@ op
We understand Ɣø̲̣̣UЯ fears which aя̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ natural(after 21 years there Ȋ̝̊̅§ nothing stopping Τ̲̅ђe boy's biological family from claiming their child).
You aя̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ right i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ saying that her parents aπϑ her should go aπϑ meet Τ̲̅ђe ex-boyfriend's family †☺ know their plan for Τ̲̅ђe kid. Whatever they say Ȋ̝̊̅§ what You work with. If they say no plan, take aℓℓ steps †☺ adopt Τ̲̅ђe child. If they say yes then ♓☺w it will be done will be agreed on. But her parents aπϑ not You must go with her.
If aℓℓ fails(if Τ̲̅ђe guy dey lagos You can report him †☺ Τ̲̅ђe office of Τ̲̅ђe public defender who will liase with Τ̲̅ђe social welfare dept aπϑ handle Τ̲̅ђe issue.
Finally if he Ȋ̝̊̅§ not i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ lagos, then You show Ūя̲̅ support for Τ̲̅ђe mama by helping ɑ̤̈̊ bit but not 100 percent( maybe like 60 sha).
Finally dont let people run You down, yes You knew Τ̲̅ђe kid existed but at Τ̲̅ђe same time he Ȋ̝̊̅§ not Ɣø̲̣̣UЯ kid. i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ future if You do not adopt him, he can go †☺ his father's house.
Even thinking of adopting him shows You aя̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ ɑ̤̈̊ good person.

^^My God,what kinda fonts are those?jeeez you want to blind people,haba!

Please do whatever you can do for the little boy. Someone may say you are playing a foolish game but you are not. Rather you are sowing deep into christ and will reap later. The blessings that goes with helping out babies are just too great.
That aside, you knew this would happen sooner or later so please dont run away now. If the school fees is very expensive, tell her to look for another one you both can afford easily afterall its just a kg. Is she not working? Is she a graduate? If she is, let her get something doing no matter how small.
Do you plan to marry her? Then see it as if you are doing it for your own child.

Dont be suprised that she is just testing you and besides you said it yourself that she gives you peace of mind and you both are perfect for each other.......what more do you want? You may leave her like some said but a good lady like that will be lucky to get a good man that will love her and her son.
What if an opportunity presents itself and you all leave this country? Will you still be thinking about the biological father? When the child grows to 18yrs, by then his mother would have told him the story about his birth; do u truely think he would look for a man who wanted him dead?
If you make up your mind to help, do so without reservation and the God you serve will bless you richly for it and you will live long to reap the fruits of your labour.
Goodluck.

PrettyCindy: When the child grows to 18yrs, by then his mother would have told him the story about his birth; do u truely think he would look for a man who wanted him dead?

Yes.

blacklion:

Yes.

@blacklion, i agree with you but believe it or not that child even if he reconciles with his biological father, there will always be a little bit of hatred for the man and he would never be loved by the son as much as the original father would be loved.

Just my two cents: I don't think the question we should be asking OP is 'do u love the woman?', I think we should ask 'do you love the child enough?'. I think the fact that OP feels burdened enough to ask opinions here might signify some feelings not yet at the fore. OP, pls ask yourself, if u get married to this lady (assuming it's ur intention to do so) will u feel bitter about taking care of the child when your own kids start arriving? Will u wish u didn't have to pay all that school fees, or u didn't have to spend that much money on kids' clothes? If u love the child enough, pls go on. I'm just saying that love for the mother isn't enough here. We have to take cognisance of other things too. Good luck!

@OP

I think I understand your fears and your suggestion to know what plans they have for the child is not a bad one however it should not be an ultimatum for you to pay his school fees.
You are not out of line for demanding to know, but it's wrong to make it a condition for paying his fees.

LOL @ all the ladies encouraging this mugu to pay school fees! Hahahaha! Oga, oya go pay school fees and come back in a few years to tell us the story! Be rest and assured that her ex-bf WILL come back to claim his child. This happens all the time and you're going to end up being a fool at the end of this. If you have awoof money to spend on charity, then go to an orphanage to make a donation. This boy still has a father living close by and is not a charity case. My earlier point still remains: if they won't sign over the kid to you, then don't pay a red cent! In fact, why am I beginning to suspect that this girl and her ex have planned things this way all along? Won't surprise me one tiny bit. I have seen worse things happen.

@OP
let me first say that it says a lot about a man when you look at that child, and your main concern seems to be about getting a "reward" from your investment in this kid's life. you dont even mention the time/relationship/fun/life/love you would share with the kid, your only concern is FINANCIAL?! well let me help you: you are only paying for the JOY that this kid will bring to your life....and thats the greatest and ONLY reward you need!

what ELSE can you do if not help your gf and this kids life? can you quietly watch that child suffer, and therefore make your r/ship suffer because of that? do you really think you can separate yourself from that child, and still have an active part in this woman's life? do you really think you can someday marry her and yet not marry her child too?

as for your ultimatum/option, it is rather selfish, cruel and senseless. why should this mother give away her kid FOR YOU? what you are proposing is preposterous!!!! what you are saying is: if the son is NOT yours legally then he should be returned to the father's family. did you ever FOR ONE MINUTE think of your gf in this matter? or is it just about your own ego and insecurities in this union? no wonder your gf is pissed at you. who in their right mind would sign such "contract"? or better yet, which insecure person would even draw such contract to begin with?!!

you focused on MONEY etc but you're forgetting ONE very important point: all your money is pointless if the child doesnt care about you, and desires to see/meet his biological father (which doesnt take away your hard work). or would you also use your contract to stop that child from doing that?! lol!

here is what you "should" do: A) UNDERSTAND that being a father is much more that getting a girl pregnant or paying for school fees. B) accepting your gf for who/what she is FULLY or not at all. C) enjoy life instead of wasting your energy on childish stuff.

[size=32pt]Thank you all for your feedback and comments[/size]


I must put one notion straight here:

I love this boy as well as I do for his mother but I want you all to realize that the reason I have not (also) impregnated any girl is not that I am weak, but that I take the pain to be cautious in plans (during that sweetest moments) to ensure I make no blunders in life...I know "two wrongs don't make a right" but I DID NOT COME TO EARTH TO CORRECT A MISTAKE THAT WILL TAKE MY HEAD...this boy's father is a graduate like me and earning money somewhere, leaving me to mend the heart he shattered and to still babysit his son till he returns...IF HE'S NOT BEEN TOO CAREFUL ABOUT THIS BUSINESS, WHY ME?...do not forget I muted other girls that wanted me for this girl...why tell me I must love all that goes with her? or I must see it as charity? do you realize this is still a controversial and very sensitive issue and I will be call "busy-body" someday?

If you say I should take him as my son or brother, ask yourself "is that what he truly is?!"

[size=16pt]Let's take this illustration: When you packed into a new apartment and find a car with tires down, will you start driving it straight to the vulcanizer and to the mechanic (for charity) or you'll attempt contacting the owner to ask how far?[/size]

My resolution as at now (inspired from your contributions):
If I must do without the agreement, then I must stop seeing her and know it is purely charity for a family, but if I must then I must be sure I am not stealing another man's son.



.

So Op, did you let her go?

Four year old thread...

How's the child and the mother now?