Anyone who thinks shouting down at another human being is the best way to deal with a situaion needs anger management. Yes Dayo you are right about the last part.

debrief08: Anyone who thinks shouting down at another human being is the best way to deal with a situaion needs anger management. Yes Dayo you are right about the last part.

Right!!!!!!!!!!!

I think everyone especially in a marraige, should have respect for each other, it is lack of respect for eachother that would make a woman tie her gele roud her waist and decides to stand in the middle of the road and shout at her husband, on the other hand lack of respect and love, would make a man become unnecessary agrressive to the point of raising his hands against his wife, when that respect line has been crossed, it becomes a big problem.

Moreso, '' meekness'' is an attribute, i think we should also have, apart from being lowly and humble, it shows that we have this power and yet have the ability to control that power we have.

ronkebp:


Right!!!!!!!!!!!

I think everyone especially in a marraige, should have respect for each other, it is lack of respect for eachother that would make a woman tie her gele roud her waist and decides to stand in the middle of the road and shout at her husband, on the other hand lack of respect and love, would make a man become unnecessary agrressive to the point of raising his hands against his wife, when that respect line has been crossed, it becomes a big problem.

Moreso, '' meekness'' is an attribute, i think we should also have, apart from being lowly and humble, it shows that we have this power and yet have the ability to control that power we have.

Lol, Ronke, played out the gele scenerio in my head very funny. Yea the Bible asks us to be submissive and humble and respect our husbands because God knows too much love as The Bible stated and being quiet from the man can lead to disrespect and drama. I know some men can be horrible but believe me I have seen women who take advantage of men who love them as God commanded just the same way some men abuse submissiveness, I have seen cases where they hold thier husband by the collar and dare him to do his worse becuase they know the man will never react, in one partivular case she wanted a bag he could not afford because he had to pay his fees for a masters program he was running and Madam felt he was being "selfish". It is wrong to take any spouse for granted, male or female

A woman to shout at her husband? That is absurd and that kind of woman needs help. My advise to any single young man in dis forum is to be watchful for any kind of lady that ve a trace of this kind of character in her life. If she ve, my next word for u as a guy is to "flee" because u can never stay with that kind of woman in ur house. For woman to shout at man, is a sure sign that, that kind of woman can never make a good wife but just girlfriend material.

dayokanu:

No rational human being shouts and yell at another just like no rational human being beats another.

You have the ability to shout, What if your partner cant shout back?

We have seen ppl react violently after been shouted at, Some have stabbed or shot after being shouted on, Some who cant fight have commited suicide.

Ask debrief she would tell you that atimes you would prefer to be beaten than shouted at

Youve made every human being irrational with that first statement. Like i said its natural, everybody has a way of dealing with things. Some will be silent and say nothing some will be vocal and let it all out. What constitutes as abuse is very different, being verbally abusive is different, shouting is not!
There is nothing to relate shouting to violence, a man can beat his wife without saying a word, your partner doesnt have to engage in a screaming match we are not talking about weapons here we are talking about how couples argue!

Some people shout, thats you have to accept, and yes its very very normal and no its not abuse!
Nobody likes being shouted at! its unpleasant and most times that is the point! if debreif has been emotionally scarred by it its probably because she didnt understand that.
You can disagree with it and try to state its an anger problem but you will be wrong, shouting and shouting uncontrollably are two different things. It doesnt mean you dont have control over your emotions its the means which you have chosen to express them!
Shouting is a means of expressing displeasure, its important to understand that and respect the fact that people have different means of doing so!

debrief08: Anyone who thinks shouting down at another human being is the best way to deal with a situaion needs anger management. Yes Dayo you are right about the last part.

You should read my response to dayo- again not everyone is the same. Everyone will not sit down and be quiet at things they are unhappy about, as ideal as you think that is we are human beings and little things like these is what makes us different from robots.

You do not like shouting, i dont like being shouted at and neither does my troublesome nephew, but he understands when he has done wrong and knows the consequense of doing so. I think its about time you accept this and stop using your previous experiences to rule out the things that make us who we are.
Not everybody is your abusice ex husband, please learn to differentiate us.

debrief08:
Lol, Ronke, played out the gele scenerio in my head very funny. Yea the Bible asks us to be submissive and humble and respect our husbands because God knows too much love as The Bible stated and being quiet from the man can lead to disrespect and drama. I know some men can be horrible but believe me I have seen women who take advantage of men who love them as God commanded just the same way some men abuse submissiveness, I have seen cases where they hold thier husband by the collar and dare him to do his worse becuase they know the man will never react, in one partivular case she wanted a bag he could not afford because he had to pay his fees for a masters program he was running and Madam felt he was being "selfish". It is wrong to take any spouse for granted, male or female

True!!!! women that do that are the biggest ''fools'' ever! because in the long run they would be at the loosing end.

queensmith:

You should read my response to dayo- again not everyone is the same. Everyone will not sit down and be quiet at things they are unhappy about, as ideal as you think that is we are human beings and little things like these is what makes us different from robots.

You do not like shouting, i dont like being shouted at and neither does my troublesome nephew, but he understands when he has done wrong and knows the consequense of doing so. I think its about time you accept this and stop using your previous experiences to rule out the things that make us who we are.
Not everybody is your abusice ex husband, please learn to differentiate us.

Please where in this whole 3 pages did I mention my ex husband or that he shouted at me? Give your point and dont personalise issues. Everyone needs to learn to keep his or her anger in check, I can not justify shouting down at another human being just as I cannot justify a person beating a spouse because they are angry.
This is my view, you may like it or dislike it but it is what i feel and I am entitled to it, please no need to make it personal or talk me down by bringing my ex into it. I never said I was shouted at, i am not speaking from experience the only example I have given is about a woman.
No body ask any one to sit quietly while he / she is hurt but let your reaction not do more harm than good. Beating and shouting down, all forms of abuse, My husband and I quarell and disagree a whole lot and believe me i dont keep quiet and accept it but I make my point without casuing more damage. We qaurell and make up without attracting the neighbors or alarming my kid and people living in the house with us.
I think I am still entitled to an oppinion.

queensmith:

Youve made every human being irrational with that first statement. Like i said its natural, everybody has a way of dealing with things. Some will be silent and say nothing some will be vocal and let it all out. What constitutes as abuse is very different, being verbally abusive is different, shouting is not!
There is nothing to relate shouting to violence, a man can beat his wife without saying a word, your partner doesnt have to engage in a screaming match we are not talking about weapons here we are talking about how couples argue!

Some people shout, thats you have to accept, and yes its very very normal and no its not abuse!
Nobody likes being shouted at! its unpleasant and most times that is the point! if debreif has been emotionally scarred by it its probably because she didnt understand that.
You can disagree with it and try to state its an anger problem but you will be wrong, shouting and shouting uncontrollably are two different things. It doesnt mean you dont have control over your emotions its the means which you have chosen to express them!
Shouting is a means of expressing displeasure, its important to understand that and respect the fact that people have different means of doing so!

Shouting at someone is an aggresive behaviour first and any agressive behaviour has the chance of trigerring other aggresive behaviours

Just like a shout can trigger slap, Slap can trigger stab and stab might trigger shooting

The moment you start one, you might not be able to control where it ends

queensmith:

You should read my response to dayo- again not everyone is the same. Everyone will not sit down and be quiet at things they are unhappy about, as ideal as you think that is we are human beings and little things like these is what makes us different from robots.

You do not like shouting, i dont like being shouted at and neither does my troublesome nephew, but he understands when he has done wrong and knows the consequense of doing so. I think its about time you accept this and stop using your previous experiences to rule out the things that make us who we are.
Not everybody is your abusice ex husband, please learn to differentiate us.

Please understand that your views or mine are not law. Anyone is free to agree or disagree, that I disagree with you doesnt mean I am "scared". We are all different with different orientations and different views of life. No one is always right and no one is always wrong.

dayokanu:

Shouting at someone is an aggresive behaviour first and any agressive behaviour has the chance of trigerring other aggresive behaviours

Just like a shout can trigger slap, Slap can trigger stab and stab might trigger shooting

The moment you start one, you might not be able to control where it ends

True that!!!!!!!!!

dayokanu:

Shouting at someone is an aggresive behaviour first and any agressive behaviour has the chance of trigerring other aggresive behaviours

Just like a shout can trigger slap, Slap can trigger stab and stab might trigger shooting

The moment you start one, you might not be able to control where it ends

I hope u also believe beating ur children is aggresive and abusive, that way i can reconcile a little with where you stand.

Just to let you know, no its not aggresive but can be used in aggression. The same way a quiet racist slur is both aggressive and abusive. And to add a personal note we've all seen you throw tantrums on nl, can i put that down to being irrational and unstable? Are you out of touch and have no control over your emotions?

debrief08:
Please where in this whole 3 pages did I mention my ex husband or that he shouted at me? Give your point and dont personalise issues. Everyone needs to learn to keep his or her anger in check, I can not justify shouting down at another human being just as I cannot justify a person beating a spouse because they are angry.
This is my view, you may like it or dislike it but it is what i feel and I am entitled to it, please no need to make it personal or talk me down by bringing my ex into it. I never said I was shouted at, i am not speaking from experience the only example I have given is about a woman.
No body ask any one to sit quietly while he / she is hurt but let your reaction not do more harm than good. Beating and shouting down, all forms of abuse, My husband and I quarell and disagree a whole lot and believe me i dont keep quiet and accept it but I make my point without casuing more damage. We qaurell and make up without attracting the neighbors or alarming my kid and people living in the house with us.
I think I am still entitled to an oppinion.

Ok i was trying to be understanding, but lemme rephrase it into a sarcastic remark.

Anybody who thinks shouting in an argument is abnormal is delusional and needs a reality check because life is not full of dancing ponies, golden fairies and colorful rainbows. Its gets ugly from time to time

Shout at my husband ke?not even in my dreams.

The last time I shouted @ someone, I was thoroughly disgraced and "brought back to civil world" by my 3 years old son. I was very pissed with someone, had my sons in the car and was out giving the person a piece of my mind, screaming out my lungs. One of my sons poked out his face from the window and shouted "mom are you allright?why are you shouting?is the man deaf"

Trust kids now, they kept asking me throughout the drive home if the man was deaf or I sick.

Been tempted sometimes after that incident to shout at someone but I thank God I someone get the inner strenght to refrain.

If I can't shout @ my client no matter how stupid s/he is, why should I shout at my husband. . . Or anyone?

queensmith:

Ok i was trying to be understanding, but lemme rephrase it into a sarcastic remark.

Anybody who thinks shouting in an argument is abnormal is delusional and needs a reality check because life is not full of dancing ponies, golden fairies and colorful rainbows. Its gets ugly from time to time

it depends on the level of arguement and the cause of the arguement, shouting can at times lead to fatal incidents in the long run.

Was aware of an incident that happened at one of these Nigerian universities either Uni-Ben or Ife?? can't remember, a lady was shouting and screaming her head off that her jewelries were stolen, and she was suspecting someone,(one of her room mates), the shouting got so intensed that this her room-mate who was innocent was disgraced, after couple of minutes, the lady who actually took the jewelries came in and said the owner borrowed her few days ago, that she thought (the owner) knew she had the jewelries, (long story short) the innocent lady stood up and took a knife and stabbed the owner of the jewelries, because she embarrassed her. (Just showing you the progression from where ''shouting'' started and where it ended). The owner of those jewelries died ooooo and the innocent one ran away after committing that evil.

ronkebp:

it depends on the level of arguement and the cause of the arguement, shouting can at times lead to fatal incidents in the long run.

Was aware of an incident that happened at one of these Nigerian universities either Uni-Ben or Ife?? can't remember, a lady was shouting and screaming her head off that her jewelries were stolen, and she was suspecting someone,(one of her room mates), the shouting got so intensed that this her room-mate who was innocent was disgraced, after couple of minutes, the lady who actually took the jewelries came in and said the owner borrowed her few days ago, that she thought (the owner) knew she had the jewelries, (long story short) the innocent lady stood up and took a knife and stabbed the owner of the jewelries, because she embarrassed her. (Just showing you the progression from where ''shouting'' started and where it ended). The owner of those jewelries died ooooo and the innocent one ran away after committing that evil.

We can begin to use this argument to demonise absolutely everything! A kiss on the cheek can lead to an affair, a trip to the mosque can make you a terrorist a spank on the bottom can lead you to kill your child. It obviously doesnt work and the isolated incident you speak of doesnt prove what we are discussing.

THe bottom line remains that shouting is very normal, im surprised people dont know that!

Not at all,she better watch it,if not anyday that guy get affection nd respect from another woman,she is barn to loose her marriage.then she start visiting pastors for prayers

queensmith:

I hope u also believe beating ur children is aggresive and abusive, that way i can reconcile a little with where you stand.

Just to let you know, no its not aggresive but can be used in aggression. The same way a quiet racist slur is both aggressive and abusive. And to add a personal note we've all seen you throw tantrums on nl, can i put that down to being irrational and unstable? Are you out of touch and have no control over your emotions?

Surely beating children is aggresive and abusive, You can argue that some kids became the better for it, but some also became terrible children because of the beating.

Just the way you think Shouting and yelling at is OK, Thats the way some people too believe slaps are ok, some believe a little blows and kicks too are ok.

Even on this thread one lady has suggested slaps to the OP, that means she thinks its ok.

Whether you do it or not, Doesnt change the fact that its an aggresive behaviour and once you start one form of aggresion you might not be able to control the response

E.g if you slap me, I might overlook it, slap you back, blow you and remove some teeth or break bottle on your head

Its all fair since you started the whole aggression

baby.me:
Quite normal

Agree totally.

queensmith:

We can begin to use this argument to demonise absolutely everything! A kiss on the cheek can lead to an affair, a trip to the mosque can make you a terrorist a spank on the bottom can lead you to kill your child. It obviously doesnt work and the isolated incident you speak of doesnt prove what we are discussing.

THe bottom line remains that shouting is very normal, im surprised people dont know that!

My dear, shouting is not normal, it is very abnormal, why shout when you can talk without shouting?, if you are passing a warning to someone, you can say it without shouting, it is not normal at all to shout, anybody who shouts as opposed to talking normally will be seen as having serious problems upstairs especially when the person you are shouting at is quiet or talking without anyone hearing his/her voice, infact it will get to a time that people outside will see him or her as having hearing problems, because they( deaf) are the ones i think shout while talking, especially when they think you are not hearing them, apart from that one gan sef, people would start describing him/her as that ''man that shouts while talking''.

ifyalways: Shout at my husband ke?not even in my dreams.

The last time I shouted @ someone, I was thoroughly disgraced and "brought back to civil world" by my 3 years old son. I was very pissed with someone, had my sons in the car and was out giving the person a piece of my mind, screaming out my lungs. One of my sons poked out his face from the window and shouted "mom are you allright?why are you shouting?is the man deaf"

Trust kids now, they kept asking me throughout the drive home if the man was deaf or I sick.

Been tempted sometimes after that incident to shout at someone but I thank God I someone get the inner strenght to refrain.

If I can't shout @ my client no matter how stupid s/he is, why should I shout at my husband. . . Or anyone?

OMG!! Ify ur son realy got me laffin out ontop of my voice.

@ Topic, Is shouting normal in relationship? Yes, it is. It does happen a lot especially where one or both of the parties has a problem managing their anger.

But, is it Right? Definitely NOT! Shouting at one's partner, especially in a fit of anger, is a no - no. It could lead to emotions spiralling out of control, in which case, nothing positive is achieved in the end.

Unique!:
@ Topic, Is shouting normal in relationship? Yes, it is. It does happen a lot especially where one or both of the parties has a problem managing their anger.

But, is it Right? Definitely NOT! Shouting at one's partner, especially in a fit of anger, is a no - no. It could lead to emotions spiralling out of control, in which case, nothing positive is achieved in the end.

Then why is it normal then? There is a big difference between it 'happens' and ''NORMAL'' how can it be normal when it is so wrong, what is the rule, norm or when has it become a standard that ''shouting'' has been accepted as a normal way of life?

^^^ Normal in the sense that it's accepted as a way of venting sometimes. However, this does not make it right, hence why I believe people should control their anger as much as possible

No no no no
It is not normal at all
She want the children to hate their father and disrespect him.
The woman is setting a bad precedence for the children.
Pls, warn her seriously.
What she sow, she will reap.

Unique!:
@ Topic, Is shouting normal in relationship? Yes, it is. It does happen a lot especially where one or both of the parties has a problem managing their anger.

But, is it Right? Definitely NOT! Shouting at one's partner, especially in a fit of anger, is a no - no. It could lead to emotions spiralling out of control, in which case, nothing positive is achieved in the end.

You can replace shouting with beating and your post would still remain the same.

!]@ Topic, Is BEATING normal in relationship? Yes, it is. It does happen a lot especially where one or both of the parties has a problem managing their anger.

But, is it Right? Definitely NOT! BEATING one's partner, especially in a fit of anger, is a no - no. It could lead to emotions spiralling out of control, in which case, nothing positive is achieved in the end.

^^^ Semantics, maybe?

Here we go, again.

Shouting at one's spouse may be normal in some contexts. If it is condoned as normal in A's home, as an acceptable way of doing their thang, then so be it. However, Normal here does not generally mean right. Hope u understand better now.

wrong women does that always

I think the problem here is that your not understanding the definition of normal

Dictionary somebody!

Yes it is. either party are allowed to let off steam once in a while so long it's restricted to just shouting.

poster, that guy is a disgrace, what kind of nonsense is that even if you be okonjo, you cant try that nonsense with me. Damn!

@jaybee, would you shout at your boss or client just so you could let out steam?