ejiro2130:
I read this thread and saw only feminine hypocritical comments, 99% of ladies will do what your wife is doing to you
Once a guy is going through struggles or the lady feels she's better than you this is what you face, unfortunately I can't advice you but when I see ladies here acting like they are Saint it annoys me cos they are no better!!!

SECONDED!!!

Only a Godly woman that truly loves a man will stand with him through thick and thin with the man's respect intact.

When a man stop providing for his woman, when the woman earns more, when she is the breadwinner, the MAN must be ready to adjust to another life.

kandiikane:

don't be stup!d. If the woman can say "as long as you continue to cause me pain' means it's something obvious the op has been doing/saying. The op knows but wants to come here to justify the pains he has been causing her by saying he "provides" for her. Unless the op can clarify on what exactly it is, we can't just take the op's word as truth with that statement hanging in the air. The fact that the op caused an issue because the woman used his spray to spray his own fart for that matter shows that he does have a hand in whatever is going on. The op needs to speak the truth.

You sound foollish and naïve.

The Op don't know shiit hence bringing it here for public opinion. At this point the op is frustrated with the wife biitching hence the need to lay it bare but I supposed if he knows or rather being economical with the truth, he would have expunged that phrase but he let it be.

On the fart thing, the woman used the perfume to spite him and make him even look miserable and frustrated. Do u know the feelings when he got to find out his wife used his perfume to "cleanse" the atmosphere when air freshners can do the trick? The feelings is one of rejection, disrespectful and contempt.

Have you asked your self how many times the op have aerated her fart with perfume?

Before we start arguing....are u married?

SeaGold:


You sound foollish and naïve.

The Op don't know shiit hence bringing it here for public opinion. At this point the op is frustrated with the wife biitching hence the need to lay it bare but I supposed if he knows or rather being economical with the truth, he would have expunged that phrase but he let it be.

On the fart thing, the woman used the perfume to spite him and make him even look miserable and frustrated. Do u know the feelings when he got to find out his wife used his perfume to "cleanse" the atmosphere when air freshners can do the trick? The feelings is one of rejection, disrespectful and contempt.

Have you asked your self how many times the op have aerated her fart with perfume?

Before we start arguing....are u married?

stop talking nonsense joor! How can a man be living with his wife and not know there is a problem if they are constantly at each other's throat? You and the op are both on the same level of immaturity. Stop making assumptions! Were you there when the woman was spraying perfume, maybe you were in their toilet when the woman was speaking out loud on how she wanted to spite the man for farting? Who gets mad at his perfume being sprayed to diffuse his own fart? I will repeat it again, if the man can get angry over something as little as perfume being sprayed to cover up the fart then I am certain his anger and bitchy-ness has been one of the main problems in his marriage. He clearly has issues and instead of coming here, he should sort out whatever pain he has been causing her, that seems to be the source of their problems. One thing that can really irritate a woman is a quick tempered man who is bitchy and a nag. The thing with some men is that when a woman tells them what they have been doing wrong it goes in one ear and comes out the other and then brushed off as 'just a woman being a woman'. Even if he didn't know the pain he was causing her, he should have endeavoured to find out rather than coming here and telling us of the insults.

Don't worry about my marital status, if it's a problem stop quoting me.

Thanks to all who have shared and contributed to the thread.

Some have posted that my story is one-sided, incomplete or untruthful. My initial post was COMPLETE AND TRUTHFUL. I do not tell lies. In fact, I have kept many facts that are in my favor out of my original post, because I do not want to lead people's thoughts. I will answer people's questions honestly...but do not want to telegraph their views So for example, I only mentioned that I have been doing my best to provide the majority of household expenses, because I was asked that question. I did not see the need to mention that in the initial post.

As to what is causing her pain, I do not know for sure. Have I asked? Many times. She always has one issue or the other. She accuses me of disrespecting her and not speaking to her properly - coming from someone who speaks to me with such disdain and condescension - I find that an incredible irony.

Let me add two recent incidents to provide some more color to the matter.

1. About three weeks or so ago, I asked her to assist me with a few little tasks: a range of trivial to important things including the following: (i). I need to make a decision about something - here are my options, please pray and think over it and let me know what you think is best for me to do. (ii) Please make that phone call to that person on the matter we discussed (by the way this is a matter that has dragged for over four months). (iii) Do not forget to buy that item from the store we discussed (this is more than a month overdue). These are just a few examples. So there were about I think five or seven talks like this. After two weeks, she had done NONE of them. I asked her, is this right, I come to you and make a request - some of these things are very important as you know for example - a man asking his wife to provide counsel to help me take a decision. Yet, despite the struggles you know I am going through, you just ignore all these requests. When I make such statements she says I am criticizing her. if I dare express anger at raising the issue, she tells me: "dont raise your voice at me, don't speak to me like a child". To which I respond - I am not a mad man . If someone makes a request 20 times and it is ignored, is it not normal for me to on the 21st time express anger and raise my voice. Perhaps, if you responded to the first or second time of me making the request as opposed to me having to remind you 10, 15 times (no exaggeration) there would be no need for me to express anger or raise my voice.

2. Because of the issue above, last week I just told myself I was not going to spend time chasing heron the issues I had asked her to do as this would just lead to arguments and yet there would be no change on her part. As sch, I was withdrawn. withdrawn out of sadness that I do not have a helpmate. She noticed this and got upset. She accused me of being cold to her - which was true. What am I to do? Remind her for the 25th time about issues that have dragged for months. Then she will say I am being rude to her..and at the end nothing would be done. So I just ignored the issue as painful as it was and tried to stay on my own in peace.

3. Earlier in the day of the fart /incident. We went to a place where we had to check in at the desk to gain entry. Prior to arrival, there were some issues with the entry ticket we had arranged - which we had resolved over the phone. Upon arrival, the person noticed that we had two bookings -which was correct. She immediately started to explain the problems we had in making the booking and explain what she did to resolve it, etc. I raised my hand gently to indicate to her - to hold her peace. My reasoning was simple. The person had not said there was a problem - he just said - you have two bookings -which was correct. So why, preempt a problem by discussing old history. The person helping also, said something to the effect of Madam there is no problem, no need to explain. My wife sparked ON THE SPOT! Gave all of us - myself and the two men helping us behind the counter bad looks and walked away in anger. I was embarrassed by her behavior. Yet, when I later confronted her on the issue, she said I embarrassed her , by raising my hand (which I did as discreetly as I could) to get her to hold her peace. She said that I gave those "rats' (the two men helping us with the booking) the audacity to tell her not to bother going on with her explanation. She was so infuriated with me. I told her it was not at all my intention to embarrass her. I only was trying to prevent her form creating a problem where none existed. I then went on to say repeatedly: "I am sorry". I also said: since my raising my hand (albeit discreetly and gently) to indicate to you to hold your piece, what would you prefer I do in the future under similar circumstances. She had no definite answer to that. So as I write this I do not know what to do if the situation repeats itself. Despite my apology, she remained upset. This incident happened about three hours before the fart/perfume incident.

Hopefully, the above points shed some more light and show my honesty in this post.

Finally about kids, we are newlyweds married for just a few years and mutually agreed to delay child-bearing for a while.

kandiikane:

stop talking nonsense joor! How can a man be living with his wife and not know there is a problem if they are constantly at each other's throat? You and the op are both on the same level of immaturity. Stop making assumptions! Were you there when the woman was spraying perfume, maybe you were in their toilet when the woman was speaking out loud on how she wanted to spite the man for farting? Who gets mad at his perfume being sprayed to diffuse his own fart? I will repeat it again, if the man can get angry over something as little as perfume being sprayed to cover up the fart then I am certain his anger and bitchy-ness has been one of the main problems in his marriage. He clearly has issues and instead of coming here, he should sort out whatever pain he has been causing her, that seems to be the source of their problems. One thing that can really irritate a woman is a quick tempered man who is bitchy and a nag. The thing with some men is that when a woman tells them what they have been doing wrong it goes in one ear and comes out the other and then brushed off as 'just a woman being a woman'. Even if he didn't know the pain he was causing her, he should have endeavoured to find out rather than coming here and telling us of the insults.

Don't worry about my marital status, if it's a problem stop quoting me.

You are excessively stopid and pussy whipped!

If the wife has temperamental issues or mood swings we should blame it on the Op right? Or is there an instrument invented to detect human temperament and its causes in marriage?

Your hypocrisy is glaring. You need to marry to learn a lesson.

@exebi, you may think you raised your hand discreetly but it could have been completely different from another point of view.

She brought up the issues that has been causing her pain yet you thought it ironic, basically reiterating my earlier post on how some men brush off issues. That mentality will keep the circle of abuse from both parties going and it won't stop unless you start to listen and do. I doubt she would just start disrespecting you for no reason unless thats how you married her which then will be something you caused because you chose to still go for her.

Regarding the booking, there was nothing wrong with her explaining the problem because that could even lead to the people you booked with correcting anything that may have caused the problem so it won't happen again(if the fault was theirs). You may not have tried to shut her up in a bad way but she said she felt embarrassed and even though her reaction was unwarranted, you should try to not shut her up in public next time. You both embarrassed each other. You are both upset, both of you are at fault, she takes longer to get over things more than you.

Now, this has nothing to do with being the man but if you still want your marriage, take your wife out to somewhere nice and quiet on a good day. Have fun, behave how you normally behave when you are in good terms and then bring up the issues because things makes more sense when people are in a good mood. Ask and Apologise for whatever pain you have been causing her, tell her you will try your best to not cause her any more pain and then tell her your issues with her. Explain to her both of you need to learn to respect and appreciate each other. If anyone has a problem, they can tell the other without being angry and the other should try to listen to what each person says. Exebi, I don't need to go on and on, you know you want peace and harmony and you should know all the right things you need to say to get her to open up and agree on making the marriage work. Don't let your pride take over you sense of reasoning. You are hurt, she is hurt, do something about it. Plus it doesn't need to be out, you could do it at home or if you choose to go out with her it doesn't have to be expensive. Sitting here and venting isn't going to solve anything. If you make efforts and she still disrespects and insults you or whatever you say she does, you can take whatever action you see fit to be happy.

SeaGold:


You are excessively stopid and pussy whipped!

If the wife has temperamental issues or mood swings we should blame it on the Op right? Or is there an instrument invented to detect human temperament and its causes in marriage?

Your hypocrisy is glaring. You need to marry to learn a lesson.

go sleep

Thanks kandiikane.

Did you miss the part where I said;

(i) I apologized repeatedly
(ii) I asked her to tell me what I should do next time since raising my hand offended her.

You are convinced that I am doing some wrong things and refuse to change. I have spoken to her multiple times. I have listened. If I was not interested in listening or peace making why would I after her behavior approach and ask her what the issue is and apologize and ask her to tell me what to do differently next time.

It is very easy to assume men are mad and crazy and sometimes we are (just like other humans)...but not all the time.

The main issue for me as I hinted at in my initial post - even if I am this horrible man that does nothing but willingly inflict pain on my wife is that why she would tell me the following:


"God will not answer your prayers"

kandiikane:
@exebi, you may think you raised your hand discreetly but it could have been completely different from another point of view.

She brought up the issues that has been causing her pain yet you thought it ironic, basically reiterating my earlier post on how some men brush off issues. That mentality will keep the circle of abuse from both parties going and it won't stop unless you start to listen and do. I doubt she would just start disrespecting you for no reason unless thats how you married her which then will be something you caused because you chose to still go for her.

Regarding the booking, there was nothing wrong with her explaining the problem because that could even lead to the people you booked with correcting anything that may have caused the problem so it won't happen again(if the fault was theirs). You may not have tried to shut her up in a bad way but she said she felt embarrassed and even though her reaction was unwarranted, you should try to not shut her up in public next time. You both embarrassed each other. You are both upset, both of you are at fault, she takes longer to get over things more than you.

Now, this has nothing to do with being the man but if you still want your marriage, take your wife out to somewhere nice and quiet on a good day. Have fun, behave how you normally behave when you are in good terms and then bring up the issues because things makes more sense when people are in a good mood. Ask and Apologise for whatever pain you have been causing her, tell her you will try your best to not cause her any more pain and then tell her your issues with her. Explain to her both of you need to learn to respect and appreciate each other. If anyone has a problem, they can tell the other without being angry and the other should try to listen to what each person says. Exebi, I don't need to go on and on, you know you want peace and harmony and you should know all the right things you need to say to get her to open up and agree on making the marriage work. Don't let your pride take over you sense of reasoning. You are hurt, she is hurt, do something about it. Plus it doesn't need to be out, you could do it at home or if you choose to go out with her it doesn't have to be expensive. Sitting here and venting isn't going to solve anything. If you make efforts and she still disrespects and insults you or whatever you say she does, you can take whatever action you see fit to be happy.

exebi:
Thanks kandiikane.

Did you miss the part where I said;

(i) I apologized repeatedly
(ii) I asked her to tell me what I should do next time since raising my hand offended her.

You are convinced that I am doing some wrong things and refuse to change. I have spoken to her multiple times. I have listened. If I was not interested in listening or peace making why would I after her behavior approach and ask her what the issue is and apologize and ask her to tell me what to do differently next time.

It is very easy to assume men are mad and crazy and sometimes we are (just like other humans)...but not all the time.

The main issue for me as I hinted at in my initial post - even if I am this horrible man that does nothing but willingly inflict pain on my wife is that why she would tell me the following:


"God will not answer your prayers"

no I didn't miss it. You apologise but do you do anything to make the situation better? You can apologise from here to Kingdom come but if you don't act, nothing will change. The solution I gave has nothing to do with gender but on the fact in which she harbors the pains of a situation longer than you do. You need to break the ice because of that not because you are a man. You don't need to ask her, solution is right in your face, don't shut her up in public, she feels embarrassed by it. No other alternative. Think of yourself in her shoes that every moment. I am convinced you are both doing things wrong, if not you won't be here will this problem. If you were a horrible man then you deserve that statement. You are hurt by statement then find a way to let her know other than through the usual quarelling. Do you have anger issues because that perfume thing says alot.
I mean if someone is saying she used your perfume to spite you then one can say you farted to spite her for rolling her eyes in the booking hall. Take your wife out, I am certain it's not every minute you guys fight and tell her your mind and ask for hers too. You don't try to tell her what she has done wrong when she is angry even if said calmly. Reason I keep saying out is that a different scene can make a huge difference.

U can't be living with someone and she keeps cursing you and trust me ppl like her don't change I say get a divorce or suffer in silence

The minute you can see hate in those same eyes you once saw love, the marriage is over

This woman hates you and once they start, they don't stop.
Start planning for your singleness as in her mind, she would prefer you to be dead so that she can move on with her life
She sees you as unnecessary baggage possibly because things are not working out as you planned YET
Educated women generally don't have patience once their once well doing husband falls on hard times.
The illiterate women fare better in standing by their men for better for worse

Bro I don't know what u did to upset that woman but u need to thnk very deeply bcoz I have a friend that suffered the same thing u r going thru, he's self emplyed as well and when there is money he is a perfect man when the money is slow he is a devil..he drinks and smokes so when there is no cash his wife refuses to sleep with him and calls him a drunkard and begins to reign abuses and curses on him, he has left the woman though after 3yrs of the shit. So think p deep and find out what's upsetting her and if there's no change leave her men coz people don't change they just grow older

Ilekokonit,

Can you please share some more on your comments below. Thank you.

Ilekokonit:
The minute you can see hate in those same eyes you once saw love, the marriage is over

This woman hates you and once they start, they don't stop.
Start planning for your singleness as in her mind, she would prefer you to be dead so that she can move on with her life
She sees you as unnecessary baggage possibly because things are not working out as you planned YET
Educated women generally don't have patience once their once well doing husband falls on hard times.
The illiterate women fare better in standing by their men for better for worse

By her saying God will not answer your prayers, she actually means it and is blatantly showing you the worst form of hate a wife can show a husband.

She doesn't want your finances to pick up so that she will become the bread winner and you will start asking her for money at which point she will rain more insults and curses upon you each and every time she has to give you money.

This woman hates you and is not disguising the fact so, your best bet because familiarity breeds contempt is to start making yourself scarce around the house and get a new hobby that takes you out of the house till late e.g beer parlours.

Then never tell her your plans or ask her to pray about your plans again as this woman is bent on seeing your financial downfall.

Its like she has an axe to grind with you and sees your weak point as a time to knock and kick you whilst you are down so that you will find it difficult to get back onto your feet.

Stop carrying 80% of the expenses whilst she saves her own money and then wickedly turns round to curse your prayers. Now, if you have 10 naira, tell her you have 1 naira as this woman does not mean well for your finances.

Your marriage is still in early days and the damage done to any of your individual psyches is not that deep yet and you both can walk away from the marriage if there is no synergy in the marriage.

Marriage is meant to motivate you and not de-motivate you and even some of your enemies will not ask God not to answer your prayers.

exebi:
Ilekokonit,
Can you please share some more on your comments below. Thank you.

In a nutshell, a wife that wants and believes she has a future with you will never say :- "You are a frustrated man - I wont allow you to bring me down with you" and will never say "God will not answer your prayers".

Any woman that bursts her husbands baloon with a pin is not worthy to be called a wife.

This woman wants a divorce after you have spent 80% of your income on both of you.

Just ask her if she wants a divorce and hear her reply.

Ilekokonit. Thanks for sharing your comments. Wow!

May God help me. I need wisdom. I need grace. I need strength. I need courage. I need Him!

exebi:
Thanks kandiikane.

Did you miss the part where I said;

(i) I apologized repeatedly
(ii) I asked her to tell me what I should do next time since raising my hand offended her.

You are convinced that I am doing some wrong things and refuse to change. I have spoken to her multiple times. I have listened. If I was not interested in listening or peace making why would I after her behavior approach and ask her what the issue is and apologize and ask her to tell me what to do differently next time.

It is very easy to assume men are mad and crazy and sometimes we are (just like other humans)...but not all the time.

The main issue for me as I hinted at in my initial post - even if I am this horrible man that does nothing but willingly inflict pain on my wife is that why she would tell me the following:


"God will not answer your prayers"

Please try to stop interrupting people . NO one loves to be interrupted. Not even in private . Let them finish ,then talk it through with your concerns.
Pray , if you depend on prayers . Her curses cannot get to you except you allow it. She is disrespectful and we should learn to be respectful not putting up someone financial status first. Sadly most of us fall in this regards .

Call her, sit through and let her know she is causing you pain. You are in your early marriage and you don't want this lingering on.
Start getting yourself organized .

kandiikane:
@exebi, you may think you raised your hand discreetly but it could have been completely different from another point of view.

She brought up the issues that has been causing her pain yet you thought it ironic, basically reiterating my earlier post on how some men brush off issues. That mentality will keep the circle of abuse from both parties going and it won't stop unless you start to listen and do. I doubt she would just start disrespecting you for no reason unless thats how you married her which then will be something you caused because you chose to still go for her.

Regarding the booking, there was nothing wrong with her explaining the problem because that could even lead to the people you booked with correcting anything that may have caused the problem so it won't happen again(if the fault was theirs). You may not have tried to shut her up in a bad way but she said she felt embarrassed and even though her reaction was unwarranted, you should try to not shut her up in public next time. You both embarrassed each other. You are both upset, both of you are at fault, she takes longer to get over things more than you.

Now, this has nothing to do with being the man but if you still want your marriage, take your wife out to somewhere nice and quiet on a good day. Have fun, behave how you normally behave when you are in good terms and then bring up the issues because things makes more sense when people are in a good mood. Ask and Apologise for whatever pain you have been causing her, tell her you will try your best to not cause her any more pain and then tell her your issues with her. Explain to her both of you need to learn to respect and appreciate each other. If anyone has a problem, they can tell the other without being angry and the other should try to listen to what each person says. Exebi, I don't need to go on and on, you know you want peace and harmony and you should know all the right things you need to say to get her to open up and agree on making the marriage work. Don't let your pride take over you sense of reasoning. You are hurt, she is hurt, do something about it. Plus it doesn't need to be out, you could do it at home or if you choose to go out with her it doesn't have to be expensive. Sitting here and venting isn't going to solve anything. If you make efforts and she still disrespects and insults you or whatever you say she does, you can take whatever action you see fit to be happy.

Kandii why are you bent of blaming this man for his wife's terrible behaviours? Will you also blame him for making her call the 2 male attendants 'rats'? Its obvious you are very bias and will continue to blame him for her ill manners, childish and unwomanly behaviour. The worst kinds of people are those who do not learn to take responsibility for their own actions but will always find a way to blame someone else.

If half of what you explained is true then your wife is rude and uncouth

Calling service attendants " rats" is a bad sign.
I always ask people wanting to get married to see how their intended spouses treat those under them. Helps, gate men, service attendants etc. If he or she will abuse and degrade a waiter when you finally marry they wont hesitate to do same to you when you fail to meet their expectations.

As i adviced earlier please go and speak with your inlaws they should know whats happening. If i did half of what you said your wife has done my father would be in my house very upset. I hope you have a good relationship with your in laws. Please report their daughter to them. I know they say dont involve third parties but in this case it is very necessary and you need to rework your partnership formula. Dont give yourself high blood pressure carrying all the load when God has given a helpmate

The mess/fart part really lighten up my morning!!! I love farting especially when I eat ewa. hahahaha
sorry dear,I feel your pain but its a good thing that you have Christ in you. pray for her silently.Try to sit her down on a good day and ask her for forgiveness for watsover u may have done to her. Do claim rights even if you,just plead for peace ok. May God see you through.

exebi:
Ilekokonit. Thanks for sharing your comments. Wow!

May God help me. I need wisdom. I need grace. I need strength. I need courage. I need Him!

I'm very sorry to tell you but I think you married a very terrible wife. Why didn't you seek the face of God b4 marriage? Why didn't you marry someone who loves God and prayers like you? Why didn't you see that she isn't really the humble, meek, supportive proverb 31 wife?
You got carried away by her intelligence, beauty and charm that you thought u've hit jackpot.

Breaking news: this woman is wrong for you because she does not have the same spirit as you, she doesn't have a good understanding of God, she doesn't have the fear of God, she doesn't have respect for other people not just you, she's proud and looks down on others and can even trample on them if given the chance, she saw you as a successful businessman with potentials and when the chips came down she realized you weren't whom or what she had in mind. You do not know the whereabouts of her finances despite the fact that she has a great job with a great salary, she could be financing a project or "projects" as a backup just incase this marriage comes to an end, doesn't contribute much in the house financially.
Bros, I think you are in for a long thing. How long will you continue to suffer like this? 10yrs, 20yrs, 30yrs? I don't know what else to advice you other than for you to continue praying without her getting involved, ask her to contribute financially to reduce the burden on you, and please don't have kids yet just incase.
Funny enough, a preacher said something yesterday. He said "Some men and women get married to their Wives/husbands and their destinies shutdown immediately. It closes completely and never ever opens again simply because they married a particular person"
Classic case of marrying the enemy!
Peace!

cancaworm:


Please try to stop interrupting people . NO one loves to be interrupted. Not even in private . Let them finish ,then talk it through with your concerns .

I agree with you but whether we like it or not there are some certain occasions one might get interrupted, thats why some family go as far as using codes like coughing, yawning or sneezing. it depends shaa.

Many marriages are going through these situations, whereby they no longer understand each others language. She is speaking German and He hears French and vice versa.

On a good day, apart from the curses, if you both were in harmony and on good terms, I dont see what all the "wahala" is all about. You farted and she sparayed perfume. Had you been on good terms, you would have both laughed over it.
When she was trying to explain to the men at the checkout, you would have put your arm round her waist and joking said "oya madam lets go" and that would have been the end of it.

and when she didnt run your errands you would have jokinly told her that you will look for an assistant for her and she would have said "Oh I am so sorry, I forgot to do it"

. . .but becasue there is so much underlying issues and unresolved arguments, and deep seated anger, you guys are unable to move forward and keep on unconciously going back.

You are also not resolving one issue before moving onto another so its all piling up

Some basic fundamentals and foundations are also wrong and dont support a peaceful and loving relationship
For example you are supposed to be a team, so why is she keeping all her money and you dont know what she does with it? yet you are undergoing financial hardship

How come you are both on different Spiritual wavelengths? A family that prays together stays together. What is she doing when you are praying and as the head of the house, you need to mandate a time and place of prayer becasue when the kids start coming, this is something that is very important. There must be a routine until it becomes a habit.

My advise is that you find a good time and sit her down. Ask her to open up to you and you genuingly listen to what she has to say. She may have some issues that you may up until now just swept under the carpet. You need to have a listening ear this time

You also need to talk to her about her curses and her words and let her know what they mean to you.
Agree to respect each other and agree to love each other and agree to speak positive words to each other at all times.
You both need to learn to manage conflict. She sounds like one who just talks bla bla when she is angry and that is very wrong. it only breeds hatred in the end. Words are like eggs and once dropped there is no going back
You too also need to understand when to back off when she is in a mood. You may not know but you may be inciting her too. she was angry after the checkout issue, you farted and she sprayed your perfume. You should have just left her rather than going on about her using your perfume. If you had left her, her own guilty conscience would have made her come back to you to apologise.

You can report each other to a hundred peoople but if you both dont make a commitment to change things for the better, nothing will change and people are just wasting their time.

In short, its your own personal marriage and only the 2 of you can make it work or break it.

One sentence only: God bless you! Daz all

aisha2
post=27471373:
First of all i am so sorry for what you are going through.
The aim of marriage is that 2 together can drive away 1 million. When one is down the other lifts them up.

Unfortunately, your wife may have been raised in an environment where challenges are seen as evil and those who face them must have done something bad to deserve them. She may also have grown up with a verbally abusive mother but its not an excuse for her as an adult to act so callously. She may also equate manliness with the ability to meet all her needs and so now that her needs are not met she turns disrespectful. I feel bad for her because she is sowing a seed of discord such that when you pass this phase your marriage may be damaged to some extent and then all her actions of making up will be viewed suspiciously.

The fart and perfume thing in my book was silly and unnecessary. For me one of the crazy fun things in marriage is the ability to fart unhindered and without shame. Its like a competition in my own home lol.

I dont know what to say or how to explain her behaviour i advise you speak with her parents. Every couple face challenges but thats why we marry in the first place so when we are in the rain our spouse can help us hold an umbrella..

She seems very bitter and until you get to the root of her bitterness her attitude may continue.

About prayers this ia something you figure out while courting the spiritual wavelength of your spouse. If she wasnt spiritual while dating she wont turn spiritual now so just do your prayers and ignore her, God will not hear a prayer that is not from her heart and filled with vile. Keep praying for your self or join a prayer ring where you and others take turns in praying for each other.

Again so sorry for all the challenges may light shine at the end of your tunnel

My take on this.
There seems to be a lot of anger in your wife. Anger at you, maybe. Anger at herself, very likely. Worse, that anger is coalescing into hate ergo her comments to you and people around you.

Your personal behaviour aside, you also seem to take your God seriously. Know your God well, not your religion. If you know your God well, you will know His major ish is Love.

So you're in a bad marriage, so what? You're not the first and sadly won't be the last. So,

Your wife needs love, she needs Jesus. You have to give her both. It seems you have talked to her about her behaviour and she still refuses to change so be the best husband possible. Treat her right, like she was a great wife. Ignore her tantrums. Pray for her. Always. Try the 40-days plan ie do one nice thing for her everyday for 40 days. Trust me, there will be a difference.




If there isn't, hey, that's your cross brother.

By the way, a curse without cause cannot stand especially where Jesus has taken our curses upon Himself. So ignore all'a that.

Ilekokonit:

Educated women generally don't have patience once their once well doing husband falls on hard times.
The illiterate women fare better in standing by their men for better for worse

This is not a fair generalisation! If you had said "some educated women", that would have been different but lumping everyone into the same category?

LewsTherin:
My take on this.
There seems to be a lot of anger in your wife. Anger at you, maybe. Anger at herself, very likely. Worse, that anger is coalescing into hate ergo her comments to you and people around you.
Your personal behaviour aside, you also seem to take your God seriously. Know your God well, not your religion. If you know your God well, you will know His major ish is Love.
So you're in a bad marriage, so what? You're not the first and sadly won't be the last. So,
Your wife needs love, she needs Jesus. You have to give her both. It seems you have talked to her about her behaviour and she still refuses to change so be the best husband possible. Treat her right, like she was a great wife. Ignore her tantrums. Pray for her. Always. Try the 40-days plan ie do one nice thing for her everyday for 40 days. Trust me, there will be a difference.
If there isn't, hey, that's your cross brother.
By the way, a curse without cause cannot stand especially where Jesus has taken our curses upon Himself. So ignore all'a that.

chaircover:
Many marriages are going through these situations, whereby they no longer understand each others language. She is speaking German and He hears French and vice versa.
On a good day, apart from the curses, if you both were in harmony and on good terms, I dont see what all the "wahala" is all about. You farted and she sparayed perfume. Had you been on good terms, you would have both laughed over it.
When she was trying to explain to the men at the checkout, you would have put your arm round her waist and joking said "oya madam lets go" and that would have been the end of it.
and when she didnt run your errands you would have jokinly told her that you will look for an assistant for her and she would have said "Oh I am so sorry, I forgot to do it"
. . .but becasue there is so much underlying issues and unresolved arguments, and deep seated anger, you guys are unable to move forward and keep on unconciously going back.
You are also not resolving one issue before moving onto another so its all piling up
Some basic fundamentals and foundations are also wrong and dont support a peaceful and loving relationship
For example you are supposed to be a team, so why is she keeping all her money and you dont know what she does with it? yet you are undergoing financial hardship
How come you are both on different Spiritual wavelengths? A family that prays together stays together. What is she doing when you are praying and as the head of the house, you need to mandate a time and place of prayer becasue when the kids start coming, this is something that is very important. There must be a routine until it becomes a habit.
My advise is that you find a good time and sit her down. Ask her to open up to you and you genuingly listen to what she has to say. She may have some issues that you may up until now just swept under the carpet. You need to have a listening ear this time
You also need to talk to her about her curses and her words and let her know what they mean to you.
Agree to respect each other and agree to love each other and agree to speak positive words to each other at all times.
You both need to learn to manage conflict. She sounds like one who just talks bla bla when she is angry and that is very wrong. it only breeds hatred in the end. Words are like eggs and once dropped there is no going back
You too also need to understand when to back off when she is in a mood. You may not know but you may be inciting her too. she was angry after the checkout issue, you farted and she sprayed your perfume. You should have just left her rather than going on about her using your perfume. If you had left her, her own guilty conscience would have made her come back to you to apologise.
You can report each other to a hundred peoople but if you both dont make a commitment to change things for the better, nothing will change and people are just wasting their time.
In short, its your own personal marriage and only the 2 of you can make it work or break it.

OP try this two approaches.It is well with your home. I would also add if these two don't work maybe seeking a neutral unbiased third party who can speak to you both.That person will also hear her own views and grievances and probably point out what both of you need to work on.

chaircover:
Many marriages are going through these situations, whereby they no longer understand each others language. She is speaking German and He hears French and vice versa.

On a good day, apart from the curses, if you both were in harmony and on good terms, I dont see what all the "wahala" is all about. You farted and she sparayed perfume. Had you been on good terms, you would have both laughed over it.
When she was trying to explain to the men at the checkout, you would have put your arm round her waist and joking said "oya madam lets go" and that would have been the end of it.

and when she didnt run your errands you would have jokinly told her that you will look for an assistant for her and she would have said "Oh I am so sorry, I forgot to do it"

. . .but becasue there is so much underlying issues and unresolved arguments, and deep seated anger, you guys are unable to move forward and keep on unconciously going back.

You are also not resolving one issue before moving onto another so its all piling up

Some basic fundamentals and foundations are also wrong and dont support a peaceful and loving relationship
For example you are supposed to be a team, so why is she keeping all her money and you dont know what she does with it? yet you are undergoing financial hardship

How come you are both on different Spiritual wavelengths? A family that prays together stays together. What is she doing when you are praying and as the head of the house, you need to mandate a time and place of prayer becasue when the kids start coming, this is something that is very important. There must be a routine until it becomes a habit.

My advise is that you find a good time and sit her down. Ask her to open up to you and you genuingly listen to what she has to say. She may have some issues that you may up until now just swept under the carpet. You need to have a listening ear this time

You also need to talk to her about her curses and her words and let her know what they mean to you.
Agree to respect each other and agree to love each other and agree to speak positive words to each other at all times.
You both need to learn to manage conflict. She sounds like one who just talks bla bla when she is angry and that is very wrong. it only breeds hatred in the end. Words are like eggs and once dropped there is no going back
You too also need to understand when to back off when she is in a mood. You may not know but you may be inciting her too. she was angry after the checkout issue, you farted and she sprayed your perfume. You should have just left her rather than going on about her using your perfume. If you had left her, her own guilty conscience would have made her come back to you to apologise.

You can report each other to a hundred peoople but if you both dont make a commitment to change things for the better, nothing will change and people are just wasting their time.

In short, its your own personal marriage and only the 2 of you can make it work or break it.

Listen to what you are saying Ma.

You would have, you should have, you did, you are suppose to do, listen to her, don't shout bla bla bla to the Op. I guess the op is now a sensitive superhuman without any emotion of his to unleash too.

Intelligent and respectful women should understand their partner sign language in public and not biitch about it to further disgrace themselves. Marriage is check and balance.

Men are not psychologists or mind readers to understand their women frustration or what they are not doing right. It is called marriage so that any partner that is uncomfortable with a situation can spelt it out, discuss it and find a solution to it than bottling it up and allowing it to degenerate to this level.

Whatever needs you find to blame op for his wife misdemeanours, if she is temperamental, nothing will work except she finds help in counselling and the man learning to manage her baggage.

Please you guys should stop these double standard of equality and when things goes awry the man is blamed for not being a superhero.

Op, I implore you to grow balls. Match her biitchings with some level of notoriety. Shake her to the very foundation of her confidence and she will bounce back with realisation and sit up. WOMEN HATE WEAK MEN...Nice men is their puppet.

Once in a while, tumble and somersault and dance masquerade in the house. It auto reset the brainbox of some women and spice up the marriage trust me

OP, permit me to ask, are you the husband to my "sister"? Is your initial N.I.N?

Ok on a serious note, OP, I can really relate to your situation because I have a "sister" like that around me. Exactly the same traits you mentioned. In fact, we (family members) call the husband, Saint Nxxxxx. Lol. That guy has heard nwiiiiii.

Eh... How does she relate with her family members? Cos for my "sister's" case, the matter don tire all of us. Even the way she talks to her own mom (a very amiable and lovely woman) just sends shivers to us. Her own has defied every solution, so I don't even have an advice to give you, but just to encourage you. You are not alone, God will see you through. You may have gotten a life-long cross to carry, carry it diligently. Lets hope that in between, there will be a miraculous turn-around. It is well with you!

Poster please is there any good attribute (s) your wife has?

What are u doing thats causing your wife pain?

Also (even though if this is true there is little or nothing that can be done), did you compel her to marry you?. Was there a mutual understanding and agreement to marry each other or you wanted to and succeeded in marrying her. Were you both in love before the marriage or was it one sided love?

I say this because, my school mother for instance had a suitor, very nice guy, was really serious with marrying her, he was just an eligible bachelor. 2008 she told me there was this thing with him she didn't like, she doesn't like and she will never like. Even whenever he tells her hello over the phone, she said, she gets depressed again. So she told him she was not interested, and was not ready for marriage then. For where? That guy followed me eh.... He pestered me oooooooo, sending gifts, calling and declaring unending love for her. He said she was his ideal woman. She blocked him off.

Now here is the deal, 2010 she has got into the "settling down quick lane" and in the absence of any other eligible suitor, she ran back to him, and marriage sets.

I was in her house for 2 days in 2013. Chai! She as just snapping at the poor guy anyhow over nothing! She has always been a very pleasant person to me, she took me to many places, she was nice to colleagues, her hair dresser likes her, but at home, you really feel for the guy. Even when she is answering his call, I feel like covering her mouth with my hand! And the guys still has a lot of love and patience for her.

You may choose to search deeper, but as I said earlier, if it's that she doesn't like your big head with drab voice, or you drool while talking, or that you are not polished enough but you are the only viable option as at the point of marriage, I extend my sympathy to you. There is nothing much one can do but to live with it.

I repeat, it is well with you.