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I'm A Mother Of 2 Boys, And I Can't (and Won't) Support Feminism / Girls night out discussions / 11-yr-Old Girl Gets Pregnant For Five Boys (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Kimoni: 8:58pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
TV01: This is some kind of unhealthy competition...
I would say men like that may not even be aware they need to do much more. So it's not like they are some kind of beast who want to intentionally kill their wives with the chores. Looking at Carrin's example for a minute, her husband should be able to do much more but even she takes pride in doing it all and has somehow accepted her fate that her life is supposed to be that way. But again, she recognizes that she is clearly being overworked and could do with more support. Plus, biblical headship is not re-negotiated based on a wife financial contribution - otherwise she could well be head of the home if her income is greater. Again, be wary and marry accordinglyagree, marry right and pray it stays right. As commander I am concerned about everything . If the two main priorities are satisfied and there is additional income generated by the wife, less a reasonable amount for pin money, it should also be spent on the family' behalf. Be that charity, extended family, luxury items, or long-term investments.this would only work if both parties maintain a joint account. Don't see how else it will work with some form of resentment from either party. These are issues of immaturity, lack of understanding or selfishness of the individuals within marriage. Foundation, foundation, foundation. Marry right and marry well and this kind of thing will rarely crop up. A woman would marry a man without him having articualted his vision for his marriage and home? I agree with this but like I told thorpido, sometimes, you think you marry north, but it goes all south after the wedding. One cannot continue to lament for ever over his/her poor choice of spouse. You would just have to move forward with solutions. |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Nobody: 9:07pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
areamama12: Who the fvck are you? You don't need to be stupid, gay. Any smartass can see that you are he |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Truckpusher(m): 9:09pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
oreos:The traditional approach was perfect until people started abusing it. @ the last highlighted comment of yours ....We've been saying the same thing all along. What's the big deal in house chores when you have almost all manual handling being taken care of by machines and utensils ? In fact with the advent of machines for almost every little house chores men are more likely to face risky house chores that ranges from unblocking your minor sewage problems ,fixing bulb lights at heights, lifting of heavy household equipment et al. Some women would even wait for their husbands to come back from work and help them kill a cockroach or a giant spider spotted in the house....abeg make women go siddon for corner joor. |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Truckpusher(m): 9:12pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
oreos:Best bet is to ignore them - They have nothing to offer but curses unless you are also ready to roll in the mud with the pig. |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by pickabeau1: 9:17pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
Truckpusher: LOL By sending I mean school fees not even dropping the kids off Some say it is the mans child .. |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Nobody: 9:19pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
Truckpusher: I was hoping my reply would be a conversation stopper. |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Truckpusher(m): 9:22pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
pickabeau1:Really? and they think it's the man's sole prerogative ? That's a warped mentality I tell you. |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Nobody: 9:25pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
Truckpusher: |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by pickabeau1: 9:28pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
Truckpusher: https://www.nairaland.com/2127247/concern-more-us-based-nigerians-murder/8#30397900 https://www.nairaland.com/2127247/concern-more-us-based-nigerians-murder/8#30398020 I can get more but no time its expressed time and time again The child is the man's responsibility |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Truckpusher(m): 9:32pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
oreos:The first response is the lifeline they needed so badly to get your attention - The attention they crave for. Sometimes I do give them the attention and end up compounding their woes and making them to end up more miserbale |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Truckpusher(m): 9:32pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
pickabeau1: |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Kimoni: 9:35pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
edwife:eddy, isn't this the same thing? I think you are just putting it mildly A woman who wants to reach the pick of her carreer and do it all needs to weigh her options,You can't have it all.It either you compromise or you choose one.You want a husband and kids,you need to compromise in every aspects.One who combines a successful career giving her financial independence with an effective motherhood raising a child needs to realise that it is important to understand that both these jobs are extremely demanding, and to do justice to each without neglecting the other is a formidable task.A working woman, wife, mother needs to be able to multi-task effectively and make necessary sacrifices. So, I'll rather say she can have it all as long as she is able to make these sacrifices (for some reason, I am more comfortable using the word sacrifice rather than compromise). Extremely demanding... I'll come to this shortly Do you truly believe there are men that will see their wives overworked and turn a blind eye? Unless he is a beast then we are no longer talking of husbands,lovers,partners. we always talk about house-chores as if we were talking about hard labour or something.We are two adults in the house,both working-what to do?The husband might not even be aware he needs to do more in the house while the wife, though aware she is doing much more and is clearly struggling with it, prides herself that she is able to multi-task and thinks it's not an issue. The case of Carrin and other surveys done in the opening post describes this. But also, in extreme cases, he knows he should help, he can clearly be of help, but he just believes that any home chore is not his to do. We could attribute this to his upbringing or.... @the bolded - reconcile the bolded(house work is not hard labour) with what you said initially (house work is extremely demanding) and see the contrast. Personally, I think house work is more demanding than even a full time office job. I would rather take the latter than the former. #my opinion though First a working couple have little time at home,except on weekends.Even with the presence of kids,you can easily try to manage the house without many brouhaha.are we saying here it's okay for her to take up all the house work even if she is contributing financially? And if she is stressed out, she should resort to modern gadgets? I am trying to understand the context this whole paragraph is made from I see housechores as an habit,if you are not use to a messy place-you will clean it.Some women will have no problem saying that they do not like washing clothes or dishes but you expect your husband to like it,because he needs to share house-chores responsibility.It is simple,get a washing machine,that will do.again eddy, we are not just talking about a woman complaining of house chores even when she is a full time house wife, we are talking of working women contributing significantly to the financial upkeep but still taking up the whole house chores. 2 Likes |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Nobody: 9:38pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
Truckpusher: LOL. I give the attention when I am bored or I have got a raging headache |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Kimoni: 9:38pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
jaybee3: Jaybee, no woman will complain of this naa. This is fine by all standards. |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Truckpusher(m): 9:43pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
oreos: You must be a witch in your former life |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Kimoni: 9:45pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
Truckpusher: Nothing wrong with the traditional model sir. If you read my post from the beginning, you'll notice it's actually my preferred model. It works fine as long as there is a good balance. |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Nobody: 9:46pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
Truckpusher: You wish It happens frequently when I am in school. |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Kimoni: 9:52pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
coogar: Coogar, you dey vex o You always leave me confused on where to start my response from Let me take you to my opening post and the surveys/research that were carried out. It says working women are contributing more than ever financially but still taking up more if not all of the chores at home. Isn't this a worrying trend? How do we sensitise men to do more chores at home, if you agree with the results of the surveys. |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by edwife(f): 10:19pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
Truckpusher: Anybody will know that it's the teenage boy seeking admission in Lasu... That boy will die here one day o,you people should help him....he thinks he is smart but we know it's F.... |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Truckpusher(m): 10:20pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
edwife:And you still pretend not to like trouble?
|
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by edwife(f): 10:22pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
Truckpusher: I still don't but smell vermin.... |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Truckpusher(m): 10:24pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
edwife:Ok oh! fire down |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by edwife(f): 10:44pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
[quote author=Kimoni post=37777984] eddy, isn't this the same thing? I think you are just putting it mildly It's not,sharing means 50-50 no? supporting means i can help where he couldn't but i might not be obliged to do so.Some months i might not even spend anything while he can,that is not sharing. A working woman, wife, mother needs to be able to multi-task effectively and make necessary sacrifices. So, I'll rather say she can have it all as long as she is able to make these sacrifices (for some reason, I am more comfortable using the word sacrifice rather than compromise). Extremely demanding... I'll come to this shortly How many are willing to make those sacrifices?When i said you can't have it all,i am saying you need to sacrifice,abandon some of those dreams if need be.Because if you are willing to make sacrifice,you will know that you can't have all at the same time,rather prioritize. The husband might not even be aware he needs to do more in the house while the wife, though aware she is doing much more and is clearly struggling with it, prides herself that she is able to multi-task and thinks it's not an issue. The case of Carrin and other surveys done in the opening post describes this. But also, in extreme cases, he knows he should help, he can clearly be of help, but he just believes that any home chore is not his to do. We could attribute this to his upbringing or.... Yes upbringing but don't you think that it is silly to do more while you clearly can't?What kind of pride is that? And is it the husband fault that you are proud to admit that you need help?And again i still don't believe modern men don't at least help in one chore or another especially in the West and if in Nigeria,what is a maid for? @the bolded - reconcile the bolded(house work is not hard labour) with what you said initially (house work is extremely demanding) and see the contrast. Personally, I think house work is more demanding than even a full time office job. I would rather take the latter than the former. #my opinion though Not for me,office job can be as stressful to some as house-chores.Attending meetings,trying to meet the deadline and preparing reports are also mentally stressful which can easily attack you physically.When your brain is paralysed,your body can't work are we saying here it's okay for her to take up all the house work even if she is contributing financially? And if she is stressed out, she should resort to modern gadgets? I am trying to understand the context this whole paragraph is made from If she is contributing financially except she is in the west which i know men help,she might require the services of a help because she can afford it.You can't force a horse to the stream,if you marry such a man,all you need to do is to seek other alternative that will alleviate you of all the possible stress house-chores can bring.So will she bring the house down because her husband can't help?Can't we find a solution?They are both making money so? again eddy, we are not just talking about a woman complaining of house chores even when she is a full time house wife, we are talking of working women contributing significantly to the financial upkeep but still taking up the whole house chores. Working women contributing significantly should hire maids to help.I have never seen in my life,a well to do woman(couple) without help.Even housewives in Nigeria have help,so? The help is to take some of the chores you might not have time or strength to do,cooking should be a wife priority and anything concerning their bedroom.(my opinion). |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Nobody: 10:50pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
edwife: Haba!!!! Nne, nwayo nwayo. Eddy, seriously, I'm single. |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Idowuogbo(f): 10:58pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
*coughs* |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Nobody: 11:06pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
Idowuogbo: Ki lo se iwo l'ofun? |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Idowuogbo(f): 11:09pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
Timbuktou:Sore throat ni o |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Nobody: 11:15pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
Idowuogbo: Pele. Try bitter kola, palm oil, honey and baba blue. That should help |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Idowuogbo(f): 11:16pm On Sep 07, 2015 |
Timbuktou:Which one is Baba blue? Alabukun? |
Re: Boys Night Out Discussions by Nobody: 12:05am On Sep 08, 2015 |
Idowuogbo:Nah, that's Vicks Blue. |
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