naijababe:
I have a small circle of friends, always have and if I were to go by my circle of friends over the last 20 years, my friends and I have always been about intelligence, respect and ambition.............in fact one of my 'toasters' back in the day was Obj's son, met him in 98 well before his dad became president up until his dad head became head honcho and he started to cruise around town. If anything his status changed nothing on my part. He is a very brilliant chap, graduated with a first and went to Cambridge to do a PhD. None of my friends ever asked me why I didn't date him.

Mr Naijababe asked me out around the same time and I preferred him even if he was penniless and wore 'tontinrin' trousers. I am aware that many women choose their mates on the basis that you stated but I don't think it can be considered the norm.

I won't gainsay your romance, but even to be in your circle - or how did Bukatyne put it? - he had to be of a certain calibre. He had to have something doing and/or potential. You probably took it as read and looked further down the list of criteria. Or I could just ask why ambition & intelligence where important as criteria

naijababe:
I beg to differ, this is just your opinion. I can state an opposite position, if anything, the people I know who married someone with a kid are men, I am sitting here trying to remember any woman I know that did so and can't come up with any.

Differing is what keeps convo moving ! Having a kid out of wedlock has an impact on marital value in terms of chances and quality - more so for women. I have no problem with a different opinion and will not doubt individual experience. Maybe we should look for data.

naijababe:
All of the above is true for both sexes.................lol at not being able to date, you went on the wrong dates, I have gone on dates where I paid my part of the bill happily..............in fact, one guy turned around and told his friend that I was arrogant because I offered to split the bill

Not in the same order.
You were happy to pay your share. he would have gladly paid all. And a man with no money can't ask a girl out - especially expecting her to foot the bill.

TV

bukatyne:


same could be said for you.

You married your wife @ 30. On NL, a 30 yr old single is seen as 'an cargo' and 35 already experienced menopause

You are not even campaigning against marrying younger women; you are saying men should marry women about 10+yrs younger (2 different things)

A 35yr old woman is not old for a 50yr old man etc. while she will be considered 'old' on a normal day.

You married a mature single i.e. MOM whom you were older than by 10+ years.

You need to change your message

My mesage was for a better quality sex life within marriage, men should marry women younger than them. Which part needs changing?


TV

Truckpusher:
If you don't understand that there is a difference between libido and sexual prowess, then I'm afraid it would be a waste of time trying to engage you.
Of course we are aware that a lot of men talk about sexual prowess they don't have .
You can always ignore the smileys.

why don't u school us.. learned one

edwife:

Pickabeau it was a question.I will like to know what happen after 30?

The question is vague

Kimoni:


The younger female singles are more likely to tick this box before marriage than the older singles. As a man, the lower you go, the higher the probability that you will be the sole breadwinner. And this is the reason why many guys will not marry young these days. They just don't have the means to provide fully for the home. But where you go for a matured single, she will be better able to share some of those responsibilities with you, down to the very basic ones sef. Well, times are hard so guys prefer this model now. Just that like I said earlier, you might then have to compromise on your "headship" or those things you consider ur basic right as the man of the house. Like the lady saying she would hire a chef and guys descended on her, but it's reality. He who plays the piper dictates the tune abi? But when two people are jointly playing the piper nko? They must both dictate the tune.

The first thing my FIL asked my husband then when he took me to him as his wife-to-be was - are you sure you are able to provide for this lady and the children that will come out of this union? That question is becoming more and more irrelevant these days.

When working in naija one of the first question you got asked by guys/colleagues who you wanted to hook up with your friend is 'where does she work?' No lies o.

Kimoni:


The younger female singles are more likely to tick this box before marriage than the older singles. As a man, the lower you go, the higher the probability that you will be the sole breadwinner. And this is the reason why many guys will not marry young these days. They just don't have the means to provide fully for the home. But where you go for a matured single, she will be better able to share some of those responsibilities with you, down to the very basic ones sef. Well, times are hard so guys prefer this model now. Just that like I said earlier, you might then have to compromise on your "headship" or those things you consider ur basic right as the man of the house. Like the lady saying she would hire a chef and guys descended on her, but it's reality. He who plays the piper dictates the tune abi? But when two people are jointly playing the piper nko? They must both dictate the tune.

The first thing my FIL asked my husband then when he took me to him as his wife-to-be was - are you sure you are able to provide for this lady and the children that will come out of this union? That question is becoming more and more irrelevant these days.

why do u think its irrelevant nowadays?

bukatyne:


I am serious.

Going by his message,

He feels it is better for a 40yr old man to marry a 30yr old than a 30yr old marry a 27yr old.

Relatively and in the long run, yes! Your task is to show differently if you can. I did not say a man should wait till 40 or 40 is the best age for a man.


TV

naijababe:
One last thing I forgot to mention, old women from naija to American have affairs with their drivers, pool boys and the likes...............I would hazard a guess that libido is much more than testorone, after all the best selling intimacy gadget is a 'rabbit'

How many rabbits do you have?

No wonder all the rabbits in my village disappeared. Those single ladies are in trouble.

TV01:

Good to hear dude!

Please marry old and report back to us .

I’ve said my own – and just too be clear, I’m not saying that every man at any age should marry a young girl, I am saying – generally – alignment will be better if the woman is relatively younger.

One can factor for outliers and unusual situations – and every relationship is bespoke – but it’s a good rule of thumb. Not far from the “half your age +7 years” rule, which has been around forever.

As for the sex piece in particular, from what I’ve seen and heard, I know the “women reach their peak at 40 is a myth. It makes no sense.

Are women really telling us that their desire increases as they age, after they have children, as their bodies lose their vigour and as menopause kicks in are more active than in their youth?

Yes, I admit that in certain circumstances sex may still be thoroughly enjoyable, but it will not be desired as much or as frenetic as previous.

And for many the worries of work, childcare, bills etc. occupy them so much - with little time for exercise, healthy living etc. – that libido takes a hike.

And yes this affects, men and women, but women have more of the earlier mentioned physical issues to deal with. Testosterone is a thing, the “drive differentials” are real. It’s more an “impulse” with men and more an “emotional connection” with women.

Men, tread carefully and choose wisely. Paint two scenarios in your head; a 35 man marrying a 25 year old, or a 35 man marrying a 34 year old. How do you think that will play out, what pressures will come to bear?

TV

yetunde bust line......here i come.

edwife:
@coogar marry who you want to marry,no rules will ever save you if you don't meet your match.

older women cook better and they appreciate the man more than these young brainless bimbos who believe everything has to be given to them. i vote for older women.

Kimoni:
coogar, marry a matured single and you will testify

na mature married you wan make i marry before?

naijababe:
One last thing I forgot to mention, old women from naija to American have affairs with their drivers, pool boys and the likes...............I would hazard a guess that libido is much more than testorone, after all the best selling intimacy gadget is a 'rabbit' grin

this is more to do with the hypocrisy of women than anything else.
rabbit as a yardstick will not cut it until you find the statistics of married men using hookers to pass time. while men are free to sow their wild oats even in marriage, women are bound.........so they use intimacy gadgets more otherwise her society would judge her.

bukatyne:


TV is obviously talking about 10+ and above age difference or 1/2 your age + 7 yrs rule.

5yrs gap are 'age mates'

pardon??

coogar:


yetunde bust line......here i come.



older women cook better and they appreciate the man more than these young brainless bimbos who believe everything has to be given to them. i vote for older women.



na mature married you wan make i marry before?




this is more to do with the hypocrisy of women than anything else.
rabbit as a yardstick will not cut it until you find the statistics of married men using hookers to pass time. while men are free to sow their wild oats even in marriage, women are bound.........so they use intimacy gadgets more otherwise her society would judge her.

She is trying to prove that contrary to popular opinion, women are still sexually active into their 40s

At least, a woman must have serious sexual needs before buying a rabbit (hypocrisy aside)

njokusboy:


pardon??

About?

pickabeau1:


why do u think its irrelevant nowadays?

Perhaps there is the realization that couples are now expected to jointly contribute to the success of the union

naijababe:
One last thing I forgot to mention, old women from naija to American have affairs with their drivers, pool boys and the likes...............I would hazard a guess that libido is much more than testorone, after all the best selling intimacy gadget is a 'rabbit'

I never find the necessity of using a intimacy gadget

I prefer a real deal,no gadget will give me the satisfaction i need .

I see it ridiculous.

damiso:


When working in naija one of the first question you got asked by guys/colleagues who you wanted to hook up with your friend is 'where does she work?' No lies o.

But sincerely Damiso, I would not also have married a jobless person oo and even while dating in school, I had to satisfy myself of your potentials. But the funny thing is I got married to my age mate and I never ever dated anyone that was over a year older than me. I never even gave it a thought to date someone much older, maybe they never came my way sha. I met people from my classes, youth meetings and Orientation camp. But it still didn't change the fact that whoever I was going to get married to would be able to provide at least the basic needs for his family, not that his plan in life will be to provide meat and ask me to buy pepper.

Kimoni:
The younger female singles are more likely to tick this box before marriage than the older singles. As a man, the lower you go, the higher the probability that you will be the sole breadwinner.

I see your reasoning here as faulty;
Younger does not mean that they will not ultimately be higher earning. Bukatyne please explain to Kimoni !
And younger couples have increased scope and time

Kimoni:
And this is the reason why many guys will not marry young these days. They just don't have the means to provide fully for the home. But where you go for a matured single, she will be better able to share some of those responsibilities with you, down to the very basic ones sef. Well, times are hard so guys prefer this model now. Just that like I said earlier, you might then have to compromise on your "headship" or those things you consider ur basic right as the man of the house. Like the lady saying she would hire a chef and guys descended on her, but it's reality. He who plays the piper dictates the tune abi? But when two people are jointly playing the piper nko? They must both dictate the tune.

The first thing my FIL asked my husband then when he took me to him as his wife-to-be was - are you sure you are able to provide for this lady and the children that will come out of this union? That question is becoming more and more irrelevant these days.

I see this as right in part and wrong in part. I noted in an earlier response to Edwife that early marriage is increasingly difficult and noted to Naijababe about the need for 2 income houselholds.

That does not change womens desires for men of higher status and good providors. And where wives contribute, men stil typically contribute more and are still tasked with overall financial responsibility. Further, a financial lack will always be his fault andd weigh more heavily on him, regardless of the respective contributions.

And finances - nor looks, height, education, family pedigree or any other thing - do not determine headship. And a man that cede's headship to his wife is opening a can of worms for himself. I'll touch on that in part 2 if you'll let me get there !


TV

bukatyne:


She is trying to prove that contrary to popular opinion, women are still sexually active into their 40s

At least, a woman must have serious sexual needs before buying a rabbit (hypocrisy aside)

she doesn't have to....
if the man of the house has abandoned her completely, she would need her rabbit at some point!

bukatyne:


Get in touch with your village or childhood group

There is a reason they have 0 -5 yrs; 5 - 10yrs etc.

I have forgotten where I saw it however ages mates are within a 5yr range

dats for boys, doesnt mean they are age mates, else id be age mates with my two brothers.. whaat about my older sister, were she a boy, we'd have been in the same age group..... Are we mates too? or are you attempting to imply that only boys that are 5 years older than any girl are age mates with her and not the other way around?

coogar:


yetunde bust line......here i come.

Poor woman!

coogar:


yetunde bust line......here i come.



older women cook better and they appreciate the man more than these young brainless bimbos who believe everything has to be given to them. i vote for older women.



na mature married you wan make i marry before?


this is more to do with the hypocrisy of women than anything else.
rabbit as a yardstick will not cut it until you find the statistics of married men using hookers to pass time. while men are free to sow their wild oats even in marriage, women are bound.........so they use intimacy gadgets more otherwise her society would judge her.

Some women sleep with their drivers, cooks and the likes, others would much rather dig out their rabbits. Where is the hypocrisy? There are dolls too for men ya know

Bellong, good girls don't tell

TV01, I know a man feels the need to pay but on a first date when you are both students hustling, why is an offer to split is taken in such bad faith?

bukatyne:


She is trying to prove that contrary to popular opinion, women are still sexually active into their 40s

At least, a woman must have serious sexual needs before buying a rabbit (hypocrisy aside)

That 's the problem i have with men,they refuse to acknowledge the fact that women are very much sexually active even after menopause.

Yes most women might experience a decline in their sex drive but it is only temporary.The world has evolve and women are fixing the problem.

Medical treatments are now available,oestrogen creams, pessaries, tablets,lubricants and many more.

MEN shine your EYES.

edwife:


I never find the necessity of using a intimacy gadget

I prefer a real deal,no gadget will give me the satisfaction i need .

I see it ridiculous.

Not according to Samantha and Miranda in Sex and the City

naijababe:

Some women sleep with their drivers, cooks and the likes, others would much rather dig out their rabbits. Where is the hypocrisy? There are dolls too for men ya know

women would sleep with anything when lonely....
women's libido is mostly controlled by the lunar calendar or the menstrual cycle. there's a season they are highly irritated by sex and there's a season they would ravage anything in trousers. a lonely woman whose hubby has completely abandoned would sleep with anything. it's nothing to do with high libido, she's just starved and she needs replenishment. at 40, most women are already exhibiting menopausal symptoms.

Kimoni:

Poor woman!

hehe!
she would do thanksgiving in church to have a gentleman like me.

edwife:


I never find the necessity of using a intimacy gadget

I prefer a real deal,no gadget will give me the satisfaction i need .

I see it ridiculous.

What if the wife is not getting it (due to her fault or his) and she doesn't want to stray?

TV01:

I see your reasoning here as faulty;
Younger does not mean that they will not ultimately be higher earning. Bukatyne please explain to Kimoni !
And younger couples have increased scope and time

Except you are talking of outliers, the general view is that the higher you go in your career or business, the more money and comfortable you become. But with the word "ultimately" you added, well yes, financial status would even out ultimately but she won't also be young by then.

I see this as right in part and wrong in part. I noted in an earlier response to Edwife that early marriage is increasingly difficult and noted to Naijababe about the need for 2 income houselholds.

That does not change womens desires for men of higher status and good providors. And where wives contribute, men stil typically contribute more and are still tasked with overall financial responsibility. Further, a financial lack will always be his fault andd weigh more heavily on him, regardless of the respective contributions.

And finances - nor looks, height, education, family pedigree or any other thing - do not determine headship. And a man that cede's headship to his wife is opening a can of worms for himself. I'll touch on that in part 2 if you'll let me get there !
TV

Right and wrong. Yes, finances and other qualities shouldn't outrightly determine headship but where you are officially ceding your manly responsibilities to your wife, there would be consequences. It's like selling your birthright. I believe this is where feminists get a lot of their strength from

coogar:


she doesn't have to....
if the man of the house has abandoned her completely, she would need her rabbit at some point!

This proves that they have a need i.e. women 40+ and above are not asexual

coogar:


yetunde bust line......here i come.

older women cook better and they appreciate the man more than these young brainless bimbos who believe everything has to be given to them. i vote for older women.
.

You are not serious,don't forget to post the youtube video just in case you decide to drop her.

bukatyne:


This proves that they have a need i.e. women 40+ and above are not asexual

of course, they are not asexual....
at least they get the itch 3-4 days in a month. men of that age still get the itch on a daily basis. that's the difference!

edwife:

You are not serious,don't forget to post the youtube video just in case you decide to drop her.

you would be the first to see that video - i solemnly promise!

Timbuktou:


She expected him to accept it then and there, never mind she hadn't breached their confession agreement which could have been a deal breaker for many. And then [i]she had the nerve to condemn him [/i]for responding in the exact way he should have; which was caused by her by the way. Would you trust such a woman if you were in that guy's shoes?

Ogaaaaa, haba! You don add jara o


She didn't condemn him now, she just didn't want to be married or loved out of pity. She was just being the stronger person ni

jaybee3:


Perhaps there is the realization that couples are now expected agreeing to jointly contribute to the financial running success of the union

Agree but with the minor correction above

Cc Pickabeau1

coogar:


women would sleep with anything when lonely....
women's libido is mostly controlled by the lunar calendar or the menstrual cycle. there's a season they are highly irritated by sex and there's a season they would ravage anything in trousers. a lonely woman whose hubby has completely abandoned would sleep with anything. it's nothing to do with high libido, she's just starved and she needs replenishment. at 40, most women are already exhibiting menopausal symptoms.



hehe!
she would do thanksgiving in church to have a gentleman like me.

See turenchi! Men oh, women oh when in heat will do whatever ................according to my friends in the romance section konji na bastard. Women at 40 are exhibiting menopausal symptoms? Now you are pulling stuff outta thin air

bukatyne:


What if the wife is not getting it (due to her fault or his) and she doesn't want to stray?

If it is due to her fault,she won't be needing sex but if it is his,it is difficult but personally i don't like the idea.

I don't know.it 's just that thought of giving pleasure to oneself,no kiss,touch,caresses....ewww

Coogar, matured married sef dey now. Yetunde Bustline is a good example of mature married . (Matured and once married)