debosky: If the doctors say you are both fine, what makes you think you will instantly impregnate another woman? If the first woman you approach doesn't get preggers in say 6 months, what then? Move on to another woman? And another after that?

You haven't even identified the issue preventing conception yet you're already talking about divorcing her?

It is clear you haven't forgiven your wife for her having sex before you got married, else you wouldn't bring it into this conversation. Furthermore, you clearly believe it is her fault (either because she had pre-marital sex or out of a backward African mindset that women are the ones exclusively with the issues when it comes to conception).

Here you are saying you're fed up with your wife not conceiving - what if your wife goes around saying she is fed up of the impotent man she married?

Stop secretly resenting your wife and blaming her for what is not her fault (according to the tests). Explore all the potential options within your marriage and take a moment to think about what your wife is feeling.

GQ, I concur with you jor.

besides, with all the different suggestions people have made, OP did not say he is going to try any one out. Udoka told him to tell his wife to send a mail to her so that they can discuss together, he is yet to give any feedback on that too. I think OP's mind is made up, he only needs Nlders to back him up but he is seeing different opinions here.

well sha OP, the ball dey ya court.

Pls u need to communicate with ur wife. Even u have to really forgive her; her past and ensure u have an open communication in a way u are free to discuss this matter with her. Also ensure u r not keeping any grudge against each other please try to be open n discuss all with ur wife ; bring her to this site n together u can go thru the TTC section i m sure with prayer and faith God will not let u down. But know that u have to come to God with an open mind and both of u should be really one.

@ op dont divorce your wife, God gives children. Have tried adopting or use a surrogate mother. The truth is divorce is not an option. You took a vow for better or worse.

@ Op, have you thought of telling your wife how you feel and what is going thru ur mind.
if my husband was having issues, i would definetely want to know about it.
i believe if u re worried, your wife would be 10x more.

I can't say i understand ow you feel, but i have heard of sucess story from pple ( 13 yrs of marriage)
Also, why not seek counsel from your pastor.

wish u a success story, there is always light at the end of a tunnel.
God be with u and strengten u in ur trials and temptation.

@OP: what would be your advice, if your sister-in-law came to you with this same problem? Would you advise her to try other men? Or if you do an in-depth analysis and it is found that your 'soldiers' cannot really march, will you give your wife a divorce or allow her to sleep with other men?
You say no one knows how it pinches, some might and some might not but the truth still remains, you are in the wrong for your thoughts...
I find that we christains are the most judgemental beings, so because she was not a virgin, irrespective of what the doctor says she is at fault? She who would have looked at her fellow women with children and wonder why are breasts are still without milk to feed a babe, she who would have felt more scorn from friends and your family and even resentment from you, should have more troubles heaped on her because she is a woman right?
I don't understand today's couple...I would have thought trouble and trials will bring more unity? I would have thought your mutual shame should give you a love exclusive of others? I knew three women in the days of my I.T without children then, two had abortions with their hubby's consent(I think they were not ready yet for children), one got pregnant immediately she tied the knot with her hubby; the other went through stress from the hubby's family...but after standing her ground and holding her head high, she had a child during my youth service; the third woman, a virgin, got married in 2002 after four years of courtship...in this courtship, she usually visited her hubby to be with a chaperon and only a peck on the cheek was allowed...the couple has no children till today...

The OP wants to give him the go ahead to cheat on his wife. Mr man go ahead, cheat on her. Please yourself amd displease God. After all you know better than God right? You will rather bow to societal pressure than to God's will. Don't be fooled my guy, God sees everything and he will see you on top of another woman.

Op dont even open your mouth again 2 claim "born-again". You re a bloody liar. Why d long story of how your wife was not a virgin when you married? It means you are indirectly/ secretly blaming her for you guys inability to have a child. You claim doctors said both of u re ok so y re so jittery. I can only imagine what you would have done to your wife if had tests shown she is the one at fault.
I was once like your wife but to the glory of God am a mother of 2. My hubby married me a virgin but we still passed thru d pain and trail of infertility. What am trying to tell you is that their is nothing like patience and trust in God. Those years of waiting on the Lord is meant 2 bring u n your wife together not u talking of how to "test" your manhood outside. The semen analysis u ve done has taken care of that one.
Unless you re tired of your wife you can tread this path u want 2 follow.
Every marriage comes with its pitfalls, infertility is yours for now so brave this storm it's just for awhile. You can send me a message if u need more info.

@ poster, luckily for you & unluckily for someone else, a thread's just been posted about a man whose been infected with HIV and is yet to tell his poor wifey.

Read & digest this, then rethink your selfish plans: https://www.nairaland.com/944650/husband-hiv-wife-does-not

And if you still insist on seeing your plans through, then free the poor woman.

Enough said!

I dont think the poster wants to listen to the list of advices given.

bolseas: besides, with all the different suggestions people have made, OP did not say he is going to try any one out. Udoka told him to tell his wife to send a mail to her so that they can discuss together, he is yet to give any feedback on that too. I think OP's mind is made up, he only needs Nlders to back him up but he is seeing different opinions here.

well sha OP, the ball dey ya court.

Don't mind him. His mind is already made up and its possible he has started sleeping with them/her already. He is probably feeling guilty and wants to see if other guys will support him. Even look at the way he addresses his wife as (the wife, not my wife). He doesn't respect her one single bit. Just don't infect her with any disease. Self righteous hypocrite.

hmmm.... sir, i know its not easy but if u are really a born again Christian as you claim, then
1.sincerely forgive your wife and let go cos i think u still habour some blame over her. a woman gave a testimony in my church of how she could not conceive cos of not forgiving her hubby over something he did. the funny thing is that she thought she had forgiven him until the sweet, gently Spirit reminded her. after she truly forgiving him, she conceived. so pls check that aspect.
2.as a believer, you should know that no reason on earth will make adultery right before God. so pls sir, unless you are not a true born again, don't do it. Having a child outside your marriage will never bring you fulfillment. trust me! And pls, you divorce ur wife on the ground of childlessness?! u 2 hv come a long way.... pls don't throw it away. At least u never complained of her being a bad wife.
3.sir, all things are possible to them that believe as it is written. u cn still father a child. It takes Faith....pls dnt loose it. i have heard peoples testimony of over 30yrs. pls hold sir. your joy is near!
4.finally, love ur wife,choose to enjoy ur lives while u hope for ur baby to arrive. try not to worry cos worry might even be another factor. And it's not just about u.... both u & ur wife are in this together. you two can make it!
God bless!

The first thing that strikes me about this story is that I don't believe OP and his wife have invested adequately in going for medical checks. There has to be something wrong somewhere if after 10 years, your wife has not conceived even once. Go for comprehensive medical checks elsewhere and find-out what the problem is.

It is a very painful thing to not have children when you think you should have them. I remember how I would look at little babies at events and just wish they were mine. It is painful, BUT I am sure it is more painful for your wife than you. You probably cannot even imagine her pain. People don't usually assume it is a man's fault, it is usually the woman's. Please do not divorce your wife. Share your struggles. The doctors say nothing is wrong, don't scatter your life. Recognise that the devil is trying to ruin your testimony. This woman has been suffering for 10 years too, may be in silence because you don't even treat her like she is in on this too! Children will come. Only this week I read several stories of long-waiting couples in the papers,one even have triplets.

polygamy!! simples

Win-win situation. You keep ur wife and get to test ur ammunition on another target!

Once again I want to thank those who have taken time to contribute to my thread.
For those that gave honest and useful advice my heart felt thanks go out to all of you,I have learnt a lot.
In equal measure to those who insulted me,and called me a fake christian and a hypocrite because I did not rush to take their advise and implement it immediately,I also say thank you and may you never pass through what I am passing through.Amen.
I have come to the conclusion that after waiting ten years,for the fruit of my marriage,I will continue to wait on my Lord whom I know will perform his miracle upon the lives of me and my wife before we are able to lose our faith in him.Amen.
During the course of this our problem,a brother in my church recommended we should go traditional.Please do not misunderstand me I am not talking of Juju,but native massages.This brother told me that the Ijaw women are very good at massaging the female anatomy and also very good at setting the womb.
This brother told me that this treatment normally takes some months but that that success rate is very high.I have talked it over with my wife and we have resolved to give it a try.I would like to know if there is anyone in the house who has heard of this Ijaw method of treatment for pregnancy and if it is true that it has a high success rate.Thank you to every body and may God bless you all.
Before coming on line with my problem I was about losing my faith and my mind,but many of the comments here made me think again and I am grateful to all of you.
Hoping to hear views on this native massaging system.Thank you.

chaircover: ^^^ there is a thread in the health section for people trying to conceive. I recall reading something about the ijaw native stomach massage. it may be a good idea to go and read the thread. Its a very long thread, but there is a lot of very helpful information on there. I will look for the link and post it here for you.

All the best.

https://www.nairaland.com/318334/trying-conceive-child-ttc

Thank you ma,May the good Lord bless you and your family.

@op, are you from Delta state?

I can't even begin to imagine what you and your wife go through, but pls, DO NOT BUCKLE UNDER ANY PRESSURE!!!!

Your case isn't the worst, and if you're patient, your story will strengthen others in God's waiting room too. Be strong now!

Mr Brother, you've waited 10yrs already, it won't kill you to wait. Little more. Let me share with you two stories to encourage you and your wife.

1. The general overseer of MFM ministries waited for 17 years before he had a child. His wife was a virgin. He was too. He had the anointing and a mandate to deliver. He prayed for and delivered people from barreness. But his own wife's womb was sealed. I can imagine how he must have felt when testimonies roll in and this 'doctor' could not 'heal himself'. Today, they have children.


2. The Sonja family(not real name) attend my church. For 13 depressing years they sought for a child, and they got one in November last year. The SA doctor treating the wife had declared that even if she walks on her head, she couldn't conceive without an operation which could only take place when she was on her period. It was the day of the scheduled operation that she missed her period and took in. That is God at work.



If in your bid to 'show you're a man' and outrun 'menopause' you get to breed Turner's, Klinefelter's and down's babies, don't bring your post to the health section!


Believe me, your wait is almost over. This is the period when your love matters most, not when it should dwindle. Your wife isn't feeling royal too, you know. I'll join my faith with yours, and you'll dance soon with your Ali and Simbi. All the best, and God be with you.

^^^
Madam,I am grateful for such an inspiring post.God bless you and your family.Please pray for me and my wife and all couples looking for the fruit of the womb.Thank you.

Instead of recommending medical treatment, some people are preaching fire and anointing! Faith without works is dead oh! You had better go seek the best fertility doctors in Lagos and save up your money for treatments! If you like, keep gulping gallons of anointing oil; you'll only get fatter.

^^^
Sir/Ma,
Thank you for the advice.While saving up for expensive medical treatment,me and my wife have decided to in the meantime go traditional for treatment.
The Ijaw treatment system comprises of elderly women who will massage and set the female womb and position it very well.I have investigated it and it has a high level of success.
Do you have any knowledge about this?Your reply would be appreciated.

BrotheR18: ^^^
Sir/Ma,
Thank you for the advice.While saving up for expensive medical treatment,me and my wife have decided to in the meantime go traditional for treatment.
The Ijaw treatment system [b]comprises of elderly women who will massage and set the female womb and position it very well.[/b]I have investigated it and it has a high level of success.
Do you have any knowledge about this?Your reply would be appreciated.

What am I hearing?
Nnaa biko don't let them man handle or is it woman handle your wife. What are they going to do? Rupture her abdomen and turn around/position her womb. Scary!

I hope you and you wife were having intercourse at the times she is ovulating. I have seen a couple that only realized that were not putting the "right timing" into consideration while trying to have a baby and it was when they got worried and visited doctors that they were enlightened. Anyway, I am sure that you and your wife already know that. This your situation is a tight one o-o-o. You got good advices already about making more effort and employing other avenues available. I hope that works. I must say that the first time I saw your thread, I refrained from posting after thinking hard about it all. I only posted now because what you wrote that you are about to engage in is somehow scary.

It seems that people should begin to define their marital terms before getting married the same way they write up pre-nuptials. I mean if they can give money its place in marriage, other different factors why different people engage in marriage should be defined too. It's a tough one brother, hugs to you and may God in his infinite mercy grant you your heart's desire. Alleluiah, Amen!

^^^
Thank you ma for your kind contribution.However after 10 years of various visits to different western medicine doctors,I do not think it will hurt to try our traditional medical practitioners.These were methods applied by our forefathers and from my research I found out that lots of people use this traditional massage methods to help them get pregnant but for fear of being mocked or laughed at will not come out in the open to admit it.
While i appreciate your concern that it sounds scary,I will still want to visit the Ijaw massage palour to have a first hand experience.
Thank you.God bless.

Hmmmm I see you've had a change of heart from your initial plan. Good on you I must say :-)

I don't know if the traditional Ijaw message you mention is similar to the one my grandmother (God bless her soul) did for women. She did that for the best part of 70 years. Oh, by the way we are Isokos so lots of similarities with the Ijaw culture I presume.

Let me find out a bit more about it if I can, then I'll get back to you.

Apologies to you if you found my earlier posts a bit harsh. I've never been one to condone extramarital affairs whatever the reason might be.

No hard feelings sha

Efemena_xy: Hmmmm I see you've had a change of heart from your initial plan. Good on you I must say :-)

I don't know if the traditional Ijaw message you mention is similar to the one my grandmother (God bless her soul) did for women. She did that for the best part of 70 years. Oh, by the way we are Isokos so lots of similarities with the Ijaw culture I presume.

Let me find out a bit more about it if I can, then I'll get back to you.

Apologies to you if you found my earlier posts a bit harsh. I've never been one to condone extramarital affairs whatever the reason might be.

No hard feelings sha

A similar massage to this?

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1203412/mayan-womb-massage-therapists

http://www.mayamassage.co.uk/

I am generally leery of these folk traditions. Does the OP know for sure that his wife's womb is displaced? If yes, I am sure there are medical fixes for issues like this. Paying a woman money to massage your womb for years is just a waste of time, especially if there are known medical treatments (this is just my opinion oh!)

^^ I don't know o! You even seem to have more information on this than I do sef.

But interesting article you've got there. It even mentions that this is a widespread practice that been going on for thousand of years with some measure of success...

Efemena_xy: ^^ I don't know o! You even seem to have more information on this than I do sef.

But interesting article you've got there. It even mentions that this is a widespread practice that been going on for thousand of years with some measure of success...

LOL! Google is your best friend! I had never heard of the practice before I read it on this thread. I just Googled "womb massage" and got all kinds of results.

moremi2008:

A similar massage to this?

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1203412/mayan-womb-massage-therapists

http://www.mayamassage.co.uk/

I am generally leery of these folk traditions. Does the OP know for sure that his wife's womb is displaced? If yes, I am sure there are medical fixes for issues like this. Paying a woman money to massage your womb for years is just a waste of time, especially if there are known medical treatments (this is just my opinion oh!)

Sir,
Thank you for your contribution.However I disagree with your last statement.I used to have the utmost contempt for traditional methods of health treatment,however when you have been through what I and my wife have been through,you become ready to try almost anything,provided there is a chance of success.I found the link you posted quiet useful and similar to what the Ijaw woman in charge of the massage home told us when we went to register my wife for the treatment,which will commence this weekend.Am keeping my fingers crossed on this.
Once again thank you.