carefreewannabe:


So if you and FIL had issues, you would be unable to handle it in a mature way and leave your wife out of it who would be caught in the middle in this case? Very mature. I hope, you will remember it in case your wife and mother don't get along well.

I would not collect a gift from my mother if it would make my family unhappy in anyway. This is FACT. All I can do is try to convince her I need to accept it if she still insist. My focus would shift towards mending the rift between them, than gallivanting around celebrating the fact my Mum gave me a gift ... Also based on the data on ground I would make the right decision on the next course of action to take.

FYI. The use of the word her "joining her father", is a figure of expression intended not to be taking literally ... It is used in this context to emphasis the strain her accepting that gift would have on our relationship, that does not mean I would I would send her packing.

Tashamania:


Hehe calm down, you should know Truckpusher by now naa

I don't get you o.

Don't beg them o,they started throwing stones and what I'm just doing is to judge them by their standard.....That's all

Mondi was even the main culprit in this case ,she was just unfortunate to have made a very painful,ridiculous and silly comment about men being silly over a story without a reliable source hence the hammer, I have two backward,frustrated, and ugly women that years is no longer on their side on my radar and so far they've been avoiding me like ebola.

Every thread that has to do with family they will show up and use it to ridicule marriages especially Nigerian marriages.
I understand that most of are from broken homes and homes where their fathers treated their mothers badly but you can't use your own house as a yardstick for every Nigerian family out there.That's insanity

carefreewannabe:

coogar:


she cannot receive gifts that would question his hubby's competence. she's now married - i as her father shoul focus on my own marriage, my other unmarried siblings & leave the daughter alone to deal with her teething problems.

its obvious he cannot afford buying her a car, so why should that be made every one else's problem?

who chose the hubby for her? did i?
she decided herself that she's found the best man for herself - let her deal with the challenges that come with it. if she needs help, it must be with consent of her hubby. no hidden secrets.

she chose her own husband but i doubt she chose suffering just because she doesn't want to bruise his ego! So her whole world has to turn around and become more difficult because her husband can't afford doing something her father can to do for her?

i expect her to have considered all these things before bringing him to my house that she's found the one. i don't do medicine after death. all i need to ask if she's sure the man she's brought home is her wish. i would endeavour to ask her these questions 3 times before giving my blessings to them. if she answers affirmatively, then i dare not interfere until they seek my counsel.

she still is her father's daughter and he can still do whatever he wants for her and he doesn't have to get permission from anyone to do so. How is making life much easier for one's daughter interfering with her life? How has a gift become an inconvenience?

How sure are you that she didn't have to call her father to come to her rescue a few times before because her husband was unavailable?

carefreewannabe:
I am 100% sure that most of the male posters here would sing a different song if in this scenario the hubby got a gift from his parents and the wife was throwing tantrums.

I'm sure that if your mother-inlaw should bring in another woman for her son when you can't make babies you'd gladly welcome the new wife too?

LordReed:


If you like go and prostrate to your son in law when the time comes because you wanna sate his fragile self confidence.

coogar:


of course....
once my daughter is married, her hubby is the next of kin, not me.

young couples should be allowed to build together, learn together & err together. i will not undermine my son-in-law just because I feel like throwing my weight around.

only irresponsible fathers do such - the nouveau riche are most likely to have this rotten attitude. why can't 2 people share a car? if the wife can't get pregnant, will the father sleep with her to ease her worries?




your greek gift overrules my decision.
i intend to be the head of my house though so i woulda put you in your place long before I get married to your daughter. keep your gifts to yourself or to your other unmarried kids.

this is why i tell men of today to make money before ever thinking of getting married. can you imagine? you would gift my wife a car without my consent as her hubby? what a joke!!! better prepare the guest room under your roof cos your daughter & the car would be coming back in the evening as your guests.

OK so you will tell your FIL before you marry his daughter that he should never give his daughter any gift unless you consent. Good luck with that.

Kachisbarbie:
Truckpusher! ! !

Yes ma'am.

What have I done wrong again?

I'm sure you don't want me to keep quiet when people are making mockery of Nigerian marriages as if they are all living in hell.

I have sisters that are married and their husbands aren't beasts ,so I will not fold my hands and watch some never-do-wells that probably left the shores of Africa unceremoniously paint my dear country men and women as suffer heads in their marriages just because they've been granted asylum by their slave masters.

I'll talk even if everyone of them detest me,I do not need anyone's validation to breath.

Truckpusher:

Gosshh you be real troublemaker


Now I know the two ladies you were referring to

Truckpusher:
I'm sure that if your mother-inlaw should bring another in woman for her son when you can't make babies you'd gladly welcome the new wife too?

Yeah cue in the amazing problem solver in marriages, sleep with another woman.

coogar:


she cannot receive gifts that would question his hubby's competence. she's now married - i as her father shoul focus on my own marriage, my other unmarried siblings & leave the daughter alone to deal with her teething problems.



who chose the hubby for her? did i?
she decided herself that she's found the best man for herself - let her deal with the challenges that come with it. if she needs help, it must be with consent of her hubby. no hidden secrets.



i expect her to have considered all these things before bringing him to my house that she's found the one. i don't do medicine after death. all i need to ask if she's sure the man she's brought home is her wish. i would endeavour to ask her these questions 3 times before giving my blessings to them. if she answers affirmatively, then i dare not interfere until they seek my counsel.



suffer silently in marriage?
what kinda daughter do you intend to raise? my daughter's sense of security would be her intelligence, not me. so wives with no parents have no security?

A doting father plays a huge role in his daughter's life . If you would fail to play that role,don't bother having them.

Tashamania:


Gosshh you be real troublemaker


Now I know the two ladies you were referring to

I'm not a troublemaker,I say things the way they are..........The two things are here so afraid to quote me lemme take their poor asss to the cleaners.

Goddammit!

LordReed:


Yeah cue in the amazing problem solver in marriages, sleep with another woman.

I don't get you.

carefreewannabe:


What do you expect from men who think that a baby's head is hit when you have s*ex during pregnancy?

See heads without necks. The necks ran away.

Hahaha! If this isn't crazy, then I don't know what is!

Lol @ neckless heads running amok because of "moto a.k.a my father's car"!

EfemenaXY:


Hahaha! If this isn't crazy, then I don't know what is!

Lol @ neckless heads running amok because of "moto a.k.a my father's car"!

Are you validating their silly assumptions or you're just one of them?
Speak.

Matthewbriggs:
Context is every thing ... the mistake majority of people are making on this thread is that they not trying to seek out more information from the OP as to why he acted the way he did.

No sane man ... I know would feel slighted if his father inlaw decides to shower his daughter with gifts. Buy her a car, build her a house or buys her a freaking island. No sane man in his right mind would feel bad. Infact I would be very grateful to my father inlaw for his kind gesture and proceed to enjoy it with my wife... because what ever belongs to my wife belongs to me and vice versa.

A sane man would only freak out if this action is carried out with an ulterior motive,

1. As a ploy to undermine his role as the head of the family.
2. As a ploy to clandestinely remind him of his in ability to carry out his responsibility.
3. If he feel his father in-law has a habit or history of interfering in the way he runs his family.

It's not about given someone a gift, what matters the most which we are neglecting is the role the motive behind a gift, and the way it is given, go a long way in deciding how a gift is accepted.

Now Ladies shouting blue murder. should ponder on this.

How would you feel when you have spent your hard earned time preparing a really nice dish for your husband to eat and your mother inlaw arrives from the village one night complaining of the fact that you are feeding his son rubbish, she says look at how lean my son has become since he married you. She now tells you that the dish you just prepared is not good enough for him that you should shove your dish in the dustbin.

She steps in to the kitchen and prepares a dish for your husband and presents it to him as a gift in your presence, and your husband is like mummy thank you very much for this gift. This meal means a lot to me.

Tell me honestly how you would feel as a woman.

Context is every thing people. Before crying blue murder and accusing the man of been egotistic, and crucify him on the alter of Men vs Women. Our focus should have been on seeking to understand the context of his action and probing the Op to further get more details on why he acted the way he did. On getting more details can we go on to come to a conclusion.

#Mathewbriggs

You have started again with your epistles? have you ever thought that maybe we are not dealing with a sane man in this particular case?

Truckpusher:
I'm sure that if your mother-inlaw should bring another in woman for her son when you can't make babies you'd gladly welcome the new wife too?

Now, I get your logic.

Basically what you are saying is that the parent of one party to a marriage should not use the other parties perceived or real weakness to spite that party.

It happens a lot in nigerian marriages where for example the husbands mum is looking out for the wifes weakness or the wifes dad is looking out for the husbands weakness (maybe lack of money) and is stepping in to fill that gap with or without the husbands knowledge or consent.

Its very common with men who only have daughters as children and because they have not brought up a male child in real life, they forget how territorial a man is and once their daughter WRONGLY starts telling them how she is suffering in her husbands house, the dad WRONGLY steps into their marital affairs to the chagrin of the fiercely independent husband. I've actually seen a marriage with 2 kids break up because of the overbearing influence of the wifes dad in the marriage and the fiercely independent husband not being ready to be colonised by a fellow man.

I actually blamed the woman in my example for going behind her husbands back to give her dad a running commentary of happenings in her marriage over a long period and the dad advising her on how to relate to her husband. the wifes dad in this case also had only 3 daughters and because he was used to bullying them including their mum, he WRONGLY thought he could bully a fellow man in his son in law with the result that he scattered his own daughters marriage with his meddlesome character.

My advise to couples is NEVER involve any inlaw or outlaw or parent or pastor into your marital matters. They may mean well to start with but they complicate matters on the long run.

Nonso23:

In which case the daughter is equally insane to have ended up with such a man.

If she was insane she would have refused her father's gift and continued to suffer just to nurse his little ego

See as people dey fail exams?

Major cause of our problem is solving a problem based on assumptions. Everyone is assuming. Everyone is saying the truth. No one is just listening.
For a man to react the way he did, there must be an underlying issue.

For God's sake, if the FIL buys a car without some form of notice to his SIL, he's meddling in their affairs. Simple. He can buy the car, and the husband can insist that the car be returned. He's the husband to the wife, not the father. Let's get this straight!

How would that same FIL feel when someone buys a car for his wife without any hint from any source?

Please let's stop thinking like boyfriend and girlfriend!

Lol.

Truckpusher:
I don't get you.

Never mind.

Nonso23:

As long as you are single, good for you. Marriage is a different issue altogether.
Matured Parents give their children space to develop into their own individuals after the period of training is officially over.
A married child is even more out of the equation when their palms itch to give troublesome presents.

Wisdom nuggets.

I'll add that Marriage is a completely different kettle of fish with some dynamics that even the Pope can not comprehend.

A marriage may be tottering on the bring but an outsider including inlaws and outlaws may not know this and any real or perceived intrusion or perceived judgemental presents and/or criticisms from any parent might be just the final nail in the coffin of a marriage that is beginning to tire one or both parties.

A muslim father would probably have given the car gift to the couple jointly so as not to unintentionally call the mans capabilities into question. (I've seen this in real life).

Its possible that the husband has some hidden animosity towards his father in law from past issues that borders on the father in law's unwillingness to release his daughter from his apron strings or maybe the father in law had meddled in their marriage openly or covertly in the past.

This agbero truckpusher quoting me up and down. Your mama no teach you respect for elders ?

This nairaland is just full of too many xtupid discussions that have no place in 2014.

Mondisweets:
You have started again with your epistles? have you ever thought that maybe we are not dealing with a sane man in this particular case?

You have started again with your pseudo feminism. . Have I ever thought what First what evidence do you have aside what the Op posted that provides us with enough information about the context of this gift that makes you think we are not dealing with a sane man who might be reacting in a sane way to gift given with insane intentions.

We have no data or proof whether he is Sane or not, We have no detailed understanding of the context surrounding his actions. But you and your lot find it cool painting the man as the devil in this scenario, who would sacrifice his wife's joy to sooth his almighty ego. with out caring to ask the op for more information about why he acted the way he did or the context surrounding his actions.

Truckpusher:
Are you validating their silly assumptions or you're just one of them?
Speak.

And you are?

EfemenaXY:


Hahaha! If this isn't crazy, then I don't know what is!

Lol @ neckless heads running amok because of "moto a.k.a my father's car"!

Some men are achieving great things in life and these mumus are crying because a wife got a car from HER FARHER.

What a freak show!

Truckpusher:
I'm sure that if your mother-inlaw should bring in another woman for her son when you can't make babies you'd gladly welcome the new wife too?

Intelligent comparison. I am impressed.