A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot. So he went to the ladys house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche. "Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the ladys house.

"Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"

"My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money."

Dint specify how much. Lol.
Seenit

omg , u have killed me! the jokes are lovely.

The Top 10 ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars:

1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER that year, instead of before.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you just accept this.

4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a car '95 or a car NT, but then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.

6. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

7. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.

8. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas (tm).

9. The US government would be GETTING subsidies from an automaker, instead of giving them.

10. New seats will force everyone to have the same size derriere.

Great writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

This is a crime story. Five friends lived in one room,
Namely MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY.
One day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY.
At that time BRAIN was in bathroom, MAD called police.


MAD : "Is it police station"
Police: "Yes, what is the matter??"
MAD : "SOMEBODY killed NOBODY."
Police: "Are you mad?"
MAD : "Yes, I'm MAD."
Police: "Don`t you have BRAIN."
MAD : "BRAIN is in bathroom, "
Police: "You FOOL.!!!"
MAD : "No, Sir, FOOL is reading this joke, "

Mom, Dad, their 16-year-old son Billy and Grandpa are driving out to
visit relatives. It's a long trip, so they stop off at a motel for the
night. Unfortunately, most of the rooms are already booked and Billy
andGrandpa have to sleep in the same bed.

All goes well until four in the Morning when Grandpa wakes up
screaming. "Good God!" he shouts. "Billy get me a woman! Get me a
woman now!" "Calm down , Grandpa",says Billy. "But Billy, you've got
to get me a woman ", wails Grandpa. "I gotta have a woman!" "Calm
down, Grandpa!" says Billy.

"There are three reasons why you're not getting a woman now. Firstly,
it's four in the morning. Secondly, you're ninety years old. And
thirdly - that's my dxxx you're holding, not yours."


Enjoy it guys. more still to come

Application for a WIFE
ITEUN THE FISHERMAN: Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms &
clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph
of motor boat.

SHOWBOBO THE SALESMAN: Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original,
genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's
around is now looking for a wife.

MIGINES THE MATHEMATICIAN: Wife require to complete the formula of my life.
Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed
to help further my family unit.

SEUN THE IT CONSULTANT: Well there is definite room for improvement in my
life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is
slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to
improve efficiency. Compatibility coud be an issue.

VIPERMAN THE CAR DEALER: Wanter a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife.
Should be in excellent working condition.

TT THE PILOT: Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed
applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her
feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul.
And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!

SAUCEKID THE BANKER: Wife wanted, who takes interest in me and credits me with
her service.

DJCROOKY THE ACCOUNTANT: Required a girl - 5'8 - 36 - 24 - 36 - with a good head
for figures. She must be averse to making unnnecessary expenditure
and her vey nature should be one of generating as few expeses in my
life as possible.

BEN~JAY THE DOCTOR: I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life.
However if you feel the need for a second opinion then its fine by me.

ARMY COMMANDO: My mission in life is to find myself the perfect
wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a
compass. She who dare wins. Camouflage provided.

BIGGERBOY THE ASTRONAUT: I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life.
Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this
world!!!

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jewish man, all very pious, met at an
inter-faith congress and got to talking about the experiences that had
lead to their religious devotion.

The Christian recounted being on a plane when it ran into a terrible
storm over a remote wilderness area.
"There was lightening and thunder all around us. The pilot told us to
brace for the crash. I dropped to my knees and prayed to God to save
us. Then, for a thousand feet all around us the wind calmed and the
rain stopped. We made it to the airport. And since then, my faith has
never wavered."

The Muslim then told of a terrifying incident on his pilgrimage to Mecca.
"A tremendous sandstorm came up out of nowhere, and within minutes my
camel and I were almost buried. Sure I was going to die, I prostrated
myself toward Mecca and prayed to Allah to deliver me. And suddenly,
for a thousand feet all around me, the swirling dust settled and I was
able to make my way safely across the desert. Since then I have been
the most devout of believers."

Nodding respectfully, the Jewish man then told his story.
"One Sabbath I was walking back from the temple when I saw a huge sack
of money just lying there at the edge of the road. It had clearly been
abandoned, and I felt it was mine to take home. But obviously this
would have been a violation of the Sabbath. So I dropped to my knees
and prayed to Yahweh. And suddenly, for a thousand feet all around me,
it was Tuesday."

*i have a very good mind to shoot you now,but i'll refrain*

nice jokes md

Thanks saucekid

more atill to come

hahahhhahahahahah! hahahahahahahah!

How to get mexicans in and out of a car
How do you get a bunch of mexicans in a car?
Throw a dollar in it.

How do you get them out?
Throw in a job application!!!

Prostitute and a Koala

A prostitute is lounging in her bed one evening, reflecting upon the day's business, when a Koala bear appears at her open window. He winks at her, climbs in, hops onto the bed, and proceeds to perform MouthAction upon her. Not too dismayed by her unexpected guests act, she spreads her legs and lets him have at it. Finishing, the koala bear licks his lips and starts to exit out the same window. "Hey, wait a minute, buddy, you've got to pay for that! I'm a hooker, you know!"
"A hooker? What's that?" asks the koala bear. "A hooker, you know, a prostitute! It's in the dictionary, look it up!" So she shows the koala bear the entry in the dictionary. Sure enough, it says: "Hooker: woman who exchanges sexual acts for monetary gain." The Koala bear thinks about this and says: "Do you know what I am? I'm a koala bear! Look it up!" So as the koala bear disappears out the window, the hooker thumbs through the dictionary and looks up "Koala Bear." It reads: "Koala Bear: eats bushes and leaves."

lets face it!
mdsock, i like your jokes.
please kindly mail them to me
@ jf_jf01@yahoo.com

i would really appreciate it.

Thumbs up

Thanks guys.

Jeff.com

You can bookmark the page ,to get the latest jokes.

I am so sorry i would not be able to send the jokes, because am damn busy. 

Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

Genie and the men
One day three guys were out walking, and they found a lamp. So, they rubbed the lamp and a genie popped out.

He says "I'll grant you each one wish."

These guys weren't so bright, so they all wanted to be smarter.

The first guy says "I wish I was 10 times smarter." The genie says "POOF! You're 10 times smarter."

The second guy says "I wish to to be 100 times smarter." and the genie says "POOF! You're 100 times smarter."

The last guy says "I wish to be 1000 times smarter" And the genie says "POOF!! You're a woman!!"


sorry ooooooooo ladies in the house

NIGERIA FOLICE FOSS

The three contenders were given the task of catching
a rabbit which was released into the forest.

The SSS went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist

The Army went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no apologies. The rabbit deserved it.

The Nigerian police went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear was yelling, " Okay, Okay, I agree, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"

you are a real nut cracker

truly nigerian folice!

heeeeeeeeeeeheeeebuhaaaa

Nice jokes man no kill person o

Can i hv the site were u get them from plssssssss?

lohlarh thanks ooooo.

Mother-in-Law

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law.

During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem. George's mother-in-law died.

With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial.

The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told George that the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000.00.

The Consul continues, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150.00.

George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do,"

The Consul, after hearing this, says "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."

"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can't take that chance."

A small plane is flying with an american pilot and has three passengers - Atal Bihari, a Paki and a schoolboy with his backpack.
Mid way the plane catches fire and the american says -" Hello, this is ur captain speaking, the plane is on fire. Don't panic because there is good news and bad news. Good news is that there are parachutes but the bad news is that there are only three and iam taking one" so he picks up a parachute and he jumps.
Paki says to ABV and the schoolboy- " I need to bring the joy to this infidel world. And iam taking this one." so he picks and jumps.
ABV says to the schoolboy - " Allright son, I am old and I did the service for my motherland. U r young and have pletny of life ahead. So why don't u take the other parachute and jump?"
Schoolboy says: " Don't worry Atalji, we still have 2 parachutes. That Paki grabbed my backpack and jumped off."

I go kill una today ooooooooooo

There was once three scientists american, japanese, and pakistani are discussing their nation's scientific capability, and the american says, "In our country there was this boy who lost his legs in an accident, and we put artificial ones, and today u know hes an olympic gold medalist!" so the japnese laughs and says, "This is nothing.in our nation there was this boy who lost his hands and legs in accident and we put artifical ones, and today u know, hes karate champion!" so the paki laughs and says, "These are nothing, in our nation there was this boy who had no brains, and so we put a coconut in his head, and today u know, hes the 'Military rule of pakistan!"

Hausa, yoruba and beautiful woman 


There's an Yoruba football fan, a Hausa fan and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train.  The train goes through a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!!  The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Yoruba fan are sitting there looking perplexed.  The Hausa fan is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap.  The hausa fan is thinking "Oh God, that Yoruba must have tried to kiss this lady, she thought it was me and slapped me."  The lady is thinking, " That Hausa fan must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Yoruba fan instead and got slapped."  The Yoruba fan was thinking to himself, "If the train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Hausa again."   

who dey here?

infobaba:

who dey here?

na me dey here

omg i have been laffin my ass out,

pls take it easy md

@ msquare,

welcome***
i hope you brought your paramedic because laff go kill you here ooooo

Hey m-square


Enjoy yourself,


saucekid, you be bad boy ooooooooooo



Laughing my freaking head offf for *****