To My Extra Large Girlfriend

Dear Angie Biggie,

I have been bearing this for three years now, but I cannot bear it any longer.

I have been embarrassed on many occasions when we went shopping together at Tejuosho market in Lagos.
The naughty Igbo Okoro traders made fun of me whilst pretending to be praising me for having such a huge girlfriend.
You saw how they brought out the extra large undies for you and when you tried to force your Iroko buttocks into the Levi's jeans pants and they kept on saying.
"Aunty, your yansh too big for the jeans oh."
I gaped as you gasped for breath with sweat all over your face, after wasting my quality time attempting the impossible until they directed us to the back of Tejuosho where their emergency tailors had to sew the oversize denim trousers for you.

The embarrassment of washing and hanging your elephant-size 45-50" undies in the open for all our fellow tenants to see and laugh as they mope at them on the clotheslines is too much.
"Igwe! Igwe! Igwe!" They hailed me mockingly.
"Ol' Boy, you dey try oh," they chuckled.

Is it a crime to have a fat girlfriend?
No.
But, you were not born fat.
I knew you when you were slender "Lepa Shandy" and the cynosure of all the randy guys on Queens Street in Yaba and you made me feel ten feet tall as I was posing with you whenever we went out. I boasted that you would win the next Mnet Face of Africa and become our own Naomi Campbell, but you disappointed me.
I saw you increasing in size and I thought you were a well proportioned plump young woman.
My parents said you were now looking healthy and your parents commended me for taking good care of you.
"She does not need to stay long in the fattening room," Chief Ekerete Ikot-Ibionompakeretetepam said as he winked at me.

Nigerians love rotund women reported the Los Angeles Times. But obesity is not  healthy and that is your present state.
"Obese people have a higher risk of certain kinds of cancer," said Dr. Okitipupa.

My dear, I am afraid to say it aloud, that you are over-bulging and I have to advise you to shed your excess fat before it is too late.
Plump, fine.
Obese, no.
No. I am not saying you are a glutton, but you don't have to eat everything in the kitchen and the fridge that I have to wonder what happened to the foodstuffs in the house.

Here is my attachment below to encourage you to burn the unwanted calories.

Too much of everything is not good.
   
God will help you all the way.

I love you.

Yours ever,
Slim Shady.

 

very funny

am sure Orikinla could be the author of this poem. I love your writing skill too much, too creative.

i love the rhymes.

  I got here buy mpy side now nd she my all and all.You wey yab one day u go tire of yabbing.

Shalom!!!

Tell the Truth

The truth is a common sight on our streets.
From Ifako to Isale Eko and those in LA and NY can also relate to this truth.

Yes, she is fat, yet she is still lovable.
All she needs is to shed the excess fat.

Everyone with an extra large girlfriend or wife can share the experience with us.
Tell the truth.
I am 100% Igbo Okoro writer.
Okoro is the abbreviation of Okoronkwo.
Okoronkwo is an Igbo name.

We have many naughty Igbo Okoro traders all over Nigeria and many of them at the Tejuosho market in Lagos are really naughty to our girls and women, just to tease them or tickle their fancies.
It's all part of the humour and jokes of trading.
Have you been to markets in Aba or Onitsha before?

@kamsi whats derogatory about "the naughty igbo traders" please don't be vertly sensitive ok.

Let's not forget that some cases of obesity is truely pathologic, and not within the control of the patients in question.

Not all obese people eat too much, some are born with it, some develope the disease; mostly endocrinological that leads to obesity.

While acknowledging the deliterious effects of excessive basal metabolic index, let us not scorn, disrespect, or even discriminate against all obese people, just as we should not in good conscience discriminate against people with hypertension, cancer, or any other medical condition.

If this is true which i actually find very hard to believe, when she started putting on the pounds where were you, were you blind or sleeping? And what have you done to help her so far?
After all there are gymns all over the place, go register her and yourself in one and encourage her to get through the first three months which are actually the most difficult when trying to discipline yourself, also encourage her to reduce her food intake.
Cheers.

I think we should pick some lines from this rhymes of "orikinla"

It is certainly not good to be too fat,even if you feel good about it now, u will definitely loose appeal later, I know some people's case are natural and not that they eat so much but however, such people should try to work out, the second thing is about "the naughty igbo traders" they could be irritating, so many times i feel for ladies when i pass through Yaba railway and its so embarassing the things they say to these ladies but who am i to correct their ways, am sure we can only discuss them but i don't think it may change anything or maybe Fashola should make a bill prohibithing them from harassing our dear ladies,  lol

But it myte come in handy when odaz are drowning she'll be floating.

Hahhaaaahha

haahhaaaahaa

I like them BIG 

@ poster,
 
i like the write-up nice and cute and dripping with underlining emotions(which is normally missing in most nairaland write-ups)

i could relate to the story
i think u should start helping her.u can start gym-make it fun.something both of u,enjoy doing.follow her to diet.at the end of the day u people will at least get closer n reduce the fat.so make it fun,be her strenght n her source.

don't mind(am in love n feel love just evrywere i go!)

:d

Lol