jaybee3:

bendecida:

jaybee3 please i sent TeHN an email. Can you please reply me?

bendecida:
Yes

Kimoni:


No Jaybee, it's not and shouldn't ever be about competition. Competition is more like we are trying to outdo each other or trying to prove who is better. Not at all.

Again, all this stems from my observation (past and present) - a guy wants someone he can share the bills with (cool) but he doesn't think he should take up more house chores (not cool), and he doesn't want the headship compromised in any way (will that work?).

As per what the woman uses her money for - honestly, I don't think a man should be concerned about that. He should just provide the basics and if she needs to add value to anything, let her do so as she deems fit. A simple example is the school fees/miscellaneous money I gave above.
There was this thread about a lady who wanted to further her studies and also take some prof. exams but she was maintaining a joint account with her husband and he wasn't favorably disposed to it. He would rather used the joint account funds for some white elephant projects and when she insisted, the issues started causing friction in the home and was soon spreading to other areas in the home (she was earning much more than her hubby in this particular case and felt should should be given some freedom to utilize her income). He also started accusing her of not submitting to him. So I think a man should strive to provide the basics and hopefully, his good wife will know how to cover up her man's unclothedness

edwife:


Let me start by saying this,i do not believe that men wants someone he can share the bill with especially african men,what they want is someone who can support them and not be a liability.

A woman who wants to reach the pick of her carreer and do it all needs to weigh her options,You can't have it all.It either you compromise or you choose one.You want a husband and kids,you need to compromise in every aspects.One who combines a successful career giving her financial independence with an effective motherhood raising a child needs to realise that it is important to understand that both these jobs are extremely demanding, and to do justice to each without neglecting the other is a formidable task.

Do you truly believe there are men that will see their wives overworked and turn a blind eye? Unless he is a beast then we are no longer talking of husbands,lovers,partners. we always talk about house-chores as if we were talking about hard labour or something.We are two adults in the house,both working-what to do?

First a working couples have little time at home,except on weekends.Even with the presence of kids,you can easily try to manage the house without many brouhaha.
This is where her salary will come handy,she can buy every necessary house equipments ranging from(vacuum cleaner,rice cooker,blender,washing machine,dish washer) name it if she thinks it is too much for her.I don't think a husband will have a problem with that and i am very certain he will willingly help .Some of these men where raised like that,not an excuse but it's a fact and you don't expect him to change because he has kids and a wife.Women know it,she dated him knowing that,instead of bringing the roof down,why not seek some other alternatives.

I see housechores as an habit,if you are not use to a messy place-you will clean it.Some women will have no problem saying that they do not like washing clothes or dishes but you expect your husband to like it,because he needs to share house-chores responsibility.It is simple,get a washing machine,that will do.
I always say it,there is no way one will do house-chores around the clock,it is impossible.Unless you both are pigs.Women are good at multitasking,even if you are not-you can always organise your chores especially when you work.

I noticed my dad is not good with chores but one thing you can't take away from him is organisation.The man clothes and bedroom is neat any day ,any time.He takes time folding,ironing his clothes.he can't stand a piece of paper or anything on the floor.There is always something good they do and don't compromise. Many of the stories we read here are just dramatise to make it look like women are being enslaved. Kimoni do you really think that a child will be crying and disturbing the mother while cooking,the man will comfortably sits on a sofa and enjoys his soccer without enquiring or helping?Unless the baby needs food,he will gladly pick that baby until the woman finish whatever she is doing.If you ask me,that was before not presently.

Truckpusher:
Hmmmm....

edwife:


Trucky thanks.... let me answer your mention,i can see you are looking for my trouble...

Kimoni:


Coogar, you sound like you are truly tired and angry. I don't even know how to respond to this
Lemme give you some time to calm down

Okay, how mothers coped because they were not expected/mandated like we do now to contribute financially to the running of the home. Even if they were in any minor or major business/career, the income was spent strictly at their discretion. I can't remember asking my mother for my school fees or giving her the NEPA bills, it went straight to my dad. But I remember going to her for any money that involved school excursion, cultural day, send forth party, end of the year party and all other miscellaneous expenses. I didn't even have the liver to go to my dad for such things but clearly, that ain't the case anymore. That's the difference Coogar. Things have changed significantly on that level but not so much in the home

pickabeau1:
edwife

Super!

I am still trying to understand the chores that make some sore on this forum

Truckpusher:
Hmmmm....

oreos:


You clearly didn't grow up in Nigeria.

@edwife, That was a great piece evidently, you grew in a great home and luckily you got married to a great man. Your home is not the same as of most homes in Nigeria. There are men who treat their wives like that. Please be practical for once.

I have a great home too but I also saw a lot around me while I was growing up. My family life has not hindered me from knowing what goes o in‘ most' Nigerian homes.

coogar:


cooking food for themselves and their own children is a chore.
cleaning after themselves is a chore.

pickabeau1:


Some of them even say sending kids to school is not the prerogative of the woman

RoyalRoy:



Hehehehe

Some people can super-form online!!!

Claiming sh*t that is not real or practical!!

Truckpusher:
What edwife did was being just fair to good Nigerian men out there and not some ladies that prolly grew up in a bad home thereby using their experience to make a blanket statement about all Nigerian men and how they run their homes.In fact from my own experience with people of different nationality and races, Nigerian men are top providers and helps out constantly with harder chores depending on their level of income ,education and income even as they clearly posses their own demons too.

It is now left for you people to choose wisely after all they no longer coerce women into marriages these days, but again we do see ya'all run after animals just because they have the green back and can make it rain.

FYI: I was born,bred and buttered in naija - No transfer, No leave.

pickabeau1:


Some of them even say sending kids to school is not the prerogative of the woman

RoyalRoy:






Hehehehe

Some people can super-form online!!!

Claiming sh*t that is not real or practical!!

oreos:


You clearly didn't grow up in Nigeria.

@edwife, That was a great piece evidently, you grew in a great home and luckily you got married to a great man. Your home is not the same as of most homes in Nigeria. There are men who treat their wives like that. Please be practical for once.

I have a great home too but I also saw a lot around me while I was growing up. My family life has not hindered me from knowing what goes o in‘ most' Nigerian homes.

oreos:


I agree with the bolded. We have great Nigerian family men out there. I don't quite agree with the second part of that paragraph. Maybe it is a cultural thing, but I have witnessed enough.

jaybee3:

I don't think men go into marriages because they are looking for someone to share the financial burden.

Heck, the union obviously starts with just the two people thereby making it a continuation of the dating/courtship phase.
The curve ball usually gets thrown in once they start procreating hence providing an unpredictable financial scenario whereby projections may not work in tandem with reality on ground hence the somewhat necessity to seek financial support from the one person that has equal stake in the success of the union.

It's just very dangerous not taking into account the real possibility of the woman easily being the biggest earner in the family and thus creating unnecessary stress and invented problems if the man according to you should always be the provider of basics. As you can imagine such scenario will bring unhealthy competition, hatred and distrust into the relationship.

Truckpusher:
Any one of the parents can send their kids to school depending on their different schedules.

Most of these women that are making noises here are simply lazy girls that wants to hide under the cover of equality to mask their lazy nature - Why not show yourself completely and stop pretending to your man ,after all I know some men that does everything for their wives simply because they understood that she is simply lazy but they love their women and it's not a crime to be lazy and I have also seen men that their wives clean up after them like kids because she knew that he's a lazy dude and so they compliment each other somehow ....Isn't that what marriage was meant for ? Tolerance and compliment?

cc
edwife..

pickabeau1:
edwife

Super!

I am still trying to understand the chores that make some sore on this forum

RoyalRoy:


Hmm...Edwife...a rare specie.
Expect that "niggar" on your tail soon though.....lmao!!!

Kimoni:


@ the bolded - Jaybee, let's not concentrate only on one side of the equation. Infact, It's the other side I am more concerned about. Like I said earlier, even if you have the mind of splitting the bills, is there also a plan to take up a commensurate portion of the house chores? Or do we suddenly revert to the traditional model at this stage?

Kimoni:


@ the bolded - Jaybee, let's not concentrate only on one side of the equation. Infact, It's the other side I am more concerned about. Like I said earlier, even if you have the mind of splitting the bills, is there also a plan to take up a commensurate portion of the house chores? Or do we suddenly revert to the traditional model at this stage?

edwife:


trucky you are a trouble maker for real.But you are right,some men don't mind such girls.One of my bro married a woman who didn't know how to cook but she learned with time and cooks like there is no tomorrow.She even volunteered to spend 2 months as a married woman with my mum,but many will not agree to this-they are too big for that.

Truckpusher:
How many of these folks are actually exposed and educated like you are.


Compare these folks to your own parents ,did you notice any difference in ideology and level of exposure?

If you can outline these basic factors and scrutinize their level of ignorance compared to their level of exposure,just then you'd learn how to cut them some slack and not use them as a yardstick to measure an entire society that has undergone a lot of cultural changes in the last 10 yrs.

oreos:


Okay....

Truckpusher:


Never seen you give up - Stand up and fight jare.