aluyapreston:

Again big problem. He said she is frigid, you said she is not. are you mad?

you talk about age? Didnt she know this before getting married?

if the above are the issues, then she still is the one at fault except she married at gunpoint. 9 years of Log lying kind of sex. i would rather not marry

Kuriosmynd:

Any galfriend or wife forming lack of libido needs to be drugged with aphrodisiac (libido enhancer)....let's see the honey side of her and Bleep her like a dog

Kobojunkiee:
Again, I keep hammering this. Not everyone out there loves sex no matter how much experience you give them of it.

aluyapreston:

go through your different response to the OP comments and see who has gots comprehension problem. and yes, the wife has a problem. she has no right to marry if she cant have sex. Sex is a very critical part of marriage, in fact so critical according to the bible, that a person could get married for just it alone 1 cor. 7:9

kkins25:
and this people are the minority. infact for most of them its hormonal dysfunction or some form of trauma and phobia.

Kobojunkiee:
She has no right to marry.. if she cant have sex. yet God has allowed this union according to His stipulation that marriage is when two come together as one?

Kobojunkiee:
Even the link you include does not suggest there is anything wrong with it provided it is not psychological in nature.

Here's a better link for you
Read up on it. You might learn a thing or two about people out there who are not you.

Provided it's not psychological in nature right?...You are basically waiting for them to spell it out to you that there's something wrong with no sex drive?....

One very disturbing thing I have noticed about you is that you always think you are right, You are never flexible when it comes to topics that u knew next to nothing about...

Seriously, If you think that No sex drive is 100% normal to you and you did not see it as a problem in any relationship....Then it is ok.. u can keep on telling yourself that ..

Richy4:

Provided it's not psychological in nature right?...You are basically waiting for them to spell it out to you that there's something wrong with no sex drive?....

One very disturbing thing I have noticed about you is that you always think you are right, You are never flexible when it comes to topics that u knew next to nothing about...

Seriously, If you think that No sex drive is 100% normal to you and you did not see it as a problem in any relationship....Then it is ok.. u can keep on telling yourself that ..

Lollittaa:

I'm aware. Even a ton of Christian articles will not advise couples to fornicate without first getting married.
And how about you guys that don't believe in all these "nonsense"? Why do we keep seeing people going back to their exes, even on their wedding days, for a quick roll in the hay? Shouldn't people settle for whom they're compatible with sexually? Moreso for those who make it a law to eat the forbidden fruit before letting their heart go too far?

cooooooks:
I don't think religiosity changes people. People are people.

People who 'believe in this nonsense' (something I don't think you've heard me say or seen me write; Nne, no dey extrapolate your experiences with one NL atheist to another person); are cheating on their spouses. Including daddy GOs.

Kobojunkiee:
Unlike you, I like to consider the facts in all cases. Not inject my delusions into every which hole I can find.

If this woman was not enthused about sex going into the relationship, chances are she might remain that way even in the relationship and throughout. There is no transformational power that comes with being in a relationship. So no need to make a problem of this but work through it until...

Lollittaa:

the fallacy of hasty generalisation

Gobdddd:
Strickly for the married

Good evening tweeps, my marriage is jerking. Needs a quick solution.

We married 9years ago.
She was a virgin in my Church. I am a pastor too.
Though we were not in the same state.
She was the first woman I had sex with after our marriage.
But I noticed that she has no interest in anything called sex.
She will not deny me sex, but I do not enjoy it because she's not enthused to it.

I have tried all I could to make her love sex, but all to no avail.
If you do not demand for sex, she'll not show any interest, even if you stay one year without talking about it.
And I am 100% sure that she's not seeing any man anywhere.

I took my time to educate her from the little research I made, but she wouldn't pay any serious attention.

I querried myself as to wether I do not satisfy her, on another point, sometimes, I'd last for 10-15 mins which, according to research is not bad.

Last night, I got angry at her attitude towards it. To me, she just try to open legs for me to satisfy myself and get down.

This has affected my psyche towards her.
But apart from her low libido, she is a very wonderful and good woman to be with.

So, last night, I opened up to her once again and told her she's making me to think twice and that am not happy at her actions.

Since today, our relationship has dwindled.

Alot of things have been going through my mind.

I don't know what to do. Am confused.
I can't go to another woman and leave such a good woman that have given me 4 kids.

Pls is there any known solution?

I need help.

ezugegere:
I don't know why this is a problem to you. You have a good woman. You have 4 kids. Your wife gives you sex but you're not satisfied the way she gives you. I guess you have eye on one sister outside. Be careful before you destroy you home man! What if you marry a woman that denies you sex? Would you kill yourself?
As a Christian, please pray for the spirit of self-control

cooooooks:
The fallacy of moralizing with lives when many if not most of the people teaching you the morals can't keep to it themselves.

Gobdddd:
Time without number.
She doesn't even know what she desires or likes about sex.

If found out that there's pre marital sex, my Church will cancel the marriage and make it look very dishonorable.
So,I can't risk that.

From the first day, she was afraid of it.

Never showed any interest afterwards, despite spending our honeymoon at Obudu cattle ranch.

Our last babe is 2. We have closed childbearing.

We are supposed to be catching fun.

Richy4:

1. Actually, If I understand you correctly, U were implying that OP should continue staying the way he has always been without seeking for solutions on how to help the wife because according to you, there's no solution right?

Let me ask you this question.. Is sex supposed to be one sided or for the equal partners to enjoy?
When you discovered that your partner whom you claimed to love is enduring sex instead of enjoying it, will you selfishly continue to ejaculate while she suffer the one sided punishment?...

Kobojunkiee:
1. What exactly are you confused about ? What is it that you really expect your wife to do in this case?

2. You claim the marriage is dwindling but from your explanation, the problem is not the marriage but your sudden expectations that is the issue...

3. You claim you are a pastor but it seems you are suddenly letting your body pull the strings as far as your decision making. You married a virgin and it turns out she is not as enthused about sex as you are, what do you want? For her to turn into a porn star in bed after 9 years and 4 kids?

Mindlog:

Not necessarily a "sex therapist" but a therapist who is grounded in Marriage/ Family Therapy and Human sexuality (just reminded me of my PSY 304 Human Sexuality course back in school and my class presentation titled: God and Sex )

Mental blocks are affecting their sexual life and should seek professional help if they don't see that approach as being "unchristian" as they need to shed off the title of Pastor and Pastor's wife once in that therapy room.

Polynek:
It depends the of Her understanding and maturity shaa

ahnie:

He has bn watch porn lately,the wife even tried seff...me my libido yaff died 13yrs ago.and ayam not ready to resuscitate it.

Kobojunkiee:
According to the Op, this problem has been in existence for the 9 years of the marriage. It is not not recent discovery. He has ensured it for 9 years and she has accepted it for that same period as well.

Ofcourse sex is more enjoyable when both parties are into it, but it is not always the case, even in marriages where both individuals are considered to both have "healthy" sex drives. We all work with we have, even in marriage.

Go back through my post and you will see my suggestion is that he continues to work through the issue with his wife rather than blame her for it or put her down for not being able to match his pace. There are other ways married people can enjoy each other - sex is only one of those ways.

In my own understanding, Op was here to find solution...He was tired of the one sided love making.. he wants the wife to enjoy it the way he was... He was not blaming her because if he was, he would have carried on selfishly even when the wife was suffering and enduring it.. after all, the end result for any man that was having sex is ejaculation or am I wrong?

In terms of your previous comment and Advise, Yea I have seen one of your post where u asked the OP to continue enduring or better still keep on punishing the wife without looking for solution to their problems because according to you, the situation has lingered for long and they should leave it the way it was... That's a beautiful suggestion buddy...u deserve a high five ...

Richy4:

In my own understanding, Op was here to find solution...He was tired of the one sided love making.. he wants the wife to enjoy it the way he was... 1. He was not blaming her because if he was, he would have carried on selfishly even when the wife was suffering and enduring it.. after all, the end result for any man that was having sex is ejaculation or am I wrong?

In terms of your previous comment and Advise, Yea I have seen one of your post where u asked the OP to continue enduring or 2. better still keep on punishing the wife without looking for solution to their problems because according to you, the situation has lingered for long and they should leave it the way it was... That's a beautiful suggestion buddy...u deserve a high five ...

Gobdddd:

Last night, I got angry at her attitude towards it. To me, she just try to open legs for me to satisfy myself and get down.

This has affected my psyche towards her.
But apart from her low libido, she is a very wonderful and good woman to be with.

So, last night, I opened up to her once again and told her she's making me to think twice and that am not happy at her actions.

Since today, our relationship has dwindled.
Alot of things have been going through my mind.
I don't know what to do. Am confused.
I can't go to another woman and leave such a good woman that have given me 4 kids.
Pls is there any known solution?
I need help.

Kobojunkiee:
And this is why many of you continue to be made fools of by women who are only after what you have. You fall too hard for the meaningless, and then after marriage, when the truth is revealed, you complain.

Sex is great to have in marriage but it is not all there is to marriage.

Kobojunkiee:
This is the Op wrote

Still what I was saying<<< One sided sex..<<< Wife not enjoying it<<<< wanted solution to their problem... did I miss out anything in summary ?

Richy4:


Still what I was saying<<< One sided sex..<<< Wife not enjoying it<<<< wanted solution to their problem... did I miss out anything in summary ?

godliman:

If I were you, I will make the most of it. Like it or not, not every woman is sexy. If she doesn't deny you your conjugal rights, if she doesn't cheat, if she is not frigid or complain about your poor performance, why should you bother when she is not complaining. Satisfy yourself and let life go on. Sex is even over rated. I consider you lucky. Many homes are in crises today over wives complaining of husbands not satisfying them forcing many men into taking sex enhancement drugs.