nwando:

They'll have to swim seven oceans and seven seas to get to God's own country.
And if they do make it,it would be a tussle between the sherrifs and and their German shepherds.

he he he he he he he he he!

For real--even when I was in Nigeria--I never encountered that kind of raucus. Even when I lost some of my uncles---it was never an issue who got what.  Infact,  ALL the wives/widows are remarried--come to think of it--within like 3 years or less--left whatever property was there and took off to live their lives and have other children or otherwise!!!! The children are all doing fine. Even the men--remarried straight up! No wastage of time at all--and are still married.  All of them!

Fortunately too--I never attracted such money hungry- meddling in-laws! They don't even care whether you have pure water or Hummer because everyone gat their own thing going.  Even my siblings.  You never hear any noise from their spouses' families.  I guess it is different for most.  That village thingy--we no dey do am!

nwando:

The obantalapipipi killed and buried her for having a big mouth
I was even shocked
same with thiefofhearts,the girl's body is yet to be found

he he he he he he he he he!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Mr. Turkey:

^{so what's gonno happen when eventually the grey hairs come?}

Clairol of course!

Almondjoy, "crazily sensible" girl.

One perfect Oxymoron dat suits u.

You girls are living up to the challenges. I am happy that something positive is being projected to the folks out there who could not contribute. I am also happy that unlike many topics that are gender sensitive, there has not be voracious attack on opposite gender.

I would however be glad to hear more from guys. Maybe they have not been reading. Maybe they are just watching with keen interest. I am sure they are following.

Whatever, I think there is more to unveil. Since only those who have seen it know better.

Alimondjoy was right about men being a good planner and knowing what to do. But that suggestion to ladies to get some close to their heart can easily be misinterpreted by a lady with rapacious flirty mind. She may see it as licence to flirt. Moreover, ladies are emotionally weak and therefore prone to error. We may find that as she get closer to the "other man", she lost control and God forbid, she fall in love! That is a problem every responsible ladies want to avoid. Extramarrital affair? Maybe you have another thing on your mind. Am sure you would clarify.

There is also the issue of kids. What can we do? When a woman dies first, kids are left to the father. If the father is a man that had no idea whatsoever on how to raise kids, then he would either send the kids to grannie of marry another wife. These two options have far reaching implications. But there is something similar in them: the kids are eventually raised by a "woman" not "man".

This brought me to another observation. Why is it difficult for the "other lady" to treat the kids as her own? Men cannot be blame for this. Men are often in dillema on how to handle the conflicting scenerio. Sharing the love and memory of his late wife(and kids) with a new wife who want absolute attention. It is really tough for men that have hearts. But, then, what do you ladies think about it and what solution do you profer. After all, this is also a natural fallout of the lost incured when a spouse die first.

Men normally die first, that is the norm

Then you are living in seclusion. It is fifty-fifty. Anybody can die first. Don't generalize.

fortunately this is a forum and try Google something call gender gap its on average 10years to women more than men. Studying populations is more robust way of generalizing and interpolating factors human population. I won't be able to talk on an individual its the general trend that matters.xxxx
http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/10.01/WhyWomenLiveLon.html

jkpretty:

Almondjoy, "crazily sensible" girl.

One perfect Oxymoron that suits u.

Hey!  What can I say--you have to be versatile. My life would be very boring if I maintained a "flat affect" all the time.  I prefer to "plateau" once in a while for a much more interesting life.

Thanks for the compliment!   Happy Holidays to You and Yours!

olanajim:

You girls are living up to the challenges. I am happy that something positive is being projected to the folks out there who could not contribute. I am also happy that unlike many topics that are gender sensitive, there has not be voracious attack on opposite gender.


Alimondjoy was right about men being a good planner and knowing what to do. But that suggestion to ladies to get some close to their heart can easily be misinterpreted by a lady with rapacious flirty mind. She may see it as licence to flirt. Moreover, ladies are emotionally weak and therefore prone to error. We may find that as she get closer to the "other man", she lost control and God forbid, she fall in love! That is a problem every responsible ladies want to avoid. Extramarrital affair? Maybe you have another thing on your mind. Am sure you would clarify.

There is also the issue of kids. What can we do? When a woman dies first, kids are left to the father. If the father is a man that had no idea whatsoever on how to raise kids, then he would either send the kids to grannie of marry another wife. These two options have far reaching implications. But there is something similar in them: the kids are eventually raised by a "woman" not "man".

This brought me to another observation. Why is it difficult for the "other lady" to treat the kids as her own? Men cannot be blame for this. Men are often in dillema on how to handle the conflicting scenerio. Sharing the love and memory of his late wife(and kids) with a new wife who want absolute attention. It is really tough for men that have hearts. But, then, what do you ladies think about it and what solution do you profer. After all, this is also a natural fallout of the lost incured when a spouse die first.

Not all women are emotionally weak. They can make wise decisions and sometimes I personally feel they want to play victim to feel "feminine"--as most African cultures would encourange--You have to be submissive and helpless so "the warrior man can rescue you emotionally and financiall"-----Bullcrap!

I do not know what that "flirting" part of your post is all about.  Who cares what the woman does and how she goes about her business?  The man is dead and buried for heaven's sake.  Extra-marital affair against a dead spouse? How is that possible?

The risks of re-marrying is applicabe to both widows and widowers--men and women.  A man can re-marry a "witch" for a wife and a woman can marry a "pediphile" for a husband.  The fears and risks are evenly distributed across the board.  I personally will not succumb to those fears because they cannot be ruled out.  You try your best to work around them.

The only wise thing to do is to keep a close eye on your "new" family and correct things that you see are going wrong.  Spend time with the kids from your previous marriage and the new "step kids" and find out how they feel--to show them you care.  If you chose the right partner--he or she would respect you and your kids from the previous marriage.--Unless you went into your new marriage without studying your potential new spouse.

The reason I recommend --"The Brady Bunch" formula.  Find other spouses like you--with kids so you can have a blended family.  Mine, yours and ours! The couple will be too busy trying to keep track of who is who, to pick any sets of children to "maltreat".  Or like we see in Nigerian movies--you might just poison your own biological children when you go about planning evil all over the place. Anybody must be mad to think of such a thing when all the children are eating from the same pot!

If these children are raised to love and respect each other, instead of fighting against each other--it make things easier for the parents.  Most of the time--the so-called parents for sheer lack of common sense and mental laziness cause most of the problems in re-marriages.  Children learn well from their parents.  So encourage interaction between the children of a "blended" family not favoritism!  When the parents are not around they would not care who is their real father or real mother--because you raised them in love and respect for each other!

more often than not,its the women that suffer most if their spouse die first.emotional trauma and husband family wahala.methinks it is always GOOD for every woman to have something doing.no matter how small it is,as long as it gives her something of her own.i had a friend way back in secondaary school that got married just after our waec.the man in question ha no reasonable source of income.they kept on patching and believing God till last year the poor guy died.now the girl is just 22,widowed with 5 young kids to cater for.infact she has become a sorry sight now.moral:

one should always get something doing before rushing into marriage
planning planning planning
era of housewives is gone.every reasonable woman should get something doing.no matter how small it might be.

ifyalways:

more often than not,its the women that suffer most if their spouse die first.emotional trauma and husband family wahala.methinks it is always GOOD for every woman to have something doing.no matter how small it is,as long as it gives her something of her own.i had a friend way back in secondaary school that got married just after our waec.the man in question ha no reasonable source of income.they kept on patching and believing God till last year the poor guy died.now the girl is just 22,widowed with 5 young kids to cater for.infact she has become a sorry sight now.moral:

one should always get something doing before rushing into marriage
planning planning planning
era of housewives is gone.every reasonable woman should get something doing.no matter how small it might be.

22 yrs with 5 kids. at what age did she get married. I know you can only finish secondary school at the age of 17 or 16 if you are too bright the earliest. So shed more light on your lies

almondjoy:

Hey! What can I say--you have to be versatile. My life would be very boring if I maintained a "flat affect" all the time. I prefer to "plateau" once in a while for a much more interesting life.

Thanks for the compliment! Happy Holidays to You and Yours!

Welcome. happy holidays too.

Olanajim, for posting this topic pray for all those that replied. We aint going to mourn over our spouses o.
Dablessed God is going to bless u with a sweet husband u truly deserve.

jenni81:

22 years with 5 kids. at what age did she get married. I know you can only finish secondary school at the age of 17 or 16 if you are too bright the earliest. So shed more light on your lies

you are simply a slowpoke .you are nothing but a dictionary description of FOOL.gawwwwwwwwwwwd don't you know whats twins?havent you seen or come across one before?may your tongue catapult right into your throat for calling me a liar .i diot

chill ifyalways, just blame his grey matter for not discharging any logical signal. Ha ha

just for the records and not for twerps like jenni or whatever she might be called .my friend had twins at her first delivery then had other two other babies and was pregnant when the hubby died.

@dot thanks anyway.

who are these clowns trying to disrupt an educational discussion?
could the two twerps vamoose from here.

nwando:

who are these clowns trying to disrupt an educational discussion?
could the two twerps vamoose from here.

he he he he he he he

jkpretty:

Welcome. happy holidays too.

Olanajim, for posting this topic pray for all those that replied. We aint going to mourn over our spouses o.
Dablessed God is going to bless u with a sweet husband u truly deserve.

Ameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!  Infact, her mourning days are over!  She will be blessed with a more fulfilling family to replace what has been taken from her and her daughter--no more mourning.

Alimondjoy,

The "flirting" option was not meant for dead spouse. I was refering to the possibility of a lady whose husband is alive. I thought what you meant was for the lady to come close to a man while the husband is alive.

On the second thought, a crazy idea entered my head. What if the husband is a foot soldier in Nigerian Army? Or a Nigerian Police? What if he is a security guard in one of the Nigerian banks? Or any of those high risk occupations? For the first time, It occured to me that indeed women are the worst hit. When I watch T. B. Joshua handling a bible and money to a widow on his programme, and all the poor woman did was to cry. I was filled with empathy. I wished and prayed, that her husband could see what he left behind.

That "BRADY BUNCH" formular is the best recommendation for young widows and widowers with kids expecially women. I wonder why many are not in love with it. Thanks. By the way, is it your invention or borrowed hypothesis? Whatever the case, we have another break through.

First is the INSURANCE option; second: the WILL; and now "ALIMONDJOY BRADY BUNCH" principle. Next?

Jenni81,
FYI, it is possible for a 22 year old to have 5 kids though I have not seen one. I know a stupid girl on the street I grew up who had 3 kids by 21. She had her first in j.s. 3, second 2years later and got pregnant again at 21. The idiot had the kids for difference guys and she never marry any though arrangee wedding was made for her.

5 kids at 22. That's pretty disgusting.

D-reloaded:

5 kids at 22. That's pretty disgusting.

Oh yeah? Why? You are not happy she did not kill them? The babe has hit jackpot! By 30 she will have like 50 kids!

I don't envy her sha. But she is young and may not come down with High Blood Pressure running after all them kids without a father! Good lord!

olanajim:

Alimondjoy,

The "flirting" option was not meant for dead spouse. I was refering to the possibility of a lady whose husband is alive. I thought what you meant was for the lady to come close to a man while the husband is alive.

On the second thought, a crazy idea entered my head. What if the husband is a foot soldier in Nigerian Army? Or a Nigerian Police? What if he is a security guard in one of the Nigerian banks? Or any of those high risk occupations? For the first time, It occured to me that indeed women are the worst hit. When I watch T. B. Joshua handling a bible and money to a widow on his programme, and all the poor woman did was to cry. I was filled with empathy. I wished and prayed, that her husband could see what he left behind.

That "BRADY BUNCH" formular is the best recommendation for young widows and widowers with kids expecially women. I wonder why many are not in love with it. Thanks. By the way, is it your invention or borrowed hypothesis? Whatever the case, we have another break through.

First is the INSURANCE option; second: the WILL; and now "ALIMONDJOY BRADY BUNCH" principle. Next?

Jenni81,
FYI, it is possible for a 22 year old to have 5 kids though I have not seen one. I know a stupid girl on the street I grew up who had 3 kids by 21. She had her first in j.s. 3, second 2years later and got pregnant again at 21. The idiot had the kids for difference guys and she never marry any though arrangee wedding was made for her.

Yes, we were talking of dead spouses and how to cope. Not women flirting with men while their husbands are alive.

People do not embrace the "Brady Bunch" formula because they are selfish and only think of themselves and not what is in the best interest of all. Especially women. They never want to share and are often petty, wanting to be the center of the man's world and neglecting the man's kids. They think it is a rivalry situation and make fools of themselves with their petty jealousies and rubbish. Forgetting that besides the "abunna" and "stomach"--the one sure way to get the man cornered is to pamper his kids from his ex-wife too. Stupid women!

Seriously, that 21 year girl with three kids was real. She is still alive and ended up marrying an area boy. The kids are not living with and if you see her today, she look like a fifty something year old. Yet, she is just in her late 30. My calculation is that had she delivered two set of twin, she could have made it 5.

But, you ladies should educate yourself and take a second look at Brady Bunch formula. I think one way to be unselfish is to love other people children even when your spouse is alive.

The result is when you are no more, "someone" would love your kids and take care of them. And if you are that "someone", you won't find it hard to embrace other people's kids.

Jkpretty,
I never want anyone to die. I want us to live. I want us to reacy 90 before joining our forefather. Much as we all hate to talk about death, we know deep down in our heart that it is inevitable. The victims of plane crashes, armed robbery etc never wish to die.

Let live right and live best. Let live as though the end is in sight. That way, death would be reluctant to take us. Death visit those who are not expecting it. Except the suicide bombers and their group, death is slow to act.

How ironic, that those who wishes to die never die as quickly as they wanted.

I pray from the depth of my heart that the lord who give rise to man should give us long live, in prosperity and fulfilment of our dream. None shall lose his/her spouse at young age. We shall all live to good old age.

And the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds.

Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true;whatsoever things are honest;whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, THINK ON THESE THINGS.

Praise God.
Olanajim,you don become jim jim

@ Olanajim

Thanx 4 d prayer, & the topic, it is really an eye opener.

Not like we dint have the eye that saw those areas, but i guess the eye got expanded with the topic, moreso looking into diverse areas.

Almondjoy u rock!

Nwando,
and the jim jim mean what?

Jkpretty,
there are still othere areas to explored. African pretends alot. They have these problems and pretend as if it never exist. The only thing they do is wish it away. "let this cup pass over me" is their characteristic slogan. Then when the cup drop on them, all you hear is "why me of all men!"

Watching people die since i came2realize d meaning of death n know i will die some day, I HAVE LEARNT 2 DEAL WITH DEATH N ABSORB D SHOCK 2 D POINT DT I DONT FEEL ANYTHING WHEN SOMEONE DIES N DONT SAY SOORI AT ALL B/C BOTH INCREASE D PAIN OF D GRIEVING ONE.

Most times, it isd men dt die b4 d woman but either way, dr is need 2 put certain things in place 2 avoid members of d nuclear family going thr untold embarrasements n hardship from relatives,finance,etc.A WILL,fINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE of d WOMAN no MATTER HOW LITTLE,KNOWLEDGE OF D MAN'S BUSINESS/SOURCE OF INCOME,STOCKS, etc will go a very long way.
Handling lazy n greedy relatives even b4 d death of d man is important.i cld go on but let me pause 4 a while.

olanajim:

Jkpretty,
there are still othere areas to explored. African pretends alot. They have these problems and pretend as if it never exist. The only thing they do is wish it away. "let this cup pass over me" is their characteristic slogan. Then when the cup drop on them, all you hear is "why me of all men!"

I guess this topic was well handled, as per this topic i don't know of any unexplored areas yet.

Yes o, "let this cup pass over me" Lol

but in all, i'm picking on these three:

Prayer at all times which is the key to most situation.

Investments tied to the names of my kids. for their future purpose.

The hope to move on, if the above topic happens & not wallow in the pains through out life.

@Almondjoy, JKptretty et al, thanks a bunch for your sweet words and prayers.

I appreciate you loads,

nwando:

who are these clowns trying to disrupt an educational discussion?
could the two twerps vamoose from here.

and who made you a chief judge here madam speaker?i guess you have to first wait till you open up your own site before you start churning out orders here or perharps you think here is your sitting room where you can dish out orders?you don't like what i post just walk on respectfully or better still HIT YOUR HEAD HARD ON THE WALL.intelligent contributor my foot !.hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

ifyalways:

and who made you a chief judge here madam speaker?i guess you have to first wait till you open up your own site before you start churning out orders here or perharps you think here is your sitting room where you can dish out orders?you don't like what i post just walk on respectfully or better still HIT YOUR HEAD HARD ON THE WALL.intelligent contributor my foot !.hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

moving around cousing problem and hisssing as well. Are u snake(agwo nkiriko)lol

It's time for men to stop marrying MAMMA NKECHI and NNE EMEKA. Men should go for hard working ladies who knows what they're in the world to do, not who want to stay at home only to raise children then watch movie. let's forget about beauty, there are many nigerian ladies ready to compete with men who knows their stand in the family who are challengeable to men it's not a question of submitsive to men but deffending to what belongs to their husband in case of death. I put my wife and children(not kidds) in front my relative comes when I have exess. My wife has to be wise and intelligient. since the society has no place for the weak ladies.

presido1:

moving around cousing problem and hisssing as well. Are u snake(agwo nkiriko)lol

pres be careful here ooooh.i can see that you have nothing intelligent to contribute to the topic. and why are you following you me around?

@topic,yes i agree with you oziomatv every woman should get something doing even if the hubby is swimming,sleeping or sneeze out money.

ifyalways:

pres be careful here ooooh.i can see that you have nothing intelligent to contribute to the topic. and why are you following you me around?

Look stop calling my name anyhow, don't you know am getting ready to replace Yaradua come 2011. meanwhile wetin u wan make i contribute, if the spouse dies first wetin again you go no be to mourn the guy now. Anyway i dey come Abidjan on 19th.

ifyalways:

and who made you a chief judge here madam speaker?i guess you have to first wait till you open up your own site before you start churning out orders here or perharps you think here is your sitting room where you can dish out orders?you don't like what i post just walk on respectfully or better still HIT YOUR HEAD HARD ON THE WALL.intelligent contributor my foot !.hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Too bad you didn't notice that you were neither the one disrupting the thread nor a twerp.
But thanks for showing me your true colors.

just a question, how reliable are the insurance companies in nigeria? in short term: do they stand up to their responsibilities and pay claims? in long term: will they stand the test of time or they just wind up like societe generale,