'let us prayer' jeez.. To think its a punchline to make the story more interesting... Its a big mistake, infact am just seeing my typographical error now... Well, its for the good.. Lol.. That's one problem about typing with dictionary...

More updates tomorrow friends.

Started from the bottom,now I'm here!
Hilarious I must say but oga isn't 500k too much to enter church?
Btw that Theo character no try at all oh,he for even rehearse wella before mounting the pulpit.

Make tomorow no pass ooo

Lovely and funny....keep it up...and dude a personal request abi question when that girl character go return?
And am yet to see some of the things you mentioned in the title

Its 8th of January already, can we begin from where we stopped yesterday..?

SniperD:
Lovely and funny....keep it up...and dude a personal request abi question when that girl character go return?
And am yet to see some of the things you mentioned in the title

lol. Don't worry.... The girl(s) episodes are on the way...

Nice work bro,............please take note 'Alter' is to change the form of something while 'Altar' is the table in a Christian church.



Keep up the good work

Fembleez1:
^^^^not necessarily a christian church

kinwayne:


lol. Don't worry.... The girl(s) episodes are on the way...

hope u're typing..

^^^^not necessarily a christian church

tonyfrenzy:

I like ur piece, infact I was forced to track ur updates up till this last episode. Kudos!
MY TAKE:
While each episode is very encompassing and funny, the characters are becoming disjointed. As in, you are not looping them together. You could be another JK Rowlings but still have more work to do on building up 40% of ur characters more strongly, if you'll be killing some off, let the readers reason wt why and when.
EG,
-how about 'Stephanie' in ep 2, she shld still be in d show or make us know what happened to her.
-how did d food seller get 2 know that ur display was orchestrated 4 her to bring police in that short a time (reader were doing d guess, like maybe she 'studied u guys unawares' u when she went 4 d drinking water) then u could hint that when she came wt d police officers.
-where those gangsters came from was unknown, and how could they pursue a random person like they have scores to settle. Next time u cld make ur readers understand that d main xter was a mischievous socialite wanted by all.
-Each episode grows much faster into the future, eg, the two friends did not ponder into their ordeals that morning (almost getting jailed/killed) b4 venturing into a new venture. And everytn happened so fast without reference to earlier occurences.

-Last shot: if u'll want to write a beautiful piece like this I'll suggest u write it out in full and not this microtintin social style. U'll becoming a writer, so make us feel you'll giving us a novel and not just a fast one on NL. U'll get used to it and be a better writer.

PLS: Just my observation. I ain't a professional writer self.

I appreciate your time used in noting down and observing my flaws.... But pls bear in mind that I will surely make references to used characters cuz I wouldn't just add a character to the story just for writing sake

THIS LAND IS PROPERTY OF ALI1KING






















































































































































































































































BEWARE OF 419
LOLS!!

tonyfrenzy:
Kinwayne is a clown. I'll nt criticize his salient flaws and some unreal scenarios...because this is only to make us LAUGH!
You are trying as a comedian. Even if u copied several movies (like some claimed), for you to be able to communicate it well and preserving the comical context. I say KUDOS!
...remember N500k gate fee seems unreal, dnt kill the life frm ur writeup.

. Saddist,fun killer,enemy of Progress,create ur own tread sir nd make it real,critic....mtscheeew

BabylonCruise:
. Saddist,fun killer,enemy of Progress,create ur own tread sir nd make it real,critic....mtscheeew

Big fool! You ar a piece of rag, check d earlier comments u'll know I love his writing style. I hv a different opinion if what he was writing was not comedy.
You're such an illeterate dat u can't decipher if am hating or not.

Ali1king:
THIS LAND IS PROPERTY OF ALI1KING

BEWARE OF 419
LOLS!!

Guy whatsup with you na, you never buy rent, u don dey claim property?

Omo c gobe! Guy kom update abeg

Ali1king:
THIS LAND IS PROPERTY OF ALI1KING



BEWARE OF 419
LOLS!!

Pasqal09, Lalasticlala .. Una go buy land?

kinwayne:
Episode 14.

Kposa! A thunderous and sounding Igbati slap landed on Emma's head. Was this what he meant by 'The Hand of Ojimoimoi?'. I was surprised when Emma didn't take it as anything but began singing,

'Ojimoimoi Ojimoimoi go give me money Ojimoimoi' He happily chorused.

The baba sprinkled a little amount of water on Emma's head making it wet and ready for another kabashing slap.

Kpowa! I changed the sound effects. This slap, this time no be here. Choi, Emma's shining head was now glowing red ( see rhymes abeg), Emma's voice dropped a bit when he chorused,

'Ojimoimoi Ojimoimoi go give me money Ojimoimoi'

The baba then cleaned the water from Emma's head with a napkin then he poured some quantities of groundnut oil on Emma's head, making it as smooth as a newly built road by Julius berger as it sparkled 'Brighter than a Diamond'.

'Kpawai!' Was it only me or was Emma's head smoking with butterflies circling around it. This slap na die!. Emma's voice changed instantly and became more faint as he chorused

'Ish, aish, Ojimoimoi Ojimoimoi ouch go give me money, Ojimoimoi'

The baba was busy humming his usual 'Ojimoimoi' incantations. He reached for the powder, pouring some on Emma's head. Now Emma's head dazzled and sparkled more than the seven stars.

Kaboom! This slap was not only sounding but was deafening. Emma's voice had now changed to cries.

'Ojimoimoi go give mtchew Moimoi'

I couldnt hold back my laughter. Emma was already broken and one more slap could result in unforseen outcomes.

Kposa! Kpowa! Kpawai! Kaboom! Four graduating slaps landed on Emma's 'I pity' head. By now, Emma was not just crying but was wailing. Who wouldn't wail?

'Ojimoimoi mtchew Oji Oji moimoi, yay my head' Emma cried

As if the baba hadn't had enough, he pulled the ultimate string which Even Emma couldn't resist.

The baba sprinkled quantities of water on Emma's head, then added groundnut oil to it, finally mixing it up with a gust of powder. Looking at Emma's head from where I sat, I began to feel sorry for him (sorry It). His head had turned naturally red, with the outline of The baba's hand all over it. I sat keenly looking at what the baba wanted doing next when he baptized and rained Emma's head with a downfall of slaps.

Kpa! Kpa! Kposa! Kpowa! Kpawai! Kaboom! The baba rained Emma's head with slaps while Emma screamed jerking up in the process.

Wait, am looking for the sound effects to use here. Shey, you all have watched Tom & Jerry? Those sounds made by Tom after Jerry gets back at him or revenges.

'Yay! Wayo! Wayo! Haba mallam maiyesa kaimini kaka,which meant, Choi mallam, wetin I do wey make you do me so?' Emma screamed holding his bald head, sorry bald red head as he ran out of the house. I never knew he understood hausa.

'My pikin, na you be next to receive the hand of Ojimoimoi' The baba said to me, while I hissed and stood up jejely.

I didn't need to be told to park my kaya and leave that place else I might even receive worst than Emma. To hell with money making rituals.

Emma learnt his lesson and from that day on, I never failed to tease him about what happened in the baba's shrine.

Oh and ofcourse, Emma's head is now growing in full scale, he couldn't go to lectures for two complete weeks due to his bad head, or bald head.

Ojimaimai!!!!
Nice story by the way.

Rev T let us prayer....cant stop laughing

nna your rate of update don make me tire to even read...

So sorry for not posting any update today....just coming back from lectures.. Would update shortly...

kinwayne:
So sorry for not posting any update today....just coming back from lectures.. Would update shortly...

oga have yhu not finished typing.

Only a few days away from Nairaland and you already made the frontpage. Wow! Am glad I am a part of this wonderful piece.
I may want to criticise your work, but all has been said and I hope you'll do something about it.
Now my own correction is written below in bold.
If you will agree with me, this is a comedy right? And you want people to enjoy reading this piece? Then you are not making this enjoyable to say the truth.
I think by all standards, if you want to write comedies here on Nairaland, then you have to update frequently, the way you update is killing the vibe, I believe you can up your game.
Give a specific time when you'll be dropping your updates, so pple can look forward to it.
Just my 2cents.

kinwayne has made me look like a mad person with laugh.
well done and ride on jare

Lauf eyaf kill me oo

I've bin following dis story since -200AD-2015BC. kingwayne,u too much,enough grease(from nnpc filling station) to ur elbow!

Episode 17.

Theo began prophesizing fervently, speaking in tongues and languages not even the devil understood. I was extremely amazed. If Theo's sudden change in character was genuine then it certainly meant the world was coming to an end. Theo of all people, the devil's incarnate himself, climbing the pulpit to pray? Then I'll surely give my life to Christ then.

'There is someone here that is having headache, come out immediately!' Theo, sorry Reverend T. ordered. Scores of people came out excitedly. What the hell, couldn't they see that was just an ordinary prophecy? I was still pondering on the foolishness of the church members when Theo called out again.

'There is someone here. You are a human being and you are in this church. You are having stomach pains and headache, I say comeout!' Theo ordered again. By now, half the church's population was out.

I was seeing magic. People seemed to have fallen for Theo's enchantments. Whatever he had done had blinded them from seeing that he was just a trickster. Who wasn't a human being and wasn't inside the church? Someone needed to spank the foolishness out of this congregation.

Theo began a hot prayer session in which he supposedly healed them of their infirmities. The church became rowdy with people jubilant and excited as to their 'Healing'. Hmmn, I just sat from my seat, watching their lies with my 3D lens.

As if being directed from above and with seriousness on his face, Reverend T lifted his hands upwards and began murmuring words audible to himself only. He demanded decorum in the church auditorium cutting short the celebrating party.

'If you know you are an 'Ogbanje' and you are seated in this church auditorium, I command you to come forward!' Reverend Theo commanded.

Ghen Ghen! Now he began the search for trouble. We all know what ogbanje meant nau.

From where I sat, I began to hear the murmurings of the ushers and workers in the church, something that the Reverend shouldn't do what he was about to do.

I was beginning to believe Theo's powers were genuine when a handful of sexy gorgeous ladies stepped forward to the altar.

Reverend Theo came down from the altar and made towards them. He stood in front of the ladies and said some words when all of a sudden, all the ladies except one fell 'under the anointing'.

The one girl still stood her ground, as if she didn't even feel anything. Theo was taken aback. He tapped her on the chest almost close to her bosoms and said his words again but still yet, she stood fixed and unshaken.

Theo was already shaking visibly. He has jammed a real 'Ogbanje' and I couldn't help but watch what was about to happen.

He held her by the hand and one could see that he was forcefully forcing her to 'fall under the anointing' but for where! This girl just stood hands akimbo with raging eyes fixed at Theo.

Theo looked up from the altar and that was when our eyes locked. Just like instagram, he instantly sent me a message with his eyes which read,

'Guy, I don enter today oo, abeg if I no fit make am out of here alive, abeg give me a befitting burial'. Theo looked extremely frightened. He was scared to the bone. He held her hands one more time and said his words again but still this girl didn't burge.

'This reverend don die today, who tell am make him call out ogbanje? Abi him think say na overseas him dey?' One usher mumbled out.

'Make we rush go hold that girl before she go kill the man o' A second usher said as they rushed to the pulpit where Theo ministered while I voluntarily went to help them hold the girl.

Theo approached her again to hold her hand but it seemed she was already infuriated by now.

She grabbed the collar of Rev. T's robe tightly in such a way that he couldn't move. Now raising her left hand in reckless abandon, she brought it down in full speed as it headed towards Theo's cheeks.

Good gracious. I was able to intercept it before it landed on his face. I held her left hand firmly and guided it down, but she still had her right grip on T's robe. Theo grappled to release himself from her grasp but all to no avail.

Ushers had ran towards us to separate them but couldn't. Her hand on him was like a permanent glue.

'Hold am tight na, make her hand no free o' An usher shouted in pidgin.

It seemed like we had already blocked her away completely from theo but then the unfortunate happened.

An usher wanted to balance himself in order to hold her more tightly when the 'Ogbanje' lady found a little space, raised her hand up and landed Theo with the most sounding and painful slap ever!

Theo summersaulted three times in the air and landed on the floor rolling. Choi!, I quickly let go of my hand from her before I received my portion.

She gave Theo a wicked look before exiting the church premises.

My guy's face had turned 360. He now looked exactly how my warped pictures looked like whenever I was editing my snapped pics on my phone.

You should have been there to see his face.

D9ty7:
Only a few days away from Nairaland and you already made the frontpage. Wow! Am glad I am a part of this wonderful piece.
I may want to criticise your work, but all has been said and I hope you'll do something about it.
Now my own correction is written below in bold.
If you will agree with me, this is a comedy right? And you want people to enjoy reading this piece? Then you are not making this enjoyable to say the truth.
I think by all standards, if you want to write comedies here on Nairaland, then you have to update frequently, the way you update is killing the vibe, I believe you can up your game.
Give a specific time when you'll be dropping your updates, so pple can look forward to it.
Just my 2cents.

Thanx alot boss.. Time noted, infact I don't need to be told to update regularly, just that today was really hectic for me, had to attend an unplanned lecture and do some other important stuffs... Promise to post more often.

Choi...revd eyaf dead












Choi...revd eyaf dead

Rev T, don enter one chance today.
Very funny.

Chai! Useless pastor

Na him find trouble.....

Headache and stomach ache no reach am?