I met him 8 years ago when I was posted to his office for my Industrial Attachment. He was a nice boss and gradually we became friendly. He came across to me as a man who was not happy and was struggling with issues. With time, he confided in me that he had marital issues and his wife was leaving him because they had been married for about 10 years without children, the doctors had certified them okay but she was tired of waiting and believed their destinies were not intertwined and they should try other people as they were both not getting any younger. 


I felt really sad for him and tried to cheer him up the best I could till my Industrial attachment came to an end and I left. About a year after our paths crossed again, he told me he was single and asked me for a relationship which I obliged. Everything was fast, he came with his family to meet my parents and ask for my hand in marriage, we got married and the kids came in quick succession, his job took him away a lot of times, sometimes for weeks or even a month , he isn't around. 

Then he changed, he will complain about an irrelevant thing, if I try to explain, he will get angry, call me a nag and leave the house,stay incommunicado for weeks on end. Ha, I became an emotional wreck. 


Sometime last year, I ran into an old colleague from his office and she gave me the shocker of my life, my husband was still married to his wife, they never separated, like me, she has 2 kids now, same age with mine just four months difference, each time I got pregnant, she got pregnant too, while I have 2 girls, she has a boy and a girl. 

I confronted my husband, he insulted me and told me to stop snooping on his wife and kids that if anything happens to them, he will kill me. While she lives in the highest brow area of Lagos with kids in a school that the school fees can buy a good car, I live in the dungeons of Agege with my kids in a school that combined the fees is not up to 100k. They travel round the world at will, we have never even gone to Cotonou.

The other time the wife was ill, they both called to threaten me that if she doesn't get better, I will be done for. If her kids fall down, it's me, if they have fever, it's me. 

My husband doesn't come home again but sends our upkeep peanuts regularly 

Stella, I have become their common enemy. I am sad, I am pained, I know I didn't snatch anybody's husband, I was simply deceived, used and dumped. I have a strong feeling he did it all in collaboration with his wife. I don't deserve this at all. The man is 50, wife in her 40s while I'm just 30. Wicked people. My God will judge them.

I felt really sad for him and tried to cheer him up the best I could till my Industrial attachment came to an end and I left. About a year after our paths crossed again, he told me he was single and asked me for a relationship which I obliged. Everything was fast, he came with his family to meet my parents and ask for my hand in marriage, we got
married and the kids came in quick succession, his
job took him away a lot of times, sometimes for
weeks or even a month , he isn't around.

Clearly, she was already coveting the man and thought she could be the solution to his problems.

Which is why she didn't take the pains to find out the truth for herself --- if only she applied some brain.

Now, what do we blame her current predicament on?

Her desperation and gullibility or greed?

**modified**

Someone quoted me and talked about going with his family --- that's a good point.

Is there a possibility the "family" was deceived too?
Or were they in on the whole thing?
The human race isn't particularly known for "Goodness."


This isn't me trading blames. Trust me, I feel this woman's pain, I'm just not willing to put it all in writing at the moment.

But as ladies, we need to learn. We need to stop taking things at face value and put on our thinking caps.

It's okay to live and love like your life depended on it.

However I believe that there is a spirit in man, the inspiration of the almighty gives us understanding - of what is right, of what is wrong, of what to do, of what not to do.

I can bet my Nairaland account that before she decided to go on with this man, there were red flags, ones she ignored for whatever reasons there might be. That's if she even took time to court him first or thoroughly listened to her inner light.

MizMyColi:


Clearly, she was already coveting the man and thought she could be the solution to his problems.

Which is why she didn't take the pains to find out the truth for herself --- if only she applied some brain.

Now, what do we blame her current predicament on?

Her desperation and gullibility or greed?

MizMyColi:


Clearly, she was already coveting the man and thought she could be the solution to his problems.

Which is why she didn't take the pains to find out the truth for herself --- if only she applied some brain.

Now, what do we blame her current predicament on?

Her desperation and gullibility or greed?

Mondisweets:
Even his family was involved a normal woman would be of the reasonable belief that he really is being genuine, unless you were expecting her to stalk him when he is out and about... Hire a private investigator she may not be able to afford or go ask ifa

Only God knows where all the desparation and greed ideas came from.
Do you always stalk or psychoanalyse everyone you date?

protegesol:

No need for pushing blames. She should count her blessings or losses and move on with her life.

MizMyColi:



X'cuse me Ma'am.

This man didn't ask her to date him or become a concubine, he asked her to marry him and "and she obliged" --- just like that.

he told me he was single and asked me for a relationship which I obliged. Everything was fast, he came with his family to meet my parents and ask for my hand in marriage, we got married and the kids came in quick succession, his job took him away a lot of times, sometimes for weeks or even a month , he isn't around.

Jeez! Whatever happened to common sense?

Whatever happened to asking questions.

Someone I haven't seen in a year, pops out of the blues and asks me to marry him, so hastily for that matter.

I have been in Nigeria long enough to know that Men aren't so keen on marriage, now if one comes at me with such proposal, an allegedly divorced one at that.......

Call it stalking, call it psycho-analysis, if it pertains a life long decision where I'd mostly be on my own, common sense, even when it's not common requires that I do some background research. I really don't know about other people but as an individual, I've never made a decision while relying totally on my inner light and ever regretted.

Capische?

Mondisweets:


And what exactly is the attitude for? Lolz

You just repeated yourself.

I couldn't find meaning in most of your writ, including the attitude part. No offence

MizMyColi:


You just repeated yourself.

I couldn't find meaning in most of your writ, including the attitude part. No offence

MizMyColi:



X'cuse me Ma'am.

[size=14pt]This man didn't ask her to date him [/size] become a concubine, he asked her to marry him and "and she obliged" --- just like that.

Jeez! Whatever happened to common sense?

Whatever happened to asking questions.

Someone I haven't seen in a year, pops out of the blues and asks me to marry him, so hastily for that matter. I have been in Nigeria long enough to know that Men aren't so keen on marriage, now if one comes at me with such proposal, an allegedly divorced one at that.......

Call it stalking, call it psycho-analysis, if it pertains a life long decision where I'd mostly be on my own, common sense, even when it's not common requires that I do some background research. I really don't know about other people but as an individual, I've never made a decision while relying totally on my inner light and ever regretted.

Capische?

I felt really sad for him and tried to cheer him up the best I could till my Industrial attachment came to an end and I left. About a year after our paths crossed again, [size=14pt] he told me he was single and asked me for a relationship [/size]which I obliged. Everything was fast, he came with his family to meet my parents and ask for my hand in marriage, we got married and the kids came in quick succession, his job took him away a lot of times, sometimes for weeks or even a month , he isn't around.

Wendy80:
The man and his wife used ds lady to have Children believing they can't have children of their own. Unfortunately or Fortunately for them his wife conceived 4months after.
She should let her family know what she's going thru.
She should also Sue his sorry azzz, report to welfare or NGOS, there must be something she can do.

protegesol:

Does anything like child support exist in Nigeria?

Mondisweets:


I repeated myself and you still missed this part if your gonna be sassy at least get the facts right first.

Eissssshhhh I still don't get what you're on about.

Scroll up and re-read.

"Everything happened so fast" --- clearly, there was motive.

The relationship wasn't meant to be a dating or "concubine" relationship, it was meant to be a marriage kind, hence my assertion.

Capische?

Btw, let's assume you have a point, and I really wanna see reasons with you, embedding your salient points in colours or simply emboldening them would not only make your post interesting to read, but also easier to assimilate, if there was any to, don't you think?

dorlapoh20:
The lady made some mistakes though
...............

she should have indirectly asked for his divorce papers
but the deed has been done.

Get a job and take care of your children.God will judge the man and all those involved.

Posterity has done that already.
It's only a matter of time.

Battering a fellow human's future, just like that
No "Juju" lasts forever btw.

MizMyColi:



Eissssshhhh I still don't get what you're on about.

Scroll up and re-read.

"Everything happened so fast" --- clearly, there was motive.

The relationship wasn't meant to be a dating or "concubine" relationship, it was meant to be a marriage kind, hence my assertion.

Capische?

Btw, let's assume you have a point, and I really wanna see reasons with you, embedding your salient points in colours or simply emboldening them would not only make your post interesting to read, but also easier to assimilate, if there was any to, don't you think?

MizMyColi:
[/b]



Cc: Mondisweets




Posterity has done that already.
It's only a matter of time.

Battering a fellow human's future, just like that
No "Juju" lasts forever btw.

MizMyColi:


Cc: Mondisweets