NashvilleTN:


Thanks bro, nice to see you are still doing a great job on this thread.

How family?

RoyalRoy:





Wow, welcome back Nash. Still thought about you yesterday while speaking with a friend about a show in Nashville.

Good to have u around!!

netotse:
@NashvilleTN
good to have you back...there wasn't anyone to give interesting scenarios...lol

damiso:
Coach TV01 been severely anaemic (even with me taking iron tablets and eating loads of greens ) my Gp has called for some more blood work yesterday. He however is insistig that I start eating red meat again (completely cut of my diet and eat chicken/turkey/fish)

What are the lean cuts?

TV01:
Regards chores, I don't take that approach of tasks to be divvied up. And I’d also wonder at an equalist approach. I have a more expansive view - effort, preferences, strengths, contribution, convenience and balance.

There is nothing in the home - bar one or two things - that I cannot do. It's a matter of responsibility & often necessity. Commanding means being competent as well. Which soldier is there that will really respect a general with no battle experience?

My wife isn't feeling heavy lifting, or jobs too dirty for anything more than a pair of kitchen gloves . I do all the heavy stuff. But the heavy stuff is not as frequent as the day to day lighter stuff. So typically I'm pitching in - in a nutshell we will both tend to be doing one of the numerous things that need attending to. Balance & effort

My wife likes loading - the expensive machine she made me buy - and folding. I find hanging very calming ! As able, we tend to do this jointly. Preferences, strengths.

I appreciate the "busy life" aspect of Carrin' story - as that can be the case with just one job each and a few children.

If I sense my wife is tired or overdoing it, I simply tell her to carry it over, or take it over myself. Overall I'm stronger, so in a relative sense probably do more. Contribution & balance.

It’s not “chores”, it’s managing my household and ensuring everyone is well and everything is in order.


TV

NashvilleTN:


Thanks TV and bellong,its been a while

I am joining very late. Anyways, to the topic, house work should not be exclusively for women only. House work should be outsourced in my view to helps and machines - vacuum cleaners, dish washers, washer & dryer etc.

But where people cannot afford it, then it should be shared. I can't see my wife struggling with house work and I completely ignore her. I love her too much not to help her. But bometimes the issue is timing. She might want me to come help her now, and it might be during the Chelsea game; so I'll ask her to wait. But she'll go ahead and finish doing the work herself. That has happened a few times. In my view, she should leave the chores, join me in watching the game and we can do the chores together later. Life can be simple sometimes.

Hey house, great to be back!

TV01:

Hmmm...listen to your GP 0. But don't let up on bothering him if you don;t feel you are getting the right treatment. Was this a sudden thing or a steady detoriation - are you over-doing the exercise? Are you just stressed (too many chores ) or overdoing things?

I don't eat much red meat - occassional lamb and goat - wife doesn't like beef and wont touch pork. I can def recommend lamb and goat meat. Ask your butcher or read up about alternate options.


TV

tearoses:


[size=18pt]Nashville
[/size]
welcome back bro
I hope you brought back plenty plenty interesting gist with you

NashvilleTN:


Madam CC, hope you are fine. Awon ara ile nko? I will try and get used to the new name.

Gist plenty o! But work has been more ..........

Timbuktou:
So, gentlemen. Has anyone here seen the movie "Locke", starring Tom Hardy?

It's about a happily married building engineer who decides to travel out of town to witness the birth of his child by a one-time fling. Apparently, his father abandoned him growing up, he didn't meet the man till he was 23, and he didn't want that to happen to any child of his, legitimate or not. From all accounts, up till the point of his romantic indiscretion, he was a good father and husband.

Anyway, he gets a call at work/close of work from this other woman telling him her water broke, two months before EDD, and he off-the-cuff decides to go out of town to "be there" for this child of his, risking and losing both his marriage and job in the process.


If anyone here has seen it, I'd like a conversation, as I made quite a number of observations.

BoboYekini:
Abeg where's the pages on having a great sex life? All these washing plates/clothes stuff is somehow..

TV01:

Well asked. More than willing to join this one, but only in "married" terms.




TV

debosky:
If the husband is physically abusive, then obviously there's a serious problem beyond 'marrying right'. I don't think a 'mere' temper can result in beating only after marriage. It must surely have been present prior to marriage but missed.

In terms of 'marrying right', it's down to both your mindsets and attitudes. You will ALWAYS find out things after marriage that you didn't expect - the way you respond/manage those issues determines whether you'll be considered to have 'married right' or not. Yes sufficient common ground must exist, but that isn't enough as even two people socialised in the same environment will have their own individual personality traits/habits which may rub the partner up the wrong way.

As always people can and should have what they won't accept/tolerate and make them known and clear to potential mates prior to marriage. My advice is don't rush into it and give yourself enough time for the love to stop 'shacking' you so you can see road before you sign the dotted line.

edwife:


Welcome back Nashville.

@coogar - I agree with you. Let's us go back to the traditional model...wetin sef

coogar:


now you are talking.....
i have just ordered a village mortar for my missus. there's a reason her creator gave her 2 muscular forearms.
we are going back to the traditional model.

Kimoni:


Lollllzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

It's men that pound in Ijebuland ooo, women only share the dough and wash all washables

NashvilleTN:


Madam edwife,

How are you. Happy to see all your good work here. I check from time to time and read from you.

How family

BoboYekini:
The only reason I saw this movie to the end was because it was Tom Hardy. I fully expected it to turn into a thriller/action at some point. Alas.
As far as I'm concerned, the only men who should/may leave their jobs to be present for their child's birth are reality TV guys, like the Kardashians or something. I don't care if his father abandoned him in the back of a moving trailer.

coogar:


that is ijebu.....
this is the you-kay.

coogar:


now you are talking.....
i have just ordered a village mortar for my missus. there's a reason her creator gave her 2 muscular forearms.
we are going back to the traditional model.

Kimoni:
TV01 et al. - There is something that confuses me about this "marrying right" of a thing. And fortunately, it has come up severally in past discussions esp this last one.

My confusion is this - as an aspiring single wanting to get married, couples are told there is no perfect person but they should only look for someone who they share a lot in common or/and someone who has weaknesses they can live with. Like we say, a guy or lady who is looking for a partner that completely ticks his/her box will most likely never get married. right?

But more often than not, it is those weaknesses that we thought were minor and we could live with that manifest itself to be the major problem in the marriage.

Example - A guy is very loving, caring, focused, intelligent...but he has a temper. That seems to be his major weakness. During courtship, the lady saw a bit of this guy's temper but he always comes round without much effort. And even though she has her reservations about it, she has been advised and doesn't think it should be a deal breaker considering his other qualities. I would say I agree with her here.

But on getting married, this little monkey continues to grow bigger and it grows to a stage where the temper now results in constant physical abuse. And therein lies my confusion. Can it be said that the girl didn't marry right? Is it her fault in any way for knowing that the guy had a temper but forged ahead to marry him thinking the problem would go away? Should intending couples see the 'minor' faults of their partners from a pessimistic point of view? Would we all get married if we think like this? Saga ( ) comes to my mind now.

I sincerely need some understanding here.

Kimoni:


When you are in Rome, behave like a Roman

No pounding in you-kay

We eat only burger in mancunian land

freecocoa:
You are not well, so you won't mind your woman's arm looking like that of Serena?

coogar:


my neighbours don't mind.....
they like the sound of pounding....it reminds them of konga music.



i actually find serena's arms sexy.

freecocoa:
I wouldn't consider a temper problem as a minor one, that's a huge problem the way I see it.

freecocoa:
Liar, you know you don't mean that.

Kimoni:


I know but recall I said he gets over it without much effort/stress...would it still be a deal breaker?

coogar:


i mean it very much
imagine such arms around a man during winter......with those arms, a man does not need a duvet!

freecocoa:
It will be for me o, that's one of the things I detest in a man, I find it very annoying.

I mean, why get angry over any small thing in the first place? That's what I'll think, I'll be wondering, how does this one reason.

Timbuktou:


Hehehe. That's the reason I deicide to watch past the first five minutes. Though, by the time he called home and had the conversation about missing the game I knew it was going to be that sort of movie like Speed . I readied for that, but still thought we were going to see Bethan and the child. Alas

Anyway, I thought it was a foolish thing to do. Sabotaging his life that was certainly uncalled for. He didn't really need to be there at the birthing, his absence that day would not negatively affect any relationship with the child in any way. I was pissed he threw his life away.

However, a thought struck me and my anger turned to pity. I realised that he overreacted out of a need to over compensate for his father's foibles. We can see that he never truly healed from the abandonment he felt. He tried to mask it but it became obvious it was still an issue for him. There are a million ways he could have handled that same situation with far more favourable outcomes.

But why I started this thread, is because, far more than we realise, this narrative continually happens in real life. Aggrieved sons over-compensating for their fathers' failures and indiscretions to the point of committing their own grave mistakes on the other extreme--having differing but damaging results.

This reminded me of an article about manginas and white knights being men with mostly "daddy issues" trying to better their fathers, which has led to the sort of marriage-divorce laws in the west,etc. So, I'm looking at this movie from that perspective. What do you think?

Kimoni:


Lol...for me, it will be more of how me manages it. If the anger leaves a tail of woes behind, then I'm out but if he is able to manage it well, then it's fine with me. I look at it that we all have weaknesses but managing those weaknesses is the key.