There is a general misconception that every single woman is praying day and night, for a spouse. This is incorrect. Personally, I find myself praying more about my career and bank account balance than I do about a potential life partner.

This isn’t an article about how we don’t need a man or how men aren’t important. Truth be told, men are important and marriage, when done properly, can be a wonderful thing. But I have come to the realization that marriage is a part of life and not life itself. I came to this realization a few years ago. There I was, single and heart broken over another failed relationship when the thought hit me. “What if God, has decided that you won’t get married for another 5 years? Are you really going to spend the next 5 years of your life, throwing pity parties and wondering if the next guy, who says ‘hello’ is the one? Surely, there has to be something more fulfilling to do with your time”. There and then I made my decision to focus on things that were within my control, that i, finishing graduate school, my career, focusing on building my character and other aspects of life.

It’s amazing what such an outlook does to your mind set. It’s utterly liberating. I no longer wonder if the guy I met last week Saturday, is going propose in 6 months. I don’t spend my free time idly browsing through wedding dresses while sighing hopelessly and I find my emotions so at peace that I am able to be absolutely happy for all my friends who are currently in fabulous relationships, engaged or married. Unfortunately those around me are not so liberated in their own thinking.

A few weeks ago, a friend of a colleague came to the office, sporting a baby bump. I congratulated her on her upcoming bundle of joy and new marriage. Only to find her praying for me and advising me to be patient, “that my time would soon come”. I thought it strange that someone who barely knew me would think that my congratulatory messages somehow masked any form of envy for her situation. I mentioned this to my colleague later in the day and she admitted she felt awkward about it too but mentioned that she had done similar to a single friend of theirs earlier. I’d have put her actions down to pregnancy hormones, if I hadn’t experienced various versions of this ‘single woman needs a man’ attitude in various aspects of society. A friend of mine, recently, went to speak to her pastor about some challenges she was facing at work. After 30minutes of speaking with him, she left without discussing her problem. Why? Because the pastor had decided the bigger issue, was her unmarried status and began to pray about that instead. Another friend of mine complained to me about how her married friends completely cut her out of social activities because she always had a different date and their husbands think she is a ‘bad influence’.

Single men are also not excluded from this new form of single women xenophobia. For some reason, men think, hinting at the prospect of marriage is sufficient to keep any single women under lock and key. Recently, a guy who I had decided not to date told me he didn’t understand my reason for being unnecessarily picky. Apparently, my age didn’t afford me the luxury of time and since he had already told me he was willing to propose, in a few months, he didn’t see why I was being hesitant. Clearly, he had me mistaken for someone who actually gave a damn.
With these various attitudes, it’s no wonder some single women find life frustrating. Sometimes, I wonder if we actually want to get married because we’ve found the right person or because society wont leave us alone. You’d think with all the stories of divorce, people would be a little more careful before they said their ‘I do’s’. On the contrary, our society has made marriage into this utopia that is the answer to all things. Whereas, life itself still continues after marriage. The woman you are, your career, your values, education, financial status and character are still ingredients you need to make life pleasant after marriage.

I see getting married, like the days after secondary school when everyone was anxiously waiting to enter university. Some of my friends traveled immediately after the final secondary schools exams, while I waited to write JAMB. Those days, conversations were filled with who got what result, what school they got accepted into and what they were studying. Some people had to repeat various exams just to enter their preferred universities. Today, no one remembers any of that because we are all at enviable levels in our respective careers. The same is true about marriage, one day, in a few years time, no one will care who got married first or who got married last.

I think accepting being single is a big step in accepting who you are and giving yourself room to enjoy life and all it holds, instead of constantly concentrating on what’s missing. Most guys can spot a woman fishing for a proposal a mile away and will use that as a tool to play you as they see fit. But when you are a confident woman, who is about her business, you wouldn’t have time for any time wasters and only the truly serious men will be able to get your attention. The sooner everyone admits that there is more to life than being married, the sooner we single ladies can have some peace. We will all get married at some point, but in the meantime there are other things to get on with. There are places to visit, new people to meet, promotions to fill and money to be made! So please, the next time the urge takes you to pray about your single status, kindly include you need for a bigger account balance in such prayers. Many thanks!

Source: www.esther.ng

Diary Of A Mad Single Nigerian Woman. by Esthersblog: 10:10pm On Sep 17
There is a general misconception that every single woman is praying day and night, for a spouse. This is incorrect. Personally, I find myself praying more about my career and bank account balance than I do about a potential partner.

I wish more NIGERIAN women will think like this!

I like your write up. But are you equally having an issue with paragraph?

Don't you know that you are punishing us readers by clustering all the words together?

Richy4:
I like your write up. But are you equally having an issue with paragraph?

Don't you know that you are punishing us readers by clustering all the words together?

Same here.

KanwuliaJara:


I wish more women will think like this!

hmnn but it might not happen.

I've spotted a wailer.waiting for more wailers

get married to your career and stop making a fuss about it,after all these fake rapping even the idiotic women on this section got married early

Quote me anywhere

That must be frustrating, here in Nigeria if a lady who is of age isn't married it is assumed that she isn't complete more like she is empty. Its really not nice, some women are going through hell in their marriages yet they would stick to such men simply because the society will tag them as failed women.

Women and Self Denial!!

Marriage is a good thing which everyone should naturally desire but it shouldn't be imposed. ..

Op, I like what you said "marriage is part of life and not life itself".. so true. ..

However I don't like it when people say most married people ain't happy, bla bla bla.. how do you know this? Have you visited all houses? Wonder why people always want to key into bad stories and neglect the good... Just as there are bad marriages, there are good marriages too.. it's all up to you. ..Or maybe because you hear/see bad marriages, you believe yours will be bad too?

If you don't want to get married, fine but don't try to justify it by saying married people ain't happy, makes no sense. ... People are happy whether single or married, it's up to you to choose to be happy or not by playing your cards well....

Then, the society generally needs to change its outlook on marriage, stop making single adults feel like failures. . There's more to life....

lilmax:
get married to your career and stop making a fuss about it, after all these fake rapping even the idiotic women on this section got married early

Quote me anywhere

Lmao...

You are right on that though - a situation where women who married early come here to scream how marriage is not something to be aspired to, beats the hell out me..
At least when the single ones make such comments, they seem more genuine.

Phony pretentious broads, the lot of them.

The buffoonic, sexist, chauvinistic dudes have arrived with their PPS(pre prostrate syndrome!)

I agree that the society has something to do with it,but the women themselves too.I know Nairaland is very fake with many pretentious folks who derive the pleasure of portraying something they are not.There is a site i visit,it is when i realise that things were not really what they seem to be,this is not to mock women or those ladies writing there because i respect them for their honesty and courage but to just see the real situation and i honestly wish them well.

I just want to be happy. September 12 is my birthday this coming sat and I'm so worried for myself. No money to celebrate or even buy a cake ��. All my friends are married so I'm so bored outta this world. God please fix me .

lord i need a good job and a man of my own want to settle down have a beautiful home and adorable kids.lord pls answer my prayers and settle me this year.i know am next in line for my miracle.

Why do I have such bad luck with men. Why am I still single at 33, I'm very beautiful with a very good profitable business and good family to crown it. Why am I still in love with my ex, even after he went off and married his ex girlfriend, I still love him. I really loved him and thot that was my final bus stop. Imagined a life and family with him, till my world was crushed 2yrs ago and I'm not still over him. How can someone have all the money one dreams of, the sort of money people in their generations can't think of having, and I'm still unhappy. I woke up being sad this morning, church I couldn't have the strength to go. Family members and friends begin to look at you with pity just because ur not married. They will say they are praying for you, like ure sick or smthn. I have just left everything to God,what else can I do but to cry daily to him. God please bless me with my own husband, let me put people to shame.

I'm just tired of owing money jare. And it's not dat I do ojukokoro or buy things o. Na biz just slow. I'm tired of waiting for Mr Right and being a nice girl. Are d men blind?? Hmmmm. It is well!!!!

I have been praying and trusting God for a boyfriend and good job for a while....yet no manifestation. I know he has heard my prayer but the manifestation is taking forever. I will patiently wait until my change comes.
Diamond

A graduate with Masters in environemental management and control with no job,no money to even buy myself panties or sanitary towels, no husband or children,just a broken hearted girl hoping and praying for a better tomorrow.....it is well

At 27years I don't have a boo...no serious toaster in sight...I have a good job,hardworking at least am all bosses favourite at work so I know..gud looking and yes am down to earth....yet no serious relationship.am tired wen people say u re a fine girl..There is nuttiness to show for it...at the moment am busy dating my job that only joy I have...Thank God he gave me one,don't beg nobody for money...God's time is definitely the best.

Tank u Lord 4 everything u hv done in my life am grateful Lord,my rant is dat am lonely,ve bin dating a married man for years,but am tired of dat,I want my own man,I want my home,am fed up of doing everything all alone,I want in laws, i want to have my husband's family whether good or bad.am not a liability to any man,I just want support, God help me.

Now looking for serious relationship and the percentage of ladies to men is 90% to 10%.

I'm a young lady in my mid twenties, I work and live in Lagos, I would like to meet a matured responsible working Muslim man between the age of 30 to 45years, either single, widow or divorcee for a serious relationship. please if you are not a Muslim don't add me

i'm a learned & mature female, mid 20's, work & live in Lagos & want to be in a relationship with a financially stable guy who lives in any part of the world and between 35-40yrs. Be single, financially above average, drama-free, mature, and ready to cater for me financially. Pls dont contact me if u are broke.

Am a sweet, loving caring young woman.plsss n plss n plsss I need a responsible young man too love between d ages of 32 to 35.i am a sucker for a guy who speaks well n dresses well.pls u must b able to challenge me intellectually. I stay n wrk in lagos,i am in my 20s

Am a single and serious minded lady in her mid 20s looking for a serious minded guy ,and a hardworking guy that is ready to settle down, between the age of 28 upward,locations does not matte

28,female, based in abuja,employed, yoruba, looking out to meet a single guy, within the age of 30-37,working,focused, a christian, quiet, good-looking,,drama free and ready to settle. Long distance is a no no

Just a few...

double post.

crackhaus:

Lmao...

You are right on that though - a situation where women who married early come here to scream how marriage is not something to be aspired to, beats the hell out me..
At least when the single ones make such comments, they seem more genuine.

Phony pretentious broads, the lot of them.

and the singles be like “mehn i have role models east,south,west and north ......ayam a feminist i dont need a man to be happy ......not knowing that the lardasses got married @21,22,23,24,25

yawns too long an epistle.......i just pray to marry at the right time.....too many people on the media now abuse marriage....its not a priority bit it must be done.......all this feminist should park well jare......some people love to go home and meet who they cuddle,share problems with,fight,kiss etc ..... every single lady out there should just pray he comes nothing more and behave well....dont be fooled on nl especially by the married feminists!

Bootybuttchic:
yawns too long an epistle.......i just pray to marry at the right time.....too many people on the media now abuse marriage....its not a priority bit it must be done.......all this feminist should park well jare......some people love to go home and meet who they cuddle,share problems with,fight,kiss etc ..... every single lady out there should just pray he comes nothing more and behave well....dont be fooled on nl especially by the married feminists!

Another semi-literate.

There is a general misconception that every single woman is praying day and night, for a spouse. This is incorrect.

Thank you o. They think everyone is from their crass and uncouth background.
They expect everyone to think the same way and someone like me will never get it.
I see the way the scurry around in churches, Pastors and those big aunties trying to hamper about the youth getting married. It's fun to me though. I make sure I chip in questions like 'what if you don't want to get married'? You need to see their faces, tehehe
Nairaland has opened my eyes to how the average Nigerian thinks. I thank God for my extreme sheltered life I used to complain about, saved me from mingling with 'razzoids' and having that useless mentality.

Being in love is sweeetttt. And marriage is great with the right person, don't demonize it. It's the best institution to rear kids and in some countries at least you get some economic privileges.

Hmmn....it is well.

innervoice:


Another semi-literate.

so just because i have read so many not making sense to my view of life"epistle,and i decided to find this irrelevant to has made u a semi illiterate? ....well yourself just sounded like i would rather not exchange words with u and the slowpoke who liked ur post.....i will pass

This is more like the summary.
Especially the bolded

Nothing to add.

MarvellousGod:
Marriage is a good thing which everyone should naturally desire but it shouldn't be imposed. ..

Op, I like what you said "marriage is part of life and not life itself".. so true. ..

However I don't like it when people say most married people ain't happy, bla bla bla.. how do you know this? Have you visited all houses? Wonder why people always want to key into bad stories and neglect the good... Just as there are bad marriages, there are good marriages too.. it's all up to you. ..Or maybe because you hear/see bad marriages, you believe yours will be bad too?

.. People are happy whether single or married, it's up to you to choose to be happy or not by playing your cards well....

Then, the society generally needs to change its outlook on marriage, stop making single adults feel like failures. . There's more to life. ...

Stillfire:


Thank you o. They think everyone is from their crass and uncouth background.
They expect everyone to think the same way and someone like me will never get it.
I see the way the scurry around in churches, Pastors and those big aunties trying to hamper about the youth getting married. It's fun to me though. I make sure I chip in questions like 'what if you don't want to get married'? You need to see their faces, tehehe
Nairaland has opened my eyes to how the average Nigerian thinks. I thank God for my extreme sheltered life I used to complain about, saved me from mingling with 'razzoids' and having that useless mentality.

Being in love is sweeetttt. And marriage is great with the right person, don't demonize it. It's the best institution to rear kids and in some countries at least you get some economic privileges.

You ve spoken well...

Bootybuttchic:
so just because i have read so many not making sense to my view of life"epistle,and i decided to find this irrelevant to has made u a semi illiterate? ....well yourself just sounded like i would rather not exchange words with u and the slowpoke who liked ur post.....i will pass

NO!

You are a semi-literate for saying that the OP was long when in fact it is very short. Have you ever read a book?

Richy4:
I like your write up. But are you equally having an issue with paragraph?

Don't you know that you are punishing us readers by clustering all the words together?

Oh so sorry, will work on that.

to be continued ... ..


bitter people north south east and west of nl

KanwuliaJara:
The buffoonic, sexist, chauvinistic dudes have arrived with their PPS(pre prostrate syndrome!)

Ahen so as I was saying

Damn! The men are going to hate this.

How dare you breathe without them?

Phema:
Damn! The men are going to hate this. How dare you breathe without them?

how far babes?

cococandy:
how far babes?

I bam oo. How your side?

Phema:


I bam oo. How your side?

Fine fine

edwife:
I agree that the society has something to do with it,but the women themselves too.I know Nairaland is very fake with many pretentious folks who derive the pleasure of portraying something they are not.[/b]There is a site i visit,it is when i realise that things were not really what they seem to be, [b]this is not to mock women or those ladies writing there because i respect them for their honesty and courage but to just see the real situation and i honestly wish them well.
Now looking for serious relationship and the percentage of ladies to men is 90% to 10%.

Just a few...

If you believe that the women/posters in the other sites are 'honest', why can't you believe that the women/posters on Nairaland are honest too?