I retyped it, Hope it's better,

Need some advice in my situation.


I met my x boyfriend over the internet about 2 years ago. I moved from my state to his around April of this year 2007.

When we first met, he was still with his X wife but separated. She had cheated on him and left the house. They had been working on the divorce and till Oct. of this year, it didn’t get finalized.

So this is where my situation gets kinda weird…. When I finally came down here on April 2007.

Once I was down here, she realized she was never going to get him back and she started getting in the way of our relationship. She would use the baby to make him feel bad about the situation. And well it worked. He ended up leaving me to try and work it out with her. But not even two weeks past and he came back to me and told his mother he doesn’t love her anymore.

We got back together and the whole mess started again 2 month down the road.

She hasn’t stopped sending him messages with I love you and wants to get back with him. But every time he tries, she tells him she doesn’t want him. She just doesn’t want him happy with me. If she doesn’t have him no one will, type of things.

About 3 weeks ago, it seemed like everything was working out great. He was talking about a “us” relationship and buying a house and a future.

Then I found out I was pregnant. I told him and he was very happy. He called his mom and grandpa and told them he was having another baby and how happy he was.

That lasted one week, till his X wife found out and went crazy. She started telling him that I was trying to tie him down and put so many things into his head. He didn’t speak to me for a whole week and when he did, he would treat me like crap.

I told his mother and his mom had a talk with him and told him to stop being stupid because she new his X wife was just saying things to him.

Well now he just says he doesn’t want to make her mad and doesn’t want to make me mad either.


He's mother tells me that she will never stop because she doesn’t want him to be with me.

We as a couple get along perfect, we like the same things and can just go out and have fun all the time. We are like best friends and some more.

But, he doesn't want to be with me, he wants to be single. At first I thought he just wanted to go out with different girls. But now, the more I hear about her getting mad about me, the more I think he is just trying to please her and not be with me.

What am I suppose to do I love this man, and I'm having his baby now, I would love for us to get back together and raise this child together. He has a baby with his x and I don't want him to have two babies and not be with none of us, I have step aside before so they can get back together but she doesn’t want him. But when I’m not with him, she doesn't want him =(


What do you all think?

You are complicating your own problem by using bogus expressions to narrate your story. I am not surprise you find yourself in that mess. It is well for you.

Frankly, why must you get pregnant for him in the first place knowing that his wife is waiting to return? From your narration, it is obvious that the man was hidding something from you. Did you ever sit him down and talk to him about your future before you get pregnant? Did he ask you to conceived? What was the problem between him and his wife that lead to seperation?

Okay first it is his X wife, Not his wife,

No he was never hiding anything from me,  His whole family new about me. His x wife told his mother that she doesn't want anything to do with him anymore. But she keeps getting in the middle just so he won't have another relationship.

We had spoken about the future many times. Everything was good and even the whole family knew what he wanted. All of a sudden he is confused and his x keeps talking bs to him. Even his own mother is upset about what his x is doing.

The reason why they got a divorce was because she cheated on him with another man. After that happen she picked up and left the house leaving her daughter with him.

please write in English - i read halfway and i got last in all the doesnt wasnt mummeant pregnet wasnt isint doesnt stuff.

please - how can someone still be married to his ex wife?

Do you know i ate beans this afternoon and it was hot with hot pepper - but when i read your post - i almost chocked laughing? please have they sent u to me?
Have you ever been told that you are foolish? sorry - why will you sleep with a man without protection? now u got pregnant?

Condoms are so cheap these days my love.

Yes I just noticed that the doesn't came up twice and I was fixing it while you were writing this post.

He is not still married to his X wife, he is divorce from her now.

We were dating for 1 year and 1/2. I moved down to the state he is in and we moved in together. We talked about a life with each other and about having a baby. So yes, we weren't using condoms.

BABES, BABES, BABES

GUYS PRAY YOU NEVER JAM A DESPERATE BABE O

BEFOR YOU KNOW WHATS UP, SHE IS ALREADY PREGNANT

SEE WHAT DESPERATION CAN DO TO BABES.

do you guys know that one babe is disturbing osereka ettegate like this babe?

all i have to say is that you cannot hold a man with a baby.
a man that can walk out on his wife and kidcan do it again and again and again

Please read the post before posting,

When did I ever say I'm trying to hold him because of a baby?

And where does it say he walked out on his wife His X Wife cheated and walked out on him,

He ended up leaving me to try and work it out with her. But not even two weeks past and he came back to me and told his mother he doesn’t love her anymore.

About 3 weeks ago, it seemed like everything was working out great. He was talking about a “us” relationship and buying a house and a future.

Then I found out I was pregnant. I told him and he was very happy. He called his mom and grandpa and told them he was having another baby and how happy he was.

you met him on the www 2 years ago . you came this april to his state.
after all the problems , the going was good for 3 weeks and then you were pregnant.
no man can be happy about it. no man that has walked out on his marrage wants to tie himself down. you promoted your self from girlfriend to wife. now he will not stay.

open your eyes every one is blaming it on the x.
the mum will never tell you she knows her son is a prat. Thats her son.
maybe she just has pity for you to tell you the truth.
If that woman is nigerian she will accept all her grandchildren,
men tell a lot of stories when the day is long.
am sure he is also not talking good about you to his x.
same way he talks bad about her to you.
how old is his baby btw

mamaput:



no man can be happy about it. no man that has walked out on his marrage wants to tie himself down. you promoted your self from girlfriend to wife. now he will not stay.

He never walked out on his marriage. His X was the one that left the house for a year and thats how the divorce came in place. I'm sorry, I know you are trying to help me but you are not understanding it . You keep saying he walked out on her. He never did. She was the one. Maybe if she said and spoken to him about the cheating on him. He might of forgived her. But not to walk out on your husband and daughter of 1 year old and to expect to get him back afterwards. That's why he's not in love with her anymore.

mamaput:

open your eyes every one is blaming it on the x.
the mum will never tell you she knows her son is a prat. Thats her son.
maybe she just has pity for you to tell you the truth.
If that woman is nigerian she will accept all her grandchildren,
men tell a lot of stories when the day is long.
am sure he is also not talking good about you to his x.
same way he talks bad about her to you.
how old is his baby between

Actually they are blaming it on him. Because he is the stupid on at this point. He should see past her after everything he has been through with her. His mother knows hes an idiot but at the same time blames the X for cheating and leaving them. The mom and the rest of the family is here for me. They haven't given up on me and actually they are asking me to move in with them so they can help me out with their grandchild. We are a latin culture that sticks together also.

I know men tell alot of stories and believe me , I know, But this situation, everyone knows everything. Because everyone goes to the mother to talk about everything and she knows what he or she said. There isn't any secrets here in this family.

His baby girl is 3 yrs old now.

you have to know if you can also if need be keep the baby on your own. and you can only wait for him to come on his own

@Lostone - u r realy lost?

Can i resque you? one thing is required, just a dip of my p enis inside your warm wet juicy p ussy.

mamaput:

you have to know if you can also if need be keep the baby on your own. and you can only wait for him to come on his own

Yes I can keep the baby on my own without anyone help. I have a good job and can support myself and the baby. =)

Okay, I got ya. I know I can't make him come to me. I was just looking for some advice/opinions of others. Thanks mama

davidyland@yahoo.com:

@Lostone - you're realy lost?

Can i resque you? one thing is required, just a dip of my p enis inside your warm wet juicy p ussy.

You seriously need help buddy.

lostone:

Yes I can keep the baby on my own without anyone help. I have a good job and can support myself and the baby. =)

Okay, I got ya. I know I can't make him come to me. I was just looking for some advice/opinions of others. Thanks mama



You seriously need help buddy.

You mean I need help to do that? Its not usually hard for me - i usually do it alone without any help. whats up.

Seems u are not getting much help from nairalanders on this one. Someone help her out ok!

@poster,
I quite understand you and your story. It is something that need further investigation on your part. If what you said were true, then, I can say the problem is not from you but the guy.

You see, I refused to blame you for getting pregnant. It is normal except that you got pregnant at the wrong time. Both of you are planning it before he suddenly changed his mind.

There might have been something going on in the guy that made him acted that way.There might be a secret between him and his X that made him subjected himself to her influence. It is certainly not love. And that secret may be both positive and negative hence his confusion.

YOUR MOST IMPORTANT TASK IS TO FIND OUT, DISCREETLY, WHAT IT IS THAT IS BETWEEN HIM AND X, THAT MADE THE X AN INFLUENTIAL FIGURE IN HIS LIFE. You are a woman like her, so you must use your feminist instinct to probe without revealing your intention. Do it with confidence and relax.

After finding out the link, you can then be in a position to act.

My only grudge is that you should have done this when you noticed the X coming over and interfering even after they are divorced. She must have reasons rightly or wrongly, for taking that steps.

That you are accepted by the guy's family is both gladdening and call for caution. I personally don't like my parents interfering in my love life. For reason I don't know, the closer a female friend get to my parents, the slimmer the chance of my dating her for real! Parents can influence children but not all children. If your guy happen to be one that can be influenced by his parents, then you are lucky.

In that case, draw closer to the parents and let them do what responsible parents do. Yet, DON'T EVER MAKE YOURSELF LOOK DESPERATE OR HELPLESS. DON'T EVER GIVE THEM ANY IMPRESSION THAT WOULD MAKE THEM THINK YOU TRAPPED THE GUY WITH PREGNANCY.

If d guy however is like me, who hate to be influenced by parents on matter of love, THEN YOU HAVE TO ACT ON YOUR OWN. TALK TO HIM. How?

Murphy's Law states that: If anything can go wrong, it will.

No responsible Nigerian lady plan to be a single mother. They got there by circumstances beyond their control. Many ladies out there have gone through worse experience. Take it as your trying time. It had happened. It is not what happened that matters, what happened happens and it there is nothing you can do except to be calm, relax and see a light at the end of your dark turnel. You won't die. You would be a better, wiser, and greater person, if you can just make this experience a stepping stone.

You are lucky. One you lives in a country that is free. Being a single mother isn't as shameful as in Nigeria. Two, you have a job and can comfortably take care of yourself and unborn kid. Three, you are not lose. With these you have to get the fourth, COME CLOSER TO GOD. He is living. He transformes sorrow to joy, disappointments to blessings. Rejoice in Him and thank Him for what He had done. Tell Him to guide you and make you a better person. Tell Him to let His will be done in your life. You would not be disappointed.

Talking to the guy isn't difficult. He is upset. He knows what worries him. You know how to do it. Be firm, yet humble yourself.

I wish for you comforting words of the living God as you resolve the issue. God had never done anything by error neither has He ever regreted making something happen. He will never leave you when what He gave you unpleasant experience. Talk to God then talk to your guy.

Peace!

Generally speaking, three things make adults behave like a kid and love is one of them
Believe me, lostone, all that you see now are the things that you want to see, not the things that are out there for real. One thing God cannot do, though, is to change the past. Therefore, let`s concentrate on the future. My first advice to you is to make a resolution today that you are going to stop runing after this man. If I were you, I would simply accept the fact that `I`ve made a mistake that led to me being pregnant, I`m now going to concentrate on my work, as well as take a good care of myself`.
Stand back and think about this properly, my sister. In the first place, it`s this man that you have business with not his family per se; it`s him that you are going to marry and live with-not his mum. It`s when your relationship with him is smooth-sailing that family should come in later, not the other way round.
There is one important thing you`ve over-looked b/c you were in love. You said that his ex cheated on him and then left. What does that mean ? It simply means that this man never left his ex, it was his ex that left him. As far as I`m concerned, if that ex should call him tomorrow, apologising and asking him to forget and forgive, it would be game on. Two, even if you marry this man, he is never going to be an ideal husband b/c he is too flexible, he simply doesn`t have a mind of his own. Right now, it`s not going to help trying to explain anything to him b/c the picture that would be coming to the fore is that of a desperate woman that is using pregnancy to achieve another goal(s). Besides, he knows that you are pregnant, give him some space and see what he does next. Should it be real love ,this is the time to know.
By the way, you need to be very careful when dealing with a woman that is desperate to retain her husband; don`t under-estimate what his ex ? could do whenever push comes to shove.
I think this thread has shown a couple of things about you that I`m very proud of. Nelson mandela once said that a good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination. What I want you to know is that you are just unlucky to have ended with this guy. That seems to follow a pattern though. The astonishing thing that experience has shown is that good women tend to end up with losers. So, don`t feel too bad if things do not work out with him b/c every exit is an entry somewhere. I know it would be difficult to give him a break, but that is going to speak louder than any words could.
Hopefully, this and other pieces of advice that have been given by other Nairalanders help you to make the right decisions. It`s from the bottom of my heart that I wish you the best of luck!

Well said.

mamaput:

all i have to say is that you cannot hold a man with a baby.
a man that can walk out on his wife and kidcan do it again and again and again

not saying that holding a man down with a baby is the right thing to do. . .but a man can't just walk out on his baby. . . there's something called child support. if the woman can't hold you down in the marriage, then the court will obligate you to that child. . .well, till the child is 18.