modele2: I read all, becos i was so curious to know how it ended or solid advice that was given. Why? becos i have or perharps am still going thru this kind of situation, mines better becos its not an ex and its not one woman, but i am sure its just about messages text, BB, FB etc. I am sure becos there is really no room for physical fowl play, he returns home early and we spend weekends together.

Unfortunately i saw no solid advice or gameplan, i needed a man in the house to give me a good gameplan, i think the women in the house are just speculating no offence.

[b]I have tried the viscious confrontation, that one backfired with the issue now being how insultive and physcial i was.On another expose, I then tried the begging crying comfrontation and that lead to an apology but no restitution, I finally tried the logical, matured conversational approach and no show. The result of each of this scenarios lead to him locking up his gadget saying i had no right to read his messages blah blah...that for me shows an unrepentant spirit. He tired keeping his phone clean, deleting messages that just arrived or records of compromising phone calls. The ones i saw i just stumbled on, i wasnt searching for anyting in particular.

HE feels justified becos he dosent sleep with them, but we all know thats how it starts and it makes me scared for him and myself in the future. After the last episode, where i stumbled on a compromising message i decided not to dwel on it. Am getting tired of the whole denial saga, besides i have a semblance of peace and happiness in the home. Basically i have thrown in the towel on that episode hoping feverently it doesent consume us in the future...but what can i do.

So long and short, men in the house can we get fresher, better game plans to break this kind of emotional bondage. For him he is having fun and feels he is immune to fallin headlong, hes just playing with fire[/b].

Unique!:
@ poster, it's simple. Simply stop posting replies to posts u find irritating, or even walk away sometimes.

I must say, however, that being here on the family section has really broadened my views on marriage generally. I was for long a silent reader here. I've been married for a number of years, but missed out on a lot of good advice when I was in dire need of them. I made mistakes, lots of them. I did not have the benefit of a different perspective, like I do now, reading from here. You guys don't know how you may be impacting someone's life, one way or another when you post. This section has been an eye opener for me, cos here in Nigeria, we don't have many marriage counselors. In more ways than one, I feel blessed being here, and all thanks to you all who care enough to reply. Don't you for any reason, feel angry when someone disagrees with you, or when your advice is rejected. This is bound to happen cos we are all different and reason differently. This in no way means someone else somewhere is not picking up the advice and using it for their own benefits.

Outstrip:

Even then sometimes you still have to slap yoruself to believe that you are not hallucinating when you read some of the topics

jennykadry: @Outstrip

It is insane. I log on to NLD because I am interested in one story and by the time you click on the thread, you log off feeling depressed. WTF. The worst part is coming on here to ask for advises on how to manage their slow poke of a husband. It is depressing.

@Debrief

seriously ooo, I would have just stayed single. I read stories and I ask myself, is it not the same marriage I am in right now? ki lo de?

rokiatu: I am pretty sure there are many people out there and even on Nairaland in happy marriages. But we are less likely to see threads from peeps like that. I mean what will they start a thread on? "I had a blast with husband last week" or "my God I am having so much fun in my marriage or "Sex was so great last nigt" LOL

So we are bond to see threads from those who are actually in need of advice, people having trouble/issues.

debrief08: One came to complain to me for the uptenth time in my office yesterday that her husband beat her again for reading Linda Ikejis blog on the Ogo Issue and banned her from visiting the blog, I was tired of holding her hand and i used your style, told her to go abeg, I don taya to talk the same matter, if she wan stay die as Mrs. na her choice but let me not be burdened by buying white lace for burial. The same thing over and over, he beats you you come and cry I advice you, you gp home after some days you tell me " he said it will never happen again" then you stop talking to me because he has ordered you not to, then you come back again afetr some weeks/ months and we start again, I told her abeg no be by force to do friend. So frustrating.

Miss_Ife: Maybe we should try creating different topics on this family section. Since I've been there, I've noticed that those scary topics are those that get most answers/attention. We could just change that by creating and participating to different topics. I don't have much ideas right now, but I'm sure we can find other family related things to talk about.

As for the kind of marriage topics we see here, I have to say it mainly scared me at first. I also participate on other forums (western ones) and though these kind of issues arise from time to time, the family section is usually a very light, inspiring and fun section. I sometimes wonder if this section is a true reflection of what is really going on in nigerian marriages...

Miss_Ife: Maybe we should try creating different topics on this family section. Since I've been there, I've noticed that those scary topics are those that get most answers/attention. We could just change that by creating and participating to different topics. I don't have much ideas right now, but I'm sure we can find other family related things to talk about.

As for the kind of marriage topics we see here, I have to say it mainly scared me at first. I also participate on other forums (western ones) and though these kind of issues arise from time to time, the family section is usually a very light, inspiring and fun section. I sometimes wonder if this section is a true reflection of what is really going on in nigerian marriages...

steph7: I understand that y'all may be getting tired, but I beg of you don't stop giving advice here on NL. When I posted my problem on NL I remember debrief said my ex will start with verbal abuse and start the physical abuse when I have lost all my self esteem.I was kind of skeptical at first but I saw the signs and walked out and I know if I had stayed there, God Forbid I would have bin another titi arowolo or another nameless victim.jennykadry, debrief, outstrip etc, y'all saved a life and prevented me from being a victim. Thank you.
Having said this,there are plenty of great men out there, it's just sad that the wicked few spoil the names of the other good men. I have friends that are in great marriages,without complaints of cheating or abusive husbands

Unique!:
@ poster, it's simple. Simply stop posting replies to posts u find irritating, or even walk away sometimes.

I must say, however, that being here on the family section has really broadened my views on marriage generally. I was for long a silent reader here. I've been married for a number of years, but missed out on a lot of good advice when I was in dire need of them. I made mistakes, lots of them. I did not have the benefit of a different perspective, like I do now, reading from here. You guys don't know how you may be impacting someone's life, one way or another when you post. This section has been an eye opener for me, cos here in Nigeria, we don't have many marriage counselors. In more ways than one, I feel blessed being here, and all thanks to you all who care enough to reply. Don't you for any reason, feel angry when someone disagrees with you, or when your advice is rejected. This is bound to happen cos we are all different and reason differently. This in no way means someone else somewhere is not picking up the advice and using it for their own benefits.

Tgirl4real:

It is a true reflection. What we see here is what most have been concealing in their marriages. I guess people are finally speaking. Low tolerance syndrome.lol

@ Unique, you just inspired me with you post.