Here is my story...before he proposed,i had relocated to ghana to join my family,my husband who is based in Dubai proposed and i accepted knowing that I will come back to Nigeria for the wedding and stay with him wherever he is,as agreed by both of us.Before our wedding,my husband asked me when will I love to start having kids,I told him few years after our wedding because I needed to work as well to support him. He disagree and said he is getting old(6years difference),that he wants to leave me pregnant on returning to Dubai after the wedding,after which he would send for me,i agreed. When we both arrive Nigeria for our wedding,I asked him again if he was really ready for kids,he said yes,after we had had series of unprotected intimacy,he one day said hope I am taking precaution o because he has thought about what I said about having kids later and he thinks thats best. So I asked how will he say such a thing knowing well that am likely to be pregnant already? I asked him if I should take pills to avoid the pregnancy while it may still be early he said no that he's only kidding.he repeated again that he really want kids now. So we agreed,I miss that month but the very wedding month,indeed he left me pregnant. Since then my husband has been battling with me over the issue and many other making life unbearable for me.He left me to stay with his parents and told his parents he can't sent for me now because he didn't plan for the pregnancy,he told them he warned me to wait but I forcefully got pregnant. I tried explaining to his parents what actually happened but they believe all their son tells them over mine.My stay with my Inlaws has not been funny at all,it's been difficult but I try to make myself happy considering my condition.i asked my husband after the child is born what will be his plans for me? He said I will look after the baby for 6months then leave the baby with his mum and come to Dubai to work.i disagree and we started arguing but I had to let the case die as my pregnancy was still in its early stage. Now am approaching delivery,my husband has refused to rent an apartment for me to stay alone,so I asked him again,what is his plan for me and the coming baby as I will not like to remain staying with his parents after my baby gets strong,I advice he rent us a place to stay or let me go and join my mum if he is not ready to have me and the baby around him.he refused and insisted that his plan has not changed which is,I will give birth after 6months, leave the baby with his mum and travel to Dubai to work. I still refused.i told him I want to raise my kids myself and not to abandon my baby with his mum all in search of green pasture. I told him if catering for us is too much for him then he should let me work or seek help from my family. Even tho the baby is yet to be born but when the baby is born,and this issue arises,my mother and father inlaw will support their son in whatever decision he takes,that is why I want to start planing ahead. Note:My  husband is averagely ok,but he falls under the category of men that are extremely careful with every kobo they earn and spend. A 7 months old marriage and expecting our first issue.friends,am trying to keep my marriage but not at the expense of my unborn baby. Please give me a candid advice on what to do.

[color=]money must be made[/color]

[color=007700]money must be made[/color]

Soo long.
Still reading though.

He is just selfish.
BRB,i want to sleep small.
Xmas tinz.

This is no joke please as it has to do with my marriage.I just want to be sure that my decision to reject his offer isn't going to be a mistake. I will appreciate advice from married and mature individuals. Thanks

First things first


Remove all worries from your mind as you are in a delicate situation n high bp is not the best thing for a pregnant woman


Try n get help with you n forget your hassles with ur in laws


You can't even leave that baby with anyone until 6- 9 months which is a year away so why stress yourself

Relax yourself. Give birth first and the matter will be revisited.
I don't support leaving your baby behind

pickabeau1:
First things first


Remove all worries from your mind as you are in a delicate situation n high bp is not the best thing for a pregnant woman


Try n get help with you n forget your hassles with ur in laws


You can't even leave that baby with anyone until 6- 9 months which is a year away so why stress yourself

My problem is even at 1year,I still don't want my mother in law to raise my kids,and that is my husband plan. what will I be doing in Dubai while my mother in law impacts her ideas of life in my kids?

Juzzybabe:

My problem is even at 1year,I still don't want my mother in law to raise my kids,and that is my husband plan. what will I be doing in Dubai while my mother in law impacts her ideas of life in my kids?

There is nothing wrong with your line of thinking.....timing is the issue

Have the baby first hassle free

Then you can face that battle


Get help in addition

I really don't understand your relationship with this man you married, he is too unstable. Don't let any other raise your child When you are alive. A man can come and go but your child is always yours, your blood.

1. Do not abandon your baby with your inlaws
2. Do whatever you need to do( work here, ask for help from your family) to cater to and raise your child accordingly.
you dont need his "permission" to do what you feel is best for your baby.

Where and how did you meet and date this kind of man and actually marry him? Why do you need to beg to work? What kind of men do women see and marry these days?

Anyway whats done is done, give birth first enjoy your time with your baby dont let anyone steal that joy. When the bridge comes your motherly instincts will kick in. Pregnancy in this last stages is hard stop worrying too much

aisha2:
Where and how did you meet and date this kind of man and actually marry him? Why do you need to beg to work? What kind of men do women see and marry these days?

Anyway whats done is done, give birth first enjoy your time with your baby dont let anyone steal that joy. When the bridge comes your motherly instincts will kick in. Pregnancy in this last stages is hard stop worrying too much

I met him on planet earth ooo...Lol ok,thanks so much.

Juzzybabe:
Here is my story...before he proposed,i had relocated to ghana to join my family,my husband who is based in Dubai proposed and i accepted knowing that I will come back to Nigeria for the wedding and stay with him wherever he is,as agreed by both of us.Before our wedding,my husband asked me when will I love to start having kids,I told him few years after our wedding because I needed to work as well to support him. He disagree and said he is getting old(6years difference),that he wants to leave me pregnant on returning to Dubai after the wedding,after which he would send for me,i agreed. When we both arrive Nigeria for our wedding,I asked him again if he was really ready for kids,he said yes,after we had had series of unprotected intimacy,he one day said hope I am taking precaution o because he has thought about what I said about having kids later and he thinks thats best. So I asked how will he say such a thing knowing well that am likely to be pregnant already? I asked him if I should take pills to avoid the pregnancy while it may still be early he said no that he's only kidding.he repeated again that he really want kids now. So we agreed,I miss that month but the very wedding month,indeed he left me pregnant. Since then my husband has been battling with me over the issue and many other making life unbearable for me.He left me to stay with his parents and told his parents he can't sent for me now because he didn't plan for the pregnancy,he told them he warned me to wait but I forcefully got pregnant. I tried explaining to his parents what actually happened but they believe all their son tells them over mine.My stay with my Inlaws has not been funny at all,it's been difficult but I try to make myself happy considering my condition.i asked my husband after the child is born what will be his plans for me? He said I will look after the baby for 6months then leave the baby with his mum and come to Dubai to work.i disagree and we started arguing but I had to let the case die as my pregnancy was still in its early stage. Now am approaching delivery,my husband has refused to rent an apartment for me to stay alone,so I asked him again,what is his plan for me and the coming baby as I will not like to remain staying with his parents after my baby gets strong,I advice he rent us a place to stay or let me go and join my mum if he is not ready to have me and the baby around him.he refused and insisted that his plan has not changed which is,I will give birth after 6months, leave the baby with his mum and travel to Dubai to work. I still refused.i told him I want to raise my kids myself and not to abandon my baby with his mum all in search of green pasture. I told him if catering for us is too much for him then he should let me work or seek help from my family. Even tho the baby is yet to be born but when the baby is born,and this issue arises,my mother and father inlaw will support their son in whatever decision he takes,that is why I want to start planing ahead. Note:My  husband is averagely ok,but he falls under the category of men that are extremely careful with every kobo they earn and spend. A 7 months old marriage and expecting our first issue.friends,am trying to keep my marriage but not at the expense of my unborn baby. Please give me a candid advice on what to do.

Reading dis rili saddened me... Its guys lyk him dat giv all men a bad name... Its was his idea to get u pregnant and now he wants u to abandon ur child as a 6 months old infant?!

He married u as a wife not a prisoner, he can't tell u not to leave his parents' house if its not convenient 4 u to b there. U r wit child afterall...

He is ur husband not ur master, he shouldn't force his own ideals on u without considering if its OK with u...

He is ur husband, u shud speak to him abt dis, tell him ur reasons y u can't do exactly as he wants dis tym. If he is a reasonable man, he should see tyns 4rm ur point of view...

I won't advice any1 to leave their infant in d long term care of another regardless of whom they may be...

That your husband is highly unstable and you know his mother has a hand in this too. She has certified you unfit to care for her grandchildren and possibly unfit to be a wife in the future especially with the cultural barriers, unless you take a radical stand now you will take more shait, trust me. You know the issue with this, it starts with give birth first for peace, next will be leave the baby for peace sake afterall he is your husband and there will be many more until you are far gone to realise people have been living your life for you. This is the best time to end all this forthcoming nonsense. Plan and travel to your parent's close to your EDD and have your baby there. When your hubby comes to see his child which he will be eager to btw, let your parents make him settle the issues before you move and you must not go back to your in-laws. If you dont make a drastic move now to be the stable one for your unstable hubby/family, i bet you, your inlaws will run and ruin your life. Dont be decieved. It starts by abide by their rules and then it snowballs into something else, besides its their house, their rules.

SageNaruto:


Reading dis rili saddened me... Its guys lyk him dat giv all men a bad name... Its was his idea to get u pregnant and now he wants u to abandon ur child as a 6 months old infant?!

He married u as a wife not a prisoner, he can't tell u not to leave his parents' house if its not convenient 4 u to b there. U r wit child afterall...

He is ur husband not ur master, he shouldn't force his own ideals on u without considering if its OK with u...

He is ur husband, u shud speak to him abt dis, tell him ur reasons y u can't do exactly as he wants dis tym. If he is a reasonable man, he should see tyns 4rm ur point of view...

I won't advice any1 to leave their infant in d long term care of another regardless of whom they may be...

My dear,I have pleaded and given him every reasons why I won't do such but he refused. My husband is such a selfish man. The painful part is my imediate family are all based outside Nigeria am so alone here with this family so they are just doing as they like. but I assure him,am not gonna leave my kid with with his mum even if it means asconding with the kid. apart from the fact that I plan to raise my kids myself,this woman is possessive,she will turn my baby to love her not as a grandma but as a mother and I can't help to see my own baby look at me like a stranger later on. The same woman that threatens me when I was just 3months pregnant that if anything happens to the unborn am carrying she's gonna kick me out all because I drank warm water to ease constipation. is warm water harmful to pregnant women I have seen a lot I can't narrate in her hands and yet she carries bible and Rosary everywhere! I know God who bless me with this baby will see me through I only want to be sure am doing the right thing.

Floodgater:
That your husband is highly unstable and you know his mother has a hand in this too. She has certified you unfit to care for her grandchildren and possibly unfit to be a wife in the future especially with the cultural barriers, unless you take a radical stand now you will take more shait, trust me. You know the issue with this, it starts with give birth first for peace, next will be leave the baby for peace sake afterall he is your husband and there will be many more until you are far gone to realise people have been living your life for you. This is the best time to end all this forthcoming nonsense. Plan and travel to your parent's close to your EDD and have your baby there. When your hubby comes to see his child which he will be eager to btw, let your parents make him settle the issues before you move and you must not go back to your in-laws. If you dont make a drastic move now to be the stable one for your unstable hubby/family, i bet you, your inlaws will run and ruin your life. Dont be decieved. It starts by abide by their rules and then it snowballs into something else, besides its their house, their rules.

you are so so right! that's how I have even tolerated this far,with the relax and give birth first for peace sake. and that is it,after birth,it will be in d name of the same peace they will say just abide.hummm What a life!

Your having your baby will be a game changer, just bear with your in-laws for the sake of your health and the baby's. When the baby is 6 months old nobody on earth can drag the baby away from your hands and forcefully put you in a flight heading to Dubai except you allow it. This is going to be your first taste of motherhood and no one has a right to deny you no matter the disguise,

Focus on safe delivery, when the six months arrives let's see who will have the final say! lt is either you stay in Nigeria with the baby or and join your husband with the baby.

Op,

Have you prayed about this? God will definitely take control of everything, you need to worry less about the issue of work now. First think of you and your baby, living with your inlaws should not be a problem. As an expecting woman, you need to shift yoyr focus more on the baby coming. Then you and husband should have time to discuss this issue thoroughly.

The whole thing is a phase that will soon pass, do not overreact because you may say something out of anger that your inlaws will hold against you.

I do not support him leaving you behind or renting a different apartment for you either since his parents are still here.

On the issue of going to meet him,that will happen but just try to be patient. Do not leave your child with anyone ooo.

hmmmmm.ma dear i will be candid with u.u are married to a liar n a very self and self centered man.this are d reasons u make sure u re marring d rite person befr takin dat step.first he said he wants kids why did he not tink of his purse,secondly is ur first child.most men dnt joke with deir first child.they feel a sort of been a man and protect dem to d last so how can he have d heart of saying u should leave a suckling child in d hands of grandparents wen u both are legally married.marriage is d way u start dats how u will kip going.if u allow ur hubby toss u lik a ball without caring how u feel it will nva end and wen u want to take ur stand it will be too late.take ur stand and why should he be telling his people ur marriage issues.stop reporting ur hubby to dem too.take ur stand o.cos u dnt kno hw ur kid will be faring espat dat tender age.wen u put to bed find a job.is too early for ur marriage to b undergoing tis but since it already has pls take ur stand and dnt do waht will make ur first blood hate u

OP, if you don't want to leave your child back, don't do it. I couldn't do it either.

aspirebig:
Op,


I do not support him leaving you behind or renting a different apartment for you either since his parents are still here.

On the issue of going to meet him,that will happen but just try to be patient. Do not leave your child with anyone ooo.

I understand your point and living alone isn't my desire only that living here isn't my joy either. My husband has money but he will do everything he can to avoid cost.I can bet my neck my husband will not send for me and the baby together,he's lookin at the general cost of accommodating his wife and kid. he knows if its just me,I must work either I like it or not but with the baby,it will either involves paying a nanny or me being a full house wife while he alone work.If I insist am not joining him without the baby,he wouldn't mind if I stay with his parents all my life! as it will rather save him much spendings.But I don't want to keep staying with his parents because his mum especially is a silent killer,she wud so agree with her son as she rules over her husband.why am eager to work is because my husband doesn't meet half of my needs.He takes care of hospital bills only. it was October and november he sent 10k each which he asked me to give full account of how its spent. I used it all on hospital bills. I just can't help staying in this house,my mother inlaw will torture me.

Juzzybabe:

I understand your point and living alone isn't my desire only that living here isn't my joy either. My husband has money but he will do everything he can to avoid cost.I can bet my neck my husband will not send for me and the baby together,he's lookin at the general cost of accommodating his wife and kid. he knows if its just me,I must work either I like it or not but with the baby,it will either involves paying a nanny or me being a full house wife while he alone work.If I insist am not joining him without the baby,he wouldn't mind if I stay with his parents all my life! as it will rather save him much spendings.But I don't want to keep staying with his parents because his mum especially is a silent killer,she wud so agree with her son as she rules over her husband.why am eager to work is because my husband doesn't meet half of my needs.He takes care of hospital bills only. it was October and november he sent 10k each which he asked me to give full account of how its spent. I used it all on hospital bills. I just can't help staying in this house,my mother inlaw will torture me.

So your husband actually wants your child to stay with his parents because he is stingy?

First, accept the fact that you've made the wrong choice in marrying him

Second, stay happy. Do t be bothered, anything can change in few weeks

Third, have a contingency, and prepare for a divorce if eventually he didn't yield. And you dont want to either leave your baby or live with his parents.

From my deduction: your husband is a control freak, and a stubborn man. He is not really a kid-lover, and would prefer cash over kids anytime. He is obsessed with making money and don't expect a family relationship with you or the kids.

Like I said: wrong choice.

* note: my suggestion will o my work for you if you are working/have a business.
For your sake, let's hope you didn't go for the money in the first place.

Madam so what exactly is the benefit in this marriage?

Meanwhile, your husband comes accross like one who never wants to take responsibility and will always find a way to blame everything on others.
Notice how he decided he wanted a child then conveniently changed his mind after pumping you with sper-m urging you to take pills to kill the baby, if you had done that tomorrow he will come up and accuse you of killing his baby. Such men are very manipulative, its a lose lose situation am sorry.

Again, I ask did you date this man? Why did you marry him?

aisha2:
Madam so what exactly is the benefit in this marriage?

Meanwhile, your husband comes accross like one who never wants to take responsibility and will always find a way to blame everything on others.
Notice how he decided he wanted a child then conveniently changed his mind after pumping you with sper-m urging you to take pills to kill the baby, if you had done that tomorrow he will come up and accuse you of killing his baby. Such men are very manipulative, its a lose lose situation am sorry.

Again, I ask did you date this man? Why did you marry him?

It will so surprise you to know that I dated him for 9 years.I loved him but his attitude since we got married has killed all I felt for him. He is my first. I knew he was a stingy man but I didn't care because i was always independent. moreover i didnt know he would get this worst after marriage.At the 9th year,i left him and told him i cudnt cope,but when i left he called and begged me to come back and marry him. He said all the nice things and made all the gud promises. He promised to love me and treat me like a queen.*smiles* but here I am today. one good thing about him which really made me married him is the fact that he is hard working and ambitious. But what is the point now that am benefiting nothing from him,not even happiness. Since I got pregnant I av never for once gotten a nice and pampering words from my husband. At first I thought he was just having pregnancy fobia,so I wud always send unclad photos of my tummy and my look so that he can at least av a taste of what we are about to have.But he never appreciated any! I am not a perfect woman but I have tried so hard to kip peace. He wants to control me even more than his mum is controlling his dad,yet I accept bcus he is the man in my own case,but rulling out my happiness, especially that baby that am so exiceted about,no that is the part I cànt swallow.

as every body for nairaland don abuse your husband tire you don happy ba?
i chose not to judge him like everyone is doing here until i hear his side of the story. I've come to understand that you ladies are specialists at giving biased one sided stories in a bit to appear as angels or victims; while your husbands the demons. ain't gonna fall for that anymore.
smh...

Ehnn sister, after 9 years of which you noticed his behaviour he called and promised he had changed and that was it. Ok oh, whats done is done

Me I advice you to save as much as you can because it seems you are on your own in having this baby and on your own in caring for this baby, he has made it clear to you that he doesn't want a baby after you concieved, now he has made it clear he is not interested in raising a child. As much as I love to hope for the best and hope for change, when I see writings on the wall I prepare for that. Inform your people, if they have money let them start supporting you

Juzzybabe:

It will so surprise you to know that I dated him for 9 years.I loved him but his attitude since we got married has killed all I felt for him. He is my first. I knew he was a stingy man but I didn't care because i was always independent. moreover i didnt know he would get this worst after marriage.At the 9th year,i left him and told him i cudnt cope,but when i left he called and begged me to come back and marry him. He said all the nice things and made all the gud promises. He promised to love me and treat me like a queen.*smiles* but here I am today. one good thing about him which really made me married him is the fact that he is hard working and ambitious. But what is the point now that am benefiting nothing from him,not even happiness. Since I got pregnant I av never for once gotten a nice and pampering words from my husband. At first I thought he was just having pregnancy fobia,so I wud always send unclad photos of my tummy and my look so that he can at least av a taste of what we are about to have.But he never appreciated any! I am not a perfect woman but I have tried so hard to kip peace. He wants to control me even more than his mum is controlling his dad,yet I accept bcus he is the man in my own case,but rulling out my happiness, especially that baby that am so exiceted about,no that is the part I cànt swallow.

Arsenate:
as every body for nairaland don abuse your husband tire you don happy ba?
i chose not to judge him like everyone is doing here until i hear his side of the story. I've come to understand that you ladies are specialists at giving biased one sided stories in a bit to appear as angels or victims; while your husbands the demons. ain't gonna fall for that anymore.
smh...

Let's see if you will say the same when an unhappy husband shares his story.

But you are right, it is always better to hear the other side of the story. However, this possibility is rarely given on NL so should we stop talking to people unless they tell their spouses to tell their side of the story online?

Arsenate:
as every body for nairaland don abuse your husband tire you don happy ba?
i chose not to judge him like everyone is doing here until i hear his side of the story. I've come to understand that you ladies are specialists at giving biased one sided stories in a bit to appear as angels or victims; while your husbands the demons. ain't gonna fall for that anymore.
smh...

Thanks for saying what you have to say,but am not feeling guilty because "the cheek cannot tell eyes not to pour its tears on it while it is sitting under the eyes." meanwhile I need to be sure I am not taking an awkward decision. and am glad every1,no matter the addition or subtraction supported me in not leaving my kid in search of money as my husband demands. I think am ok,that's all that matters as far as my post is concerned. so thanks for your opinion. lastly,I pray you don't find yourself in my shoes.

Floodgater:
That your husband is highly unstable and you know his mother has a hand in this too. She has certified you unfit to care for her grandchildren and possibly unfit to be a wife in the future especially with the cultural barriers, unless you take a radical stand now you will take more shait, trust me. You know the issue with this, it starts with give birth first for peace, next will be leave the baby for peace sake afterall he is your husband and there will be many more until you are far gone to realise people have been living your life for you. This is the best time to end all this forthcoming nonsense. Plan and travel to your parent's close to your EDD and have your baby there. When your hubby comes to see his child which he will be eager to btw, let your parents make him settle the issues before you move and you must not go back to your in-laws. If you dont make a drastic move now to be the stable one for your unstable hubby/family, i bet you, your inlaws will run and ruin your life. Dont be decieved. It starts by abide by their rules and then it snowballs into something else, besides its their house, their rules.

U r soooo on point