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I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Help! My Friend Wants To Divorce Her Husband For Kissing Their Baby. / When Can A Nigerian Woman Divorce Her Husband? / I Love My Wife. I Caught My Bestfriend bedding Her, Should I Divorce Her. (2) (3) (4)

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Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by shushu(f): 5:25pm On May 21, 2012
brother18,
lets change the situation around and imagine your wife is the one saying what you are saying.
1.she feels you are to blame for not being able to impregnante her.
2.she wants to/feels like/is thinking about divorcing you for the same reasons
3.she wants to try her luck outside with another man to see if she will get pregnant.

how would you feel

You see its very easy to think about yourself only.

You (as a pious born again christian) married a lady who was not up to your moral upbringing(i have restated this as your tone towards our wife is so condescending) and thats what you are implying.

You since "forgave her" and now she is worthy of your moral high ground. By implication your wife pretended to be something she is not.....i strongly doubt this.

But then you have carried out tests and voila you(mr pious) and madam (mrs unworthy) are allright, no one is to blame for the lack of being able to have kids

SO WHY DID YOU BRING UP THESE UNNESCESSARY EARLIER DETAILS IF YOU ARE NOT TRYING TO APPEAR BETTER THAN YOUR WIFE?

Both of you are to blame.

Regarding your question-should you/should you not try your luck outside?well, will it be allright for your wife to have the same thoughts as you? If you genuinely can give her the go ahead to try having a child out of wed lock, then you have answered your own question.


btw, no one says its a walk in the park when you are faced with trials in life....and dont bring the angle that i dont understand either

1 Like

Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by Nobody: 8:07pm On May 21, 2012
Try other women.Man die once
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by PrettyCindy(f): 8:30pm On May 21, 2012
Johndoe100:

You are very familiar with the process, do you do it often?

Its my field and yes i have done it (the processing) lots and lots of times.
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by blacklion(m): 8:52pm On May 21, 2012
coogar:

unfortunately, that's the way of the world. what seems normal would
be difficult and what seems obscene would be easy. you can bet if this man
lies with a plantain/orange seller in his hood(even if it's one round of sex),
she would get pregnant with twins.


Its truly the way of the world indeed. I once saw this scenario that you describe play out before my very own eyes.
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by 90love(f): 10:14pm On May 21, 2012
It's a shame that this African mentality just over crowds people sometimes. A wife that has been faithful to you for 10 years and has been born again through your marriage to her. If you divorce her and marry another don't you wonder what will become of her? Wasting 10years of her life. You say you have strong faith then you should know Gods time is the right time if God says no then It will never be. Plus it's God that gives children.

You and your wife could try surrogacy pay someone to carry your child. Or adoption.
Please OP don't. E selfish and inconsiderate of your wife's feelings she's a woman and naturally she wants to have a child even more than you know explore other options before you start resenting her.

Bleep good luck
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by agiboma(f): 10:29pm On May 21, 2012
@ OP you have really tried oo. 10 years no kids in this Nigeria OMG. Look getting a girl ont he side wont make your life any easier, see this processs through with your wife. Have her go for test and you test also. if all the blood work is fine then have her go do a HSG this test can determine if her tubes are open or blocked. This test is important because if the tubes are blocked she cannot get pregnant naturally and IVF would be you alternative method. IVF in Nigeria is affordable i beleive they do it at the teaching hospital in Benin for 200K. Look you have options so start to use them and work with your wife oo. G-d will see you through and remember your wife feels worse than you she has not bear you any children yet.
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by KevinII(m): 10:30pm On May 21, 2012
All you fools condemning the man, what would you do if it were you? Have you tried to put yourselves in his shoes? He is daily living in self doubt about whether or not he can actually father a child. Lab results or not, the only proof there is the conception of an actual child. He has not said he IS going to divorce her. It is a thought at this point. Which of you would not think such thoughts if you were in his shoes, with the pressure and all? F00ls. Everyone rushes in to condemn because you are all saints abi?

@OP, I feel your pain, but remember your vows, ur faith, the story of Abraham, and all. And if it is your cross to go through life and not know for sure that you can father a child, then bear it with magnanimity. It won't be easy, I know. Put yourself in your wife's shoes too, who will you abandon her for? She is the wife of your youth. Like you said she is approaching menopause, and as such her pain will be deep. You are all she's got now, don't fail her please.

Go for IVF, adopt a child, do anything but divorce her, since she hasn't been unfaithful to you. I mean, the king of my villa was without a kid for 15 years, he only got one last year through IVF - true story! That's even a king, with the added pressure of 'who will be my heir?' and all. So you aren't the only one. Square up your chin and keep your head up. There are better tests of manhood than fathering a child. God is your strength.

1 Like

Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by beylinko(m): 11:14pm On May 21, 2012
@op: tot of givinup surfaces wen u are at d verge of breaktru. Wit wt u posted ur faith is really gone. Dnt even tink of divorcin ur wife 4 anoda woman n hw r u sure d problem isnt wit u? Let me tel u dis,d problem here is nt wit God bc he said he wil freely give wen we ask him n he also said non of his shall be barren int d land. So search closely cos der may be smtin u r nt doin rite because he wil surely do it doug it may tarry. I've seen a woman who waited 25yrs nw she has 2 kids, anoda waitd 28yrs 4 hers n she jst deliverd last wk. Let ur faith be absolute n not weavring n God wil do it. Again,divorce is nt an option
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by hasyak(m): 11:35pm On May 21, 2012
why not seriously think of adopting? a child is a child?

You dont have to prove to anyone you a man, we all know you are, have faith!

1 Like

Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by DukeNija(m): 11:43pm On May 21, 2012
Initially, I said to myself. "Dude, go and get a child elsewhere. Who knows what she had done in the past? Nonsense!!" angry
But then, i realized that God is a God that never fails. Adultery is a grave sin. Don't throw away all the difficult years of righteousness because of this. My aunt waited for over 15yrs. She almost ran mad. Try other methods like the IVF. If it fails, try adopting. This could be an opportunity for a lovely baby to have parents. God bless
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by Nobody: 11:53pm On May 21, 2012
Thank you for the contributions.
Have to type at night when the wife is asleep so she would not see what am doing.
My brothers and sisters,even those insulting me can not understand what it means to go 10 years without a child.You can not imagine the pain of attending naming ceremonies of people who got married years after you.Attending birthday parties of children of your siblings and friends.Seeing people surreptitiously casting quick glances at your wifes stomach to see if "IT" has entered.People pretending empathy with you while,they laugh at you behind your back.Then the pressure from my mother and brothers to try and take another wife is enough to drive any sane man insane.
Those saying I am selfish should put themselves or their brothers in my shoes.In such a situation,what would you do?
I love my wife,but even Sarah in the bible freed Abraham to try out her maid.
Ten years is not 10 days.
Can one even adopt a child in peace in Nigeria without the stigma attached?
I think I am losing my mind with all these thoughts running through my mind.
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by cfours: 1:06am On May 22, 2012
If you don't have the patience any more, the solution will be for both of you to agree to sleep with other people. and have child(ren) that way.
sometimes, the infertility comes from the male is why i suggest both of you to do it.
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by 2mch(m): 1:09am On May 22, 2012
My belief is everyone gets into marriage for different reasons. Some for convenience, material things,cildren, love or companionship. What did you get married for? Reevaluate the things that are most important to you. If a child is that important to you i will prefer you have a talk with your wife about how you are being affected. Both of you should give each other a time frame to achieve this goal. If it doesnt happen, then you both can agree to move on, with each party less abused. I am sure at this moment, she is feeling the pressure from you even if you dont say much about it. I prefer that you let her down easily, that to cheat on her and hurt her. Discuss it with her. You both should explore all options. Adoption (if it is for you), IVF, understanding fertility (https://www.nairaland.com/318334/trying-conceive-child-ttc ). A lot of ladies have done a good job on that thread. It may help your wife if she joins such a community. When all options have been exhausted, for her wellbeing i will say you both should come to an agreement. Some women agree to second wife, other's agree to you trying outside, while others will be content with a mutual divorce. Goodluck.
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by coogar: 1:12am On May 22, 2012
c.fours:
If you don't have the patience any more, the solution will be for both of you to agree to sleep with other people. and have child(ren) that way. sometimes, the infertility comes from the male is why i suggest both of you to do it.

spoken like a true salacious woman that you are.
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by dayokanu(m): 1:19am On May 22, 2012
Armyofone,

You now see reasons why I must shine your Kongo wella before we marry
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by cfours: 1:19am On May 22, 2012
@coogar,
truth is bitter.

there will be lot of chaos in the world if all fathers woke up one day and decide to do DNA test on their kids. especially families where it took a few years for the wife to conceive. wink
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by coogar: 1:24am On May 22, 2012
c.fours:
@coogar,
truth is bitter.

there will be lot of chaos in the world if all fathers woke up one day and decide to do DNA test on their kids. especially families where it took a few years for the wife to conceive. wink

shaking my head!
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by KevinII(m): 2:06am On May 22, 2012
c.fours:
If you don't have the patience any more, the solution will be for both of you to agree to sleep with other people. and have child(ren) that way.
sometimes, the infertility comes from the male is why i suggest both of you to do it.

another confused being. smh undecided undecided undecided undecided you call that a solution? jeez!!! How pathetic
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by cfours: 2:08am On May 22, 2012
^ shut up if you don't understand sarcasm. you make yourself appear like a fool
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by KevinII(m): 2:14am On May 22, 2012
^^^ story story. sarcasm ko, lakunle ni. after u have gone ahead to further explain your warped theory? i pity the people u 'advice', sarcasious adviser general. olodo oshi
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by coogar: 2:15am On May 22, 2012
c.fours:
^ shut up if you don't understand sarcasm. you make yourself appear like a fool

Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by cfours: 2:20am On May 22, 2012
^ another fool in d making tongue

oh... another point is this, OP was virgin before marriage which makes it all the more suspect. lipsrsealed I wonder how old he was.
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by armyofone(m): 2:25am On May 22, 2012
c.fours:
If you don't have the patience any more, the solution will be for both of you to agree to sleep with other people. and have child(ren) that way.
sometimes, the infertility comes from the male is why i suggest both of you to do it.

Right! Gbam! Exactly! One man can't go chopulate leaving the poor woman at home feeling sorry for herself. All is fair in love and Basketball War choping outside your marriage. No be only OP the thing dey pain.
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by armyofone(m): 2:28am On May 22, 2012
You this lenge lenge guy, commot for road tongue tongue

dayokanu: Armyofone,

You now see reasons why I must shine your Kongo wella before we marry
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by dayokanu(m): 2:41am On May 22, 2012
armyofone: You this lenge lenge guy, commot for road tongue tongue


Oya let me pass through you
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by cfours: 2:52am On May 22, 2012
armyofone:

Right! Gbam! Exactly! One man can't go chopulate leaving the poor woman at home feeling sorry for herself. All is fair in love and Basketball War choping outside your marriage. No be only OP the thing dey pain.

in fact, there is nobody that can feel the pain of barrenness more than the woman involved.
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by coogar: 4:10am On May 22, 2012
c.fours:
^ another fool in d making tongue
thunder faya your yansh like guguru


oh... another point is this, OP was virgin before marriage which makes it all the more suspect. lipsrsealed I wonder how old he was.

op was a virgin. he assumed wife was also a virgin but the wife wasn't.
men who think church is the only place to find good women are deluded. church
harbours more whores than the streets.

after the women must have led a promiscuous
life with their ages running out on them, they became converts and pretend to
oblivious brothers in the church. you won't get to find out the truth until one
marries them and the cookie crumbles!
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by Nobody: 4:49am On May 22, 2012
A male virgin ke? I don't like them cool
Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by obasijoy(f): 6:17am On May 22, 2012
@ op, have you try having sex with your wife during her period? Please if not you can try it. Some women ovulate during their menstrual circle and Most women don't know about it. Please just try and have s.ex with her it may work since the doctor said there is nothing wrong with her and you. Maybe she belongs to the class of ladies that ovulates during their period. And for those ladies looking for the fruit of womb for years, they can still try it. Some women have tried it and it worked for them. Wish you luck in your bleep.

1 Like

Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by Tgirl4real(f): 9:00am On May 22, 2012
BrotheR18:
Those saying I am selfish should put themselves or their brothers in my shoes.In such a situation,what would you do?

They have told you what they would do, but you have refused to listen.

BrotheR18: I love my wife,but even Sarah in the bible freed Abraham to try out her maid.
Ten years is not 10 days.

Sarah freed Abraham... Did Abraham divorce Sarah? Did the maid last in Sarah's house? Did the child bring peace? Did God approve of Sarah's overzealousness? God had a plan, but Sarah couldn't wait and the all knowing God factored all into His plan. We all know the result today.

Brother, it is clear where your true concerns lie. You are not after getting a child, you are just after proving that you are capable of impregnating a woman. Oga, dat is a dangerous one cos it can make you act irrationally. If u truly need a child, the good people of NL have provided u with lots of good suggestions.

On the otherhand, it seems you aint ready to go the way the majority have suggested. Hence, I would suggest you marry a second wife. You don't have to divorce your wife to marry anoda. Nothing says you cannot marry two wives. As long as you are financially capable and matured enough to cage 2 tigers. tongue

Afterall you are a Nigerian.lol cheesy

I will only implore you to sit your wife down and explain what you are going through to her (obviously, she is already going through the same and may be worse). Please, don't make things harder for her than it is already. And if you eventually get a second wife, don't forget your first love. Don't maltreat her.

I can only hope n pray that you won't put the other woman in the same mystery.

BrotheR18:
Can one even adopt a child in peace in Nigeria without the stigma attached?
I think I am losing my mind with all these thoughts running through my mind.

Yes, you can adopt a child in peace. I have seen many do this successfully. All you need is true love and your head raised high.

All d best!

2 Likes

Re: I Don't Want To Divorce Her,but Do I Have Any Choice? by soapdish(f): 10:01am On May 22, 2012
@OP...I feel your pain but truth is divorcing your wife of 10years or trying your luck with another woman outside might not be the solution. Our God is a faithful God,continue to remind him of His words concerning your situation and you will be amazed at the result. I have seen a couple that were childless for 17 years but today they have two lovely kids. So my dear,hold on to God and you MUST have your testimony.

Just go back to your doctor,carry out all the necessary fertility test and let your doctor advice you ☺ή your best options. 2ndly,pray, pray and never stop praying in faith.

Between, a woman who knows your challenges and who is equally desperate for a husband can pin another man's pregnancy on and you will end up raising another man's child as your own. It has been happening so think it through before you committ this adultery.

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