I actually agree with ozimatv's suggestion. She should have her family's backing in making sure this keeps his word
Sad thing is that his new constant presence in her life might hinder other people from wanting to be with her
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by oziomatv(m): 3:01pm On May 02, 2008|
Your so right, but am not saying the baby will be with the father but to have access to her, he has to fulfill all these traditional rights.
This how some part of Igbo solve this kind of problem. Who has never been in his shoes will never understand.
He has to pay the price of abandoning the poor lady.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by tngtech(m): 3:04pm On May 02, 2008|
This is a forged story.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by oziomatv(m): 3:07pm On May 02, 2008|
But it do happens, one need to take precaution cause it happens real.
Just give your own ideas or move to jokes section.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by cybersleek(m): 3:30pm On May 02, 2008|
My dear, such a sad story, but fortunately, with a pleasant ending. They say to err is human, but to forgive is divine. Let him see the child, but under no circumstances should you let him take your daughter. For i suspect that he is interested in your daughter for the sake of his title, rather than your child's welfare. But then, after all said, he is still the child's father, and as such has some right to her, irrespective of what might have happened in the past.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by dominique(f): 3:33pm On May 02, 2008|
tngtech:what part of the story seems forged, this things happen believe it or not.
when your child start asking questions about her dad, dont forger to tell her what an insensitive, irresponsible, selfish SOB he is.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by tngtech(m): 3:38pm On May 02, 2008|
am not here to quarrel ok, but sometimes, nairalanders just forge stories.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by LadyT(f): 3:46pm On May 02, 2008|
I totally agree with you hotness but as almost everyone has said she needs to inform her family they can give her advice. But she will still decide what she wants to do. All we can do is give our opinions on the topic posted on a forum. What people do with the advice is totally up to them.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by abawa(m): 3:48pm On May 02, 2008|
Either fiction or reality the basic underlining truth is that:
There are consequncies for giving into pre-marital sex
Your lovely baby girl will definately one day needs her father
Yove got to settle downwith another man oneday(you daughter might be a possible obstacle)
In the interim i'll give my vote for oziomatv's opinion.
sipmly let him pay dearly for his mistake(wikedness) and take the kid with witneeses testifying to
his sincere resolve to keep the kid.
Best of luck.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by CoolG1(m): 3:49pm On May 02, 2008|
Like i said earlier that dude is a big fool for all i care.
@ Oziomatv i second that opinion. But poo happpens.
@ Poster: make sure he pays for all the pain he made you pass through.
but remember no one can make decision for you but put your daughter into consideration which i believe one day she will surely ask of her father.Remember you cant outline that fact.
But make sure this FOOL is serious about making reasonable considerations for what he caused.
Well, i'm in no way to make decisions for you but i'll advice to put your daughter into consideration.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by oziomatv(m): 3:58pm On May 02, 2008|
tngtech:We're not quarrelling, I only said you should give your own Ideas it might help.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by tngtech(m): 4:10pm On May 02, 2008|
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by uchey(f): 4:20pm On May 02, 2008|
[color=#770077]my dear, the only thing i can say is that you should think very well and pray very hard b4 u make a decision.Am not comfortable with the fact that he only asked after his child when he needed to get a title from his, Ok, after he gets the title what happens??will he really care for and love that child, As a mother to be,[sup][/sup]currently pregnant, i think every child deserves all the love and care that only their parents can give and if this man is not ready to love ur child, then u should consider letting him into her life, Thats just my own opinion, [/color]
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by tpia: 4:22pm On May 02, 2008|
Sometimes last week, I got a call from downstairs and when i went there, who did i see but the father of my child. I wanted to leave but he held onto me, begging me to forgive him. i told him he almost ruined my life. h told me he had gotten married and that his wife was yet to give him a child, and that in his village, there was a title or something that was to be given to him, and since he had no child, the title was being withdrawn from him and was to be gven to someone else. I told him to get lost and that i had long since aborted the pregnancy, but he told me no, that he knew that i had the baby, and that he had seen me with her one evening when i went to the supermarket. i told him to get lost and i had to end up telling the security men to take him out when things were getting heated.
does he need the child because he wants a chieftancy title and not even because his wife is yet to conceive
From your story, I gather the child is 5 years old or so. There's still plenty of time for his wife to have her own baby.
personally, if na me o, I'd just move elsewhere when the guy's wahala became too much. He doesnt sound serious at all.
This is why some women remarry ASAP after all this kind of stress. At least the deadbeat wont insist on gragra if he sees another man in the house.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by Radiant(f): 4:56pm On May 02, 2008|
Does anyone see what I see here?
I believe this man hasn't told his wife about this one child. Now, if Natalya eventually allows the man to take the child and show his villagers that he's got a child it means that his wife will then find out he had a child outside wedlock.
Can you imagine how the wife will feel knowing that;
1.He hid the child from her
2.He's going back to his ex 'cause she can't give him a child
Natalya, while I agree with Ozi's advice, please don't give him this child until the title whatever is over. Who says your daughter should never see her father? She will but based on a good reason and not some flipping title.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by Siena(m): 5:18pm On May 02, 2008|
What a guy.
And yet, he was quick to suggest the child wasn't his!
Now, for the sake of some silly crusty title, he now decides the child is his afterall.
I'd say the little girl's better off, having no father at all, than a selfish, egotistical being like the loser who fathered her.
The poster's still young, the fact she's had a child outside wedlock will NOT stop a decent guy falling for her, marrying her, and being a father to the little one.
We live in modern times, not all children brought up with a father's influence turn out good. In the same vein, not all children brought up without a father's influence turn out bad.
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by AEjiro(m): 5:33pm On May 02, 2008|
1st tell him u found out the child wasnt his after allm (to purnish him)
2nd if he insist let him go thru as much pain as u went thru jus to see the child
3rd pls in the name of GOD neva give him possession on the child on any condition
4th u made mention of ur brother let them know wat happening (damn i wish u were my sister then the bastard ll understand the differenct in water and pepper soup)
|Re: He Wants His Child After Telling Me To Go For An Abortion by Nobody: 5:40pm On May 02, 2008|
chineke God of nairaland
don't mind d foolish man jare,he is sick,if his wife wasnt barren will he remember u?tell him d other man he accused u of sleeping with,is d father of your child,infact d next time he comes 5000 miles near u,i suggest buy an AK47 GUN and shoot him to death
useless man,so he's coming back because of d title abi,what he wants is that child and if he ventures take that child from u,u no go see your pikin again,he wouldnt mind sending d baby abroad,honestly im telling u d truth,u wont see dat child
infact go to your childs school and give d teachers serious warning never to allow any body apart from your family members to come pick your loving and sweet daughter
they are ways to treat a fool,pardon me but d father to your child is a dumbass
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