My Cousin was forced to marry a man she doesn't have any feelings for @ the age of 16, 22 yrs ago because he offered to take care of her father's bills for father was so sick and admitted in the hospital then for about a year and some months (there was no money to take care of him and his bills)

She wanted divorce some yrs back but her hubby refused to grant it, then in the year 1995 she ran out of her husband's house with her 3 kids (2 boys and a girl). and since then she left her kids @ home for her parents and came to stay with her boy friend in Lagos. She said her parents must carry the children's responsibilities because they were the ones who forced her to marry that man.

Things are getting out of hand now as her broken home is causing alot of problems for her kids (like her daughter just aborted a 4 months pregnancy) besides her hubby remarried and told the kids to come to him but they refused because they hate him.

She gets really mad each time I or anyone else tries to call her back to order.

How else can I approach her to go back to her hubby for the sake of her kids or even come home, take her beautiful and intelligent kids with her to take care of them?

shy1amy:

How else can I approach her to go back to her hubby for the sake of her kids or even come home, take her beautiful and intelligent kids with her to take care of them?

you can not and should not, how can you ask a woman to go back to a man she was forced to marry.

to know how to approach her put yrself in her position.

just let her be.
has the man not remarried.
when will people learn that a no is a no

IF a woman has spent so long in a marriage and the man was´nt maltreating her, what is the point of dumping it all after so many years.
Anyway we don´t know her side of the story.
IT is so sad that women who cannot endure a marriage in Nigeria have no financial support for the Kids. In some countries the welfare system would have helped her to take care of he kids and while getting her act togehter. Maybe in such a case she would not have had to leave the kids with her family.
A child getting pregnant- that can happen even in the best of homes so that is not necessariely an indice.

You should be convincing her to be more responsible for
her children because they are not at fault in all that is going on.
Maybe if you took this approach, she'll listen to you. Otherwise
you cannot force her to live with a man she does not love

You cant advice her to go back cause she wont. And even if she did go back for the kids, she would probably end up killing the man because of the hatred she has for him.

I would just say, be prayerful and help her out with taking care and advising the kids.
I feel she should still have helped the children maintain a relationship with their father.
What she needs to do now is settle down since she decided to leave the marriage - she needs to calm down and take care of her responsibilities (her kids).

@poster,
advising her to go back is not a good option if the problem that sent her out is still there. Moreover, you said the kids hate their father. It merely point to the possibility of the man being a wicked, uncaring father and husband.

Instead of advising her to go back, advise her on how to pick up her life and take care of her children.

Why must she flee into a waiting arm of a boyfriend without meditating on her life? Why would she be with a man she is not married to while her house is burning?

Why abandoned her children to a grandmother simply because she had been forced to marry at tender age? She is not the first or only one to have gone through that experience. She must stop behaving like a pampered 16 year old girl and accept the responsibility she had to bear.

Those children may become her biggest asset if she can stoop to conquer.

Tell her that the guy he is putting up with in lagos would one day turn his back on her. That is a revealation from my intuition. I strongly believe that she is putting herself in bigger problem.

My advice is that she should go and get job. It is apparent she is still struggling to make a living else she won't have to send her children to unprepared grandmother.

Next, she should examine her own life. She had wasted years, almost half of her life fighting against circumstance instead of working toward turning her problem to opportunity.

Thereafter, she should take care of her children.

As for the man, I would have lambasted him, but he would probably have a point if given the chance to speak.

u cant tell her to go bac 2 someone she hate
instead advice her 2 start somtin gud wit her life
and pray 4 her 2 meet someone dat she luvs(TRUE LOVE)

This mom and boyfriend should just be left alone to their devices. Total waste of time!

hi,

A woman's heart determines who she marries.
If she doesnt love a man, she doesnt.This is why Rebecca's parents called her 2 find out if she will go with Abraham's servant.
i know d chic in ? is ibo.our people worship moni die n careless about d imp things.
Never force a woman

if d husband is remarried nd she hates him y d heck shuld she go back,wat u shuld worry about is hw 2 convince her 2 pick up d pieces of her life 4 d sake of her children nd if keep on tryin 2 convince her jst let her b bt remind her dat wateva goes around surely mst come back around,her eyes re closed dat boyfriend of hers will teach her a lesson d hard way.