Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego - Jokes Etc (47) - Nairaland
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| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 1:22pm On Jan 02, 2015 |
When I was a teacher I worked my transfer to China to continue teaching there cause I heard they pay teachers well there. The first day I entered class, I began by calling register. I said, Sheng! A student answered, Present! I called the second name, Chu Muon. Another student answered, Present! Suddenly, I sneezed, Hatchia! One student seated at the corner stood up and answered, Present! I exclaimed, Hmmmm... All the student shouted, Absent! I got confused and yelled at them, Shaa... Three students stood up and asked, Who of us? I got more confused and asked, What is wrong? A student stood up and said, Sir, I'm not Wrong, I'm called Wong. I laughed, Hahahaha! A girl said, Present sir! I came closer to find out what was happening. As I moved, my pen fell on the table and made a sound, Ping chung chong! One boy got up and answered, Present sir! I got more confused, frustrated, and ran back to Nigeria! 2 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Bonsuwe: 4:22pm On Jan 02, 2015 |
Chris Brown and Karrueche Tran shared an open kiss at a club in LA to bring in the New Year. Chris uploaded the video of the two of them sharing Read more: www.crownnewshour..com/2015/01/see-what-chris-brown-did-to-karrueche.html |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Bonsuwe: 4:33pm On Jan 02, 2015 |
See the short dress Annie Idibia wore to party with her husband --------------- ------------ This was how she showed up with Tuface at the Lagos Countdown. See pictures here: www..com/2015/01/see-short-dress-annie-idibia-wore-to.html?m=1 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Foreveryouandme: 4:51pm On Jan 02, 2015 |
Actress Adaora Ukoh greets her fans with Open Oranges --------------- ------------ Looks like 2015 will be very interesting in online, some ladies who used to be conservative are set to join the league of flaunting actresses. You guys never know what to expect until you see the photo: Read more: www..com/2015/01/actress-adaora-ukoh-greets-her-fans_92.html?m=1 |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:09pm On Jan 02, 2015 |
My name is Amaka, I am 18 years old and he is 22 years old. I love him so much that I do everything he asked me to do for him. He uses iphone 6 while I use Nokia touch. I bought the iphone for him out of love. Everyday, I send him 100 Naira worth of credit but he never calls me or flash me. He just send to me 'please call me'. When I don't have credit I expect him to call but he doesn't and when we are together he make calls and tells a certain girl that he loves her and will marry her. When I ask him, he says he is just joking with the girl. I love him very much but my problem is, should I increase the credit to 200 Naira daily or is 200 Naira still too small for him to be calling me?? Please, advice! 3 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:42am On Jan 03, 2015 |
Being Wicked On Weekends Episode 8 --------------- ------------ When Lovingtime got home, her big sister Maryjane asked her how the date went. She just flipped into a nearby chair and explained everything to her. So you mean, that guy took you to that kind of place? He is so romantic! Maryjane exclaimed. What is romantic there? If you call that romantic then big sis, you need to get a brain check. Lovingtime said. Read more: www.njuwo.com/2015/01/being-wicked-on-weekends-episode-8.html?m=1 |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Justgo: 10:28am On Jan 03, 2015 |
Rappers Olamide And MI’s make a nasty Comments About Wizkid’s New Ride --------------- ------------ So i guess its still news that Wizkid got himself a brand new Bentley convertible for the new year, but what’s even bigger news is what fellow musicians and rappers Olamide and MI had to say about the superstar’s new ride. Read more: www..com/2015/01/rappers-olamide-and-mis-make-nasty.html?m=1 |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:52am On Jan 03, 2015 |
A Yoruba boy was dating an Igbo girl whose name is Njideka. The boy told the girl to lie to his mum when he takes her home that her name is Bisi. He told her his mum had a phobia for non - Yoruba people and would never accept her once she finds out her name is an Igbo name. She decided to do as he instructed on sighting the boy's mum. The mum asked her what her name was and she said 'Bisi' but not without her characteristic thick igbo accent. The boy's tribalistic mum was so happy that her son had found a Yoruba girl to get married to, ignoring the Igbo tone. She exclaimed, What a lovely name, my son's elder brother is Adebisi, his Dad is Olabisi and my best friend's name is Omobisi, which of the Bisi is yours? The girl was confused and replied, Ndubisi. 3 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 12:41pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
A Reason Why You Should Not Be Shy Meeting Someone For The First Time --------------- ------------ The Person Is Also Shy: Like you, the person you meet for the first time is also shy meeting that strange face you possess for the first time. Read more: www.njuwo.com/2015/01/a-reason-why-you-should-not-be-shy.html?m=1 |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:00pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
Some African Proverbs You Probably Don't Know, 1. The anger of a penis doesn't destroy the vagina. (Zimbabwe) 2. He who goes to sleep with an itching anus wakes up with smelling fingers. (Nigeria) 3. Do not insult a crocodile while your buttocks are still in the waters. (Uganda) 4. There's no virgin in a maternity ward. (Cameroon) 5. It requires alot of carefulness to kill the fly that perches on the scrotum. (Ghana) 6. A child can play with his mother's breasts but not with his father's testicles. (Guinea) 7. If the throat can grant passage to a knife, the anus should wonder how to expel it. (Sychelles) 8. A man who marries a beautiful woman and the farmer who grows corns by the road side have the same problem. (Ethiopia) 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Ali1king: 10:19pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
njuwo:increase to 500 mumuski |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Sunichanci: 9:55am On Jan 04, 2015 |
How Rev. Ejike Mbaka Turned From Pro- Jonathan To Anti-Jonathan --------------- ------------ Before his fierce attack on President Goodluck Jonathan on the New Year eve, a renowned Roman Catholic Priest, Rev. Father Ejike Mbaka, Enugu, was a supporter of the presidential policy and even endorsed him for the second term. In November 2014 Rev. Mbaka welcomed the First Lady, Patience Jonathan, the Deputy Senate President Ike Ekweremadu, others to his Enugu parish. He told Mama Peace that Read more: www.crownnewshour..com/2015/01/how-rev-ejike-mbaka-turned-from-pro.html |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 11:50am On Jan 04, 2015 |
Being Wicked On Weekends Episode 9 --------------- ------------ Okay! A kiss you will get, call her for me! Ofego said. Alright! Maryjane said and went in to call Lovingtime. Lovingtime! Maryjane walked into Lovingtime's room. Lovingtime! She called. What is it? Lovingtime asked, getting up from her bed! Your boyfriend is calling you! Who? Read more: www.njuwo.com/2015/01/being-wicked-on-weekends-episode-9.html?m=1 |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 1:57pm On Jan 04, 2015 |
When I was small, my daddy bought a brand new car and drove us to church with it one sunday. It was a prophetic service and our pastor was being used by God that day to deliver people from poverty. Suddenly, our pastor looked at my dad and said, Mr Akpe, God is set to bless you! My Mummy jumped up and shouted excitedly, Amen!!!! My daddy was excited too. The pastor then came closer, placed his hand on my daddy's head and prayed for him. As our pastor turned to climb the altar, the spirit of God told him something. He stopped, looked at my dad and said, Mr Akpe did you buy a brand new car last week? Yes sir! My dad responded with a surprise on his face. Then our pastor said, God said I should tell you to sow your car key into my life. I was shocked that my dad did not argue with the pastor, he just put his hand in his pocket, brought out the car key and gave it to our pastor. Chai Chineeekeeee... After about 5 minutes, my dad stood up, went outside the church. He didn't even bothered to wait till the end of the service. I saw him entering Okada (A bike), going home. He must be very worried! I reasoned in utter fear and confusion. After a while he returned to church with the spare key of his car and drove the car back home. I was so stunned at what I was seeing, when I asked him why he acted that way he said, Ofego, use your brain, pastor asked for the key and not the car. 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Sunichanci: 3:09pm On Jan 04, 2015 |
5 Things men desperately want from women --------------- ------------ What men want from women. It is an often pondered question, especially for women who are having difficulty in establishing or indeed maintaining a strong and long- lasting relationship. You may be in the position right now of being involved in a relationship that is struggling. Whether that is indeed the case or not, perhaps these points below can help you on the road to understanding what men want from women. Men want Read more: www.crownnewshour..com/2015/01/5-things-men-desperately-want-from-women.html |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:23pm On Jan 04, 2015 |
A tea company with a new Advert campaign wanted our Pastor to make an appearance in it. All we need you to say, for 1 Million Naira is, GIVE US THIS DAY, OUR DAILY TEA, said the company’s PR man to our Pastor. But our Pastor refused. Okay, 2 Million Naira then? Our Pastor said no. Will you do it for 3.5 Million Naira? Still, our Pastor declined. Alright! Alright!! Fine! said the PR man, frustrated. We’ll pay 10 Million Naira and that’s our final offer! But our Pastor just wouldn’t do it. Eventually, the PR man got up to leave with his team, angry! As they were leaving, he turned to one of his colleagues and said, I WONDER HOW MUCH THE BREAD COMPANY PAID HIM. 2 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by exellent91(m): 4:15am On Jan 05, 2015 |
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| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Orinameh2(m): 10:40am On Jan 05, 2015 |
njuwo:omo u sabi bible oh |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 3:41pm On Jan 05, 2015 |
A Chat With A Friend On Whatsapp This Morning, Me: Honourable what's up? Him (No Reply) Me: How are you doing? Him (No reply) Me: Hope you are doing great? Him (No Reply) Me: How is life? Him (No Reply) Me: You remembered those babes we saw that day? The one called Jennifer says she needs your number. Him: Oh! Sorry, actually I was a little bit busy. Ofego my man, which Jennifer, the dark tall one with big boobs? Me: So you saw my messages and choose not to reply. Anyway, is the dark green one called money. Where is my money you are owing me? 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:24pm On Jan 05, 2015 |
I was preparing for my A Level Mathematics Examination. The more I studied, the more I seemed not to understand a thing. I consulted Lily my friend for help. Lily baby, I have been trying to solve this question since morning but I'm not getting anywhere with it. ( 60-53+10=what will you have?) Lily said, Okay, let's reason it this way, if you have 60 (sixty) wraps of Indian Hemp and you smoke 53 (fifty three), after consuming 1(one) big bottle of whisky you then smoke another 10 (ten) wraps, what will you have? Ah! I screamed. I will have a brain damage, high blood pressure, stroke, first grade madness, paralysis and comatose. Lily said, That's exactly what this Maths question will give you when you solve it. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by MightyFortress: 8:32pm On Jan 05, 2015 |
Lols... This one got me. |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 1:07pm On Jan 06, 2015 |
A Teacher in a Primary School asked her students to write an essay about what they would like God to do for them. At the end of the day, while marking the essays at home, she read one that made her very emotional. Her husband, who had just walked in, saw her crying, and asked her, What happened? She answered, Read this! It is one of my students' essay. Oh God, tonight I ask you something very special. Make me into a television. I want to take its place and live like the TV in my house. Have my own special place, And have my family around me. To be taken seriously when I talk. I want to be the centre of attention and be heard without interruptions or questions. I want to receive the same special care that the TV receives even when it is not working. Have the company of my daddy when he arrives home from work, even when he is tired. And I want my mummy to want me when she is sad and upset, instead of ignoring me. And I want my brothers to fight to be with me. I want to feel that family just leaves everything aside, every now and then, just to spend some time with me. And last but not least, ensure that I can make them all happy and entertain them. Lord I don't ask you for much. I just want to live like a TV. At that moment the husband said, My God, poor child! What horrible parents! The wife looked up at him, and said, That essay is our son's own! 2 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:56am On Jan 07, 2015 |
Evil Comedian Episode 36 --------------- ------------ What do you mean you can't stop them, they are going in? Nfelo yelled at Forbearance. Their powers are greater than mine, that stupid old man refused to do what you told me to tell him to do! Forbearance informed. Nfelo screamed, He what? Yes, he what! Forbearance replied and asked, What do i do? Read more: www.njuwo.com/2015/01/evil-comedian-episode-36.html?m=1 |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 1:48pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
One night last week, my wife and I were in bed. Well, the passion started to heat up, and I asked for the thing and she eventually said, I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me. I said, What? So she said the words that every husband on earth fears to hear. You are just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man. She responded to my puzzled look by saying, Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom? Realising that nothing was going to happen that night, I slept off. The next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big supermarket. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we would just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, Let's get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, That's fine, honey. She was so excited. Smiling with anticipation, she finally said, I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier. I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, No honey, I don't feel like it. Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped, What? I then said, Honey! I just want you to hold this stuff for a while. You are just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman. And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you? 2 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by triface(m): 9:34am On Jan 08, 2015 |
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| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 3:14pm On Jan 08, 2015 |
My uncle's son approached him and said, Daddy can i take your car out today? He asked, Why? What are your two legs for? The boy replied, One for throttle and brake, the other, for the clutch. |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:25pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
One woman stole a chicken from her neighbour. She decided to go to the market to sell it. At the market, another woman stole it from her. She was returning from the market with frustration when her friends who saw her when she was going to the market with the chicken, asked her, How much did you sell the chicken? She replied, I sold it with the same price i used in buying it. |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:00am On Jan 10, 2015 |
Being Wicked On Weekends Episode 10 --------------- ------------ Okay, get out of the entrance to my father's house. Lovingtime said. Alright, I should get out of the entrance to your father's house into your father's house shey? Ofego asked. No! She said. Just leave, I don't want to see you, I don't want to see anything about you, Read more: www.njuwo.com/2015/01/being-wicked-on-weekends-episode-10.html?m=1 |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 12:51pm On Jan 11, 2015 |
I overheard my neighbour's wife and his mother arguing, shouting, the mother said, My son must listen to me and obey my instructions unless, it isn't this breast he sucked for 1 year. The wife said, That was 30 years ago mama, you must realise that it is my breast he now sucks. He has sucked it for more than 3 years now, and he still sucks it. The mother fired back, I carried him for 9 months. The wife exclaimed, He was only 3.5kg then, wasn't he? What's the big deal? I carry him every night, he is now 90kg. |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:20pm On Jan 11, 2015 |
Because my uncle did not put anything on the offering box in church today, it has been like this since they got married, when they got home, his wife said, If i had known you were this poor, i wouldn't have married you! He laughed, Hahahahaha! And said, When i was telling you that you are the only thing i have in this world, what were you thinking? |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by ndlog: 8:29pm On Jan 11, 2015 |
njuwo: njuwo: njuwo: |
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