Jenny Agun: debrief08
You sound harsh, no one is quarelling with your suggestion/opinion.
I only do not think it is ok to generally condemn people.

I am sorry dear, forgive me, I thought the last part was for people who didnt give you the normal pray and fast advice, please forgive my oversight and carelessness. I too dont agree with the classification. I know it is not easy to say enough and walk away from a man who doesnt love or respect you but I feel people should start loving and respecting themselves not to take some things and realise that the other person has a problem not them.

It's ok. Thanks.

Jenny Agun: Efemena and Maclatunji:
I do not think it is ok to generalise that the wifey in this situation is getting what she must have done to others or some contributors who have concluded that the wifey saw a ready-made guy and married him knowing he was a womaniser.

I posted this thread because I know this particular wifey in question. We schooled together and were roomies for 3-yrs.
She has not been the type that followed men (she had some dates as a single lady but not the type that flew from one end of the country to another following different men/sugar-daddies as some people have claimed).

This is just a victim of chance. They were not seeing so much of each other while they dated because of their job locations and houses. She trusted him. She didn't even know of his several affairs until 1-yr after their wedding and that was because she got infected with STD for the 1st time.
This guy has been a womaniser on a small scale but when he got his offshore job, his porfollio of women increased as his income increased.

You get to know who a man really is when he has money and some power.
Do have a rethink and give a suggestion instead of abusing every lady in Nigeria. If you live in Naija you may be in this same situation because here, you cant call the police on your hubby for cheating on you.
Bottom line is, there is a lot to being married to a Nigerian in Nigeria than being married to a Nigerian living in the USA, or Europe.

I pause for now.

I never had it in mind that your friend has done anything wrong and did not intend to portray such. I only agreed with Efemena in general terms not on this particular case. Sorry, if you feel hurt by our posts, I don't think Efemena was referring to your friend either.

Your post just goes to show you are a good friend who gets hurt when your friend gets unduly maligned. However, be sure that we intend not to malign her. Seriously though, she should have the strength to walk-out if her husband is as bad as you have said. He will probably end-up passing a deadly disease to her.

Jenny Agun: Efemena and Maclatunji:
I do not think it is ok to generalise that the wifey in this situation is getting what she must have done to others or some contributors who have concluded that the wifey saw a ready-made guy and married him knowing he was a womaniser.

I posted this thread because I know this particular wifey in question. We schooled together and were roomies for 3-yrs.
She has not been the type that followed men (she had some dates as a single lady but not the type that flew from one end of the country to another following different men/sugar-daddies as some people have claimed).

This is just a victim of chance. They were not seeing so much of each other while they dated because of their job locations and houses. She trusted him. She didn't even know of his several affairs until 1-yr after their wedding and that was because she got infected with STD for the 1st time.
This guy has been a womaniser on a small scale but when he got his offshore job, his porfollio of women increased as his income increased.

You get to know who a man really is when he has money and some power.
Do have a rethink and give a suggestion instead of abusing every lady in Nigeria. If you live in Naija you may be in this same situation because here, you cant call the police on your hubby for cheating on you.
Bottom line is, there is a lot to being married to a Nigerian in Nigeria than being married to a Nigerian living in the USA, or Europe.

I pause for now.

Right.

So from what you're saying, you want us all to believe that this woman in question has no skeletons whatsoever in her cupboard and is whiter than snow - yes? An innocent victim of chance you say? okay, before I bring you back to your initial post, answer these few questions on behalf of your "good friend":

* You say you schooled together & were room mates for 3 years. I'm assuming she's educated to university standards. So tell me, shouldn't a person whose received a higher level of education be able to tell right from wrong? Hasn't she got enough braincells to realise the man in question doesn't love her? Shouldn't she be smart enough to realise that when fighting a loosing battle, it's best to cut your loses and opt out before it's too late?

* You say they did not see each other much during courtship as per both of them living in different places. So a long distance relationship it was then abi? But even then, they did court didn't they? Tell me, what is the purpose of courtship between 2 potential spouses? Is it not to understand the likes, dislikes, preferences and behaviour of the other person? To get to know the sort of friends the other person has? (You know the saying: "Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you really are"). Is the purpose of courtship also not to get a fair understanding of the other person's family background? To know where they come from? And if okay with everything, then they decide to embark on the long bumpy road of matrimony? So pls tell us, what exactly did this lady in question use this period of courtship for? Afterall, it wasn't an arranged marriage was it? She walked into it with her eyes wide open (re: "she trusted him")

Additionally, in your initial posting, you did say that both the man's friend and uncle confirmed that he had always been a serial womaniser. Pls note the highlights in red - Family and Friend. So this woman never got to meet any of these people abi? Never spoke to them abi? Didn't know what she was getting into abi?

* I think your friend knew exactly what she was getting into. See the bold highlighted phrase in your quote - "This guy has been a womaniser on a small scale". Pls break it down for me. What do you mean on a "small scale"? How small IS small? 1 girlfriend a month? 1 girlfriend a week?, 1 girlfriend a day? 1 girlfriend an hour? What in your opinion is a large scale measure for infidelity? Or do you actually condone his womanising? You think it's acceptable as long as it's on a "small scale"? That it's a manageable activity on his part as long as it can be contained? Who would want to put up with such whether on a "small" or "large" scale - except someone whose dished out this medicine in the past to someone else's wife? Explain what you meant pls.

* I do NOT believe you really get to know a man when he has money and power. A leopard they say, never changes his spots. You yourself have already confirmed that he was a serial womaniser on a small scale. But having said that, tell me this also in ALL HONESTY: If this guy in question had not a kobo to his name, but cheated the way he does now ie:

- Loosing his wedding ring within the first month of marriage
- Chatting with girls even while in bed with his wife ??!!
- Cutting out family from photographs to send to babes
- Screaming abuse at his wife telling her to die from high blood pressure if she so wishes
- And the rest of the crap I read in your initial posting about the man in question

Would your friend stick with him? If no, then what exactly is the difference? Money abi? I said answer this in all honesty pls.

* You ask me to have a rethink and provide suggestions instead of abusing (I think you mean insulting) every woman in Nigeria. No. I will not have a rethink. If you expect me to follow the norm and say: "Eyah, my sister just ignore him, he go tire, he'll come back to you eventually. . ." and all that pooh, then you'll have a really long wait. Why? Because I do not condone infidelity they way you've graphically outlined it in your posting AND also, because I respect myself way too much for that.

Mind you, there is a difference between a man caught cheating, full or remorse, begging for forgiveness and wanting to make amends. Yes, in this case I'll say forgive but sit down and discuss, thrash it out and find out where things went wrong. But this is not applicable here cos your friend's spouse is actually having one hell of a time servicing countless women.

And for your information, I did NOT insult every Nigerian woman, else I'd be insulting myself too. I am Nigerian like you AND I did give credit to girls / women who believe in and have a lot of self-respect for themselves. I did give kudos to those I called "decent" girls, didn't I?

* Finally, a cheating man IS a cheating man - doesn't matter whether he's a Nigerian in Nigeria, India, Russia, China, Madagascar, Pakistan, America, Europe, Iceland or Antartica. Difference is you have some men who would do it discreetly and not in your face, while there are others who would do it right in your face or worse still, rub your noses in it. Location is not a factor here. And pls, get this right: Who says you can call the police in on a cheating spouse in the western world? To do what? As long as there is no violence / assault they won't get involved in domestic issues. What you have over here is a lot of single women choosing to go it alone rather than put up with infidelity, multiple STD's and subjected to a mental breakdown.

EFEMENA:
(You know the saying: "Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you really are".
In your earlier post, you called the wifey "dormant" woman, now these words.
Are these names really neccessary because you feel pissed-off or angry?

There is a yoruba proverb that says "the touch of palm-oil is coool to the body".

Cool your nerves, my Naija-Delta sister.

Jenny Agun: EFEMENA:
(You know the saying: "Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you really are".
In your earlier post, you called the wifey "dormant" woman, now these words.
Are these names really neccessary because you feel pissed-off or angry?

There is a yoruba proverb that says "the touch of palm-oil is coool to the body".

Cool your nerves, my Naija-Delta sister.

Jenny, Pls go through my earlier posts on this thread. I never for once used the word "dormant" nor name called the wifey in question. You'll find that ChairCover used that term, not me.

And no, I don't respond to posts when angry - else it wouldn't be rational. Having said that I'm in no way "pissed off" or "angry", just baffled at the story.

re: the palm oil stuff, I think I'd prefer to have it with yam, plantain and pepper soup rather than on my body

but yes, no hard feelings my sister.

Efe:
Thanks for you contribution. It;s been helpful.
Some things are hard to believe but they happen.

[quote author=choncholot]the thing is most men are unfaithful in marriage,be it ur father,ur bro,ur uncle,ur friend even ur son! But am i going to leave the marriage?hell no!i will stay and endure for my kids sake jst the way my own mother endured to make sure we were taken care of.cos like it or not,if you leave,another woman will come and take your place and maltreat your kids.the guy is taking his family on holidays,haba,pepper rest nau!u r blessed!others wish to be in your shoes.enjoy ur self and h

Jenny Agun: EFEMENA:
(You know the saying: "Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you really are".
In your earlier post, you called the wifey "dormant" woman, now these words.
Are these names really neccessary because you feel pissed-off or angry?

There is a yoruba proverb that says "the touch of palm-oil is coool to the body".

Cool your nerves, my Naija-Delta sister.

i perceived she meant 'doormat' NOT 'dormat'

charles316:


u be mumu. the guy did nothing wrong.he`s been like tht b4 they married.since she had no problem with that then,why is she complaining now.

. Nah ur granpapa be mumu,

charles316:


u be mumu. the guy did nothing wrong.he`s been like tht b4 they married.since she had no problem with that then,why is she complaining now.

U be fowl

Take as much money as you can and leave that house. Or develop a life independent of him. Develop a hubby,have some with yourself. Hangout with female friends.always be in the social media and chat with friends just like he does.