exebi:

These comments resonated with me..and it is frightening. Yes sometimes I feel she has flipped from loving me to hating me. I noticed this a while ago and tried multiple times to address it with her to no avail.
What can a man do under these circumstances?

aisha2:


I asked what good qualities she has, you ignored me.

Stillfire:
This woman does not love you. Her love has a price and you can't afford it. Sorry she fooled you all this while.

freecocoa:
Like you don't know that everyone's got limit(s)s, do you know what's he's doing to cause her pain? Do you know if she's tried to discuss it?

Imagine the OP making a fuss cos his perfume was used to freshen the air his fart polluted, like seriously? Abeg the OP should stop whatever he's doing to cause her pain and they can take it from there.

SeaGold:


Freecocoa, why will a woman use HUGO BOSS to diffuse ordinary mess?

exebi:
Assuming you are right in your ocmments below that I married "a very terrible wife". What do I do now?! This is a serious question. Thank you.

Can you also comment more on this comment of yours:

"Funny enough, a preacher said something yesterday. He said "Some men and women get married to their Wives/husbands and their destinies shutdown immediately. It closes completely and never ever opens again simply because they married a particular person"
Classic case of marrying the enemy!

How does one determine they are in such a situation? And if they are, what do they do about it to rectify the situation? To open up the destiny again? These are also serious questions. Thank you for taking the time to answer them.

Zikkie:
OP, please try and look inwards, almost every woman wants peace and love in her home... And would do everything within her reach to get it... But it gets to a point she feels the mab doesn't appreciate those things (maybe judging from his attitude) she reaches her elastic limit!
Now, you don't have kids yet? Is there any underlying medical issue with you which she feels you knew about but his from her before marriage?
Do you have sex regularly with her?
Have you been cheating in her despite the fact that you are not as bouyant now?
What restrictions have you given her which you feel could she isn't comfortable with and is causing her pain??
I know most times a lot of men use this 'gra gra' attitude to cover what they know deep within then that is the truth... Pls drop any ego, search yourself!
And as for your wife, I hope she realises that words are like eggs... Once said, you can't take then back, and there's obviously going to be a negative effect even after things calm down.. she should learn to control her tongue!

Zikkie:
OP, please try and look inwards, almost every woman wants peace and love in her home... And would do everything within her reach to get it... But it gets to a point she feels the mab doesn't appreciate those things (maybe judging from his attitude) she reaches her elastic limit!

Now, you don't have kids yet? Is there any underlying medical issue with you which she feels you knew about but his from her before marriage?
Do you have sex regularly with her?

Have you been cheating in her despite the fact that you are not as bouyant now?

What restrictions have you given her which you feel could she isn't comfortable with and is causing her pain??

I know most times a lot of men use this 'gra gra' attitude to cover what they know deep within then that is the truth... Pls drop any ego, search yourself!

And as for your wife, I hope she realises that words are like eggs... Once said, you can't take then back, and there's obviously going to be a negative effect even after things calm down.. she should learn to control her tongue!

kozaic:
OP. Pls hav u ever cheated on her?
I have a huge feeling u are a bit biased. And trust me my feelings are always right.

U hav somebody who is taking ur attention outside ur home.. Stop painting ur wife all black in public pls.

Stop allowing single guyz 2 derail u, work out ur marriage!

Have u ever cheated on ur wife?

Zikkie:
OP, please try and look inwards, almost every woman wants peace and love in her home... And would do everything within her reach to get it... But it gets to a point she feels the mab doesn't appreciate those things (maybe judging from his attitude) she reaches her elastic limit!
Now, you don't have kids yet? Is there any underlying medical issue with you which she feels you knew about but his from her before marriage?
Do you have sex regularly with her?
Have you been cheating in her despite the fact that you are not as bouyant now?
What restrictions have you given her which you feel could she isn't comfortable with and is causing her pain??
I know most times a lot of men use this 'gra gra' attitude to cover what they know deep within then that is the truth... Pls drop any ego, search yourself!
And as for your wife, I hope she realises that words are like eggs... Once said, you can't take then back, and there's obviously going to be a negative effect even after things calm down.. she should learn to control her tongue!

exebi:

Sorry.
She's beautiful, smart and a great cook.

SeaGold:


Listen to what you are saying Ma.

You would have, you should have, you did, you are suppose to do, listen to her, don't shout bla bla bla to the Op. I guess the op is now a sensitive superhuman without any emotion of his to unleash too.

Intelligent and respectful women should understand their partner sign language in public and not biitch about it to further disgrace themselves. Marriage is check and balance.

Men are not psychologists or mind readers to understand their women frustration or what they are not doing right. It is called marriage so that any partner that is uncomfortable with a situation can spelt it out, discuss it and find a solution to it than bottling it up and allowing it to degenerate to this level.

Whatever needs you find to blame op for his wife misdemeanours, if she is temperamental, nothing will work except she finds help in counselling and the man learning to manage her baggage.

Please you guys should stop these double standard of equality and when things goes awry the man is blamed for not being a superhero.

Op, I implore you to grow balls. Match her biitchings with some level of notoriety. Shake her to the very foundation of her confidence and she will bounce back with realisation and sit up. WOMEN HATE WEAK MEN...Nice men is their puppet.

Once in a while, tumble and somersault and dance masquerade in the house. It auto reset the brainbox of some women and spice up the marriage trust me

aisha2:


Good starting point. I was looking for the word " smart" she may be a practical woman who feels prayers without works is dead.
Curses aside nothing excuses that but I am not one of those who you will meet doing midnight prayers, casting and binding, i do quiet silent prayers and do a lot more work.
She may feel you are relying too much on prayers and not doing enough work.

This is the fourth page on nairaland. If you have any interest in your marriage working then i suggest you close this page, you jave had enough sound advice except you wamt an avenue where your wife will be bashed and you justified. Close this, take the valuable advice and try it.

I suggest you take her for a walk as someone suggested or write her an email as my friend would always advice share how you feel, and LISTEN to her own pointa why she acts like that and how better you both can improve communication because you cant bring a child into such negativity. Where thia fails inform her parents i asked if you were close to your in laws you didnt respond.

I wish you the best wont be commenting anymore

exebi:


You are RIGHT! I foolishly thought I did...but the red flags were there prior to marriage. She is spiritually weak and lazy. My heart is in pain.

exebi:
Ive been going through a very difficult time for quite some time in different areas. I share with my wife these struggles and ask for her prayers and support. She is not a prayerful person and getting her to pray is very difficult. Indeed, in the home, if I do not ask for us to pray, no prayer occurs. When I do ask, on a good day she prays with me, on a bad day she refuses or brings an excuse - running late to work, needs more time to sleep, etc. All my attempts over the years to get us into a prayer routine have failed!

I have noticed that frequently when I bring to her attention issues of her failing, instead of her to address her failing and make amends , she rebukes me as follows: "You are a frustrated man - I wont allow you to bring me down with you" She has made this and similar comments to me several times. Obviously, these comments sting!

chaircover:

Bro I need you to try and understand this.

Many people here are educated and intelligent enough to go to a doctor if they feel unwell.
In the same vein, many people that really want a divorce go straight down to their lawyers office to start divorce proceedings and not come to NL looking for advice

In short reading between the lines of the poster, the man wants to continue with his marriage and he is looking at ways to improve it which is the same for many people who come here.

Some are looking for advice and some just want somewhere to pour out their emotions. There is a man in the diary section who each time I read his posts feel like giving his wife a big knock on her head, but never once have I seen him write about divorcing her. It’s the wife who keeps on threatening him. He is just looking for an avenue to put down his thoughts. He is not even looking for advise cos he posts in the diary section.

That is why I rarely preach divorce, but I encourage BOTH parties to look at themselves, look at each other and work at ways to improve their relationship

There is no perfect marriage, no perfect husband and no perfect wife and no one can ever be 100% right and the other person 100% wrong. There is always room for improvement on BOTH sides.

Even in so called happy marriages, you will find one partner better at one thing or the other than the other party.
It is never 50/50 on all things.

My advise was mostly to the poster because he is the one here and If his wife were to be here, she will get her own flavour.

exebi:

What can a man do under these circumstances?

YOU ARE VERY LUCKY she is showing her true colours after only a couple of years of marriage. What if she patiently waited for 10 years into the marriage and hits you with her curses and cantankerous behaviour after x no of children and 10 years of marriage

Why do you think some men now save their wives phone numbers on their phones as Wrong Wife ?

nomabeeee:
Helloo..I truly understand wat u re passing tru..there is a problem ..a problem that has to be solved..ur wife is having an issue wt u..and dt issue is the reason why she's acting up and talking to u wrongly..dt issue is d reason why she reacted dt way wn u farted..its not d fart,its d problem she has wt u.and dt problem is eating her up.women re complex beings..they involve dia emotions in all they do..tru dia actions,u wil know wat they feel..I hv just few advices for u sir..firstly,identify the problem wt her..how do u do dt?be open and specific..talk to ur wife..air ur opinion wtout confrontation..don't be judgemental in doing so..censor ur words while talking to her..and u mxt alsounderstand d fact dt ur wife is human.if she tables down dz problems to u..and dias an arear u aint doing well then accept ur imperfection and be ready to adjust..finally and above all,seek godly counsel..u re the head of ur family..make out time and pray for ur wife...everything wil surely be fine..

DatsAll1mSayin:

I can only pray that this woman will stick with you for the entirety of this marriage...

aisha2:


Point of correction :
Not EVERY woman wants or works for a happy home.
Some women just marry because:

1. Its in vogue, all their friends are doing it and they should also have a big wedding and outshine the last one their friend had then comes the man who they feel w" will do " they may not love him or have a ny desire to build a home with him but for the purpose of that wedding day show they can manage him. What happens after the wedding no concern them

2. Some women just want to be mrs nothing more, they were not raised to have emotions or to biild a home. Ita a mans job to provide the cash like an atm machine and theirs to spend go through the motions of boring se- z have a couple of kids and compete with their mates, when money finish peaceful home finish

3. Some women see marriage as some gladiator game where they have been told if you show any sign of weakness you " loose" only that marriage is not a game or scheme it is a climax of love, vulnerability and emotions where 2 people say " forget ego, forget self, i want to build a life of peace and love with this person. I have found someone who loves and respects me and am willing to do the same, willing to find a way to peaceful resolve issues as they come."

Not every woman wants a peaceful home or even knows what a peaceful home is sister. I am a woman, have been around women you hear all sorts. Funny thing is after creating hell at home they now complain that their home isnt heaven.

Ilekokonit:


You speak with wisdom.

Not many people know that the wedding day is a hundred metre dash BUT the marriage proper is a marathon. And without deep love and mutual affection no couple can survive the everlasting handcuffs of this marathon called marriage.

Once there is still mutual love then all is good but when this love dies in one or both parties and is replaced by competition to have more money than your spouse then the marriage starts dying a sure death.

SeaGold:

My case was that each time I wanna pray, she would keep shouting that God won't honour my prayers, infact my prayers won't even pass the ceiling and all sort of things. There was a time she shoved me to disrupt my prayers all because she was angry.

Other times if I drive out and we had unfinished argument, she will call me rendering satanic curse like the engine of the car should knock, she prays I got involved in an accident and many more.

The more I become tolerant, forgiving and prayerful, the worst things become.

MY OBSERVATION: In that relationship I was too weak, over nice, easily forgiving and loving and she took all those for granted.

According to her, I was too nice and that pushed her off course.

Do you know that when I decided to man up, it wasn't easy as she began to threaten me with poisoning.

exebi:
Ilekokonit,
I do see your point, however, that she may have stopped loving me and now hates me. Indeed, there is evidence to that point.

exebi:
Ilekokonit,

Thanks for all your thoughts and counsel.

I am really finding it hard to believe it is an issue of "competition for money" in my case. Maybe I am naive, but I do not see it. Yes, I am going through a difficult time, (which God is lifting me out of into greater heights), but my struggles have not affected her finances so I do not see why she should necessarily resent me or be competing with me.

I do see your point, however, that she may have stopped loving me and now hates me. Indeed, there is evidence to that point.

Thanks again for sharing.

SeaGold:
MY OBSERVATION: In that relationship I was too weak, over nice, easily forgiving and loving and she took all those for granted.