Secret 1: Successful Married Couples get their deal straight

Marriage is different from living together. It's not necessarily better, but it's different. Both of you will have different expectations of a 'spouse' than of a 'partner' – often basing those expectations on what you saw of your parents' married life. For example, you may have been happy for your man to live the student life before the wedding, but afterwards, you expect him to draw a regular salary.

Successful couples talk deeply before the wedding about their expectations of each other, and if there's serious disagreement – for example he wants kids, she doesn't – they think seriously about whether to marry. After the wedding, successful couples also talk regularly to check their expectations of married life. If those expectations clash, they keep communicating until they have understanding and agreement.

Secret 2: Successful Married Couples keep their individuality

However independent you were before, marriage has a habit of sucking you in to being a couple.
Particularly if the marriage involves children, your lives are increasingly tied up together day-to-day. The result is often feeling both dependent and depended on – as though you have someone constantly clinging to your ankles.
Successful couples know that, however much love there is, marriage can bring this trapped feeling. They encourage each other not to be always 'us', to take 'me' time, to have 'me' hobbies and even 'me' friends. This way, each partner brings individuality in to the marriage, keeping it fresh and alive.


Secret 3: Successful Married Couples keep each other centre stage

It's tempting, once married, to forget the little courtesies. When you were going out – and still trying – you remembered the little things, such as serving each other first, and remembered the big things like respectfully listening to each other.
Marriage can cause a sea of change and often you stop being courteous to each other, stop seeing each other as important and instead start putting other things – like work, hobbies or the children – first.
Successful couples always keep each other centre stage. They are interested in their partner's opinions. They take their partner seriously. They refer to their spouse in glowing terms when talking to other people. In short, they never take each other for granted and remember how lucky they are to be married.

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